The Treat I’m Bringing to Gathering Season
I am physically incapable of showing up empty-handed. If you say, “Just bring yourself,” my brain goes into overdrive, thinking of the perfect gift. I’m cataloging your apartment: Have I ever seen a plant that’s not on life support? Are you more of an incense or candle person? But what I’ve learned over the years is that a) the best gifts are homemade, and b) food never fails. So, when a host insists they have the party covered, I like to bring an edible gift for them to enjoy later. It’s a small way to make them feel seen and appreciated, and my people-pleasing urges can take a night off. Everyone wins!
I wrote a whole chapter of these recipes in my cookbook, What Can I Bring? They’re especially handy this time of year — the stretch between Halloween and New Year’s Day, which I like to call the Gathering Season. Between the cocktail parties and cookie swaps, I like to have something quick up my sleeve. This year, I’m bringing my homemade hot fudge.
Not to brag, but this fudge is a masterpiece. It’s glossy, decadent, and elevates every occasion. It’s also so simple that chopping a bar of chocolate is the hardest part. Obviously, it’s ideal on ice cream, but there are so many ways to enjoy it: stirred into coffee, drizzled on pumpkin bread, or eaten straight from the jar.
Once cooled, it keeps beautifully in the fridge, which means I can make a big batch, portion it into a few small jars, and have something ready to bring. It’s the rare one-size-fits-all present — every household has a chocolate lover, and every host appreciates something homemade. So, for all of us who can’t just bring ourselves, let’s bring something better: a jar of hot fudge that earns you a forever invite back.
Homemade Hot Fudge
From What Can I Bring? by Casey Elsass
Makes 1 pint jar, plus a little extra for you
1 (4-ounce) semisweet or bittersweet chocolate bar
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/3 cup cocoa powder (*see notes)
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 cup whole milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon light corn syrup (**relax, see notes)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Special equipment:
One 1-pint jar
Before you start, save yourself from bacteria and make sure the 1-pint jar and lid you’re about to use is thoroughly scrubbed with soap and hot water. (If you need to run the dishwasher anyway, throw it in there and come back to this page when it’s done.)
Use a serrated knife to cut diagonally across the chocolate bar. Rotate the cutting board a quarter turn and cut diagonally in the other direction to create small pieces. Slide the chocolate to one side. On the other side, cut the butter in half lengthwise, then cut across in 4 equal pieces. Keep everything close by, we’ll need them in a moment.
In a medium saucepan, whisk the sugar, cocoa powder, and salt together until the cocoa is no longer lumpy. Pour in the milk and cream. Whisk again — and I mean whisk! — until the cocoa mixture is fully hydrated. Cocoa powder will burn and get bitter easily, so put your biceps in it. I’d really encourage grabbing a spatula and running it around the edges and bottom just to be sure.
Set over low heat and continue whisking occasionally. When sugar melts and the sauce is runny, about 5 minutes in, remove from the stove. Add the chopped chocolate and let it sit for 5 minutes to slowly melt. Add the butter, corn syrup, and vanilla, and give the sauce a good whisk until the chocolate and butter are fully incorporated.
Pour the sauce into the jar, leaving about 1/4 inch of space at the top, and twist the cap on tight. Place the jar in the refrigerator to cool, at least 2 hours or overnight. Rip off a piece of tape for the jar and write what this is (it’s Homemade Hot Fudge, silly goose). Any bonus hot fudge is yours, and it can be enjoyed right away or refrigerated in a small airtight container and enjoyed within two weeks.
Notes:
* I prefer the taste of Dutch-processed cocoa powder here, which could be as simple as Hershey’s Special Dark 100% cocoa, or something more luxe like Droste or Valrhona. If you already have a box of regular cocoa powder around, just use that.
** It’s okay, this is not high-fructose corn syrup. A little bit of light corn syrup is totally harmless and will make the finished sauce unbelievably creamy. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Casey Elsass is a food writer, recipe developer, and author of What Can I Bring?. His recipes have appeared on Bon Appétit, Delish, Epicurious, and Food52. In his free time, he enjoys attending the opera, eating his way around the world, and RSVP-ing yes to every party invite. And remember his mosaic jello?
