My 5 Holy-Grail Beauty Products
We get lots of beauty questions from Cup of Jo readers, and today I thought I’d answer five (I’d love to hear your answers, too!)…
“What holy-grail products have made the biggest difference to your self image?” — Claire
A. What a fun question. I love playing around with makeup and finding things that work well. Looking at my bathroom counter, I realized there are five products I wear every single day and buy in multiples:
* Gemma’s lipstick find in perfect colors that somehow brighten up your whole face (the beauty item I get the most compliments on, by far)
* everyday sunscreen with an incredible scent
* blurring primer to make skin look lit from within
* Baby Cheeks blush for the sweetest sexiest flush
* Ilia mascara which makes eyelashes look longer and fuller but doesn’t have the gross chemical smell of many mascaras
“Our longtime favorite foundation (Armani) is no longer being made! What have you moved on to, and do you like it??” — Gwen
A. Confession: I was influenced by an Instagram ad to try the Il Makiage foundation, and I have to say, I love it. My face tends to be ruddy and splotchy when I wake up, and the formula evens everything out but still looks natural and soft.
Q. “I’m on the hunt for an under-eye concealer that doesn’t crease AND isn’t $100. Recs?” — Ivy
A. I don’t have a strong opinion, so I turned to my genius bff Gemma. “I wear Hourglass on my blotchy bits and blend blend blend,” she texted me this morning. “The formula is very creamy, hides pores and fine lines, and lasts all the livelong day. Under-eye is tough because of wrinkles, but this is the most seamless concealer I’ve ever known.”
(Gemma is wearing Laneige glowy makeup serum, followed by Hourglass and Ilia blush in Closer.)
“What spa treatments do you regularly commit to?” — Joanne
A. I know Hunter Harris swears by facials, and her skin is gorgeous. I don’t get facials myself, but I do love treating myself to 30-minute foot rubs every few months at Bergen Spa; they somehow make your whole body feel amazing. And during the holiday season, Freddie and I have a new tradition of going together to Aire Ancient Baths. They’re not cheap (hence, the once-a-year splurge) but the candlelit baths and plunges are sooooo romantic and otherworldly.
“I’m turning 40 soon! What are your best beauty tips for entering this decade?” — Jenn
A. I’ve never written this, but for some reason, I always thought I’d be someone who would die young. (Maybe too much Little Women?) So, now that I’m firmly 46, I always feel kind of stunned and lucky to be here. I read something this weekend that speaks to the way I feel about beauty at this age, by Erin Shetron of Frequent Criers Club: “I want little girls to look at us and feel safe to age. I want us to all be a little bit ugly in our own unique ways. I want us to resist external beauty standards so that we can define and meet our own internal beauty standards that reach beyond our aging faces, our crooked noses, our sagging skin.” Yes! I love playing around with lipstick and my trusty hairbrush, but when it comes to aging, I also love the smile creases around my eyes and the freckles on my right thigh that look like the Big Dipper and even my neck lines from watching 30 Rock reruns on my phone in bed. No little kid ever looks at you and thinks, “Damn, time for Botox!” Instead, they shriek, “Auntie Jo!”, toss up their arms, and come tearing down the block on wobbly legs for a hug. At least, that is what happened last night when Toby and I brought strawberry popsicles over for Georgie and her brother, and I hope she looks at me, 43 years her senior, and somewhere deep inside, feels safe to grow up, too.
Thoughts? How would you answer these questions? And if you have any other beauty qs, please leave them below! xoxo
P.S. Our 10 most recommended beauty products, and my thoughts on getting Botox.
Tags: reader questions
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229 commentsI will share this post with my clients who’re getting married! This is pure gold as a photographer!!
I know this post is. a few weeks old but still hoping someone might know who makes the jeans Jo is wearing I would love a good jean post they are my hardest item to shop for.
hi Casey! I’m wearing Jamie haller jeans in this pic — they’re really splurgy, but madewell and Sezane also have great ’70s style jeans (long and flared).
I love Sarah Creal products! They are formulated for older women, so they work really well on my 40+ skin. My teenage daughter loves that her products are cruelty free. They are pricey, but a littles goes a long way. Everyday, I use the face flex, lip balm and mascara. It is my little self care luxury because the products are formulated to be good for my skin.
Origins discontinued Vitazing about a year ago (tinted spf lotion). It my holy grail product for over a decade. I cannot find a suitable replacement, I’ve certainly tried!! Everything I try emphasizes my lines and/or dries my skin. Has anyone else had luck?
I cannot find that the Armani foundation is being discontinued….. I dont think it is …..
Vitamin C serum in the AM and Retinol at night. I also love Gemma’s rec Iconic Primer, I used Haus Labs foundation and either a Kosas blush or Jones Road Miracle Balm in Tawny wakes up your face and great on the lips.
I use blue lizard baby mineral sunscreen, eucerin moisturizer on my face, elf tubing mascara, colourpop lunch money as highlighter and mascara, pixi purple eyeliner to bring out the gold in my eyes, mood lips color changing lipstick (it’s cruelty free! It stays on all day!) the orange one. On my hair, I use Trader Joe’s tea tree oil shampoo, diluted vinegar to rinse, and biosilk serum on my hair. I use marsailles soap that I find at TJ Maxx, and have recently been using zoya naked nail polish on my toes. I recently got my silver hair cut into an Audrey Horne-inspired bob, and I’m generally enjoying the fact that my aunt seems to have been right when she kept telling me that in our family we are all at our most radiant in our forties and fifties.
I’m a therapist, and it has really given me a new perspective on visibly aging. I’m in my early 30s, so many of my peers are beginning to go for botox, covering up grays, etc. I sometimes feel the pull, but then think about what it would mean for my job. I wouldn’t be able to make the microfacial expressions that are so important – the subtle eyebrow raise, a furrowed brow during a difficult session. I truly don’t think I could connect to people the same way if I changed anything about the way my face expresses my listening. I also honestly think I’ve been getting more legitimacy with my grey hair – people seem to feel much more secure seeing a therapist with a couple of greys. It implies life experience, and I think makes people more comfortable sharing. All to say, thinking about aging as a therapist has really shown me that not only would it be to my detriment to alter my appearance, but visibly aging is actually an asset to my work and the rapport I build with people.
I love that bit at the end, Jo! And so many of these comments are filling me with so much hope. I’m in my late 30s and I don’t wear any makeup, or dye my hair, or do anything other than wash and moisturize my skin. My husband and my kids know and love my real face, with all of its wrinkles, and I want them to feel confident embracing their own. I know that will be easier for my son than my daughter, and that just makes me more committed to it! I’m also so genuinely inspired by the women in my family, especially my mom’s generation – none of them dye their hair or have had any work done, and the ones who “wear make up” literally only wear mascara. They all look gorgeous! And now that they’re in their 60s they actually look younger than other people their age who have had work done. I’m definitely still a human who feels social pressure so in those moments I literally say to myself, I might look older at 40, but I’m going to look younger at 60! lol. As an added bonus, I have more time, money, and energy to do the things I love. Ultimately, whenever I hear someone talk about embracing their hair or skin or body, they almost always credit someone they know or someone out in the world with inspiring them to have the confidence to do it themselves. You can FEEL the energy that comes off the COJ comments section every time a fabulous older woman with amazing grey hair is featured! It might sound cringe (is it cringe to say cringe?) but I think we still underestimate how much power our individual choices can have. I hope I get to live long enough to be an inspiration to other women, just by moving through this world, existing in my own body.
Making this my mantra: ‘I might look older at 40, but I’m going to look younger at 60!’ Thank you for that wisdom, S!
This is so fun, I’ve always wanted someone to ask me this- thanks CoJ for letting me live out my last-page-of-a-magazine dreams lol. Coty Airspun loose powder. I’ve been using this since seventh grade and I’m 41 now lol. I always come back to it. I know it has talc but I love the way it works. Essence Lash Without Limits Mascara. When I say I’ve tried them all, I mean it. But this one is less than $5 and gives me lashes that look like falsies with minimal effort. Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. Popular for a reason, I feel like it actually sinks into my lips instead of sitting on them. I use it as a lip balm and overnight. A new favorite: Messy by Alli Webb Rough Dry Styling Cream. I wear my wavy hair in a chin length bob, and normally curl creams make it look greasy but salt sprays make it dry and frizzy, gels make it crunchy- for me, this stuff is magic. It looks like there’s nothing in my hair but my hair just looks better. Obsessed. Agree with Joanna on being safe to age–I’ve never articulated that, but I feel it deeply. No hate to anyone getting cosmetic enhancements, but when I see a woman aging naturally I breathe a sigh of relief inside.
