Our Family Trip to England

yes!!!!!!!

she’s actually Gemma’s old dog, Jane!! but her youngest was allergic, so Lulu adopted her, and Gemma and her boys can visit cornwall anytime. Lulu also takes Jane to London to visit them, which is so sweet. xoxo

I chose small for them, which is their usual size. they fit so nicely, with a little bit of room. so I’d say true to size. thank you for your lovely note!

DITTO!!

Same!! Also, I grew up using the same blue and white china that y’all are using in that photo of your aunts! Have never seen it used here in the States, and it brought me right back to my childhood.

I second that, they look radiant and graceful, I’d love for you to interview them both!

^THIS! And that Freddie made the trip! I gasped when I saw the first picture of him in Cornwall.

Hi! Joanna asked Janey, and she said, “Oh bless her… my uncle Donald gave it to me… I’m very lucky xxx”

I, in the meantime, am fascinated by Janey’s big-ish silver ring on her right hand. I already noticed it in an Insta story (?), so I’d appreciate the info in an outfit post!

Love these questions! I’ve wondered this myself over the years.

Would love to know too! Including where and how they shop for food in town and other necessities, etc.

Would so love to read this!

Fascinating question!

As someone who lives in a different part of Cornwall I’m sorry to say that a day in the life is much the same as elsewhere! We go to work, and we shop in supermarkets. The towns here are small compared to a lot of the UK though, so online shopping can be helpful. Life is a bit slower than UK cities, things get done ‘dreckly’, as we say here. I live inland, but still just 20 minutes from the north and south coasts, meaning that going straight from work to a sea swim is possible, and it’s a very very beautiful place. The summer can be busy with tourists (Saturday is known as ‘changeover day’, when the roads are snarled up with visitors coming and going so many locals choose to stay local on that day). The amount of holiday homes here means it’s an expensive place to live, and wages are typically pretty low, making it one of the poorest counties in the UK with a housing crisis and a lot of families reliant on foodbanks. With tourism one of the main industries here that can lead to some tension. I don’t mean to spoil the dream but, like everywhere, it’s a mixed bag.

I’m sorry, Rebecca. Losing a beloved place is truly hard and takes time to heal.

Love this book! My favorite is Winter Solstice. It is the perfect comfy book to read during the holidays.

Emily – Winter Solstice was my first by her. I LOVED IT!!!! A definite favorite :) Don’t you just want to be in their kitchen?!?!

I wasn’t expecting it, but did sneak a look at her left hand in the first photo just to check!!

Yup. Was expecting a ring LOL but financial stability is just as good.

What!!!! That is so incredible, Hedi!!! Thank you so much for sharing this.

Hi!! So curious to hear other readers’ advice. I would say that it’s absolutely fine to have a limit to the days people stay. You could say they’re warmly welcome to stay for 4 days — and then they can come other parts of the city/country. Also you could make a list of recs but I definitely don’t think you are required to play tour guide and accompany them everywhere. You could say here are fun things to do and when they get back time you’ll have cake and tea together. If I visited a friend I would absolutely understand if they couldn’t drop everything and hang out with me the whole time. I hope this helps!!! You sound like a lovely and generous friend — you can be generous to yourself too. Xoxoxo

Agree with Jo! We maintain a 3-night maximum for all-consuming time together with our (adult) siblings – it prevents tension that builds over time. And then some meet ups together at a restaurant, and some time with just nieces/nephews while the adults go do something on their own is always a good mix. Sell it as you are helping them have some moments of vacation mixed in with their trip :)

I would put together a list of local (or close enough) things to do in your area, kind of like ones you find at an Airbnb. Restaurants (maybe include menus if possible), museums, nature hikes/walks, points of interest, etc. That way you can take some time off from playing tour guide and your guests get some alone time too. I know when I visit friends who live far away I often wish for a day to myself to explore but friends often feel the need to provide all the entertainment. My introverted self often wants nothing more than a solo stroll around town or a museum, or even to just eat a meal by myself or just with my husband if we are traveling together. I also put together a basket in our guest room of local delights (cookies, chips, beef jerky, etc., along with refillable water bottles. This way if someone is starving and doesn’t feel comfortable raiding my fridge, they can still snack if needed without feeling like a bother. It seems to work well!

