What’s a Kind Thing Someone’s Said or Done for You?

When my dad passed away in the hospital bed i was seated right next to him holding his hand. I layed my head on his chest still holding his hand after he passed when one of the nursing staff who had seen him pass away had gone and picked a flower from the garden and laid it down on my dads chest. The kindness of the nursing staff honouring him and the beauty of the gesture has never left me even 8 years later!

Once again, the Cup of Jo comment section is better than a session with my therapist.

A friend had just passed away leaving her young daughter behind. My 10yo was just being particularly tweeny and mean to me that day. I sat on a bench to collect myself and the tears just came. A kind stranger walked up to me and just asked if she could give me a hug. “Whatever it is, it will be ok.” I will remember that kindness and the nice smell of her hair.

I was flying home the day after my Mom had passed away and my seatmate was an older gentleman. We didn’t talk during the flight, but he must have noticed my sadness and occasional tears throughout the flight. When we landed, he stood and took my bag down from the overhead compartment for me without a word. It felt like such a gentle and kind acknowledgment that he had noticed I was going through something hard 💕

My boyfriend and I booked flights for a holiday far away that we have been saving for for years. We have stressed about booking flights for months, mainly because my partner is trans and we do not trust quite a few of the airlines and the possible stoppover countries with this. For security, we booked a flight that was way more expensive than many others. It felt hard, but I was okay with the decision. Yesterday, my dad send me the exact amount of money that we paid more (for me and for my partner, both tickets!) to “balance out” the unfairnes of how cautious we have to be – as he explained today. I feel so seen by it!

During my second pregnancy, I was in the hospital on a strict bed rest which lasted for 52 days. The hospital was far from home and my husband did his best to be there many days, bringing my 2 year old daughter for visits and supplies and food from home. But in between, time was long and lonely. More depressingly, I was there over Thanksgiving, my wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years and my husband’s birthday! Every visit or gesture meant the world during that time! One friend brought Thanksgiving window clings to brighten up my room, another brought a wreath and mini Christmas tree at the holidays. I cherished a gift of an avocado and homemade granola to spruce up the terrible hospital food. A short visit and cup of coffee would make my entire day! I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life to have gotten me through that hard time. My heart swells thinking about it. Thank you for asking :)

I’ve been dating the same person for a while now and this past weekend we went on our first get away to Brussels. I loved that we had four days just for ourselves and to explore the city together. What I really cherished was the little things he did for us on the trip – looking up fun things to do, getting us rental bikes or navigating us through the city. I’m used to travel solo and do all of this usual on my own so it felt really nice to be taken care of

I had to stop reading the comments because I was starting to cry so hard. My father recently passed away rather dramatically (though in the woods doing what he loved, does that count as a silver lining?) I texted my friend “Can you come over?” She said “I’m on my way” and she drove the 20m over on a work day. She was just there, helping me pack and prep the house for my absence (I have two little kids) gently suggesting things I might want to pack or do before I headed the three hours up to Wisconsin where my dad lived. Then, my entire family, aunts uncles cousins, dropped what they were doing and flew or drove in from around THE WORLD to be there on the family land for that first week after his passing. My cousin and her family are stationed in Germany, and she got on a flight within 12 hours of flying to come help us (she’s an amazing organizer/orchestrator of things.) It made the whole thing into something so sad but also so beautiful. It made gratitude and appreciation major emotions in a time that could have been singularly dark otherwise.

Just this past week-end i was at my best friend’s wedding in another country, reuniting with lots of long time no see old friends… i got sick for a whole day and while everyone was at the beach or visiting some magic place, i was vomiting and feeling miserable in the most depressing hotel room i ever staid at. In the evening, feeling at last able to stand up and being depressed as sh*t by this waste of a day, i joined some old friends on the beach. I cried when i arrived there, still feeling quite bad and weak and stupid for being sick at such a moment. A friend i hadn’t seen in more than a decade took me in his arms and just said “We’re so happy to see you ! There, there, cry if you need…”. At almost 50 now, this felt like… repairing, understanding, accepting. So much pure love in one gesture i tear up recalling it. Friends… they really are the heart of life.

A few years ago, my sister was hospitalized rather suddenly and things were very serious. I made the decision to fly to her city to visit her at the last minute, even though she was unconscious and it wasn’t clear if she would regain consciousness. I have a writing pal who lives in that city who I had never met IRL, but I texted her and was asking her some questions about area hospitals, hotels, lawyers, airports, etc. and she was like ‘What is going ON?’ and she called me. Then she INSISTED on picking me up at the airport and driving me directly to the hospital. It was an incredibly difficult time (my sister didn’t make it), and I will never forget the kindness of this friend.