P.S. More festive recipes, including a Hanukkah latke board and eight crowd-pleasing holiday cookies.
(Photo by Pacifico Silano. Recipe reprinted with permission from What Can I Bring? by Casey Elsass © 2025. Published by Union Square & Co., an imprint of Grand Central Publishing, a division of Hachette Book Group.)
Tags: chocolate desserts, gifts, party snacks, recipe
Comments
165 commentsLike the author, I love making and bringing kitchen gifts to hosts and friends. Homemade vanilla extract is a good one. And this year for Christmas i made batch after batch of pecan butter. Toasted pecans, a smidge each of salt, cinnamon, and maple syrup. Into the food processor til smooth. Easy, delicious and a little bit decadent. Try on a slice of apple, or smeared on roast squash! Toast, of course.
Long time reader, first time commenter – this is the best! No thermometer, easy ingredients, kid approved and kids love to make! It’s our gift to all the relatives and the pride my kids have in giving this gift is magic – thank you!!
What would be good to pair with this to “complete” the gift?
The recipe on a nice card stock and a pint of really good vanilla ice cream.
Cant wait to try! I always keep store bought in the house for one of my favorite simple desserts – vanilla ice cream, hot fudge and fresh roasted pistachio pieces. I place the hot fudge in gravy boats for guests to serve themselves.
Going to make batches of this, some of the other ideas here and my favorite homemade gifts, the Smitten Kitchen Apple Cider Caramels to give to most people this holiday. Most of the adults I know don’t really need more stuff and homemade, consumable gifts seem like the way to go! My sister loves the caramels and I’m thinking of trying to make some homemade coffee syrups too.
Those SK apple cider caramels are the absolute best! I’ve made them for multiple years and have finally started buying little parchment squares instead of attempting to cut them all myself.
Nigella Lawson (funny, auto correct keeps changing her name to Nutella Lawson) makes an amazing and even simpler recipe!
Ha!! Omg I think Nigella would approve!
I did this the last couple of years, when I didn’t feel up to massive cookie baking. I used the Smitten Kitchen recipe ( this recipe looks similar) and also her hot cocoa mix ( which can easily be made Vegan). I made cute labels with my Phomemo mini printer. It’s so nice to give something homemade, but not so labor intensive. Everyone loves it!
I was raised to always bring something to the host when I go over to someone’s home, and I appreciate when people do it for me! It’s so nice to feel that someone is thinking of you. It doesn’t matter if it’s the perfect thing for you or something you might regift later. It’s an act of respect and community, and I would encourage those who find it strange to look at it that way. It’s not a sign of disrespect, and if you don’t want what they’ve given you, do the same thing you do with any gift that may not be the right fit–say thank you so much and figure out what to do with it later. You certainly don’t need to put it out to eat right then if it doesn’t fit in with your dinner plan. In many cultures, it would be unbelievably rude to show up empty handed. So view the gift as a simple act of respect and thanks for your hospitality, and feel free to throw it out later if you don’t like it! This fudge sauce looks amazing :)
Couldn’t agree more, Liadan!
yep! I’ve thought a lot about this bc I too was taught that. I like how you worded it here.
Agnès from Paris said something so simple but profound in a recent part, “a gift is about love”, and this applies here too. Showing up with a little something to say “I cared enough to bring this to you” just means so much. My mom has been bringing me and my daughter orchids! ORCHIDS!! She finds them at the grocery store in her neighborhood, every once in awhile on outrageous clearance, so she’s not over spending, but it’s bringing her so much joy to share these plants. And we’re learning to care for orchids!
https://theeastcoastkitchen.com/amaretti-cookies-with-orange-and-vanilla/ Just tested this cookie recipe this morning. So easy, short ingred list, uses almond flavor. Chewy interior crunchy exterior. Delicious.
Thank you! I’m always on the lookout for gift ideas like this, especially since the SNL Christmas Candle skit (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_L5Xkb78KxY) knocked my confidence for gifting candles and lotion. For the record, I personally love to receive both.
Hahaha I forgot about that sketch! But I’ll never say no to adding a candle to my collection.
