Funny Sex Education for Boys

How about your sons’ dad? Does he talk to them and act as a role model?

My son is 3.5 and I am very committed to raising him to be comfortable with his body and make sure sex is not taboo, but I am SO uncomfortable with it myself. I was raised in a home where no one was EVER naked around each other, sex and periods were not discussed and if they were, they were surrounded by heavy emotions and shame and fear, and it’s now a huge hurdle I struggle to get over myself. Thank you so much to all the commenters for these wonderful links and references. I’m going to start looking into some of them myself and then as my son grows, share what makes sense for him.

If I could get my 6 year old daughter to sit still, stop talking about poop, and stop blurting out random noises long enough to hear one single word out of my mouth, I’d love to talk to her about consent! This kid fell out of the silly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I guess some day she’ll be ready to start talking about big things!

This probably isn’t the right place for this comment, but hoping that someone can help. I recently read a post about advice to middle schoolers that basically amounted to “Don’t worry about what other people thought about you, they were too busy thinking of themselves to worry about you”. I would love to read it again, but now I can’t seem to get the right search terms to find it again. Does anyone know which post I am talking about?? Thanks in advance!!!

So many good comments here! I would add the importance of queer-inclusive sex ed for all kids, especially boys, as it helps prevent homophobic beliefs and behavior and goes a long way to decrease gender bias, too. I am a public health speaker in schools and straight kids need to hear about all kinds of relationships, as do queer or questioning kids, as it truly saves lives.

Self-care is for boys, too. They need ice cream and a movie, head scratches, showers with the nice soap, and bitch sessions, too. Teaching them how to own and sit with their feelings will give them such confidence and help them understand when they start to “like like” someone.

We’re a two mom family with a known donor so started talking about eggs and seeds when our sons were toddlers. The Perfectly Normal age appropriate series were on the shelves and they took the age appropriate “Our Whole Lives” class—a lifespan sexuality religious education curriculum—at our local Unitarian Universalist congregation when they were in kindergarten. (It’s also taught by UCC churches.) When they were teenagers we enjoyed watching Big Mouth together—we still refer to the Shame Monster!

I have a 9-year-old and have been thinking about consent a lot! She’s already dealt with some stuff at school. I have found the reboot of The Longest Shortest Time podcast really helpful for thinking about consent and tweens/teens. Here’s the link if you’re interested: https://longestshortesttime.com/

I really like Cory Silverberg (a sex educator)’s books about gender, sex, and puberty. They are LGBTQIA+-inclusive comic books for kids 10+ https://www.corysilverberg.com/books

Colby was in my backyard growing up! And my best friend’s dad was the bball couch there for eons so this is very awesome to me. I find Kathleen Hema (Kathleenhema.com) and her sex talks for parents to be an absolute essential. She is fantastic with her reels and classes online. I HIGHLY recommend parents seek out her counsel. Puberty topics in a jar is a must. May we all raise the next generation of legendary men with morals and class.

Talking to my kids about menstruation came pretty naturally in our house because we have one bathroom and zero privacy. 😂 I still prefer not to have an audience if I’m removing a full disc 😬, but I feel confident that my boys will be supportive of the women in their life, and my daughter will be as prepared as she can be.

I attended Davidson College during the Steph Curry years, and he continues to make our small college community so proud. Reading about you and your boys enjoying his journey always makes me smile. Steph is unquestionably generous and unflinchingly supportive of women in sports. He is certainly a great example of Davidson’s mission to produce graduates committed to lifelong leadership and service.

my boyfriend is a colby grad, and I can confirm colby guys are where it’s at ;)

Can you see these videos anyplace else then tik tok?

I’m a long time middle school teacher, and the influence of social media makes me sad and angry …so many sites and video normalize toxic male behavior. I’ve really seen an uptick in recent years, boys thinking it’s OK to make comments about a female teacher’s age, weight, appearance…the fake compliments followed by Snickers. It becomes a competition to see who can be more outrageous..And yes there are consequences for poor choices, but that doesn’t stop the behaviors from spreading. Teacher wisdom says ignore it, it will go away….but how healthy is it for kids, especially girls to see males speak disparagingly to women of all ages? Would be interested to hear from from others who may have adolescent boys, what there experience is in regards to this. When I talk to parents, the response is mostly tepid. “I know, he’s like that at home too.” “I know. His dad is like that” “Is he the only one getting in trouble?”