I’m going to tell you a wild story. We (my husband, my 2 kids ages 4 and 5 and myself) decided to go to Joshua Tree NP over Feb break last year. We needed to rent a car but there were no more cars available at Palm Springs Airport but luckily for us, the rep told, there was an Enterprise rental office about 30 min away from the airport. Great, we can take an Uber from the airport to the office, pick up our rental, and drive off to Twentynine Palms, making a stop at the supermarket. I don’t drive. So my husband gave the rep his debit card (he doesn’t have a credit card) and secured a car. We get to Palm Springs, call for an Uber and the driver drops us off in front of Indian Wells Tennis Garden. We schlep all our luggage and begin to look for the rental car company, nowhere to be found. The people working on the grounds tell us there has never been a rental car office in the tennis center. I call the number associated with this car company and nope, no one picks up. I call Enterprise HQ and they insist there’s an office in Indian Wells. Even the people working there speak to Enterprise and tell them there’s never been an Enterprise there. The lady on the phone said she’ll connect me to a manager. The manager says she’ll work something out and call me back. I never get a call. We wait for almost an hour, no call. My kids are sitting on the curb, tired and hungry after a 6 hour flight from NYC, but bless their hearts, are entertaining themselves by watching ladybugs crawl around on flowers.I call back and the same run around. I look up Ubers. None of them are going to 29 Palms. And here is where God comes into play. An employee there, Cheryl, tells us she lives in 29 Palms, has an hour left on her shift, she’ll drive us to the Airbnb. Lo and behold, she lives only 5 min away from our Airbnb. I wanted to throw my arms around her and give her a giant hug, but I didn’t want to scare her. After an hour, with still no call from Enterprise, we got in Cheryl’s car. She tells us she’s former military but has a passion for wildlife, the indigenous people of Palm Springs and national parks and even volunteers as a ranger. She’s fucking badass. My 4 year old then throws up all over the backseat of her car and I want to cry. She says absolutely not, you’re not going to cry, we’ll clean it up. I step out to clean up my son, and my husband and Cheryl clean the backseat with bottled water and old towels she had in her trunk. We all get in the car and she refuses to hear apologies from us. We offer her money for a car wash and she is offended. While we’re driving she tells us there’s an Enterprise in Yucca Valley, we can get a car there. Perfect we make reservations to pick up the next day. We’ll take a taxi to the office since there are no ubers in 29 Palms (just 1 taxi service). I’m still thinking of ways I can offer her something in return when Cheryl tells me once she drops us off at the Airbnb that she needs to go grocery shopping at the supermarket, she’s going to go shower and pick me back up. Omg this angel. Bingo, I will pay for her groceries. We get to the supermarket, I shop for the week, she gets a single packet of cheese. Then it hits me. She didn’t need groceries. She only said that because she knew I would need food for that night. The story doesn’t end. PART 2 in the reply because this is getting awkwardly long.

Thank you so much Joanna for being so vulnerable with us and for offering us such a space to share all these stories of kindness and care. I’ve felt more lonely in the last fews years (for many reasons) and am just back from a family weekend, the kind that always leaves me so lost about what to do with my “a lot toxic” but also “a lot lovely” family. Reading your post again reminded me that even very socially skilled people like you can face lonely moments (of course as it can be a part of all human experience, but lately I blamed a lot my “improvable social skills” for my loneliness, which doesn’t help…) And reading all the lovely comments and heartwarming stories really balmed my soul and helped me reconnect to the bright, caring and welcoming side of humanity. And that was much needed! ♡♡♡

My marriage isn’t ending, but it’s definitely changing. Starting in July my husband and I will be long distance for an undetermined amount of time, because I found my dream job and it unfortunately isn’t in the city that my husband works in (we are both historians, so you take every job you can). Any tips for living alone but still keeping the connection with my husband strong?

This was in the Guardian today and I thought it applied to this question. https://www.google.com/search?q=lifeandstyle%2F2025%2Fjun%2F02%2Fthe-kindness-of-strangers-when-my-period-arrived-a-lifeguard-

I’m going to save this thread to read again and again. I have to mention three things that changed my life. I’m dyslexic, face blind and ADHD – my mother wouldn’t agree to have me in special ed, but I struggled in school. My fifth grade teacher worked with me and two other girls at lunch and after school almost every day, and then became a 6th grade teacher and kept the 3 of us in her class so she could get as as prepared for middle school as she could (I found her and took her to coffee 45 years later and she just said, “ I knew you three needed me.”). No 2: I’m a sole parent who works long hours and was managing the care/finances for two parents with dementia. I needed to renovate their house to help pay expenses, and my best friend renovated their entire house from replacing the roof, plumbing, electricity, bathrooms, tearing out walls, etc. She spent an entire YEAR doing it just to help me. And, three, when I desperately needed a mom, my mother’s best friend stepped in and said, “I always felt like you were the daughter I never had and now I’m your second Mom. And, she was until she died. I did nothing to deserve these extreme acts of kindness. My life has been forever changed by these extraordinary people, and by kindnesses shown to me by others, too. I am so grateful and know how lucky I am.