Different than advice from others, I would – and do – not tell friends/family visiting from out of town they can only stay X days. However, I do co-sign being realistic. For example if I have to work, I give them recs for their time and let them handle it. The “let them handle it” part is KEY. It is absolutely work to host, but for me, it’s totally worth it. I also – especially when it’s family – just expect a few brush ups. But at the end of the day, trust your gut about what works for you :)

Hello! First of all, I completely understand where you are coming from, and while it is so special to host family and friends (and we are always touched people are happy to come and see us), it is draining and a lot of pressure to give guests an incredible stay. I wanted to provide another POV as we are currently living far enough away from friends and family that shorter night minimum stays aren’t an option (as there is so much travel required to get to us). I think from the get go it is totally okay to set expectations that you are happy to help guests create a super itinerary for their trip, but that joining every excursion or dinner isn’t an option for different reasons (if you took time off from your daily routine for every single guest visit, you would never have time to fully integrate into where you live). I often tell guests upfront I can’t miss my language classes, have appointments for myself or my kids that we cannot miss, etc. so it sets an expectation that I also need time for my own things. I also think it is 100% okay to outsource and suggest weekend or day trips that you know they will love (and luckily there are so many accessible options in Europe), and this also removes some cooking, clean up etc. and give you back some time for your own routine. Lastly, it is about about quality not quantity, and it is better to have a few key moments you’ll always cherish over a 10 day stay then feeling really worn down at the end of their stay. Good luck!

Agree with Jo here. I’ve been living abroad (including uni) for nearly 20 years. I LOVE visitors but I also have limited vacation days (and vacations that I want to take myself!) – what has worked for me is being really intentional up front about what availability you have. Friends/family can certainly come for XYZ days but I can only be fully available for 3 of those days, for example. Then I try to do my favourite things with them or things that really benefit from having a “local” show them. Then I help them build an itinerary for the other days – make suggestions on what to do, book things if it’s easier to do so locally etc. Usually, I’m working during those times that I can’t get away, so I try to keep evening time with them – dinners, a drink, etc. If they’re staying with me, I will prep some things like muffins, a quiche, chop some fruit, and let them “be on their own” from morning onwards. So I can get up and get ready for work and out the door, without feeling like I need to Barefoot Contessa their whole morning, too. Other times, I’ve had friends reach out who want to visit and my schedule just doesn’t line up – I’ve had people stay in my flat while I’m not there, or I’ve seen them for a day before they go off on their own adventure. Or a friend/friends/family want to visit and it doesn’t quite work because I was thinking of doing something else…..so then it becomes “I know you wanted to come to Kyrgyzstan, but I was thinking of going to Georgia in the spring – do you want to go there with me instead?” – I know it’s not the same, but it still is quality time with that person and you get to do an adventure you had your heart set on, too! I think as long as you discuss expectations in advance, it makes things soooo much smoother. Otherwise being a personal chauffeur, chef, tour guide, life manager, etc, etc, is just way too exhausting!! Hope you’re enjoying life in your new place and that you have time to explore and enjoy it for yourself, too :)

Maybe this is cultural, but I would never tell family/friends they can only stay for x number of days–that feels so cold to me especially for someone who’s traveled many miles to see me. Fully agree with Abby–keep it light and flexible; people definitely understand. My sister visited me from New Zealand (so a massively long flight to the Midwest) when I was a few months post-partum and her partner decided to show up unannounced a few days later to surprise (!!!) her/us. While in hindsight, it was not ideal and led to some frustrating moments for me, I would have never thought to put limits on their stay or encourage them to leave, find other lodging, etc. That friction is a beautiful part of life, honestly! I laugh about it all now.

oh that’s so interesting! I think it’s completely find to have limits to how much you can host people — friends and family visit us all the time, and I just tell them we would be so happy to do four days, but after that I work from home, the kids are in school, etc., so it’s a little too hard to keep going. people have always understood! xoxo

I’ve been fortunate to live in places where people want to visit and have hosted a ton. I agree with the folks who put parameters around their availability—i’ve never been able to take the full time off and i’ve had jobs where I often have duties at night as well. I make sure we have one or two days if possible and then catch up with folks casually between their sightseeing excursions. I have also found that the low pressure visits are the most joyful because everyone is less stressed—I don’t worry about an amazing vacation for them, but do like one special thing. Half the time, people most remember having a casual meal at a place I really like in my neighborhood and then they get to excitedly tell me about what they discovered on their own time.