This looks delicious! We have had a tradition since my daughters were in elementary school (they’re now in college) to make a big batch of dulce de leche. It is simple to make but now neighbors and friends look forward to the treat around the holidays. I use a canning jar recipe in the slow cooker to make a big batch easily and safely. I print up cute labels and have it on hand for hostess gifts too!
I love a homemade dulce de leche, that’s so smart!
Would love to know your recipe… if you’re willing to share. thanks in advance!!
I don’t know what the original one was that I used, but I make it like this! https://fountainavenuekitchen.com/dulce-de-leche/
adding this to my giftable treats ideas! Or just make some for me!!
I love this! It’s still warm in Austin, so lately our go-to has been bringing a gallon of vanilla and a jar of Amy’s Hot Fudge to dinner parties. Can’t wait to try this homemade version!
That is the best possible thing to bring, I would invite you back every time.
This looks wonderful! All my neighbors are getting homemade hot fudge for the holidays :)
Yes yes yes!
But you may know more about Elsass/Elsas since it’s your actual last name Casey :) – it may be possible that none of that applies…
Yum!! Also, this is so random by my great great grandmother’s last name was Elsas and it’s not too common… I’ve done a deep dive and it was a German Jewish last name for people from Alsace… anyway, wouldn’t be too surprised if we are distantly related :)
My long-lost cousin!!!
I meant to add in my previous comment that the King Arthur Flour website has a terrific selection of chocolate and dutch cocoa powder, if anyone is looking. :(
Yes, they’re my go-to resource for so many things!
I absolutely love hot fudge, and this looks delicious. I am going to give it a whirl for sure. Thanks! I cook a lot but I have only recently been mulling over how there are often recipe-adjacent aspects to recipes that don’t get mentioned, you have to figure those things out as you go Like making sure your jar is washed before you start, or how heat is also an ingredient, and sometimes the size of your pan or bowl is also an ingredient. And prepping stuff usually adds more time than I bargain for. Which is all to say I appreciate the details you share in these instructions. .
Thank you so much, Claire! I was very specific about how I wanted to write my recipes, I’m so glad this landed with you. :)
ISO a Cup of Jo test of the big three hot fudge sauces: This, Deb’s and Samin’s.
OMG. I’m up for it, if Joanna wants to have field cooks/testers. I’m a good cook, Jo; call me!
David Lebovitz’s Classic Hot Fudge from The Perfect Scoop should also be in the mix!
That sounds like an absolute dream day.
Here for homemade hot fudge! I first did it with Smitten Kitchen’s and it was amazing. Sure you can have it on ice cream, but works just as great as a midday spoonful right from the jar – a treat yo self moment.
I love making it for other people just so I can have my own fridge stash to snack on.
It’s also really good in coffee.
This hot fudge sauce is AHHHmazing!! I would be thrilled if someone was kind enough to make this for me. I was trying to come up with a thoughtful homemade host gift and this is perfect-as I never come empty handed. Thanks Casey!
The power is in your hands now!
I love this!! At my family vacation home, there’s an enormous fig tree, and this summer my uncle made little jars of jam that he handed out. I coveted mine so much that I rationed it and rationed it until I realized I had rationed it to the point that it wasn’t good to eat anymore. So when you get a beautiful little jar of jam or hot fudge, make sure to enjoy it! This same philosophy goes for all of your nice things: a good resolution is not to hoard the things that you feel are special! Enjoy every special thing!
As a kid who never used her fun stickers because nowhere was ‘good enough’ I wholeheartedly agree! Wear the dress! Bake with the fancy vanilla! Life is for living.
Beautifully put, I love this!
I meant his responses to all the comments! (wasn’t terribly clear)
The recipe is charming but Casey’s comments sprinkled throughout are the real treats!
Hi Alison! <3
I think Catherine Newman covered this best in her excellent NPR interview. If you write an etiquette column for 10 years, it is really hard to deal with the fact of other people’s otherness. That – every etiquette question could be reduced to that. You don’t like somebody’s wind chimes. Someone puts lipstick on at the table. Do you invite your gay cousin-in-law to your wedding? The thrust of every question is, people are different from me, and I can’t stand it. And then the thing that you have to say to everybody is, you have to stand it. That’s the human condition. You have to approach it with as much grace as is humanly possible, which is more grace than you’re currently mustering.