I was a (somewhat)young mother, 28, with two under four and pregnant with my third. I was happy, but also often felt inferior to all of the other moms at preschool who were 5-10 years older. One afternoon, as I was buckling my girls into their carseats, a mom from the school approached me and said that she admired how I spoke to my girls and said they must feel so loved. That was about 25 years ago, and I still think about it almost every day.

its 1984, I’m 25 yrs old, my only child is 4 wks old and we are told he is dying of liver disease. I am spending 14 hrs a day in the icu trying to understand the issue and make adult choice for my son. I am exhausted. one night I stop a m local grocery store to get a cup of soup…when i get there the soup has been stopped for the night. I stood hysterical crying in front of the empty soup pot. an amazing woman came over to me and said I can make you a sandwich and I hope that helps. I lost it while she made me a turkey sandwhich. Its 40 yrs later and that act of support literally held me ogather that nite.

Sitting here crying after reading this and all the comments *and* The Lanyard, for the first time in many years, and wanted to say, first, that over the past month or so, I’ve been on the receiving of so, so, SO many small but hugely significant acts of kindness. So many that it’s made me wonder if we’re all making a conscious effort to be more kind to each other because the world–in the U.S., of course, but really everywhere–is so unbearably brutal and scary, with so much suffering and so much uncertainty. Like we need to find ways to lessen the horror and one way is to be kind and generous whenever we’re offered the opportunity? Some of those small things: –My family and I were just in Bloomington, Indiana, for my nephew’s wedding. My oldest child and I both have celiac and I was astonished to discover, in this small city, a devoted gluten free bakery and cafe. My son had come directly from his freshman year of college at a tiny school in North Carolina, with very few gluten free options both in his cafeteria and the surrounding area. So our first morning, while he finished his last paper, I ran over and grabbed us two muffins. The owner asked me if I was visiting, or an Indian University parent–commencement was that weekend so lots of parents in town–and I explained our situation, including my son having not eaten a baked good in months, and he said, “STAY HERE.” And returned with a HUGE grocery bag filled with a warm loaf of bread, four buttermilk biscuits, tons of desserts, and so on. When I got back to our hotel, my son teared up at the sight of it! –Not long after, we visited a large university near us, to which that same child may be transferring. My youngest, who is nine and has severe ADHD, came along with us on the very long tour. She’s a competitive gymnast and was doing cartwheels and handstands all over campus, including inside the buildings, and my husband, son, and I felt very nervous and self-conscious, and kept apologizing, until one of the admissions office workers gave her a huge smile and said, “Excellent cartwheels!” And we all just kind of relaxed and were able to have a wonderful rest of the day. –A dear friend of mine came into town from Paris, for the first time in two decades, and we made plans to meet at the Gardner, the legendary Boston museum, and…my entire day went haywire. I had a work emergency, a kid emergency, a car problem, a phone problem, and arrived an hour late, frazzled, drenched in sweat, etc. When I went to buy my ticket, the person helping me asked, “how’s your day going?” And just that tiny kindness, asking how I was, led tears to rush into my eyes. “It’s been a hard day,” I said. “Well, it’s going to get better now that you’re here,” she said, and handed me a ticket. Confused, I tried to hand her my credit card, but she said, “this one’s on us. Enjoy.” I could go on and on and on. It seems like every day, lately, someone does or says something nice. Maybe this is the only good thing to come out of this horrible moment?

My daughter was 7 when she started having seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy after a standard EEG (not fun, they can only get 4 hours of sleep the night before!). Six month later and 3 failed anti-seizure medications, our neurologist wanted her to have a 3 day, at home “walking” EEG, where she couldn’t leave the house. My dearest friend popped in, on day 2, unannounced with a stuffed animal and activity books for her. So thoughtful!

(Trigger warning for suicidal ideation!) I’ve been struggling mightily with my mental health since forever, but have had an especially bad and scary flare up for the last month or so. I ended up on the phone with a friend at 9 pm on a weeknight, hyperventilating and apologizing profusely and expressing my fear that the weight of my pain and need for support would crush our friendship. My friend kept repeating in the most soothing tone “I love you, I’m so grateful you called.” The next morning she texted “Thank you for calling me.” It meant so much.

This is one that I witnessed when I was a child. My mom’s best friend in the world, Laura, lost her husband, leaving her a single mom of 6 kids. Laura had to move from Canada to the US and try to figure out life. One weekend my mom was out of town, and Laura got appendicitis and had to be hospitalized. My dad went and stayed in the hospital with Laura until my mom was back, so she didn’t have to be alone. That has stayed with me for like 30 years now. Not only was he caring for Laura during a scary time, he was caring for my mom by doing exactly what she would do had she been there. Also it was the middle of the night and he just hopped out of bed and went right to the hospital. Inspirational. Ps. I was a young child by my grandparents were staying at our house so I stayed home with them, I wasn’t abandoned lol

When I needed a hip replacement, my sister flew to NJ from CA and looked after me for a week. We sang Taylor swift songs, laughed, and she kept up with my PT. On her last day, she drove me to my favorite park, hauled my walker out and walked with me in the sunshine. She’d been amazing on the phone in the miserable pain of the 4 moths I waited for surgery. And then the visit and care? I felt so lucky and so blessed.

