An Ode to Middle School

I’m 49 and just returned from a trip to the town I moved to in middle school and had a chance to spend some time with two of my best friends from that time who are still two of my best friends today. A funny memory I have from middle school is planning the exact same hair, makeup and outfit to wear on picture day with my best friend. We had to change shirts for the picture (we just had one) so that we would look like twins in the yearbook! Middle school kids are so full of life and ideas!

I struggled socially in middle school. The best part was a teacher who believed in me! I was invited to be in the honor chorus in 8th grade…not really sure why! I liked to sing, but didn’t have a spectacular voice. Being in that group made me feel special, that I had something to offer….and I was introduced to the wonderful music of the 60’s and 70’s…The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkle, Crosby Stills and Nash, Bob Dylan….my favorite music to this day!

I am a very social person in general but like Ira one of my great joys in life is afternoon movies BY MYSELF. Sometimes I’ll mention to someone I’m going to see something, and they offer to come along as if I’d like the company, not hidning that they feel sorry for me. Sometimes they DO come and I resent them for it, even though I’d love to see them for a coffee. My husband often has to step in and be like, No, she really, really wants to go on her own. I have no idea why — it’s just magical to sit in the dark and not have to think about anyone else but me for a bit.

Several years ago I started writing middle grade fiction and have come to appreciate this time in life more than ever! It was rough for me–not traumatizing, but not my favorite–but now that my daughter is entering her tween years, I absolutely love watching her and her friends express this very particular season of girlhood–unselfconscious diving contests at the pool meets figuring out a skin routine and asking for a curling iron! It’s a magical age, when the whole world starts opening up all around you!

My third kid is entering middle school this fall. The highs are highs! The lows are lows! They are so aware of *everything* which makes it such a delightful and sometimes insufferable age. One of my fond tween memories is riding the bus home at the end of a field trip, sharing a bench with a friend and singing Disney songs for the hour-plus long drive. Due to the era, it was heavily weighted towards Aladdin, Lion King, and Beauty and the Beast. He became a professional performer – I did not, lol.

I could Google it I guess, but what is the typical age to start Middle school in the US? In France, we have elementary school until around 11, then 4 years IN what is called “collège” that we would translate as middle school. Then high school from 15 to 18. I have to say that packing teens age 12-15 together is not always a good idea. I know people that loved it. But to me, it recalls feeling ugly (oh the weird growth and loss of control over your body and hormons!!), the bullying, the snarky comments between girls (who has her periods? Who is shaving or not?)….

As the parent of a middle schooler, just wanted to ask – are you sure they weren’t singing and laughing about the popular spoof version seemingly beloved by middle schoolers, Farting in the USA?

I felt then, and feel now, as the 41-year-old mother of an 11-year-old, that no one lives more ALIVE than middle and high schoolers. They live in their skin, in every moment. Everything is a big deal; it’s all world-changing because that’s how it feels to them. What a privilege to have lived that way (as excruciating as it was at the time!) and what an immense joy it is to get to experience it again with my son.

I went to an all girls school from first through ninth grade so I LOVED middle school. Looking back on it, we had such a close knit little community and we all felt like sisters – of course we’d bicker and have our own little dramas every day, but when we graduated and went our separate ways to high school, I remember feeling so grateful for this weird, hyper specific family I had been a part of unwittingly for as long as I had been consciously making memories. I still have a text thread with my four best friends from middle school that is active most days.

This was a warm and wonderful idea for an article! I am a parent to two middle schoolers. Their experience has been a mixed bag, and I generally remember middle school as something to be endured before the broader horizons of high school, so it is so encouraging to read about these positive experiences.

Right now I have six 8th graders – my daughter and five of her friends – sitting on our couch, snacking on takis, and watching a K-drama. They are loud and emotional and adorable 🥰

We’ve been boycotting Target since early 2025.

I am actually pretty heartwarmed to read these favorite middle school memories. Middle school was a nightmare for me, so I can’t think of a nice memory. I was an undiagnosed autistic with no friends, and was bullied by teachers and students alike. I was glad to get to high school when things turned around a bit. So, hugs out there to anyone else who can’t think of one nice memory from that fraught era of life.