<3
Whew, this was a beautiful reminder to read first thing in the morning.
Love this, Kat!
This is so perfectly put and I have a version of this thought when I sometimes read people writing to advice columns but never as specifically and succinctly put.
This comment + the recent post on people’s annoyances. It’s all true at once. Yes, everyone is annoying, almost all the time, lol, AND yes, we just have to tolerate it. Knowing we too are very annoying……
I read somewhere that Nancy Meyers (director of movies you want to watch on repeat!) makes hot fudge sauce, too. So now I’m picturing myself eating a dish of peppermint ice cream with this hot fudge, under a blanket, watching “The Holiday.” Can’t wait! Thank you :)
Yummmm this sounds so good!
Being compared to Nancy Meyers in any way is a real dream come true.
Just wanted to point out that Casey (the author) is a he, not a she, and also, it’s fudge, not a puppy you’re bringing! Being this offended that someone brings a delicious little gift sounds controlling to the point of lunacy to me.
Agree, like you can´t control every single aspect of your life, just get over it. We´re not familiar with hot fudge in germany, anyway, what a nice gesture to bring something unexpected, i think it´s those gestures that keep the world a place for us to embrace.
I’m used to being called she, but thank you Sharlene! I think everyone associates all Caseys with the gender of their first Casey.
it is actually insane that people are getting worked up and offended at the idea of someone bringing homemade fudge as a host gift….like are these people okay? are they walking around just feeling mad and offended 24/7 at every little thing? dang…so easily triggered by nooothing…what do they do when they run into real problems?
Agree Jean. I’m kinda feeling sorry for the cute lil jar it hot fudge unknowingly causing such a stir ! Get togethers with my friends before I moved away from them never included all these host/ guest rules. We just put our contributions on the table and dug in. I’m always floored when the host/ guest comments get going on here. Like aren’t these people attending your friends ?
Oh my goodness – this is a comment section I think I’m not staying for any more updates. Maybe time spent with those in our communities who have SO FREAKING LITTLE might help with some attitude adjusting and gracious receiving as we head into the holidays.
Omg I should have heeded your warning – because that reallllllly bummed me out. I think this is why social gatherings stress me out. Now excuse me while I go crawl under a blanket and eat some hot fudge straight out of the jar.
Anon, I am old and tired of being gracious about receiving gifts – it is almost always something I would rather not deal with. But because I am gracious it sets off a chain reaction of people giving me more of the same thing! It is because there are people who have so FREAKING LITTLE that I would rather you save your money/time and help people in real need. Could we please just stop all the wasteful gift giving?
Anon, good call. I will do the same, I don’t need any additional outrage or crazy in my life.
You’re so right to anticipate this season’s parties… I really don’t like the intensity of a rush… homemade marmelade is a good choice too! Love from Paris
I would love if someone brought me marmelade! Merci et bonne journée Agnès!
I love this. My Grandma made the best homemade hot fudge and I’ve always wanted to make it in her honor. This recipe inspired me to do just that!
I love hearing that!
As someone who had a visceral reaction reading corn syrup in the ingredient list, the “relax” and accompanying note made me giggle. Thanks for the laugh.
I could feel everyone’s shoulders shoot up as soon as I typed it :)
I love this idea. Do we think this would pass in a carryon for TSA purposes?! Then it truly is the ultimate!
As long as it’s under 3 oz, yes!
As someone who always travels for the holidays and once had my homemade sugar scrubs confiscated…one of those flat rate USPS boxes and wrapping the jars well to send directly to your destination might be worth it to avoid the worry (you never know when you might get a TSA agent who is feeling extra picky.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with corn syrup in hot fudge, but sometimes I don’t have it in the house and have substituted honey and it tasted just as wonderful.
Exactly right! I’m a big fan of not going to the grocery for one thing.
Maple syrup is also a great substitute – I use it all the time in my hot fudge, which has a similar recipe!
Another good sub, if you’ve got it, is Tate and Lyle’s Golden Syrup. This recipe sounds gorgeous and it will be made and gifted! Thank you, Casey!
Casey is a recipe writer’s dream!!!!
best in class!