I love a thread that reminds us of the kindness in the world. I still remember being a pre-teen, while my parents were in the midst of a messy divorce, Rollerblading (!) to burn off some angsty energy and sitting on the curb to take a break. I must have looked as sad as I felt because a man walked up to me and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine, but he looked at me with kind eyes and asked one more time, “You sure?” I assured him I was ok and he left, but that simple gesture has stayed with me all these decades later.

My partner has struggled with a pretty awful and destructive addiction for the past several years. It’s been painful on a lot of levels, and it’s led to so much difficult conflict and so much responsibility that I had to take on. It’s sucked but I’ve learned a ton about myself, relationships, and had a lot of personal growth. But the warmest lesson has been the love, support and grace of my closest friends who just to a person have been there for me in ways big and small. For me, the most meaningful gestures weren’t anything specific; just the constant stream of check ins, supportive calls and texts and invites. My partner has been sober for two months now and things are changing in many ways but it’s an uncertain time and knowing I have dear friends from all parts of my life here for me and my kids with consistent, genuine, loving, nonjudgmental support is what has kept me upright so many days.

When I was about 15, I got a taxi home from a night out somewhere back to my parents house. Something had happened (some teenage drama no dought) and I was morose in the back of the cab. When we pulled up outside my folks house the taxi driver gave me a little speech about how everything is going to turn out OK, even though it might not feel like it today. Then he said ‘Put one hand on your heart and repeat after me: I love and approve of myself exactly as I am.’ I am now 51, and still remember being taught this early form of self love in the way of a mantra. God bless this taxi driver giving out free advice to teenagers in London!

The first year I was divorced was tough and sad. Moved with my kids to a new city to be bit closer to family, money was tight, our previous life gone overnight. We went to visit my parents for Thanksgiving (a couple of hours away) and when we drove home the next evening and pulled into the driveway (after a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, 3 kids and a dog in the car), our new house was all lit up with Christmas lights! One of my oldest and dearest friends had brought her family to decorate the outside of our house while we were gone. What a beautiful surprise! I still cry thinking about it. She is the dearest person I know.

Who’s slicing onions?! As someone who is horribly self-critical and struggles to ask for help (or even really get into my personal struggles out loud), this post and comments section has me deeply emotional. A reminder that we do need each other, that even strangers often want to help. <3

When my kids were in early elementary school my father-in-law became very sick and eventually passed away during the holiday season. It meant my husband was out of state for some of the holidays, my daughter’s birthday, all the holiday school performances, and I was solo doing my best to make that season still feel as magical as I could for my kids. We were fortunate that many friends in our circle stepped up to help by having our kids on playdates, bringing over meals, etc. But the act of kindness that really, really stuck with me was the friend who called me during that period and opened up the conversation with “I’m just calling to check in and because I want to hear your voice.” And then she let me vent and cry for who knows how long. Such a simple gesture, but in this day where we stay in touch more via texts and emails than calls it really stood out and felt so supportive. I now always make an effort to call and hear the voice of my friends going through tough times.

A few years ago I went through a life upending breakup that left me without a place to live. When I flew home to stay with my parents for a few months I found an issue of the “Sar Tribune” sitting on my childhood bed’s pillow. (I grew up in Minneapolis where the local newspaper is the Star Tribune). My sister had requested interviews from all my closest friends and family so they could “report” on something they loved about me. Think: “Area woman, Cat, says Sarah makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the metro area” + a great tidbit about how my deeply midwestern dad loves I’m a hardcore feminist (!!). It was so goofy, sweet, and surprising. Not to mention exactly what I needed at a time where I was feeling quite un-lovable!

I knew i would marry my husband the first time i saw him be extraordinarily kind. Quite a long time ago, we were with my brother in Portland ME to see a concert. My brother and i were walking ahead and we realized that my boyfriend had fallen behind us. We stopped and waited for a minute or two but he didnt catch up, so we walked back. He was aways back chatting (yes chatting) with a homeless man about the weather, the red sox, etc. He ended up asking him to come to dinner with us and the man did. He told us all about his extraordinary life. And my boyfriend bought his dinner and gave him some cash afterwards and thanked him profusely for spending his night with us. Afterwards i asked my boyfriend how he could do that? I never saw anyone do anything remotely like that before. He asked me how far i thought i was from being homeless and how i would want to be treated. I was speechless. But that act is never that far from my mind even though its been more than a decade. I knew i would marry him.