Agreed with this — I am so certain in my core that aging naturally is the right thing to do for me and my priorities and my values, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a little hard when I’m at a wine night and I’m the only women at a table with visible forehead wrinkles. I think one of the hardest parts is when women who get Botox talk about how terrible they look in between treatments or when they are pregnant etc. (1) I don’t see or notice a difference at all and (2) when they talk about how awful the barely there wrinkles on their faces are, it makes me wonder if they are totally disgusted by my utterly untreated and evidently there wrinkles.
“thanks CoJ for letting me live out my last-page-of-a-magazine dreams lol”…Thank you, this makes me feel seen!! :)
My go to products are Fenty for brows, Popote (French) for lashes, Gucci bronzer, and Ilia or Gucci lipsticks (regrettably worth it and such pretty packaging). I like to have just 2-3 products going, and I don’t conceal my zits or anything, just use a little tinted sunscreen to tone down the redness around my nostrils. Not to be a weirdo about it but I was a teen when I started reading CoJ and seeing your mom’s (and your) lovely natural smiles and smile lines made me super proud of mine, and I love that I have happy lines in my 30s!! It makes me look kindly at all the other wrinkles
Marie Veronique Body Barrier Emulsion is my savior. The only lotion I will ever use on my crepey arms and sagging neck. I even use a tiny bit under my eyes. Instant improvement. It’s a splurge and the bottle should really have a pump, but I still recommend this lotion (and brand) to everyone.
Seconding Marie Veronique – spendy but worth it to me too. I’m quite committed to their tonic followed by some pomegranate oil.
My favorite beauty products that more people need to know about are: 1.Lisa Eldridge skin tint– so good, it just evens everything out and disappears into the skin 2. Kulfi Badi lash mascara– lasts all day without drifting under my eyes. I used to swear by Bobbi Brown’s No Smudge, but the price is over $35 now which is ridiculous. 3. Biore watery essence sunscreen– it doesn’t leave any residue on my oily skin and never runs into my eyes even when sweating 4. POH unwaxed dental floss– recommended by my dentist, apparently we should be using unwaxed floss since it does a better job of cleaning things off your teeth and the little dispensers of POH floss are very chic.
Hoping someone can help this desperate woman (it’s me, I am desperate) to try and find a foot cream/peel….SOMETHING that was highly recommended and raved on in the comments here many moons ago. I took a screenshot on my phone (or so I thought) and now it’s gone. But basically I need a miracle cream or peel or something to soften my weary feet.
Baby Foot?
Flirty Feet (Amazon). It’s about five bucks and works like magic.
If I’m not mistaken, this was a Gemma recommendation from awhile back! I’ve been doing this annually ever since – it’s my January thing! Good luck! https://www.dermstore.com/p/baby-foot-exfoliant-foot-peel/11286410/
I really love gehwol fussktaft foot cream for dry rough skin! It’s a miracle worker.
I feel you Kathryn. My husband has baby soft skin on his feet all his life whereas my soles get callused if I just even dare to walk barefoot on the driveway. I have tried different approaches – foot peel socks (fun to peel but also icky, medium longevity), pumice stones (joy killing), Scholl’s battery operated foot file (easy to use, can target specific areas, still joy killing), O’ Keefes foot cream (somewhat effective over consistent daily use over weeks), and more… This summer I discovered this foot cream, it shows results (much softer skin) even overnight after one application. They claim you won’t need peels, skin files, and yup, that claim holds, in my case at least. And I use it around once a week (1min per foot to rub it in, that’s it). it seems to be rather new product that’s available in only a few countries. I still hope it helps, here goes. https://footmender.co.uk/
Seconding Fussktaft!
Have you tried moisturizing socks? Some use gel lined aromatic oils others silicone gel..but they work well on dry heels and softening callus..
God bless you ALL for your replies….off the shops I go. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
It’s not a sexy product but I’m telling you, it IS the holy grail for softening feet and eliminating cracked heels. I find it at Walgreens https://flexitol.com/product/heel-balm/
Does anyone have a recommendation for something I can put in half curly/half wavy, often frizzy, thick hair after I shower that doesn’t require blow drying? I’ve been battling my curly hair my entire life, and thanks to growing up in the 90s/2000s I cannot quit my hair straightener and my desire for pin straight hair. But now I have an 18 month old daughter with curly hair, and I don’t want her thinking her hair isn’t perfect the way it is, so I’ve got to learn to embrace mine before she understands what I’m doing in the bathroom every morning as I get ready for the day! I’m way too lazy to blow dry, so I need a product that is as simple as it gets. Please help!
Two things that have worked for me: living proof 5-in-one, and olaplex fine hair treatment (I use it as a leave-in for air-dry waves. They also sell styling products but I don’t think they work as well as OG olaplex itself.) I use one or the other straight out of the shower and as long as I don’t touch my hair too much it dries in nice wavy curls.
I like a good spray leave in conditioner and a curl cream. B&B, Briogeo, or Kevin Murphy and towel or air dry. Also, Check out Curly Girl Method.
Leave-in conditioner and curl cream applied to detangled, conditioned, and rinsed hair while you’re still in the shower. Flip your hair over and let the curls dangle down as you apply it. Once out of the shower, use a non-frizzing cloth (Terry cloth is the devil for curly hair) to squeeze out some excess moisture. You can follow up with paper towels squeezes if you need to speed up the drying. Then don’t touch it until it’s mostly dry. You can finger-separate curls then, and position curls where they look good to you. I’m fragrance sensitive so I use Drunk Elephant x Chris McMillan’s Silkamino conditioning leave-in milk and Bumble and Bumble’s BB curl defining cream. Curly hair is sculptural, it is art, it is nature. Find a curly-affirming stylist if you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere or need more support. And it may take some time (a couple days or weeks) for your curl patterns to re-form to the height of their ability. Be so kind to yourself in this process please – there’s a lot of grief and generational / gendered / racist trauma stored in our hair stories. There isn’t a goodness timeline you need to follow – you’re modeling gentleness, vulnerability, growth and courage to your daughter as you engage this new hair chapter with self-kindness.
I swear by Kristin Ess Air Dry Creme right out of the shower. A quick scrunch, the put my hair up in a scrunchie for a while (1 hour to overnight), then voila…bouncy and still soft. I finish with Oaui Wave Spray. I live in Hawaii with lots of humidity and still have limited friz with this combo. Note that i have fine hair, wavy to curly, for context
Oribe Supershine Moisturising Cream is the one. I lament the price but it’s fantastic, you might even be able to air dry! Also experiment with brushing before washing but not afterwards, works for some wavy/curly people.
I think it’s only only but Number 4 prep by lumiere d’hiver It’s a spray that works magic on this type of hair
Oops online only
I think the Roz leave in conditioner is great! Really adds a ton of hydration. Afterworld’s Moisture Lock is also incredible. Both are pricy, but a little goes a long way. You can find a lot of great recs and explanations here–Courtney is an absolute curl genius. Good luck! https://www.sundaymorninghair.com/products
I’ve been really loving the Oribe Hair Alchemy Heatless Styling Balm. It’s a bit pricey but it works great and doesn’t leave hair sticky or crunchy at all.
I love Mr Smith curl creme. My hair can be too fluffy when clean and Mr Smith gives me just the right amount to weight and curl. It also smells great but doesn’t irritate my sensitive scalp.
I have tried a lot and the only thing that worked for me is the aveda light elements defining whip. I air dry and it comes out perfect. Everything rose has been too heavy or too light. I also only wash once a week and condition only the other days I get my hair wet (2-4).
As a fellow curly/wavy haired lady, I’ve tried so many products, but my favorite that I’ve been using for over two years now is Living Proof Air Dry Styler. I run a small amount through my hair after showering, do a little scrunching, and then don’t touch my hair as it dries. I love the natural curls that I get as a result. And yes to embracing your curls!!!