I really loved the post by the mum who offered her son a cup of tea. Brilliant way to teach consent. https://www.tiktok.com/@mel.moon.comedian/video/7420011307052682529?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

I’m so heartened that this generation is getting a lot of messages not to make fun of / belittle/harass the bodies of other people. This respect and empathy to other people and their embodiment is tied so clearly to consent (and stopping sexual violence, coercion, and entitlement).

Francisco Lindor, a star player for the New York Mets, went on his wife Katia Lindor’s podcast and said that he would be getting a vasectomy after the sesason is over (they just had their third child). Katia Lindor (look her up on IG!) is very outspoken politically accross a range of progressive causes – a rarity in the world of baseball palyers and “wives and girlfriends”. Lindor is adorably crazy about his wife – his walkup song is My Girl and the whole stadium sings along. (And she’s a classically trained violinist!).

I guys from “Queer Eye” are such fantastic role models and show a great model of affectionate and caring platonic male friendship. My 11 year old son and I love watching it together.

Lots of great advice here, but wanted to chime in that with my boys who are tweens&teens, I have started to emphasize that porn is not for kids and is not a healthy way to learn about sex because it is not a realistic portrayal of sex and can create unrealistic expectations.

Heartstopper and Sex Education are great shows to watch. I wish they had been around when I was that age.

I just watched Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret with my boys (8 and 11) a few nights ago and it was so great for them to see what girls go through and learn about periods. We had talked about it before but the movie was a nice way to make it more real and for them to learn empathy for what girls are going through.

LOVE this! Would like to highlight Jo’s question about male role models. My husband and I have been talking about this a lot, between considering his own upbringing, watching Ted Lasso, and welcoming our new son. Of course, anyone can be anyone’s role model, but I wonder about countering the manosphere/toxic masculinity that targets cis boys/men online. Anyone have thoughts/ideas?

Our neighbors are raising two kiddos — 8 and 17 — and we LOVE hearing about allll of their parenting stories, especially with such an age difference. I asked one day how they talked to their 17yo about sex because he’s very comfortable talking about it with them. Stepmom is a social worker and one of the most pragmatic people I know…she said people get so wrapped up in the emotional pieces of sex and procreation when they talk about it with their small children. She said that the first time their 17yo asked where babies come from, she said, “I never wanted to lie to my children, and scientifically it’s simple. A penis goes into a vagina, releases sperm which meets with an egg, and grows into a baby.” Anatomical and clear. It really blew my mind. That explanation laid the groundwork for more nuanced conversations later on and gave him the tools to discuss sex maturely.

I’ve been having these conversations with my three boys since they were little, and I’m feeling proud of the ways they are paying off in their teen years. My 15 year old had his first girlfriend over the past year and one evening after she left he came into my room to let me know that I need to restock my bathroom cabinets because “the little tiny pads you have in there aren’t what she needs – can you please get bigger ones?”. I felt so relieved to know that they were comfortable talking to each other about that, and that he was comfortable talking to me about it. Sometimes having a teen can make me feel like I don’t know anything about parenting, but at least I feel like I got one thing right.

Off-topic but eager to hear what Jo thought of A Streetcar Named Desire (starring our darling Paul Mescal) this weekend. I was lucky enough to see it in London and am keen to hear her take, especially as a sound-sensitive person…

Absolutely bookmarking this post and all the comments.

My kids are 40, and 34!!! I bought each of the the book “What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls/Boys” Before they did the Sex Ed in school, I sat with each of them, and read the book out loud! Wow, getting through the section of all of the slang for genitalia was crazy! I went through the whole section about their actual bodies, and changes. I read them the section where they talked about how some people are attracted to others of the same sex. At that age – 5th grade, if I remember correctly, I stopped at the point where sexual intercourse began. I told them that there was nothing in that book that we didn’t want them to know, and we could continue with the book anytime they wanted. We left the book on their bookshelves. They both read a lot, and that book was on their bedside table, and just around all of the time. Each copy was creased and worn by the time we packed them up for college. That book has been revised, I’m sure it’s still a good choice for 5th grade on up. Certainly read it yourself before reading with your kid!

My first real boyfriend had 2 brothers and incredibly responsible and unusual parents. When they were all pre-teen-ish, the parents sat them down and told them if they were going to have sex, it was THEIR responsibility to take care of birth control. (Waaay back in the day, 1970s, so no HIV, etc) So when my guy and I were were about to venture into it, he took me to Planned Parenthood to get a diaphragm. He’s still a great guy, now with a wonderful wife and family. I was so lucky.