8th grade, my first kiss first time, my art: recognized joined band, with cool kids.

Ira Madison’s story and photo are the best!

Tiny Ira!!! Amazing. Oh I love this so much. I have worked in middle schools for almost 20 years, and these hormonal little goobers will have my heart forever.

Can we all spare a moment to mourn the passing of the one and only, an angel on this earth, that was the great Dolly Parton? I’m bawling like a baby over here. Rest well sweet Dolly. You were so loved. https://youtube.com/watch?v=pW2TgGy5gjY

I was lucky enough to teach middle schoolers for a few years in Boston and I adore them! I have such compassion for that age group. I remember that age vividly, it was so confusing and so exciting and so… monumental. I had a phenomenal teacher in 7th grade, he changed the way I saw myself. When I was teaching, I felt as though the kids would come in some days, or even weeks, with different hats on. Does this one work? How does this make me feel? How does this make me look? They were just trying to figure it out, who they are, how to be in this world. I wish I could go back and tell them that’s what we’re all doing, still.

I’m a new foster mom for my 12-year-old nephew. He just started 7th grade and it is SO HARD 😭 The hard adjustment into a new household dynamic, processing trauma, missing his parent, AND being a tween in middle school?? So many sweet moments (he said he’s *thinking* about having a crush on someone) and so so many hard moments (panic attacks, outbursts, the attempts at power struggles). We’re doing the best we can and it will be okay.

I have a kid starting middle school next week-5th grade is middle school here. I am excited for them and they are excited to go. Hoping for growth, change, and more learning opportunities! I am surprised to see Target mentioned in this article. After the company rolled back DEI in 2025 and complied in advance with the administration, I refuse to shop there. There are still ongoing boycotts of the company. Target’s racist kid’s Halloween costume (removed from website but still designed/made/shipped) sealed the deal-no dollars will be spent there from our family. I know that we all get to choose where to spend our money and having a choice is a privilege in its self. Being conscious consumers is important-not perfection, but progress.

My daughter is a middle schooler right now, and gosh this post is spot on! She is a delight, her friends are a bunch of giggly, funny, kind, supportive girls. Im enjoying her stories about middle school shenanigans and seeing her take her first shaky steps away from babyhood!!

Brooke Barker, What a wonderful 6th grade teacher you must have had. For her to have clued into your having turned in a blank seat request, and to have obviously given it thought. Yay, teachers!

I love that your parents were on board with your Jurassic park obsession! Love from Paris

My boyfriend is a middle school teacher and this entire post is making my heart all aflutter!

I live one block down & across the street from a middle school. At the end of the day, the kids congregate right in front of my house & they are so giddy and absorbed in their own world. The shrieking, squealing, laughing, shouting, singing… it’s heady!

OMG love this!!! precious times! I remember the excitements before school dance – these were a special events, but nothing fancy like prom – just a “disco” for kids. I remember we were always very excited with my twin sister and we were thinking about what to wear for weeks! that time in the early 1990s in our country we didn’t have cool fashion stores so we brought our ideas (pop magaiznes) to a seamstress next door who made it happen. I sill remember everyone of them… 34 years later.

Right there with Gabby- in middle school my friends and I went beyond passing notes, we had notebooks that we passed back and forth full of gossip, BOYS, doodles, and puzzles. Not the most academic pursuit but a valuable part of the social education portion of middle school for sure.

Just here to say that I lost what I *thought* was my dream job and ended up teaching middle school…and discovered that teaching middle school was my *actual* dream job : ) my students and I always have a good time together, and we are NEVER bored.

nowadays parents – would you be upset with your tween for overtweezing their brows? i definitely can see that playing out back in our own upbringing! my y2k parents cared quite a bit about my looks. but nowadays cannot imagine how i would justify that to my tween daughter. funny to think about! all i can imagine now is affirming my kid’s style choice regardless of my own opinion – it would feel bonkers and out-of-place to punish her for something that benign, like overstepping my role in judgement of her body (cant imagine ever giving her style guidelines or advice unless she asked). just curious if there are other perspectives on this!