This comment thread is popping off, but I couldn’t resist as a curly hair specialist. 1) coming off the heat damage of straightening your hair may take a bit! Be patient- and make sure you are really using your heat protection! 2) get a haircut, at least a trim. Look for a stylist that specializes in curly hair 3) most curly hair is lacking hydration, look for hydrating products over moisturizing 4) put your curl hold product of choice in the shower, it’s best to apply to hair that is fully saturated with water. Take a brush that is vented and soft- a wet brush is a popular entry price point brush, (no paddle brushes or wide tooth combs) and brush through your hair in a few layers, 3-5 is fine. Start at the bottom layer and work up. In the mirror, set your part and arrange your face framing hair. Squeeze the water out of your hair gently, honestly any kind of towel will do, you just need to go slow. Low pile towels tend to be easier/ popular. No rapid fire scrunching! Repeat this process until hair is no longer dripping . Feel free to air dry as long as you aren’t sleeping on it or it’s freezing outside. 5) (I think lol). Sleep on a real silk pillowcase or use a real silk bonnet. No poly satin!
For me, it was all about the right haircut for my wavy/sorta curly hair. I brought in a photo and my hairdresser went to work. Now I just blow dry my bangs for 2 mins, then scrunch some Don’t Blow It Thick Air Dry Cream from bumble and bumble. Good luck finding the right routine for you – it’s a journey!
A good Vitamin C serum, look for pure stabilized formulas, they tend to smell funny and can turn orage due to exydation, but do they work! An orangey red matte lip tint, I love that in all seasons. Hand cream as often as possible, I love the Moroccan Oil Original fragrance one, it smells woody and powdery, like a 5 stars hotel SPA. A fragrance-free, thick moisturiser from CeraVe, I slather that on my body and on my face as a seal-all last step to my skincare routine. A fragrance free sunscreen, Essie Fiji nailpolish, a matte ice pink, I’ve been using it for 10 years straight now. My good luck eyeshadow, a powerful orange that brings out the green in my eyes; I pair it with a nude lip and let it have its moment
I turned 42 this year, am an older mom (my son just turned 4) and definitely “feeling” my age creep up on me more recently (the body needs more care than it used to – more rest, more attentive movement)… but ever so grateful for some more recent self-care things I’ve done for myself that are in the “aesthetic” realm. Because when I look “good” by own definition, I also “feel” good. So here are my few things: a great tinted SPF (Isdin Eryfotona), double-cleansing (oil followed by wash), re-learning how to do make up so that the eyes are draw “up,” not “down,” splurging on bi-monthly microneedling so that I can get away with wearing very little make up and so that skincare products actually get into my skin (and not simply rest on top), and an amazing face oil (TOMA Bioactive Regenerating Oil – I call it “liquid gold” – 18 different plant oils, it’s divine). I’ve also started getting bi-monthly manicures from a friend who is a nail artist – it makes me feel good to support her art, and also take care of my hands (which I don’t personally love doing!)
Yes yes yes to microneedling!!!
Wondering, if Essie Fishnet Stockings was discontinued, what might be on your toes? I’m 46 and good with aging – better than the alternative! Loving: Undereye masks, Honest Beauty clay mask, Olive & June polish with top coat, Clump Crusher mascara, Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti Aging Perfector.
Everist products are waterless shampoo, conditioner, body wash that I discovered a few years back. They activate in the shower and a great for travel/overnights. Super gentle. Salt&Stone travel size fragrance and deo sticks are lightly scented and last for months. Also gentle. Mu skincare is very simple-baby line from MooGoo and when I feel like splurging, Sonsie. Both brands are gentle and soothing. Makeup minimalist. I leave my lashes and brows alone. Light tint drops I add to moisturizer. In summer, Luxe sunless drops to moisturizer. Jones Road mini pot in neutral. I do like the August & Monroe 3in1 stick for corrective. Melts into fair skin well. It’s haircuts, medi/pedi and head to toe massages that I focus on nowadays.
I use rosehip oil on my face (I’m 42) and it’s fantastic. I was gifted a little bottle of Besque Body Oil and LOVE the scent (geranium, lavender, Patchouli…so earthy) and I saved the bottle and replicated it from an internet recipe. Since I can make it inexpensively, I feel good about using it all over. When I do wear makeup, I use a bit of Alima Pure mineral powder. Their under eye concealer is excellent, but they discontinued it so I bought a stockpile and use sparingly. I haven’t found a mascara that I love in awhile, I appreciate the recommendations here.
For Armani Luminous Silk Foundation lovers, Nordstrom still carries almost all the colors. I just ordered backup. I love that it’s a pump so it minimizes air exposure. I have very dry, sensitve, eczama prone skin. My go-to’s are: Avene XeriCalm Lipid Replenishing Balm (also avail in a lighter cream) DHC Skincare Deep Cleansing Oil Squalane Oil (plant based, not the shark kind) Vanicream Cleansing Bar Bobbi Brown and Nars Crayon Eyeshadow Sticks Bobbi Brown Long Wear Waterproof Eyeliner in Black Chocolate. It’s dark brown for day and buildable to a soft black for night (or day).
My time is so precious. This is what I have learned about growing older. It grows more precious by the day. Because personal beauty (this kind) doesn’t bring me joy, I don’t spend my precious time on it. Moving my body, being outside, my dog and hens, the children i care for, the sky and trees and mountains and music – i spend all my time on those things. Spend your one precious life on the things (people, activities, places) that matter to you. (It’s OK if doing your hair or lashes or nails matter to you, just find your joy and do it for the joy).
I love this, Sasha ♡
This is really healthy. Thank you!
Sesame oil! It has given me the softest, glowiest skin ever! After I shower, I pour a little in my hand and rub it all over, feet, nails, etc. It soothes my itchy scalp (thanks, hormones!) and my face feels so soft after I pat it on. I get this unrefined organic one that I buy at my grocery store: https://www.iherb.com/pr/spectrum-culinary-organic-sesame-oil-unrefined-16-fl-oz-473-ml/53734?gad_campaignid=400306152&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwl5jHBhDHARIsAB0YqjycToUz41qBW7wwXRNYQ3vqh4FuPsoqdb4Evdfp01cwD_i37K09TyoaAgVqEALw_wcB. Oils work really well on me and I was a huge fan of jojoba and argan oil. But Sesame oil has them beat.
I’m surprised to hear Il Makiage! I got that foundation in 2 shades a couple years ago and couldn’t believe how thick and caky it was on my skin, almost like stage makeup. Maybe I did it wrong… did I hear Armani is being discontinued? NOOOOO!
The absolute best concealer I have found is Cliniques concealer + foundation stick. I am usually all about nontoxic brands but I haven’t found anything to beat this yet.
I am 43. The standard: retinol, vitamin C, peptides, transexemic acid, ceramides, sunscreen, healthy life, stress management. Always remember, skin care ingredients are more important than marketing. You needn’t spend a fortune for good results. Protect your skin barrier at all costs. Lay off the actives and focus on moisturizing if your skin is looking stressed. This is especially true if you are exposed to pollution regularly.
What product do you use with transexemic acid, if you don’t mind sharing? Looking for a good one!
I’m a high school teacher and mom, and it’s very important for me to model natural beauty/ageing. I really don’t judge individuals for wanting to enhance their appearance, use Botox, etc on an individual level (I get it!)… BUT I absolutely think its a major *societal* problem that our beauty standards have shifted so far as to become literally not achievable unless you want to spend thousands of dollars and an excessive amount of time. Botox, GLP-1s, lip filler, eyelash extensions, acrylic nails… these 100% have a trickle down effect on the self esteem of young people, especially women. So, I rarely paint my nails, don’t dye my hair, shave my legs infrequently, spend two minutes on my makeup, and thrift my clothes when I can. I think I’m still a decently attractive and stylish 35 year old but spending lots of time on my appearance is a “good for her, not for me” thing.
I love that last sentence. I don’t think, when you are 90, you will look back at this time and think, gosh I wish I’d spent my time on lipstick and my hair. Do whatever brings you joy, but since none of that does, spend your one precious life on the things that do. I think this, more than aging gracefully or bucking beauty standards, will be the lasting lesson for the young people in your life.