FWIW I got a bit muddled when my now-adult kids were in high school in their first relationships. I remember trying to avoid leaving them alone with their bf/gf at my house because I thought that was my job…and then questioning what do I think I’m trying to prevent? Every parent will have their own answers but for me, I realized I wanted them to have positive first sexual experiences, and that as they were with their first love, my real job was to butt out and be supportive/open to any discussions they wanted to have with me (which with my daughter was a lot and with my son was absolutely nothing;) So my advice for when kids eventually become sexually active, is to get clear on your own rules/expectations/motives and to keep the conversations open. I started out doing what I thought I was *supposed to* do and had to course correct!

As always this blog is a well of good parenting tips and resources ! Thank you so much for this. With all the talk around Adolescence, I sometimes wonder how we can educate teenage boys and not make them feel like the enemy. I’m thinking about having a second kid and it makes me think a lot about how to raise my kid if I have a boy (my first is a fierce girl lol).

So bummed they’re only on TikTok! Would have loved to share this with my 14 yr old son, but TikTok is a no-go for us…

I cant speak for talking to boys Im afraid but I can tell you about chats with my daugter. She was aware of what periods were from a fairly early age (I get very bad ones so she had to know what was happening to me) and then in Primary 6 (maybe Grade 5 in the US) they got sex education in their class. I asked her prior if she wanted us to read a book together and she said yes as she didnt want to just find out in class. When she found out what sex was and that some people did it just for fun she was horrified. I also told her that the book I was reading to her was for sex between a man and a woman but if she wanted to discuss same sex relationships I would source material for us to have just as open and frank discussion about that. We talked about consent (which was also a big part of the sex education class) and what was happening to her body and what was happening to the boys bodies. I told her that if she heard anything about sex from the kids in the playground she had to come and talk to me as I didnt want her getting her knowledge from that. She is now in 1st year (7th Grade I think) and she still comes to me with questions and no matter how shocked I am by them we discuss them in an open and frank way. She has also fallen in love with Heartstoppers on Netflix (and has read the books) which shows lots of different type of relationships between young people and that has also sparked a lot of discussion. She knows far more about her body and sex than I ever did. I mean Im nearly 45 and my Mum and Dad still havent told me where Babies come from!!

Has the UK Netflix series Adolescence come out in the US yet? Absolutely amazing, thought-provoking series. Not only is the one-shot filming incredible, the acting and subject matter are essential viewing in terms of dealing with the toxic male sexual culture young men and women are exposed to online. As the mother of two young men, I feel so grateful that they have both come through the quagmire and become decent respectful human beings.

Once when one of our sons was only a toddler, I was in the bathroom removing a bloody tampon and I shooed him out of the room. My husband, who was also there, suddenly said, “No! Come.” and beckoned the toddler over to look at the bloody tampon. Right then and there we had a conversation about menstruation and he became my little period helper from then on, always asking if I needed a new pad or tampon whenever I was in the bathroom. My husband’s reasoning, which I love, is that it would be much better to never remember a time before he knew about periods, but for them to just be as normal a bodily function as any of the other things we do. My IUD, bless her, has done away with menstruation, so we have to find more creative ways to normalize it now!

When my son was little, I loved the book series “It’s not the Stork” and “It’s Perfectly Normal”. We read it together and he was able to ask me any questions he had. Because we had been having open, age appropriate, conversations about sex since he was little, it was not awkward for either one of us. When he got into the teenage years, I found this website and forwarded it to him https://sense.info/nl the Dutch are a million years ahead of the US. Highly recommend. Straightforward, honest, informative, non judgemental. Tell all your friends!

As a mom of three (soon to be four!) boys, I love everything about this post! I am trying to do everything I can to raise then to be healthy, kind, respectful men.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the next steps in teaching consent and sex with my kiddo! She’s 9 and has already dealt with some weird stuff at school. I’ve found the new episodes of the Longest Shortest Time podcast to be super insightful and highly recommend. They deal with consent, sex ed, and relationships among tweens and teens. https://longestshortesttime.com/

We had the sex convo when I told my son (aged maybe 5 or 6 at the time?) to stay away from a used condom in the park – I stupidly said “there’s something dangerous over there” so of course he wanted to know what was the dangerous thing. But it opened up the opportunity to share some important things for kids: sex can only ever happen between adults. Never an adult and a kid or two kids. It’s like a close hug. Both people have to want sex to happen. If one person stops wanting it then the sex has to stop straight away. We follow the recommendation that you just answer what they ask as it comes up, nothing more, nothing less (though we jam consent chat in at every opportunity).