Colleen! Thank you so much <3
The best!
I have fond memories of sitting at my brother-in-law’s mom, Birdie’s, kitchen table as she made her special hot fudge, when I was a tween. Afterword, we decorated her Christmas tree and had sundaes. Birdie passed away when I was a teen, and that same kitchen table, “the Birdie table,” was handed down to me for my first apartment. It’s been in my house for thirty five years or so, and somewhere along the line, my nieces and nephews started calling it the “the Honey table”–Honey is their nickname for me. I’m going to dig out Birdie’s hot fudge recipe, which I think is very similar, and make it for them when they’re in town for the holidays.
I love this so much! I’m so happy I inspired this memory of her <3
This is nearly identical to the recipe that my grandmother used to make that would drive us grandkids wild with happiness. She did add one other “secret ingredient”, which was a little spoonful of instant coffee. Thank you for reminding me of this delicious treat!
I love hearing that! A little instant coffee is always a great idea with chocolate desserts.
I really enjoyed the bossy, specific directions on this post since my brain likes to offer options on how to chop, how many cutting boards to use to how long to whisk. Reading these specifics was oddly relaxing like reading ASMR for people who are exhausted from making decisions.
You’re my tribe, Cheryl <3
I love when people bring me little treats, especially when I am hosting a gathering. It makes me feel loved! Bringing little jars of hot fudge to cookie and cocktail gatherings this fall is a really sweet idea. Usually people bring flowers as a show of gratitude but I’ve also gotten croissants, honey, chocolate covered cherries, cozy socks (Powell’s Books carries the softest socks I have ever worn!), shower steamers, olives, and fancy olive oil. Also love a family picture to add to the bulletin board! My kids and I also just made huge abstract watercolor art and I’m cutting them up to paste onto blank folded cards for our christmas cards this year. Making a set for a friend could be a really sweet homemade thank you/host gift option!
These are all such beautiful gifts (especially the socks!)—I think a little thank you present is always a good idea.
Casey’s jello post was really fun and I’m happy to see another recipe from him. He writes like a good friend talking to you on the phone. This looks so delish both for myself or a little present.
Thank you so much, Jeanne! <3
OK, but just know your audience! I don’t eat stuff like that so I’d probably either re-gift it or throw it in the trash. If i say not to bring anything, that means you are free to bring a bottle of wine or bourbon. I am pretty sure all my friends know this about me.
Yes, always know your host!
Yum! Quick question: if the use-by date is 2 weeks later, why is the bonus hot fudge only good for a couple days?
sorry for the editing error, we updated the text! you can eat the fudge, if refrigerated, for up to two weeks later xo
Maybe because it is not in the jar?
That was a mistake on my part, Sonya! It’s updated to reflect 2 weeks now. Good catch!
Oohh, YES! I have a nice collection of hot fudge sauce recipes, and am always in need of another one for the arsenal. (It’s a July tradition in my office–I make 2-3 recipes and bring vanilla ice cream, and we have a tasting party.) Thank you for sharing this! Karo corn syrup is magic, in many things.
Omg can I come to this office party?! That sounds like heaven.
I have no idea what hot fudge is – we don’t have this concept here in Baltics, but I’m SO making this to find out 😂
Warm it up and pour it on ice cream! You can warm up the whole jar by simmering the open jar in a pan of water, just make sure the water level is well below the top of the jar, and the water doesn’t splash into your hot fudge. This is a key ingredient for a hot fudge sundae!
I’m excited for you to experience this for the first time, OKS!! Enjoy over some vanilla ice cream!!
Oh my word, I’m so excited for you!
We dip peanut butter covered apple slices in hot fudge. And, spread as a replacement for a piece of chocolate in s’mores.
Homemade hot fudge is amazing but in the saddest news ever in terms of recommendations for good cocoa powder to use, Droste went out of business. I liked to treat myself to Droste in the winter for hot cocoa and had noticed that my grocery store never seemed to have it. I googled it in an effort to buy it online and found out that they recently went out of business. After something like 250 years. To think I’ll never have that iconic box in my cabinet makes me so sad.