Hey now. GLP-1s are prescription medications for real diseases. Those of us on GLP-1 medication would appreciate it if you wouldn’t include them in the same sentence as acrylic nails and lip fillers. This medication has reversed my hereditary hypertension (killed my dad’s dad at age 51) and chronic inflammation. Healthcare for people with a myriad of health problems you don’t seem to understand is not a societal problem. Thanks.
most people don’t use them that way, though. I have people in my own family that were standard sized and healthy to begin with and now are teeny tiny on GLP-1s. I don’t feel entirely comfortable telling people what to do with their own bodies, but I do nevertheless find these weightless drug trends to be alarming and think it needs to be discussed.
All of this is my Roman empire! I think constantly about the impacts to overall beauty standards (while trying to not hold judgement for any individual’s choices). And I’m not sure how to put this, but I also really want people getting these procedures done to know that…. I’m seeing them (the procedures). I’m not seeing your eyes – I’m seeing your eyelash extensions. I’m not seeing your smile – I’m seeing your lip fillers. I’m not seeing your expression – I’m seeing your botox. It’s very obvious and very distracting and, in my opinion, takes away from YOU, rather than enhancing you. I genuinely wonder if folks are realizing this?? Or do I have it all backwards and these things being noticed is actually the goal? And what is the end game with opting for these procedures if you have, fingers crossed, decades ahead for you? What a wild road to go down. As I said, I am TRYING not to judge, but as I’m sure comes through in these comments, that is a work in progress. But more than anything, I just feel confused and don’t know who to ask about these things.
I totally agree, Heather! I can only see the work done, not the features that are supposedly being enhanced, and also what seems like a crazy amount of time, money, risk, and maintenance – it’s hard not to be judgemental. I do sometimes see 30 or 40 year olds who have had work done where it’s pretty discreet (though always noticeable) and they do look younger than other people their (my!) age. But I have literally never once seen a 60 year old with work done who looks younger than a 60 year old who has aged naturally. I have a regular reminder in two families members, who are both in their mid-60s. One has done nothing and she looks so gorgeous and vibrant – friends, family, and strangers regularly comment on how great she looks. The other dyes her hair, wears make up, and the ‘maintenance’ botox she started getting in her thirties now gives her that pulled, cat-like look that decades of botox tends to give. The one with all the work done is actually a few years younger, but side by side she now looks easily ten years older. I think part of it is that the older someone gets, the work becomes even more obvious (which makes total sense, because aging and gravity!) but also that when someone has a lot of work done it comes with a sense of desperation (to look younger, to be seen, etc) while aging naturally gives such a sense of confidence (being themselves, feeling comfortable in their own skin). The work just also seems Sisyphean to me – it keeps requiring more time, more money, more procedures, and what a waste of this wild and precious life (definitely still working on that judgement!)
I would have assumed it was clear that I’m talking about GLP-1s for cosmetic only reasons. Botox is also used as a treatment for very real medical issues. I am not equating the two at all (and, I hope it’s clear, not judging individuals for using them cosmetically, either. I am judging societal beauty standards for making SO many young people feel that they *need* to to be attractive).
@.S exactly!! completely agree
Regular facials, retinol (prescription, from your dermatologist) on face, neck, and back of hands, and a tiny bit of botox. SUNSCREEN everyday, or you are completely wasting your money on products, makeup, and treatments. I love the sentiment in your answer to the last question but I’m just not there.
Really appreciate you acknowledging your own issues with ageing peacefully. While of course sunscreen is absolutely essential, I think it’s unhelpful to couch this in terms of anti-ageing. E.g. don’t ’waste time’ on makeup and skincare etc if you’re not using sunscreen. I found the piece a very beautiful antidote to all the focus on anti-ageing products and procedures out there.
Sunscreen to lower skin cancer risk 😊
What a beautiful sentiment on aging. I am 110% with you.
Can we please have a Gemma update post? Love her recommendations and when you post about your beautiful friendship. Sending her best wishes from all of us CoJ readers, speaking for the group, we miss her!
tarte primer for enlarged pores and generally smoothing-fantastic tata harper pot cream blushes for color on your apples and lips supergoop mineral sunscreen better than sex mascara
I use the same primer for the same reason. But I notice that it doesn’t last very long and is gone in an hour. Do you have any tips on how to make it last?
Does anyone have a solution for milia?? I’ve been using all the same products for years and suddenly I’m waking up with small whiteheads and milia all the time now. It’s probably hormonal (I’m 47), but I’ve been on HRT for a year and loving the side effects otherwise. Would love any suggestions!
I’m 42. I use whatever aha/bha product I have on hand at the moment. I LOVE dr. Dennis gross peel wipes. They are amazing. I have sensitive skin and it doesn’t bother me.
i second the Dr. Gross Peel Pads. They got rid of my milia in about 4 uses.
Ok, I’m way older, at 64. In my younger days, I had oily breakout prone skin. At the same time,I have very sensitive skin. I agree with the Dr Dennis Gross peel pads. Right now though, I’m about halfway though a tub of Pacifica Glow Baby peel pads. I think they’re quite good. I need to stay well away from my eyes with them though – otherwise I wake up with puffy eyes. A trick with the Dennis Gross pads is to cut each moist wipe in half, and carefully tuck them back into the wrapper. Then put them into a baggie, or little container. You need to use them within the next day or two. Dennis Gross is about $2.50 a use, Pacifica is .25 cents.
Hi Sarah -I started getting milia too! One was so big I had it removed by my dermatologist but I don’t want to remove the smaller ones that are close to my eyes. She suggested exfoliating (which I do) and not using heavy product (which I don’t do either). They are tough little suckers! :)
I have always had milia. Using Walgreens version of Cerave cleanser helped stop them. When I added a retinol eye cream they came back so I imagine it was too heavy.
Thanks for the milia recs – any specific Dr. Gross Peel Pads? Seems like there are a few different formulations. Wondering which types have worked for you all :)
But the bottle of AHA liquid from the Ordinary. Replace the cap with a spray nozzle. I found mine on a peroxide bottle. Voila. It also creates a wonder and simple full body exfoliator and helps with BO to some extent too, I use it once a week or so. No more manila either!
I just use the original. I think there’s also one for sensitive skin (I am sensitive and it doesn’t bother me) or extra strength, but I haven’t tried those and probably won’t. I might try those Pacifica pads, though!
I always had little white bumps (millia) on the backs of my arms and my bum — for many years. Vitamin K2 completely cleared them up and they have never come back. Really!
I always thought I’d be somebody who died young, as well. My sister died suddenly of a rare illness in her 20s, and my brother was diagnosed with a rare cancer in his early 30s. I was quite unwell for a year after giving birth to my first child. I am now about to turn 45, and I am healthy and fulfilled and so very grateful to be here! I truly don’t care all that much what I look like on any given day and am hidden behind scrubs and a mask, anyway. Life is such a gift!
I barely paid attention to skincare—rarely washed my face and almost never wore sunscreen—until I had my daughter at 37. That was a wake-up call. My skin changed dramatically, and I knew I had to start taking better care of it. Since then, I’ve been committed to a consistent routine. A few key habits that have made a big difference over the years: I never skip sunscreen, I double cleanse every night, and I exfoliate 2–3 times a week. I truly believe that good skincare is essential to feeling confident and maintaining healthy, glowing skin. I’m 51 now and people are shocked when I tell them my age.
What cleanser do you use?
Hi Joanna, What color is your toenail polish?
Hi!! Shoot I can’t remember — I usually just pick a nice deep red with blue undertones (vs orange undertones) at the nail place xoxo
Jo, Have you ever had your color season done? Is that why you choose cool undertones?
Ok so my holy grail product is jojoba oil. So moisturizing and so cheap! I’ve stopped using other stuff regularly because it feels like my skin likes the simplicity. On a separate note, I don’t wear makeup often and usually just rinse my face and use jojoba oil and sunscreen, so I don’t look in the mirror often. Yesterday, I plucked my eyebrows and noticed that I have wrinkles on my forehead! Honestly no good ever comes from long contemplations of my face in the mirror. I had this thought that the more products I use, the more time I spend looking in the mirror applying them, and the more time I spend looking in the mirror, the more I want to fix things that require buying more things I have to put on while staring at myself. When does it end???
do you use a face wash to get the oil or sunscreen off?
No good comes from scrutinizing in the mirror!!! My gosh, true words right there. Sometimes I go days without a peek in the mirror, and this is a good thing for my mental health.