No productive advice, but I just wanted to pop in to say that I rewatched Mean Girls recently with my 13yo child and remember laughing at the coach-sex-ed talk tons when I had watched the movie as a non-mom and younger mom. Now?!? As a mom of a tween and teen, I’m AGHAST because that man (sorry if I’m spoiling a 20+yr old movie 😆) is a sexual predator, omg. Like, they don’t necessarily shy away from the fact that he’s a criminal and a predator in the movie, and I obviously get that it’s a teen comedy… but it never struck me till this last watching that it’s dark as hell that the authority figure telling all these kids to contain their natural sexual impulses is simultaneously indulging his extremely perverted ones with those very same children. 😫 All I could say to my horrified kid was what I feel like I say all the time nowadays: “uhhh, it was a different time. We thought this stuff was funnier, or at least… unremarkable?”

I asked my young daughter where she thought babies came from. I am careful not to lie to her but also don’t go into all the details yet since I feel she’s not quite ready. Her answer was so innocent: “from their mama who will always love them…and also the mom then has to use diapers on her lady bits forever for all the blood.” I’d better clear up the period bit before she hits puberty.

Mom of two young adults (one and one female). I have framed sex and sexuality as normal and natural. Consent is understanding what you want, what your partner wants, and what you want to do together. And, please please please speak with your children about female pleasure — that it is as important to focus on and explore as men’s. I feel like female pleasure and female orgasm gets lost in the conversation. Also, I bought my kids condoms…before they probably needed them. I just wanted them to be prepared and as safe as they can be. Be well everyone.

On Instagram, @birds_bees is great!! It’s a mother daughter team that specialize in sex education for kids and help parents navigate it with confidence. Their motto of “drip by drip” has helped me to have lots of small conversations along the way with my elementary age daughters. Highly recommend!

The most hopeful thing I’ve seen on the internet in a while. Thank you!

These TikToks are so funny! I shared them with my husband and he rarely laughs at my social media humor but he was LOL-ing with me :D

Eid Mubarak to those celebrating. I see it was forgotten about on this blog

I found this podcast helpful and the book by the same name. https://coolmompicks.com/blog/2020/02/05/peggy-orenstein-boys-and-sex-spawned-187/

I’m in the trenches of parenting a teen boy who is in his first serious relationship. I am here to tell you, do all of these discussions about sex and relationships well ahead of the teenage years. Because when you get to the stage I’m at, your teen thinks you know absolutely nothing and listens to exactly zero advice you might have to give.

I have a 15 year old son, and he hasn’t reached the point where he is interested in anyone romantically yet, however I do have a very beautiful story to share about one of his friends. I am calling him C. “C” has a girlfriend, and whilst none of the boys in this social set like to go out to parties or drink alcohol (seriously – I can’t even entice them to meet up at the beach if I pay for the pizza for everyone) But the girls do – they hang out, they drink alcohol … anyway C’s girlfriend went to a few parties over the summer, and every time she drank until she was unconscious. Once C was overseas with his family when it happened, once he was home and finally one night her best friend called him and said “she’s unconscious -can you help me get her home?”… so he woke up his mum and told her what he was doing, asking her not to get involved. C rode his ebike to the beach and together the friend and C took his girlfriend home, then he took her friend home (on his ebike). The next day C rang his girlfriend, and asked her to meet him for breakfast. he said “I am 15 and I am not emotionally ready to have to help a girlfriend who might have been raped or whatever other drama happens…. which is what I feel is ahead of me, with you. I cannot tell you to stop drinking but I can tell you that I don’t want to be involved. I don’t drink and I don’t party, but you do and that is your choice. But it is not mine. I want to break up”. In the weeks that followed, she decided she loved C more than drinking until she passes out, and now she is still with C, and she still goes to parties that C does not attend, but she doesn’t get drunk… I love this young man, who took care of his girlfriend, and her friend, but also took care of his own boundaries. We are always told that boys are bad, and oh my god, as a victim of rape I get that – but our young boys need to also be applauded for the times they get it right. And when they do they are awesome. C right now is the boy we talk about in our home.