IRA! Truly thrilled to see Ira Madison III here. What a treat. To everyone with kids starting school, my heart is with you. My own will be in 3rd and K this year. Time is flying.

Gosh what a great post. It’s true – middle school seems to embody some of my worst moments: eating alone in the bathroom stall, realizing I forgot deodorant and spending the day with my arms clutched at my sides; realizing my mom and I had very little in common. But also some of the best: being asked to a dance from a note sneakily passed my way; wandering around the mall (independence!); my boobs appearing! Such a terrible, delightful rollercoaster time of life.

Today was my only daughter first day of 8th grade, last year of middle school. She is finding her voice, pulling away from me some days, but still coming to my bed asking for hugs and kisses. She still asks for help to pick her outfits for school! I love seeing her and her friends being loud, silly, witty, and funny! Her experience is so much different than mine at that age. I was extremely insecure, growing up with only my dad. They got divorced when I was 12, my mother left our house, and I just figured things out myself. She just asked me for a good night kiss, I held her very tight.

I will never forget my sixth grade English teacher, Mrs. Stallings, who instilled in us (and especially me) that a lot is TWO words. Never alot. Alway a lot. Poor Mrs. Bread, my 7th grade English teacher, could never explain to me the “point” of subjunctive (and other) clauses. I even went to her desk one day, asking her this very question. She gave me a baffled expression and told me to sit down. I’m sure she thought I was being asinine. But I still… do not have a clue about clauses. Why are they here? What kind does what? It was a serious question that has never left me…

Middle school years were rough for me, in the main. One of my best and favorite teachers occurred in 7th grade though, which made that year really memorable. Her name was Mrs. Salam and she taught English and focused heavily on novels, creative writing, and encouraging students to relish reading. She had an electric kettle and a little tea bar area set up in her classroom and it was such a joy getting to be the one to fill the kettle and pour a little cup of tea while settling into the schoolwork. The Columbine shooting happened that year and it was Mrs. Salam who first broached the horror and news cycles in the classroom (none of the other teachers were). Remember, this was a time when there wasn’t a script for this. I don’t even think the school had an organized response. But Mrs. Salam asked us how we were feeling, what we thought about it all, and was a very comforting presence during that time.

This post reminded me of my own middle school romance novel! What a CRINGE memory… – it was based on my friends and our favorite band (we all had one different member who was ‘our’ crush) AND it was done in a fantasy style – this was in the 80s so we had just watched the movie Legend. We referred to the ongoing writing as ‘the mythical story.’ Mysteriously, I lost my notebook at one point and was convinced my parents found it.- maybe (hopefully) they burned it!

This piece is so well-timed and sweet–my 6th grader had their first day of middle school today, so I’ve been thinking about this stage a lot. They are both big and small at the same time (still wanting to cuddle, but not in front of anyone else. This morning’s goodbye hug and kiss had to happen well before drop-off. Sending love to all the middle-schoolers (and their parents) starting this particular adventure.

Today was my daughter’s first day of middle school so this post is very timely! I remember what a time of transition and growth those middle school years are, and I’m so excited and hopeful for her as she embarks on her own middle school journey!

I just remember pining for a boy named TJ who had curly hair and these amazing green eyes. He was a few years older but took my breath away when he would look at me. He was a total bad boy – have no idea what happened to him. I remember practicing a ton to try and make the cheerleading and then pom pom squads. I remember one of the dance routines was set to Tears of a Clown (makes me feel absolutely ancient)! I can still do parts of that routine. Sadly, I didn’t make either – but my best friend did. Sneaking “off campus” go to my friend’s house across the street from the school for lunch (you could only leave with permission). She had a single mom who worked – again – very rare at that time so she was never home. Her older sister would also be there sometimes – smoking. My hair was so luxuriously thick back then.

One time my friend and I skipped a day of school to go skiing. We were eating lunch in the lodge when, lo and behold, who did we see but our three science teachers who had clearly skipped school as well! We all made eye contact, they nodded at us and kept it moving. None of us said anything the next day in class! I still laugh about that today.