Our soul dog Ike died in November of stomach cancer and in the months leading up to it, my husband and I were completely devastated and pre-grieving our best little friend. We used to take Ike everywhere with us — to work, to run errands, to go get a weekend coffee — and so he felt like a member of our community. Before he passed, we decided to throw a little BBQ at the park on one of his good days so that anyone could come out and say goodbye to him. We posted about it on Instagram, expecting that it would just be our families and some best friends who came by, but so many people showed up! Friends from afar who we hadn’t talked to in years drove hours to see him; people from local shops who gave him treats whenever he came in stopped by… a whole group of staff from our beloved local indie bookstore timed out their breaks so they could all come and one even brought him wagyu steak as a treat. We were bowled over by the kindness, generosity, and love that people showed to our little Ike — and by extension, that they showed to us. It’s been a very hard year without Ike and we still miss him every day, but every time I think about how people showed up for us in our grief, I feel a deep well of gratitude and wonder.

Earlier this spring I had to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons at 24 weeks and completely shrank inside myself. I was too sad to leave the cocoon of my house, too afraid I couldn’t get through conversations without crying (and never stopping! I really did wonder if I’d ever stop crying.) A friend of mine texted me about a week after my procedure and said that she was leaving a ‘Sunshine Basket” at the door. She’d put together a little basket with two sparkling waters, 2 glasses, a book I’d not yet read, electrolyte packets, and a gift card for takeout for my husband and I. Everything she put in there was brightly colored, easy, and felt like the biggest sunshiniest hug that made me feel cared for without making me do extra emotional labor of having to accept the basket, make small talk, all the things that I had no capacity for. It was the sweetest, softest thing I could have asked for at the time.

When I was 22, going through a breakup and lamenting the lack of community in my life post-college, my dear friend insisted on dropping by and bringing Thai food even though I said I wanted to be alone. He told me he’d watch the Red Sox game with me for five minutes and if I wanted him to go after that, he’d head out. I asked him to stay for the whole game. This same friend picked up me and my family from the airport in Mexico City a few months ago (I’m now 40!) and drove us to our AirBnb so we did not have to navigate booking a ride home after our first international flight as a family. Another friend and dear neighbor took me to the ER when I caught a terrible norovirus one week after going back to work from parental leave. I was still breastfeeding a six-month-old, exhausted and dehydrated and scared. He stayed with me until 3:00am while I threw up into a plastic bag in the waiting room and even made me laugh by the time the Zofran kicked in. Sacrificing his sleep (with two young kids) so that my husband could stay home with the sleeping baby. What a gift.

Several years ago, I was going through a horrific breakup & flying home to Canada from the UK, travelling on my own for the first time, heartbroken & penniless. I hadn’t slept for a week & was sat on the plane beside a couple who didn’t speak much English. The wife kept stealing her husband’s glasses of wine & giving them to me to help me sleep, motioned all around & told me to “go walk” for my restless legs, which helped & I was able to sleep for a few hours. As we were leaving she put a hand on my shoulder, gave me a warm smile & told me I’d be okay. It was the easiest, gentlest thing & it helped so much & I still think about it, years later.

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with my second child and supposed to be bed resting because my cervix kept shortening, we seized an opportunity to move into a much nicer apartment. I wasn’t supposed to be spending much time vertical at all, let alone moving furniture. So I swallowed my pride (or perhaps, I tapped shamelessly into it?) and threw myself a “re-nesting” party where I invited all my friends over and covered a wall with a post-it notes of tasks I needed done. Everything from hanging art, and unpacking the kitchen, to mounting a TV and assembling my son’s new IKEA loft bed. I was sick with dread the night before the party, just feeling like a needy crapy whiny friend who was equal parts stressed and desperate. Pizza and snacks and beer are cool, but they’re not going to make any part of this “fun” for anyone. But the next day hoards of people showed up and took over every square inch of my house. Friends from all parts of my life could be found mingling in every room while they organized baby clothes and played tetris with my kitchen appliances. Neighbors produced stud finders from thin air while someone face-timed their dad to make sure we weren’t drilling into a gas pipe while constructing my dream peg-rail/shelf by the front door. In ten hours our house went from boxes and tools to looking like we had been living in it for 6 months. It was an avalanche of kindness I’ll remember til the day I die.

This made me tear up! Come anytime, and come every time. 😭❤️ we need each other.

After a very quick delivery of my 3rd baby, I had to have a painful procedure done. My husband took my baby and the doctor put me in a certain posiition, then put some covers on me and told me to lie absolutely still, no movement, during the procedure. They started a bit too early, before the pain meds really kicked in. I started to sob with pain, trying not to move, but just couldn’t pull myself together, I just wept and shivered. One nurse quietly switched places, came close to me and very, very slowly put her hand under the cover to hold my hand. She then gently wiped my tears with some hospital bandages or whatever it was that she could reach for. I will never forget it. There we were, so still and quiet, me hanging onto her warm hand, tears rolling down my cheeks,and her – gently wiping them away, one by one, until it was all done. It is one of my core memories. How the power of kindness and human touch can transform unbearable times into beautiful moments of connection and love.