I went to Colby and this makes me so proud! Go Mules!

Please tell me all you nice people know the brilliant Key and Peele skit “Menstruation Orientation.” Loads of profanity, but my teen boys learned a lot from it, and we all still remind each other to “be sensitive to that sh1t!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihRHIGpyspA

My boys are 1 1/2 and 3 so I’m logging this in my brain for when they are older. Appreciate the conversation and especially talking about your period with your boys. It’s important for them to know and be open about. My 3 year old asks questions about my tampons and pads and I make sure to talk with him about it.

Great topic! My three brothers and a dear friend really helped me and my husband navigate much of our son’s questions when and if we weren’t hitting all the questions on target ourselves. Not only did their support mean the world to me it created male bonds for our son that are everlasting. As an only child, his mentors are solid. Coupled with the fact that girls/young woman talk pretty freely with our son about their own questions about sex and intimacy at this point he has a healthy perspectives on sexuality. Including self respect. Any questions I have for him has rested much easier today because of the early support.

OH MY GOSH. Reading this while visiting my mama in Waterville, Maine, which is where Colby is. She’s going to be so tickled!

My 16 year old daughter took a boy from their brother school (hers is a girls’ school) to their winter dance. They have texted/DM’d some since then. He DM’d her on March 8 to wish her a happy International Woman’s Day. It took everything in me not to text his mother to congratulate her on raising a lovely son.

Those videos are the best thing I’ve seen all year! Thank you for finding and sharing these;)

I have this book at home (my son is only 8 but it found it to be much excellent so I decided to buy it anyways) and in my school library: https://www.corysilverberg.com/you-know-sex I also recently order this one for my school library: https://naturalwomanhood.org/a-kids-book-about-periods/ — we’ve got a massive gap in our health and wellness collection. For French speakers, I would also recommend this one: https://www.flammarion-jeunesse.fr/tout-sur-les-regles/9782080237293

The fact that my kid already knew about menstruation was such a help, and that he had a general sense of my cycles. I got postpartum rage/PMDD after the birth of his sister and pretty consistently have bad mental health days on day 11, day 22, and day 26-27 of my cycle. Having language around it had been so helpful and he’s been really supportive which makes those tough days so much easier.

When I graduated from HS back in 2004, nobody ever told us about consent. All our sex messages were from teen movies, Cosmo magazine about pleasing men and a dash of purity culture to make us feel shitty about wanting to have sex. I’m feeling hopeful for Gen Z.

I always give Gabrielle Blair’s book Ejaculate Responsibly as a hs graduation present and I always leave a copy on my coffee table.

We started talking to our kids about sex super early and it would usually end in them laughing hysterically. These days, knowing they have likely seen their fair share of unfortunate internet content, our main goal is to talk about the subtleties of misogyny in the world (or overt ones like perpetuated by our freaking government) and mutual respect, and I’ll pipe in about my choice to wait for years into a relationship before losing my virginity and how important it is to know themselves before making those kinds of choices.

“Yes, Your Kid” by Debby Herbenick is a must-read for any parents/caregivers (or trusted adults) to educate themselves and build their own confidence in approaching sex education with their young people.

The men at my gym, where I coach and have been a member for almost 6 years, are my positive male role models (even though I am female). The men there are quick to tell each other and their friends, both male and female, I love you, to give hugs to anyone who is consenting, to apologize when they do wrong. They speak of being in therapy and working through difficult mental health days. They are constant role models for so many positive behaviors. We have a significant student populations as we are close to Vanderbilt, and have a number of young males, some of whom are in fraternities. I know the men I am speaking of are making a difference in these young men’s lives and in turn, these young men are passing it along to their peers. One young man at a time can make a difference and change those around him. To note, we are also a gym that allows everyone to be exactly who they are. We have a large LGBTQIA+ membership and our community thrives on allowing them to have a safe space where they are accepted and loved exactly as they are. Hearing how you are raising your boys, and how other CoJ’ers are raising their children, gives me hope for this next generation of men and women. <3

love this! I recently purchased a book called “Sex is a funny word” for my 8 year old. I’m currently pregnant and he started asking a lot of questions in general about sexual concepts. It was great to open up the discussion. He wanted to read it to himself, but did ask me questions and share some thoughts afterwards. I also love that Joanna talks to her boys about menstruation. Something I’ve adopted from you!

Oh my gosh these videos had me cracking up. Love these guys!!