Slightly different, but when my parents divorced, they both moved out of state. Now, the only time I get to see them is when they come stay with me (and my husband and toddler) for extended stretches of time. It’s a LOT! I finally had to impose a few rules: only a single parent (no spouse) can stay with us in our home (simply because we do not have room for two guests to sleep comfortably, so one always ended up on our living room couch) and only for a long weekend max. Anything more than that, and they have to get a hotel. They give me grief about it every time, but hey. That’s boundaries! While it’s wonderful to offer to host people and help them save money that way, it’s really not your job. If they want to come for long periods of time, let them know you’re excited to see them but don’t have space for them to stay comfortably for more than a night or two (or whatever you decide). Offer a few recommendations for sightseeing/activities, but then ultimately let them decide and plan what they want to do. After all, it’s THEIR vacation!

You sound like a great host and very considerate friend :) Loved reading everyone’s responses! I wanted to add that for longer stays, I usually build in downtime and lowkey days every few days. It can get exhausting going out every evening and also feeling like wherever you’re going out to has to be a great vacation memory. Wanting to make the most of the time traveling makes sense but I find for me and many guests, having a night in let’s me reset and more fully appreciate all of the socializing and sights! I find people usually appreciate at least one afternoon+evening where we order takeout from a favourite spot and just stay in and I’ve appreciated this when staying at other friends and family’s homes as well. People can reset, do their own thing if they want, do some laundry if needed, maybe play some boardgames or watch a movie.

It’s okay to have such a full and happy life where you live that you aren’t able to put it on hold for stretches of days at a time! Everyone’s constraints are different, for some it’s having to work full time or being a very relied upon caregiver to parents or children or others in your community, for others it could be about not having a place large enough to accommodate guests in a way that allows everyone the privacy or downtime we all eventually need. Or you might love to host and also find that it is only emotionally, financially, or physically sustainable for a few days. I have been on the receiving end of a frazzled host and it doesn’t feel good! I have also BEEN one, and that feels worse because then I regret my behavior. It’s much better to make your own calculation on the front end about how much you can give in that season, and then offer a full-hearted invitation for that amount of time. It sounds like a lovely gesture if you can help friends figure out a nearby Airbnb for their remaining nights or another cool place to visit, but it’s enough to offer what you can and extend the genuine wish that they will be able to fold that time with you in to their other travel plans. You shouldn’t feel that you have to take a 10 day vacation from your life every time someone wants to see you or visit Europe! Also, Sarah B., I wish we were friends so that I could come visit you and have muffins and quiche and cut-up fruit and time with you but also solo time! What a delightful host you are!

You can’t have compassion without boundaries! (paraphrasing Brené Brown, I think?) I want to LOVE the people I love, and if they overstayed without me setting a reasonable boundary, I would end up resenting them and it would be my own fault. So, I am in favor of lovingly setting boundaries! It’s a nice sentiment when the “door is always open” and I appreciate that vibe, but it makes ME feel more relaxed too when I’m a guest somewhere and the host has warmly and lovingly let me know how many nights are realistic for them – What a relief to know that I’m so fully wanted for those days and not overstaying or burdening them beyond what they can offer! I think it benefits both parties to be transparent about your capacity to host and agree you can be gentle on and generous with yourself! It’s a lot of emotional work in addition to the physical work of hosting and everyone deserves to leave feeling like they have a little bit in reserve for their own needs too. If it irks someone a little, that’s fine! I think it’s a great healthy example to set for the kids and reminds everyone that relationships aren’t about obligation, they are (hopefully) about the joy of togetherness. I remind myself all the time that compassion requires boundaries and I’d rather speak up and protect my love for someone that way than risk getting on the road to resentment by overextending myself.