When my mom died unexpectedly last year, a lovely woman from my church (who’d lost her husband the year before) pulled me aside and said “I want you to come visit me sometime and tell me all about your mom because I bet she was wonderful.” It was exactly something that my mom would have said to someone else and I felt so seen.

To answer the question of what is something kind someone has done for me, there are many, but one that will always stick out in my mind was when I was around 8 or 9 years old, and my friend’s mother rubbed my feet. It was an evening after a church program where my fancy church shoes had made my feet ache, and she sat me in a chair next to her’s, plopped my feet up in her lap, and rubbed them till they felt better. She kept talking with the other adults the entire time and acted like it was no big deal, but I had never felt so cared for or seen by an adult who wasn’t related to me in my entire life. It was something I would have never expected anyone but my own parents to do, and it was so unexpected and so very appreciated. I’ve remembered that simple act of kindness for almost 40 years, and as an adult I’ve tried to take opportunities to make children who aren’t my own feel seen and special to.

I truly wish I could be more like Nathan and Mo – open my house whenever anyone knocks or calls, welcome the unplanned. I could blame it on my husband who resents it if a neighbor knocks on the door and they haven’t called first, but I realize that it’s me too. The house is not clean enough, what am I going to feed someone at the last minute, the judgement I perceive that will happen. My neighbor is German and she is very used to just dropping by. I love that about her, but fear of everything makes it impossible. Joanna, thank you for sharing this. I am going to try harder.

We live overseas. One year, friends from my hometown came to visit after Christmas and brought small gifts that my parents had wrapped up and asked them to deliver to us. They chose things that were small and lightweight so as to not overburden suitcases – Christmas socks, a pretty notebook, cards – and honestly you would have thought they sent bars of gold, we were so delighted! It is hard being far away during the holidays especially, and this joint gesture – the gifts, the coordination, the schlepping – touched our hearts.

The Lanyard! Maybe my favorite poem of all time. I’ve seen Billy Collins in person several times and nothing beats his readings. Xo

My littlest needed some extra mom love, so I bumped plans with a dear friend. I felt bad doing it, but I got back the loveliest response from her: “ Take your time. I don’t have to go anywhere until 6! Also I hope I have a mom like you in my next life.” ❤️

We closed on our first house, which needed a lot of work, when I was in early pregnancy. My friend organized our whole community to come for a day and paint the whole interior, which really needed it. Transformation in a day and wow did I feel supported during a wobbly time

I lost my job with no savings—I’d been living paycheck to paycheck and donating my income. I wrote to my friend Heba in Gaza, telling her that I wouldn’t have my usual weekly donation so that she could begin adjusting her budget for the loss. To my shock, she immediately forwarded her most recent donation of $100 to me. I refused the money but her selflessness bolstered me until I found another job. I really couldn’t believe that she was willing to sacrifice for me without a second thought. It’s the kindest thing anyone has done for me.

My family and I just arrived after a long transatlantic flight from Germany to México when my friend Magdalena showed up at our house with groceries. I could not believe that anyone would do something so kind and thoughtful for us. =)

My husband was very sick for several months, hospitalized. He came out of but a few months later, we had to make an ER visit for a non life threatening urgent issue. As we’re waiting, the chief resident from his hospital stay dashes in, out of breath. “I saw your name on the ER board as I was checking on consults and I came as fast as I could. How can I help?” He couldn’t help, it wasn’t his speciality, and everything was ok, but goodness it made me tear up. We had been through so much and he just ran the hospital to get to him. He remembered.

We live overseas for years with no family and when I had to go through major surgeries for a mastectomy and a breast recon, this one auntie in my choir group insisted to cook for me for the entire month everyday. So everyday, few ladies from the choir would pick up her cooking and deliver to my home. I felt so loved and as someone who didn’t have sister growing up and had an enstranged mother-daughter relationship, their kindness healed the inner child.

My dad died 2 days before Christmas 10 years ago. The 3rd anniversary of his death was leading up to my son’s first Christmas (if that makes sense). I was feeling so sad and had escaped the house (full of in-laws) with my son to go to the grocery store. My stroller was mostly blocking an aisle and someone rudely tried to push past me. I refused to move, burst into tears and said something about my dad dying. Pulled myself together and got out of the way mortified. I made my way through the store and went to checkout, as I was leaving, a oerson came up and gave me a small bouquet of flowers and said they were sorry it was a tough time of year. It had been such a low moment for me, and that act of compassion from a stranger will always stick with me.

At age 22, I had just graduated college, gotten married, and moved from the US to Olso, Norway with my husband. We moved to Oslo for his studies, but I had nothing going for me. I finally found a job babysitting some Norwegian kids. But I often felt isolated and lonely. One evening as I walked to work I got a call on my little Nokia cell phone (this was 2012). It was MY MOM calling from the US!! We had just a quick phone call but it meant the world to me that she figured out my phone number and how to call me. I felt so loved and cared about!