Oh that is heartbreaking! I loved that box too :(
LBC and Casey, there’s vintage Droste tins for sale on Etsy and other online resale sites! I did an image search because I’ve never seen a Droste box before.
Wait, what???? Noooooo
Oh no, I am also bummed to learn this.
Hoping you can offer a substitution for the corn syrup? Yes, I understand that it’s light. Yes, I see that it’s only a tablespoon. Body really can’t tolerate any form or amount of corn without days of pain, though, and this sounds SO TASTY.
You might be able to do golden syrup? Not 100% sure, but also no way it could be that bad :)
I’ve used Lyle’s Golden Syrup instead of corn syrup in pecan pies to great effect! It’s made from sugarcane and is lovely and toasty.
The same amount of honey will give it a nice glossy sheen too!
Oooh, I was not familiar with golden syrup! Sounds like a good thing to have in my pantry for substitutions. Casey, thanks so much for taking the time to make a suggestion. Honey sounds delish!
In a similar vein, but for anyone with additional dietary restrictions, Smitten Kitchen’s peanutella is a great gift! https://smittenkitchen.com/2011/01/chocolate-peanut-spread-peanutella/ A strong food processor or blender is needed (and it will get NOISY), but you can make a bunch and its vegan and gluten-free and can be adapted for whatever nuts you have on hand (or to accommodate a peanut allergy).
I love everything Deb does, she’s a genius!
I think it was on COJ that I learned the hostess gift of the “next morning breakfast”. My signature has become some type of seasonal bread (pumpkin, zucchini, coffee, cranberry, etc) + a bag of high quality coffee from a local shop.
this is such a nice idea!
I love this idea so, so much!
I do that! I will bring a really good brioche for the day after… (I love that brioche!). Love from Paris
Oh my goodness. Every year my neighbor has a cookie exchange for our street. I might take little jars of this rather than cookies.
This is the best idea I’ve heard all week.
This is so wonderful, thank you for sharing!! I remember one Christmas my aunt handed out jars of hot fudge instead of giving each family in the group a plate of homemade cookies. It was SUCH a hit! So unexpected! My husband and I do something in the same vein, instead of giving our handful of neighbors a plate of cookies that need to be eaten that week, we gift them each 2 pints of Jeni’s ice cream, in a holiday flavor. The neighbors always comment it gets eaten the week after Christmas and is a HUGE hit. Maybe I will include a jar of this hot fudge this year!
I commented below, but your comment gave me the idea to bring jars of this to my neighbor’s yearly cookie exchange rather than a plate of cookies. Thanks for the inspo! Also, let’s talk about Jeni’s just a bit. That ice cream is INCREDIBLE. I live in a rural town in Kentucky, and when I go on road trips, I seek out Jeni’s Scoop Shops and take a cooler with me to bring some home. Just a few weeks ago, a new gas station opened less than a mile from my house, and they have a giant cooler with nearly every Jeni’s flavor. I can’t believe it. After making complaining about the lack of cool groceries around here my entire personality, now I can walk to a local gas station (!?!?!) and get Jeni’s whenever I want. Incredible.
Can I just share my favorite Jeni’s ice cream story for a minute? I live in a far flung place from Jeni’s HQ, so imagine my delight to see it in my grocery store. I picked up a pint of the incredible, amazing, delightful peanut butter chocolate along with my usual haul one day. I got home with a fussy baby, handed her some sushi rice balls to chow on while I unpacked groceries and then proceeded to melt into an otherworldly state of rare mom bliss as I dug into the icecream before putting it away. I’m not sure if seconds or hours passed in that time, but all of the sudden the baby was SCREAMING, because, oh my god, she found and ate the sushi wasabi while I was in peanut butter chocolate heaven. Luckily for me, the culprit was also the cure- I dashed over with ice cream in hand, shoved it in her wailing mouth and voila- she too was cured of everything that ever ailed her with a spoonful of that ice cream! 3 cheers for Jeni’s!!!
Jess, I LOVE that. And I love that we, deprived of Jeni’s for so long, can finally enjoy it. And in the spirit of the original post, I suggest we enjoy it with a bit of homemade hot fudge.
One year for my birthday my sister sent me 6 pints of Jeni’s, delivered directly to my house in a cooler bag! (she made sure it was a day I was home). Best gift ever.