I remember being desperate for ANGST.. I am very lucky to have a supportive, loving family, schoolwork came relatively easy, I had friends (still my friends today!) through my sports teams and art classes, but I was desperate for CONFLICT like the teens on TV shows! I have this very clear memory of sitting on the school bus listening to My Chemical Romance on my iPod Nano and staring out the window trying to look misunderstood. I also wore insane outfits like two collared shirts at once and a lot of scarves. Good times :)

I love middle schoolers. I once heard (maybe on this blog?) that teenagers are the toddlers of adulthood, which made me laugh. I was a very moody dark depressed middle schooler, starting around 12/13. In retrospect, I think it was imbalanced intellectual maturity (high) and emotional maturity (low), and not receiving enough nurturing from those around me because I was (quite) difficult to be around sometimes. I wish I could go back and give her a hug. Now I work with middle school kids, and they’re lovely every day. I make sure to give the moody ones some extra love. <3

My favorite middle school memory is from…adulthood. I taught 7th grade for years. It was, by far, my favorite age group to teach. There are a number of moments I look back on that still make me smile. Some favorites: The time my whole class randomly broke out into the Macarena (this was less than a decade ago, so not a dance I expected them to know). The time when what felt like half the district admin came through my class to observe and I was so nervous that all I could handle was walking up to a group of students who I knew would have my back, hands shaking, and said to them “I’m going to stand here and pretend I’m working with you, but really, I just need to stand still for a minute” and they didn’t miss a beat when they said “we’ve got you, Ms. K”. But, mostly, I just remember a specific feeling. I used to play music during group and independent work. There were days when everything just clicked. Everyone was content and working. I remember looking around the room and genuinely thinking how grateful I was to work with such awesome kids (it didn’t always happen! 7th graders don’t make it that easy), but when it did, it was something special. Adult/teacher me appreciated the magic of middle school years far more than 13-year-old me did :)

Oh man, middle school was when my friend group started coalescing, and it was such a magical time. It’s the first time I really felt like I fit in and had a real friend group who accepted me, for me. We all were in tears at our 8th grade graduation, knowing we were splitting up to go to 2 different high schools. Sadly, I don’t speak to any of those friends anymore, but I credit those guys and gals (and my teachers!!) with really starting to shape my identity, helping me understand what I value, and learning how to think critically. As an aside…may I ask why all of these anecdotes/quotes are all attributed to people with an online presence? Whenever a quote is attributed to someone on COJ, it links to a social media page. It feels very capitalist, very “quid pro quo,” as if all of these blogs and media pages are all just feeding clicks to each other. I know that this is a business, but every time I see someone’s name hyperlinked, I’m reminded that I’m not just a reader, I’m a dollar sign.

I had a regular 7th-8th grade school-wise (classes, pals, teen mags, etc) but at home, my immigrant parents were always working and I’d been groomed by and by then was being abused by my parents’ best friend who lived in our apartment building and was part of our family’s on-the-regular social circle. I thought I was in a “relationship”, that I was “in charge”, etc. It’s literally unfathomable to me now, when I look at my friends’ middle schoolers, that that was happening to me. For my own child, a daughter, I’ve vowed to protect her in all the ways I wasn’t. It’s really nice to read about regular ole childhoods…

My heart swelled reading this post and the awkward tenderness of this age! My youngest just started middle school a couple of weeks ago and I’m just trying to hold her with a lot of grace as she adjusts to this new stage of her own life, which looks like a messy balance of not taking things personally and giving her extra snuggles when she’s open!

In middle school, I was a quiet but diligent pupil. At the end of the year, my school put on a big award assembly. They would call your parents clandestinely beforehand tell them their student was getting an award without ruining the surprise. When I showed up to my last award assembly, I easily spotted my parents in the audience–the ones with a huge camcorder. I remember being embarrassed by what I perceived as overkill because the awards I tended to get were the 4.0 or Good Citizen award. As it turns out, the final award of the ceremony, top student as voted by the teachers, was presented to me. I have still never been more taken off by surprised! To be singled-out was not the norm for my quiet demeanor. I still smile at this memory.