I swear by mid trip getaways, both when visiting family abroad and when hosting them in the states. We try to plan over two weekends to spend 3-4 days together upon arrival, then travel for 3 or four days during the week, and come back together for the weekend. The travelers return with stories of their adventures and new foods or drinks to share, and we are always excited to be back together! And the break in the middle is a nice break from the host, and a fun travel opportunity for the visitors.

We lived abroad for a few years, and mostly friends just came for the weekend, but family sometimes came for longer. We were always clear that for those longer visits, they were coming to visit us, but it wasn’t our holiday, it was our day to day. Generally we were both working and the kids were at school so that was quite busy anyway. So they had to go off and entertain themsevles during the day and we would see them in the evening, and that might be dinner out, or it might be at home. I do think it’s really tough. You end up hosting and it’s a bit exhausting. And it’s so much more work (and often cost if you are feeding more people etc). So emphasising that it’s your life not your vacation, that’s quite key to me.

Love all these comments about hosting. I would just add that, as a guest, it can actually be a bit of a relief to have a host let me know that they haven’t cleared their schedule and won’t be fully available. I often have lots of things I want to see and do in any given area or maybe even other locals I want to catch up with and I worry about my host feeling that I’m simply “using” them as a crash pad without making enough effort to spend meaningful time together. I would love it if someone said to me, “You’re welcome to come stay but I work late on Mondays and I have book club on Tuesday so you’ll be on your own a lot. I could definitely do dinner on Sunday.” Setting expectations can actually be really helpful to both parties and not even remotely rude.

Oh yes, a week MAX, especially with family, lol, but Joanna’s suggestion of 4 days is even better.

Wow love these! Thank you for sharing.

Those are gorgeous!!

I think she does miss the wild summer trips! But she’s still v close with Lulu — and she actually visited her in Cornwall two years ago with my brother and said nothing had changed :)

I feel the same! Look forward to this post so much and feel a nostalgia for it and definitely the magic. Jo, how do you cope with how fast the time must go and when it’s time to leave there? We have a family trip each year, and for the second half of the trip I pre-dread and grieve leaving there (I try not to since I want to be in the moment!) and wonder how long this constellation will last. And after leaving there I live in the place and time in my mind for weeks, longing for it, wondering what might happen if in some universe we could all live it over and over again on a loop and relish it (without the magic fading).

Teach me your ways Aunt Janey!

Hi! I’ve visited Fowey/Polruan and also live in an area near the water. In some smaller or crowded places there may not be docks/marinas for the boats to come all the way to shore, or it can be that the water is too shallow for them to safely dock. In a lot of these situations, the solution is for bigger boats to drop their anchors near the shore (like in the photos posted here!). To reach your boat, you’d use a smaller one which can be launched from shore, such as a lifeboat which would then get hauled onboard or tied along to your main boat as you sail. Generally, when sailing you’ll have a smaller lifeboat on hand for emergencies and that lifeboat can also be used for reaching shore if typical docking isn’t possible. Hope that helps! (and anyone with more boating knowledge please chime in and/or correct me!)

Yes! You have a mooring in the water — basically an anchor that’s always there with a buoy that floats on the surface of the water. You get a specific spot that’s assigned to you, so the harbor doesn’t get too crowded or chaotic. Then we row a little boat to our mooring, climb aboard, and tie the rowboat to the mooring. Then we take the bigger boat out to sea or across the harbor etc. When we get back, we tie the bigger boat back onto the mooring and row the rowboat back to the shore. Hope this makes sense!

Lisa you really cheered me up with “Are they just chilling out?”. Thank you! <3

A house tour of the dollhouse perhaps???

Yes!!!!!

YES!!!

Please do this if you can Jo, it would be so magical!

Also yes !!! Hahahah

what a great idea!

yes, please! and tag it “house tour”, of course!

Nope! 😉

Same here!

That would be very happy news indeed for long time readers!!

Me too! I never scrolled to the bottom of a post so fast! (Then went back and read it slowly, of course.)

4th!