Oh, I love hot fudge. My great-grandmother was famous for it. Thanks for the reminder!
I’m loving all the grandmother hot fudge memories, it makes me so happy to hear!
This looks delicious!! But does the bottom part about the expiration – enjoy within a a couple days – accurate? I’m expecting my friend to eat a pint of fudge in two days? 😂
two weeks! we updated the text, sorry for the error and good catch!
Ha thank you!!! That makes more sense. Off to the store! ❤️
i would like to link this mentality of letting one’s people pleasing tendencies override what others want to the larry david yelling at the clouds convo of the things that are our pet peeves. “Before you start, save yourself from bacteria and make sure the 1-pint jar and lid you’re about to use is thoroughly scrubbed with soap and hot water. ” just no, nope. we are not going to tempt an oregon trail ending to this christmas open house, because someone did not complete this step. if i say the party is covered, the party is covered, honey. i think the kindest thing that anyone can do, when it comes to being a guest, a member of community, a neighbor, is honor what is asked of them and hosts should be allowed to say, no, really, everything is covered, if everything is covered. i know this is the hill that only I will die on, but i wanted to say it in case other people are cringing at the idea of letting what YOU want, the guest wants to do, override what the host has requested.
But… it’s not for the party. It’s a gift for the host to eat after. You know, a food gift? I understand if you don’t want to put it out for your guests, but the author clearly states that’s not the intention.
Asking the host ahead of time is easy enough. Many hosts will even address the what to bring within the invite. And bringing something just for the host(s) to enjoy well after the get together is often appreciated. So-this year I’ve been asked to bring these to a hosted appetizer only get together this week. https://www.tiktok.com/@chefgenevieve/video/7298824327867354414?lang=en The last thing I want is awkward invites. Takes all of two friendly seconds to communicate hosting preferences. The fudge recipe featured sounds yummy! Thank you, Casey.
but she is letting the host cover it? she specifically says this is for later.
K, I may be in the minority, but I completely agree. The mentality that it is okay if I disregard the wishes of my host touches on arrogance. It is definitely NOT okay. Be kind. Be a gracious guest.
This is a gift to be enjoyed later. It’s an expression of gratitude.
I understand respecting the host and not bringing anything to the party, but I saw this more as the guest bringing a gift for later for the host to enjoy by themselves. I personally would appreciate a nice gesture like a small homemade gift like this! I wouldn’t expect it of course, but it would be a pleasant surprise. I understand if others feel differently but just wanted to offer another point of view. :)
well they edited the post to remove the sentence of being unable to handle it when the host says everything is covered, which makes my comment moot.
we didn’t edit anything — you can still see that line in the opening paragraph xo
nevermind, i see the sentence now, of not being able to handle it when the host says everything is covered–to me, again, that speaks to putting what you want over what the host wants and that is the anthesis of being a guest–as far as I am concerned. again, I said this should be linked to the post where we all put our old man yelling at the clouds pet peeve and I stand by that.
“Hi! Welcome, thanks for coming tonight! A host gift? How kind! Thank you. I’m going to set this on the sideboard. I can’t wait to try it tomorrow.” /end scene. What you do with the gift after the guest leaves is between you and those clouds.
“So, when a host insists they have the party covered, I like to bring an edible gift for them to enjoy later. It’s a small way to make them feel seen and appreciated, and my people-pleasing urges can take a night off. Everyone wins!” I feel like this portion of the post is being overlooked a bit, in the otherwise valid criticisms! Casey is recognizing that the host is stating that nothing is needed for the event, and so she is bringing her a thank you gift to be savored after instead. That is, in my opinion, a completely separate thing, and so I don’t see this as an example of her ignoring the wishes of the host. I get where you’re coming from! But when I have all of the food, drinks, and supplies fully covered, a token of gratitude certainly doesn’t feel like a violation.
As a canner and preserver I see nothing wrong with talking about proper food preservation – whether or not the gift is meant to be used in the moment or later. In this case, though, it is meant to be a later gift.
I am the kind of host that doesn’t want or need my guests to bring anything when I invite them for a meal, since I plan it all out and have my menu the way I want it. But I adore a gift to be enjoyed later.