BROOKE!! This made my heart absolutely explode with happiness.

I mostly really loved school. In 7th grade home economics class, we had to create our own pattern for shorts, then sew them, and finally wear them. The instructor was helpful but also made it challenging for us. We also learned to cook omelets and bake muffins, and we learned the importance of not over mixing muffin batter. I had two best friends who also took the same home ec course, and we had fun and also loved walking around the mall every weekend.

Like others, my oldest kiddo just started middle school today. Our kids go to a PS-8 school, so there is a lot of familiarity and almost none of the jitters related to a new environment. My son is an eager learner and he is beyond excited for the academic challenges that lie ahead. I have loved watching him grow into accepting greater responsibility and seeing the glimpses of the young adult he’s becoming. He is very much like I was in school. High achiever and someone who thrives in school. Personally/socially though, middle school was h a r d. I was boy crazy and a late bloomer and none of the boys I was interested in were even remotely interested in me. It was a time when friends groups naturally split and I straddled between the two. I struggled with my naturally (very) curly hair and only wanted it straight. I also had a particularly horrible and I really mean horrible bout of eczema on the bottom of my feet. It flares for me during big hormonal shifts (did not know this at the time, but do now) and I had to endure all sorts of elimination diets and wear open-toed shoes. I had to wear Birkenstocks with sock when it was NOT cool! All that being said, the class I graduated 8th grade with are still some of my nearest and dearest friends. It also is proof that all things pass. Weird phases, raging hormones, relationship challenges. There’s no way out but through!

In the years leading up to seventh grade, I dreamed incessantly about it. I dreamed of being a cheerleader, having a boyfriend, wearing makeup. Shortly before seventh grade was to start, my hippie/fundamentalist parents informed my sisters and myself that we were going to be homeschooled from now on. This was back in the 80’s when homeschooling was neither legal nor cool. I died inside. My life was over. I would never know joy. But I am here to say I did survive it, went on to college and to law school and to own a successful law practice. The pangs of disappointment of my 12 year old self have faded, and are now replaced with fond memories of doing schoolwork in PJ’s, drinking endless cups of Almond Sunset Celestial Seasonings tea sweetened with copious amounts of honey, laughing with my sisters, baking bagels and sweets during the day, and dreaming of going to college one day.

Aww my older child is starting middle school in just over 2 weeks! I’m so curious and interested to see how the whole experience goes. It’s such a formative time!! ❤️

My youngest just finished middle school and started high school. It was such a joy to walk around the HS with him learning his classrooms and hearing so many students greet him. He built some great relationships in Middle School that will carry him through HS. In elementary he did not make strong friendships, so this is extra special.

I still remember a teacher who showed me grace and empathy rather than prescribe punishment in a certain situation and I am forever grateful. Also: I loved reading this post! Beautiful!

The youngest of my 4 daughters starts Middle School tomorrow. She is shy, small, and an overthinker. She keeps few close friends and likes everyone else just enough. Last week, we had Meet the Teacher Night” and the half day of “Preview”. Friday evening was full of updates about all the things that are on her “Top 10 To Do In Middle School” including rehearsals for their theatre performance (even tech), trying out for girls wrestling, Running for Student Council, and going to her first Mixer. She (all of a sudden) wasn’t so small, definitely not shy, and exploring new things to challenge herself with. Overheard her on the phone that evening talking a newer friend through some jitters. My favorite part? She asked if she could snuggle with me at bedtime.

This is so timely. My oldest kid just started middle school and I was way more anxious about it than I anticipated. It was so weird to meet the teachers at our elementary school where I know almost everyone, and later that day go to locker move in at a school where I didn’t know anyone and we didn’t know where anything was. We’re on week 2 and so far, he’s crushing it! Also, to Jordan: it’s hilarious to me that your mom was so upset about your eyebrows!

I really enjoyed reading these. Brooke’s gave me hope that my kids will find the nice kids at school. I always worry about bullies, but there are far more good kids. And my greatest hope is that my kids are the nice kids too!