I use a washcloth with water to get sunscreen off my face and put the the jojoba oil on after. It absorbs pretty well so I don’t really wash it off, if that makes sense. I might wipe it off a little with a towel but I don’t find it greasy.
Thoughts on aging….I’ve shared before how I love my gray hair, and wonder why I didn’t go natural sooner. My hair dresser even suggested it, saying she wouldn’t encourage it if she didn’t think it was beautiful, and I’m glad I took her advice! I feel so ME….and I can’t say I did looking at pictures of myself in the past decade with colored hair. My color and cut give me confidence about who I am and the 62 years I’ve lived! Recently I made a comment of support about a recent celebrity “issue” on social media…a younger woman disagreed with me, and called me Grandma…apparently she saw my profile pic. My response…” You think calling me Grandma is an insult? I’m not one yet, but if I ever am it will be a huge honor.” Not everyone gets to opportunity to age…I consider it a priveledge.
Heck yes. I saw something online a few months ago that said we should start referring to age as levels. So now I tell my kids, “Listen, you’re only at Level 15 and I’m at Level 44, and I’m telling you…” I love that it emphasizes the experience and wisdom that (can) come with age.
Love this!
I’m 54, and my feelings about beauty change often — there are days when I wonder what I might have been able to accomplish if I had back all the time I spent with makeup over the years (some required, as a performer, and some times not-at-all, like when my kids were tiny.) Other days like today, I’m still wondering what can make the blue-ish hollows under my eyes less pronounced but still let me see my skin! I’m hoping that in the last decade I’ve been aware, especially when I’m around my teenage daughter; asking myself why I feel like wearing makeup on a given day. Is it a day when it feels fun to just play? I love that and want to keep playing forever. On other days, is it a tool that I’m aware of and choose to use, given the reality of the culture we live in? I hope I keep questioning all of it, and I hope she does too. And speaking of questions: anyone have a cruelty-free mascara that cleanly lengthens and then washes off easy without getting black flakes inside the eyes? Used to love Clinique Naturally Glossy but it was discontinued!
I feel the same way you do, Illiana! Definitely hard to separate when it’s for me vs. something else. For now, I’m grateful to be aware. As for your mascara question, I find Glossier’s mascara lengthens well without feeling like too much. It washes off well as long as you’re using warm water and otherwise, does not flake.
Thrive Causemetics Liquid Lash Extensions is exactly the mascara you are describing. I am ruined for any other mascara ever simply because it NEVER gets under my eyes and slides right off my lashes with a bit of warm water. I have converted at least 5 friends.
Ilia is the mascara that I love that meets those criteria!
Illana, I use Pure Anada Natural Mascara in black and have been using it for probably 6+ years. It works really well for me. It’s also less expensive than many, so I replace it at a frequency more like it is recommended.
Try Paciifica Stellargaze. Their products are vegan and cruelty-free. I also love their skincare. Personally I don’t get the Thrive mascara. I wound up with all those little tubes under my eyes, so I sent it back. I have a lot of eyelashes and I just want to color the ends, not look like “oh, she’s wearing mascara!”. Also, apply to top lashes only!
Iliana, the ELF tubing mascara is great, and they’re cruelty free! I also recently bought a good tubing mascara from a company called Art Deco, and it’s also great and cruelty free. Thank you for looking out for our animal pals!
My favorite lipstick is https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/beauty/beauty-makeup/25-goldie-red-rouge-a-levres-voile-lipstick-p-5861699PLP89525 Gucci rouge a levres voiles in Goldie. I love the case, I love the color, and it is a splurge that lasts probably longer than a lipstick is supposed to. I have a deep groove between my eyes, my jawline is melting, my lips are somehow getting smaller which I didn’t think was possible, and my dimples are disappearing into my face as I’ve gained weight. I thought a LOT about plastic surgery when I was younger because I’m just not really facially attractive. BUT when I visited my dad when he was sick before he died, I saw my face on his face. I look back at photos of my grandparents and my aunties and uncles and see bits of me on them. I look at my nieces and nephews and see slight variations on a nose I’ve seen on others in my family. I see my gummy thin-lipped smile flashing on the faces of a great niece or two. When I was at a relative’s funeral, a cousin I hadn’t seen in over thirty years knew I was family because, as she said, I looked like kin. I don’t want to change these visible symbols of my connections to generations past and future.
Oh Kay, this was so beautifully written, such words can only come from a warm and beautiful person!
This resonated so much Kay. As my dad lay dying, one of many thoughts i had that sticks 4 years later, is that’s my face. Easy to scowl. But also to smile. Strong jaw. Crow lines around our eyes, scruffy brows, high and full cheeks and a big ole skull. Now that he’s gone, one of the only tangible things I have – is my face. It’s very hard to imagine wanting to change it, esp as it just becomes more and more like his. I recognize how difficult family resemblance must be when one has a complicated or sad relationship with family they resemble. We are lucky, aren’t we? That deep love connects us as well as our quirky features.
As I age, I’ve decided that the only needles I’ll allow on my body will be for vaccines and tattoos. I see how beautifully my mom has aged and it has inspired me to raw dog it as I age. No hair coloring, no fillers. But tattoos? Yes, please!
Just being curious, what tattoos do you have?? I love the stories behind the images and how meaningful for people. (I don’t have any)
I have one large colorful hummingbird on my forearm and it brings me great joy. I have another fun, large colorful hummingbird on my hip 🥹 I’m going to slowly add more hummingbirds and flowers as I age ❤️
That last paragraph is so beautiful. It makes me feel hopeful that our girls can grow up without the self scrutiny and self consciousness I felt growing up. Part of me has always secretly embraced the idea of growing into an old soft squishy lady who gives great hugs and feels safe to be around. What a relief after years of caring so much about what I look like when I’m around others, I can think about how I feel and make others feel instead!
👏👏👏 This comment for the win. I decided in my late 20s that I would let my hair go gray naturally. A family member could not fathom this somehow and ended her argument with “but…you’ll look OLD!” I was just like, “Yeah, I WILL BE old??” I’m in my mid-40s now and not had second thoughts about this for even one second.
Turned 55 literally last week and now wear the least amount of make up ever. I have been blessed with pretty good skin, thank goodness. I use a gentle exfoliator in the shower every day. I love Merit and Milk and Tarte cream stick blush – it looks like a push up. Chanel eyeliner goes on so well, as does Make Up Forever. Charlotte Tilbury or Laura Mercier blurring powder over top, Nars mascara and I’m done. Blush, eyeliner, powder, mascara – that’s not much I think. Charlotte Tilbury makes beautiful powder blush and bronzer for more made up days. I did get sucked into that Instagram brand Thrive but their eyeliner/eyeshadow sticks are actually gorgeous, so not all hype – they really are quite nice. I will say – if I’m not doing anything special, I only do blush and eyeliner – I’m super pale and have light eyes so something has to define things! Years ago I would not have left the house without a full face EVER haha. Maybe it’s acceptance, maybe it’s laziness – oh well.
“No little kid ever looks at you and thinks, ‘Damn, time for Botox!'” THAT PART! That is the truth, and I am so happy for it. And thank you so much for the shout-out, Jo! I’m honestly so floored that you read my essay on Botox and that it stuck with you. Really appreciate you sharing the lines that resonated with you here <3
Can you share where your gorgeous sweater is from in the first pic?
It’s Kule! I know because I tracked it down last year when I saw this same picture :) I don’t think it’s available anymore but I bet you could find it on Poshmark. I think it was called the Millie sweater.
yes! it’s on poshmark and similar sites: https://poshmark.com/listing/NEW-KULE-the-millie-sweater-in-seafoamgreen-675c8916d7b475bcb6839688
I was feeling so old and bummed out today (also in my 40s) and this was the read I needed!🙏🏻❤️
I feel this way about my grey hair! Young and grey=wise, right? I too, would like to be the cool aunt.
I love a good product suggestion, but I love your final comment even more. My mom spent many years unhappy with her looks, feeling awkward about makeup, wearing plus sizes, her thin hair(which I share) and all along she was such a beautiful person warm, welcoming, loving, our house was a haven for all my friends in high school- smart – she spoke 5 languages! And an amazing cook. She gave the best hugs and honestly part of it was the extra weight she was so soft! That’s all we cared about. She’s not here anymore and these are the things I cherish and miss. I try to remember that when own insecurities run through my brain. Im here and thats what my kids want the most.