Joanna, how lovely and heartwarming this article was. XO

Thank you to every single commenter who has shared these beautiful stories! About a week after I moved to San Francisco post-college, my car was towed (street cleaning, ugh!) and because it was at the impound over the weekend, my ticket + impound fee would cost me $1200 to get it back. As a new college grad, I had about $200 to my name and was a week away from my first paycheck. As I was crying in the lobby of the impound lot, trying to calculate how much more I would owe if I left the car for another week before my paycheck came, an older Irish man came up to me and said – “how much do you owe? it happens to the best of us – let me help you cover your ticket.” He quietly stood with me in line, paid my ticket and impound fee, and handed me a post-it with his name and address, saying “I know you’ll pay me back when you have the money.” I will never forget the gentle awareness, unbelievable generosity, and open-hearted kindness that he demonstrated that day (and for the next few years, every time my friends and I toasted, we said “to Joe Duffy!”).

About twenty years ago when I was 17, my mom was in a terrible car accident. Our neighbors were endlessly kind and creative in how they helped us: they brought so many meals, of course; one couple bought everything needed on my siblings’ school supply lists and delivered them to our home in new backpacks; two women separately surprised me with a chocolate cheesecake for my 18th birthday while my mom was still in the hospital, etc. But maybe the sweetest kindness is our neighbor who started bringing over boxes of Hagen-Dazs ice cream bars every once in a while, and still brings a box over to my dad’s house every few months — a gentle acknowledgement that he knows a thing that happened twenty years ago is still hard.

When I got laid off from my job one of the first people I called was my closest male friend. It was early evening and I said I didn’t know what to do next and felt like I couldn’t think. 45 mins later he and our two other friends showed up with food and even Tupperware. All three guys took over my kitchen cooking, setting the table, pouring wine and making me laugh. After dinner they insisted on cleaning as we talked. Then they packed up the food into Tupperware and we split them up so we all could have leftovers from a truly special and soul nourishing dinner. I will never forget that lovely act of friendship during a particularly right day.

A friend of mine had said he’d be at my (out of town for him) graduation for a degree that was hard, hard, hard (for me), but last minute something came up and he wasn’t able to attend. I understood. We are in our 30s, so often these things—like a masters degree—don’t have the formality or fanfare that exists for undergrads or high schoolers. Anyway, he sent flowers day-of and he promised he’d “make it up to me” and life went on. But then, a few days later, he really did. He planned an entire weekend away for just us- a hotel, lunches, dinners, reservations for all, the museums, guided tours, all of it. All my favorite things. I’m so moved by his kindness. And his follow through. He even included other mutual friends of ours throughout the weekend (who happen to live in the city we visited). To see me and to celebrate me, and my accomplishment in this big way, to brag about me (in front of me) to anybody who would listen. I don’t have the words! He’s a gay man (and has a lovely, lovely partner) and I am F married to a M, but if this isn’t true love, I don’t know what is? I just recently returned home from our weekend away. What an utter, utter joy to be loved like this by a dear friend. I’ll never forget it.

A couple weeks ago I shared with a neighbor friend how I am going through a tough time and was surprised to find a little gift at my door yesterday from her. It made me tear up. These little kind gestures are so appreciated

Sometime in the weeks after I found out that my own marriage had to end, because I discovered my ex had a secret life for the entirety of our 6 year relationship, I posted in the CoJ comments, just asking for stories of people whose lives had turned out all right in the end after divorce due to infidelity. I sometimes look back at the screenshots of the dozens and dozens of women here, who generously shared their stories and painted me pictures of a future I couldn’t see. This corner of the Internet is so full of kindness, and that day I was drenched in it. A year and three quarters later, it has indeed turned out all right in the end. I’m free and so happy.

I went through a horrible breakup a few years ago around the holiday season, and I spent NYE with my best friend and her man feeling like a lost, sad puppy bringing down their alone time. We went around in a circle with the other party guests saying our hopes for the new year and my friends boyfriend said “I hope Alex finds someone who treats her with the love and kindness she deserves” and I just started crying right there at the dinner table. It was such a kind thing to say when I was feeling really bad about myself after dating a man who was quite mean to me. They’re still together and I love him dearly <3

I recently had a stillbirth at 23 weeks. One friend sent a care package with novels “with no storylines about babies” and new pajamas “so I can feel cozy postpartum, but with no obligation to keep long term” in case they reminded me of this difficult time. The gifts were thoughtful and generous in themselves but the recognition that I might want to throw them away after (and that it was totally okay) felt even more generous somehow.

When my daughter was born, I struggled to figure out how to manage life with a three year-old and a newborn. My friend Lucy offered to come over one morning to stay with my daughter while I brought my son to preschool. She did that three times a week for over a month. Just went out of her way to come to my house to hang out with my baby for 45 minutes so I didn’t have to deal with bringing a newborn along to preschool drop off. I mean, how do you even thank someone with such a generous heart? And the sensitivity and insight to know exactly how to help me. What a gift!