Oh my gosh, Vicki. THIS IS IT. My Mom faced similar challenges and maybe I can count on my hands the number of times she wore any makeup more than a swipe of lipstick… But I can’t count the times she was patient with me, taught me word games, how to cook and bake, set up jigsaw puzzles for us to do, made the holidays so special, exposed me to music of all generations before me… That feeling of love,acceptance and belonging is what I want to pass down to my young grandkids. Thank you, Vicki. Beautifully said. This lit up my day. I rarely read posts for makeup or clothing promotions but I’m glad I landed on your comment.
❤️❤️❤️ Such sweet sentiments.
<3 what a treasure she was
Ok guys, I’m curious if any of you have recommendations for shampoos or ideas for hair that is straight, fine, oily all the time. I don’t think clarifying shampoo helps. Any reccs for me? Also how bad for you is dry shampoo? I’ve tried to diy my own wirh cornstarch but it’s so much easier to spray from a can…
Try L’Oréal! They make a shampoo and conditioner for oily roots and dry ends. Available everywhere
I have used hair story – new wash and their dry shampoo and love it. It takes some getting used to, but works for my fine hair. https://hairstory.com/ this stylist swears by it and has codes https://www.edosalon.com/team
I really like this: https://www.randco.com/collections/best-sellers/products/badlands-dry-shampoo-paste It’s a paste. A teeny amount goes a long way. I even use it for styling. And smells great.
I like the L’Oréal Elvive volumizing line for my similar hair. It’s dirt cheap and my hair has never looked better.
I use Clever Yoga’s shampoo bar and I absolutely love it. Whenever I use anything else I feel like a greaseball. I wash my hair every day and one bar lasts about three months.
I second Hair Story! Life changing.
I have similar hair and need to wash daily so to oiliness; I’ve accepted that no amount of “training” my hair will do much to reduce this (and I’m comforted in seeing everyone in my family has similar hair, too!). What I’ve found most helpful is having several sets of shampoo/conditioner and rotating them throughout the week. I notice it prevents my hair from going limp and blah after a month of using the same products day in and day out. I also shampoo my hair twice every time I shower, then condition. I figure if they do it at the hair salon, I can do it, too! I notice the first was gets rid of the dirt, then the second wash lathers more and gives volume. Here’s what I am currently using: 2-3x/week: Ethique’s St Clements shampoo (good clean and lots of volume) and Wonderbar conditioner 2-3x/week Phillip Adam Apple Cider Vinegar shampoo and conditioner (ACV gives a nice clean and adds shine; this set doesn’t overly strip the healthy natural oils in hair and the conditioner is especially moisturizing without being overly heavy!) 1x/week Ouai Detox shampoo is my heavy duty product for a deep clean and reset after using dry shampoo. It lathers brilliantly and smells great. I follow up with the Phillip Adams conditioner as I found the Ouai Fine Hair conditioner was underwhelming, especially for the price! I do wish that the Detox shampoo didn’t have sodium laurel/laureth sulfates which are overly drying, but it’s otherwise such a great product that I continue to use it. Notable mentions: Avalon Organics makes a great ACV shampoo and conditioner and Trader Joe’s shampoo and conditioners are great everyday basics to have in the rotation, too. On the subject of dry shampoo: I’m someone who would much rather just take a shower and clean my hair versus put in product to mask oiliness. I don’t like the sticky feeling of lots of product and, with brown hair, it can be hard to avoid the chalky look of white powders. I also am really concerned about all the toxic chemicals and environmental impact of aerosol dry shampoos. (I do confess to enjoying a good spray of the fancy ones at Sephora every now and then!) I use non-aerosol dry shampoo occasionally and have been known to add unsweetened cocoa powder to darken white powders for easier blending in my brown hair. Klorane’s non aerosol works best for me. Trader Joe’s is overly fragranced and the applicator simply sucks. I’ve had luck with making my own, by mixing corn starch with cocoa powder. It was very mediocre, but did the trick and was essentially $1!
I think Joanna has talked about this too but I love Roz shampoo and conditioner! I also have very fine hair and it gives it great body and texture (even w/o other styling products!)
I have the same kind of hair and after decades of using different products I am finally happy with Faith in Nature range.
Hello! You have very similar hair to mine! I’ve been using Innersense products and really like them. Namely, this: https://innersensebeauty.com/collections/shampoo/products/pure-harmony and just a teeny tiny amount of this conditioner https://innersensebeauty.com/collections/conditioner/products/pure-inspiration I also use a silicone scalp massager to work in the shampoo.
I had the same hair type. My hairdresser recommended getting to a weekly wash rather than every second day. It’ll take some time for the oils to adjust, but my hair is now far less oily. I use the kerastase for fine hair
I like clarifying shampoos so I alternate between Trader Joe’s tea tree tingle shampoo and Paul Mitchell shampoo Two, but someone recommended me the Pantene Sheer Volume shampoo recently and it’s exactly what I needed. I usually finish with Trader Joe’s shea butter & coconut oil hair mask and my hair feels really clean, shiny and smooth! My oily hair becomes unpleasantly crunchy and matte if I use too much styling products but these shampoos help a lot.
This is my hair exactly! I haven’t found a perfect solution yet, but have moderate success with opalex shampoo and condition for thin hair, plus a clarifying shampoo once a week. And occasional neem oil scalp treatments. I am so impressed by everyone who can go several days between hair washings —I can barely make it through 24 hours.
My hair is stick-straight and oily. I use Hask Tea Tree oil shampoo, it’s so affordable. I wash every other day.
You have my daughter’s hair! Like Anna and Meredith, she uses L’Oreal Elvive. She’s left it and come back. She has also used different shampoos for the roots and her dry ends, especially when it’s hot or humid out. She found that an inexpensive scalp brush does wonders in keeping her hair cleaner longer and less oily. (Seriously a $4 has the same results as a $38! It’s not a hair brush. When your hair has shampoo in it, use small back and forth movements on your scalp) Other shampoos she has liked are Redken So Soft and Biolage Hydra. Best of luck!
I really like the Roz shampoo and conditioner, and then once a week I’ll wash with the 107 clarifying shampoo, skip conditioner and use k18 treatment. I have tried at various points in my life to cut back on washing every day, but it just isn’t possible for me to go 24 hours without shampoo and not look greasy, if I use dry shampoo I still manage to look greasy, just with additional gunk in my hair.
Nadia, I use Trader Joe’s tea tree oil shampoo, no conditioner, but a bit of biosilk leave in treatment. We also have hard water. If you do too, a shower filter and a regular rinse with diluted vinegar does wonders for my hair!
So is there really a lipstick that is glossy so it does not look dry and stays on all day? Bonus if it is in a nice neutral pink mauve. I went to Sephora to find just this and the person I talked to said you either get long wear (matte and dry) or gloss that lasts a very short amount of time. Does this combination exist in reality or just fantasy land? Thanks!
Ha, exactly the question I didn’t know I had for the past 20+ years ;) so, fellow CoJ’s: enlighten us with the truth here!
I love Clarins Lip Oil Balm. I wear Fig, but think Lychee might work as a neutral pink mauve. It’s a sheer gloss which is super moisturizing, and lasts really well for me.
Check out MAC’s Lusterglass Sheer-Shine Lipstick. I think you’ll find what you’re looking for there.
Maybe try L’Oreal Laque Resistance. I’ve only been using it for a week and so far it does what you’re asking for. I would recommend the shade worth it medium.
I really like NYX’s Long-Lasting Liquid Lipstick – there’s a stain side and a clear gloss, so I can control whether it’s shiny or matte. The color descriptions are usually closely aligned what I am looking for – like if I want bright, ‘raspberry pink’ will probably work.
Try VIOLETEE_FR Lip Nectar! The color lasts for hours (I literally woke up with it still on), but the formula is glossy and moisturizing. The shine doesn’t last quite as long as the pigment — maybe two to three hours — yet it outperforms most glosses. The pigment itself acts more like a stain, so it stays put without drying out your lips. Plus, it’s not sticky and the colors are gorgeous. 💋
No lip product lasts all day. That is a myth of the beauty industry, lol!
Try Kulfi’s Lassi Lips– it goes on glossy and wears down to a stain. I also like the Violette lip nectar, but I think the Kulfi lasts longer and the colors are richer.
brb gotta go add some fun treats to cart…i use and love that iconic london primer gemma mentioned in an older post. gemma: do we like this laneige glowy one better???? my two cents for longtime fave products for me, a 37 year old lady: i live and die by benetint, which i still think is a perfect, natural blush even after using it for at least 17 years. and i have gone through a bazillion tubes of fenty beauty heat gloss in cherry, a sheer red. perks the ol’ face right up! many years ago i read an interview with dick page, a makeup artist, where he said that if you wanted a natural perk-up the move wasn’t to use a neutral colour but to use a little bit of red (“the colour of blood,” he said!). it really stuck with me as i’ve found it to be great advice!
Gemma here reporting for duty – oui, I still love the Iconic London primer too. I tried the Laniege one as I had run out of the Iconic one, had a discount code… and some make-up tutorial on Instagram influenced me. Hah. I also still adore Benetint and especially the Cha-Cha tint one!
I would love to see COJ give some attention to female financial literacy alongside the Botox talk, makeup rec, etc. The choices we make on beauty to maintain society’s ever-changing-never-achievable beauty standards are keeping us distracted from our long-term financial well-being. Hot Girl Hamster Wheel anyone? Talk about inspiring younger generations, how about financially independent aging and goals. There are lots of smart women shouting about the increasing need for women to take charge of their financial futures. Please include these voices and perspectives.
Preach! I love a good lipstick rec, I really do, but I agree with my fellow Sarah. I would love to see some posts about how women in the cup of jo community relate to and manage money. Money has historically been a big emotional trigger for me and my defense mechanism is to completely ignore it. Not great! Also, how do couples split finances? Everyone has their own philosophy and I find it fascinating.
+1
A friend just recently mentioned that she loves The Financial Feminist podcast.
This! A post should be “5 lessons from building cupofjo”. I would love to hear more about the business side – how do you make financial decisions (hiring, expanding – big salad, strategic direction, P&L drivers, sponsorship revenue)? Do you have mentors? A “board of directors” that you seek on CupofJo advice? Mentees? What are some female led businesses or female corporate executives that inspire you? Why? Does singlehood change the way women make financial and creative decisions? Are we more or less empowered by our spouses to take risk?
This would be awesome!
Second ENR!
YES YES YES
Very good point, Sarah! I would also like to hear more about this! :) I’m recently retired and money conscious to distraction. I am also the person who pays the bills and manages the investments. Husband is also generally frugal, but sometimes my frugality causes friction between us.
What’s the latest on Gemma??? Would love to see a Jo & Gemma gal pal interview!! Related: I’m still devastated about My Lady Jane :(
Ditto!!!!
Same, kitten. Same.
The Round Labs moisturizing SPF is the best sunscreen in the world. Hydrating, invisible, and perfect for sensitive skin. I think I might be doing this wrong so please send the makeup cops to get me, but I just blend out my concealer really well and don’t use any other coverage (Milk liquid concealer). I took a picture of myself after a run on a crisp morning and use it as a blush placement guide. My brow furrows in concentration and concern all the time— people regularly comment. I’ve got a big line there between my brows but it works as a Palliative doc and worrier. My best beauty attribute is all of my wicked, dazzling, sharp-elbowed ideas show on my face.
Ha I also only blend out my concealer and don’t use foundation! I feel like I’m tricking the system and simply can’t be arsed to do any more.
I have so many tabs open now!!!
Apropos of nothing, I’ve been reading Cup of Jo for at least ten years, and it’s funny to notice myself using some of Joanna’s catch words and phrases (just like if she was a beloved friend or family member in real life)! Some of my favorites are “cult following,” “money no object,” and “busted!”
This made my night, Sarah!
I’m turning 40 next year, and I feel mostly fine about it except my hair is thinning like crazy!!! Anyone else? I’m so fed up I’m trying oral minoxidil, hoping it works for me but if not I’m feeling ready to shave my head.
Hey Tyler! Your hair changes could be caused by hormonal changes. If you can, at your next check up, ask for blood tests to check. I love, love, love my Lanshin Gua Sha scalp comb. I know this isn’t for everybody but the ritual of using it is heaven to me. The Lanshin website has a tutorial and all the info if anyone is interested.
Hi Tyler! I’m late 40s and started oral Minoxodil because I had hair loss resulting from a medication I was taking and it is THE BEST THING EVER. My hair now rivals my hair during pregnancy, I have had minimal hair growth elsewhere, and my confidence has gone through the roof. Good luck to you!
Adrogenetic alopecia here. I’ve tried everything. Do a comprehensive lab test for Zinc, Iron, Ferritin, B12, Magnesium, D3 Total. You need to be close to the upper limit (or even higher) if you have hair loss (none of that average stuff). Then topical treatments. I used topical Minoxidil for 6 years, then after visiting Philip Kingsley (a special trichologist in London – super expensive too) I had a special lotion like Minoxidil + Cortizone and another hormone for 4 years. I hated how chemical it all was. Now I thankfully found Harklinikken, look them up. Amazing – my hair transformed and I’m going through meno. Also: eat LOTS of protein, like 1.5 grams per kilo of my weight (this is what hair feeds off) and I drink collagen peptides with my tea every morning religiously. Hope it helps!
I’m with you Lila. I am 42, fine, thin hair. My mom was thinning young. I have a lot of illness and stuff so I’m constantly thinning and then regrowing. I can’t really say this has totally helped, but I take the Mary Ruth’s multivitamin for hair growth and it doesn’t taste bad (liquid) it is expensive but there are often deals on Amazon and other places. I can’t take oral minoxidil bc of other medications, but that is the most widely studied option for women’s hair loss.
maria – which harklinikken products do you use?
Highly recommend Harklinikken!!! Years ago, my sister was desperate about her seriously thinning hair, and she had tried all the usual stuff, when I saw an article in some women’s magazine about him and clinic in NYC. She flew out there, got to have him by sheer luck, and had been using his products ever since. Her hair is back to what it was in high school. I am now noticing my own hair thinning and going to his clinic is on my list of things I want to do by 2026. I think you can also just order his product online. It’s crazy expensive obviously, but for my sister it was 100% worth it.
I’m 45 and have visible nose pores – what can I do about it? (Not get a facial, my skin and I have a tricky relationship). I’m trying to reenter the workforce and mindful that I’ve changed a lot since my last job hunt. All the Biore blackhead stuff seems so teenager/college, so I welcome suggestions. Anyone else suddenly watching The Way Home since it’s on Netflix? Andie MacDowell’s gray mane is something I aspire to.
Hi! I recently learned about something called sebaceous filaments – they look like blackheads/enlarged pores but are actually not. I use Roche Posay cicaplast balm as a final skincare layer on the spots where I have them and it seems to help :)
Have you tried a chemical exfoliant like The Ordinary glycolic acid applied with a cotton round after washing? Make sure your retinoid at night goes on your nose pores too
I noticed a texture improvement with Paula’s Choice BHA treatment or the Ordinary’s zinc and niacinamide for a cheaper option.
Paula’s Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA fixed this for me! Not instantly but most definitely with consistent nightly use.
Almost any aha/bha product will help you. The ordinary is cheap, there’s a ton of drugstore products, but my favorite (money no object) is dr. Dennis gross face wipe peel things. That’s their technical name. 😉
I’ve been using Dear Brightly’s prescription retinoid for about five years, and it made my always visible pores completely disappear. Highly recommend it, or another retinol.
I have used the same Revlon eyeliner for like 20 years, but as a 40 something have added a little lip color (almost anything in berry or a darker rouge) and this bare minerals blush that I bought like 15 years ago and still has plenty??!! And over the last two years, I have moved all my efforts to an Asian skincare routine rather than thinking about coverage or Botox. But it’s hard not to think about future interventions. I love the attitude of modeling safe, confident, loving attitude on aging. Though- can we have a talk about how women need to ride a fine line between beauty and gravitas and aging out?
oooh, what’s the eyeliner?
Aging out of what?
I figured out my own answer – I don’t want to play any game that hinges on ageism. Fuck that party. It’s pretend. And the thing with pretend games is even if they’re loud, their presence indicates that something truer exists and that there are other people out there engaging with that truer way of being. That’s where I want to be. If I need cultural camo to maneuver an unsafe situation, I can play the game for a limited time and specific purpose, remembering that it is based on corrosive, extractive competitive social structures that are not concerned with human thriving.