All of these stories brought me to tears. The world is really still full of kindness and magic. About seven or eight years ago, I was in the throes of raising two very small children , working full-time, doing a masters program, running a volunteer association, handling aging parents and family issues, and much more . After work on a Friday I had stopped at a grocery store to pick up supplies for my daughter’s school 4th birthday party. I came out of the store and was pushing a trolley laden with clearly birthday party supplies , loaded up insanely high , while balancing my 1 year old son on my hip while he was crying and had my work laptop bag in the other arm – I was overwhelmed with life and stress and the running to-do list in my head that never ended . A woman came by in that moment, looked at me; and just said “Moms are amazing.” It meant everything to me in that moment – and has stuck with ever since .

I’m from a family that’s rich in all the best things just not money. My sister was in her first or second year of being a lawyer, in debt up to her ears, and quietly paid for me to apply to medical school. This incredible generosity helped me leave my abusive ex husband and opened up my whole world. I’m graduating from residency in less than a month. Thankful everyday for a sister who could see my dreams even when I couldn’t. She sent me a box of chocolate organs with a note that says “future Dr. Jenny.” That’s the first time I dared even think it to myself. Keeping that note forever.

When I got divorced I left with my two dogs but without taking any furniture and very few household items. My sister and parents found used furniture, dishes, even a Christmas tree and set up my new apartment for me. It was so nice to have

When I had a miscarriage at 19 weeks pregnant, our friends and family poured so much love and kindness into taking care of us in many ways, but two gestures stuck out in particular. Our sweet neighbor, Ana, made us delicious homemade meals every day for a week, often including a warm freshly baked bread, cut fruit and desserts, and would leave them on our front steps. She would send a text to let us know “lunch will arrive at 12 PM” and my husband and I would hobble out from our grief bubble to grab the items and find joy in opening the foil to see what delicious feast she’d made us today. Randomly, one of the side dishes was roasted potatoes prepared with a Lipton onion soup packet, which is exactly how my grandmother would make them during the holidays. My neighbor had NO IDEA about this but I broke down crying because it felt like my late grandmother was sending me a message of comfort through our earth angel neighbor. It was all so, so sweet. The second standout gesture was a charcuterie board delivery from a few of my coworkers. After having gone 19 weeks without eating soft cheeses and deli meats, a big ol’ cheese and meat spread was exactly what I wanted to drown my sorrows in. And it was something my husband could enjoy, too, when many of the gifts were more focused on me. It was such a tender, raw time and some of the simplest things meant so much.

I love these but I am confused about the logistics of how to step up for people. How do i go from “sorry for your loss” to suddenly power washing your driveway? Do you ask? How do you know what groceries to buy or if it’s even wanted or if they already have those groceries? How do you not seem overbearing and also get the details needed? Genuine questions.

my daughter had her first period at school (in white pants, naturally). the substitute nurse called me right away and said, “big news! noa had her first period! congratulations to you both. would you like to come and get her?” her delivery and perspective of this truly special right-of-passage changed my entire reaction. what would have been me groaning and fussing with/to my daughter later that night after school, pivoted to a memorable day of me leaving work early for us to get ice cream, peruse the hygiene products and make up at target, and wrap my daughters “big news” in the celebratory bow it deserved. note: when my 13-year-old daughter got to the car she said “mom! the nurse actually hugged me and said congrats?! cool, right!” so, so cool.

When I was sick with hyperemesis gravidarum (nonstop vomiting morning sickness), my best friend came from TX to NY to help out. She cooked dinner, did loads of laundry, talked with me and kept me sane during a very difficult time in my life.

My birthday was less than a month into starting college and I wanted to pretend like it wasn’t happening because I hadn’t made tone of friends yet. But my roommate (who knew I was very shy) secretly invited every freshman girl in our dorm to a potluck dinner party surprise — it was such a kindness and led to many wonderful friendships.

My miracle boy surprised us when he arrived healthy and strong… but tiny at under 5 pounds… at 35-weeks. I had nothing that fit him. Within days, he had a full preemie sized wardrobe, and we had stacks of diapers. A colleague I was friendly with then (and am fully friends with now) sent a few things. “My daughter was a preemie too; I felt sad that nothing fit.” One of my closest friends who is also the OB who delivered him sent her mom to Carter’s with instructions to get him a preemie wardrobe so he’d have something to wear home from the hospital. My sister sent a few things, my aunt sent a few more. Preemie swaddles showed up on our stoop. And that’s just the clothing he needed. Meals showed up as well. For days and weeks. I still tear up thinking about our village and how they showed up and showed up and showed up on behalf of our tiny boy… the warmest welcome I could have imagined for him.

I was 7 months pregnant and solo for a week while my husband travelled for work. A big snowstorm blew through during one of the nights, and I woke up to the sound of shovelling in my driveway – my Dad, 6:00am in the dark, making sure I’d be able to get out on time. I would have never asked for help, but I was so touched by somebody (especially my Dad) to just take care of it for me without asking.