Hello CoJ fam! I am going in Dec with my love for what he is calling our “Grand Christmas Market Adventure Tour”. This man doesn’t love a Christmas market. This man loves me, and wants to see me love the Christmas markets (insert teary face emoji). Does anyone have any FAVE French, German or Czech beauty products? xx
Hi Kiki, for French products as a general rule you’re never going to go wrong in a French pharmacy – sooooooo much good stuff to discover there. I’m a huge Caudalie fan, their Beauty Elixir is an amazing freshening toner, and since my darling husband upgraded me to their Premier Cru skincare there’s been no going back, my sensitive, dry skin loves it. Le Roche Posay is another brand to look out for, their sunscreen is gentle on the most sensitive skins but super effective. Have an amazing trip!
I love Typology from France though it may be available in thr US now?
What type of cosmetics are you looking for? Germany has a lot of natural/organic cosmetics, if that is your thing. I love Weleda skin food and it’s a lot cheaper in Germany. Another favorite of mine is Annemarie Börlind from the Black Forest, but they aren’t cheap. Enjoy your trip to the Christmas Markets, they are a lot of fun 😊
Thank you, Jenny by the Sea! I’m excited to go to la pharmacie and see all the goodies! Thank you for replying and giving me your suggestions! They are noted! Daniela, I will take a peek. Ami, Weleda—YES! I love the hand cream and will stock up for stocking stuffers. I’ll be sure to check out Annemarie Börlind, if only to browse and admire. Thank you all for your ideas. xx
I adore little Georgie and your relationship with her! She’s is so cute.
I’m not a big makeup person (basically a no-makeup person) but a couple of products have really helped my rosacea-prone skin so I thought I’d share them. 1 – Thayers Facial Toner with witch hazel and rose water, which I drench my face with after every wash. And 2 – Dr Jart BB tined moisturizer, which helps conceal redness while also preventing it AND protecting my skin from the sun. (I’ve learned that the only way i’ll consistently wear sunscreen is if it also helps me look good.)
I am so happy for you. For me, the only thing that helps rosacea is a compounded prescription ointment prescribed by a dermatologist, and avoiding extended bouts of high temps. And this ointment WORKS. Rosacea is a medical condition, and I had no idea until I went to the dermatologist for something else. I thought it was just like, a cosmetic skin issue. Everything I did before getting the Derm’s stuff just made it worse or did nothing. My skin looks so good now.
thank you, alison! was coming here to ask for advice on dealing with rosacea and redness — something my 45yo face suddenly decided it wanted to experiment with. would love to hear about both concealing and also triggers and root causes! (i’m headed to the derm, but in the meantime, hello!)
Try the cream “soolantra” for rosacea! Works!
hi consuella, posting this just to let you know that witch hazel is a known trigger for a lot of people. your derm should be able to give you lots of tips and also conscriptions for treatment. in the meantime look out for gentle and fragrance free formulas. try not to use harsh cleansers or double cleansing, personally i like cerave hydrating cleanser. i find spring and fall tough on my skin, probably something to do with the changing temperatures. happy to answer specific questions if you have any (not a medical professional btw).
I developed rosacea subtype 2 (also known as acne rosacea) in my late 20s/early 30s and tried just about everything to get it under control. At 36 now, I’ve found my holygrail products (after going to a handful of derms and trying prescription products that didn’t work): 1. HOCL spray (applied after washing my face in the morning and evening) 2. Sulfur ointment (either applied as a mask 1x/day for 10 mins if I’m having a flare up, or spot treatment to anything that starts bubbling up) These two products have helped clear my acne, so much so that most people don’t know I have issues with my skin at all. My other steady products are: – Dr. Bronners baby soap to wash my face 1x/day – Rosehip oil to oil cleanse/remove makeup and moisturize – MadHippie Vitamin C serum HOCL and sulfur are cheap and fairly readily available in the US, so they might be good things to try before spending money on other expensive treatments. HOCL has quick results, and you’ll need to do the sulfur mask 1x/day for 10 mins for about a week before you start seeing results. xx
2nd the Dr Bronners unscented baby soap. So inexpensive too. Sooantra when needed. Sulfur soap when rosacea zits pop up. Morning using Azelic acid 10% when needed in the morning . Be careful with vit c. Finally put two and tow together and thought it was retinol causing issues but the skin cuticles vit c was too strong.
It is such a comfort and relief to see you model such a healthy attitude towards getting older, Joanna. Thank you for being you!
THIS!! I never get tired of it. Joanna you look so effortlessly and naturally beautiful!
i love your answers!! in the last question, “i hope she looks at me and somewhere deep inside, feels safe to grow up, too” — this is just so beautiful and thoughtful. we love you, Jo!
Is it just me, or do the Ilia eye products burn? I’ve tried their mascara and a few eyeshadows and, omg, so much stinging and eye watering! I don’t even have sensitive skin or allergies anything. So weird. I do sometimes wear their “skin tint” and that’s fine (okay product but at least no burning). Maybe it’s just me??
I had the same experience with their liquid eyeshadows! They burned my eyelids and were so uncomfortable to wear. Such a shame because the colors were so pretty!
I do have sensitive skin and ilia eye products work for me.
Same ☹️ I just bought an eyeshadow yesterday and my eyes are still red and irritated today. Sad!
You might be allergic to an ingredient and don’t know it. I use their mascara, eye shadow, and shadow sticks with no issues. However, I previously used something that caused significant irritation and turns out I was allergic to papaya which is related to latex (which I am mildly allergic to, who knew?!) and when I switched products it immediately resolved.
Same, I tried their mascara and it irritated my eyes so much! I’ve had better luck with Saie: https://saiehello.com/products/clean-mascara-101?variant=42647873454256
I had that same reaction to their eye tints!
As I close in on 40, I sometimes see myself and am surprised by the changes time has made on my appearance. I don’t have a desire to try and change any of these things and wonder if I ever will. Of course, I can look at myself and wish something was different, but then I also wonder if I made a change would that actually make it more difficult to find my “old” self in my new appearance? Anyways, as I have aged I also find that everyone is beautiful in their own way. We are all supposed to look different and unique and ourselves.
Love your comment Alexa. I’m 56 and grateful to be here, however I look. Maybe losing my best friend when we were 19 has made me realise more important things in life than how people look. We are all beautiful in our own way.
Nice to see so much sanity and softness in the aging conversation. Scares the living hell out of me to witness how quickly the full blown redesign of our faces and bodies have been sold to us as normal and desirable. And man do I get the appeal at 43 and feeling very much *not* my best in any area of my life. I’m holding tight to the people in my life who value me beyond what I can produce or how I appear.
People that value me beyond what I can produce. Love that!
FYI the link to Gemma’s lipstick in the original post isn’t working for me…takes me to an error page!
Here you go :)
Anyone have another foundation not by Il Makiage? I looked them up and they’re owned by an Israeli company, and I’m just trying to limit my money going there.
I really love Merit’s foundation stick!
I second Merit — Jessica of the Fug Girls recommended it a while back and it’s perfect for my 53-year old skin. I use it as concealer, too.
I love this by Saie – https://saiehello.com/products/slip-tint-tinted-moisturizer It goes on really smooth and evens out my blotchy skin tone. It’s the first liquid one I’ve used in years and it’s great!
I love the No 7 Pro Artist range, their foundation is so light but looks great.
Concealers I have loved in the past…. Glossier stretch concealer NARS Currently wearing ILIA
As someone who turned 40 this summer, your words on making little girls feel safe to age brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful sentiment, so beautiful worded! I hope I make my own daughter feel safe to grow up too.
Loved that too. Also crying.
Same, same. Thank you Jo for the happy tears today.
Definitely cried a little writing that line! I don’t have my own daughter, but I still want to be a good example for all the girls whose paths I cross. It’s safe to age. It’s beautiful to age. It’s a blessing to age.
Joanna, you started sharing a lot of political stories lately, all ignoring the trauma and suffering of the Israeli people- all is very one sided . Well, next time instead of posting something about Greta and the Flottila, try to post something that calls for Hamas to accept ceasefire , release the hostages and end the suffering of the people on both sides.
agree!
You must be joking — don’t you know that hasbara doesn’t work anymore?
Yes, because hamas is reading Cup of Jo. Be so for real