This might be (definitely is) a cultural thing. Where I grew up (physicallyl and socioeconomically), it is unconscionable to asks guests to bring anything and it is similarly unconscionable to show up empty-handed. Where I am now (socioeconomically further down and physically further west!) the rules are different!
This is a weirdly hostile and ungracious response to someone bringing hot fudge as a hostess gift. Like, just don’t eat it if you hate it that much.
I usually ignore comments I find bizarre, but for some reason I can’t let this one go. She is not “overriding what the host has requested”. She is doing exactly WHAT the host has requested – Not bringing anything for the party, but just a nice hostess gift for afterwards. And making a comment about not getting sick, when she clearly includes steps to wash out the container? I’m baffled.
When a host says “Everything is covered” they mean “We don’t need anything else for dinner”. They generally don’t mean “Please don’t bring me a gift to be enjoyed at a later date at my leisure”.
K, I am with you on that hill!
Beth B, how is it arrogant to bring a hostess gift? Be a gracious guest and be kind? I think doing so is both of those things. What about also being a gracious host and accepting a nice gesture from your guest? She’s not suggesting you bring food to overshadow the host’s meal.
You may be in the minority, K, but I completely agree with you. When I’m hosting, I will always let guests know if they need to bring something. If I don’t, it’s because I’m good and don’t WANT anything extra. (The one exception to this is if a guest brings something extra that goes back home with them at the end of the party. My husband and I have friends who do this because they know us, and know we don’t want a lot of stuff piling up in our small kitchen or in our house in general, and that’s never an issue.) Maybe it’s picky, but I don’t care. If you want to bring me a consumable for later, ask first so I have the option of saying yes or no. Gift giving isn’t my love language, and I’d much rather have my guests show up, be engaged, and have fun than bring me something I wasn’t planning on that I’ll either have to re-home or remember to use up before it goes bad.
Maybe the part that is missing is the distinction between “the party is covered” and a gift for the hostess? I’m generally in the camp that I’m happy to bring what I’m told to bring but to also not distract what the host has planned… but I think it’s also kind to bring a little something for the host to show appreciation/gratitude.
Karen, I read this as both honoring the host’s wishes (fantastic, can’t wait, i’m sure you have the party covered in a glorious way and it will be amazing) AND being true to what they know of themselves: (i will feel awkward and weird if i don’t bring something to let them know how much i appreciate the work and effort that went into this glorious event they have been so kind as to include me in). The fudge isn’t for the party — that’s covered, established and honored. And if the host hasn’t said “I do not enjoy gifts nor do I want anything you might have put thought into as an acknowledgement of your appreciation for the party I have completely covered” then bring on the fudge.
I have never in my life been annoyed when someone has brought me something as a hostess gift – even when it was something I didn’t like, and even when i have said “don’t bring anything!!”. I have appreciated it as a gesture of their appreciation at being hosted. I’m sorry but your post just sounds mean-spirited.
You’re not alone on your hill – it’s quite idiosyncratic but unless someone blood related to me or my children made i don’t want “wet” homemade food gifts. Cookies, yum bring it. This is too liquidy… I recognize this is a me thing!
Hej all :) Can we just be OK and laugh a little at our differences/preferences/quirks? I recognize now I won’t be the perfect on-point hostess to EVERY guest EVERY time, and I’m sure I have committed faux pas as a guest, and there’s a chance I will again, despite my efforts not to. Have I received a bothersome host gift? Yes. (Sneezy hyacinths). Has someone brought a dish despite me saying no need, and it caused extra effort for me in the kitchen? Hell yes. Was the dish brought with love and good intentions? Absolutely even if it made me grit my teeth 15mins alone in the kitchen. But hey, after the Covid years, I still marvel at being able to open home and heart to friends. So I’d rather focus on that.
People raised in the South would rather die than show up somewhere empty handed. It’s polite.
I just went to look at Casey’s Jello recipe post (and was delighted to find that it will be the thing I take to Thanksgiving this year) and a person named Karen had pretty much the same reaction –bringing something when presented with the phrase “just bring yourself” was unthinkable (and I’m interpreting, possibly rude). The feeling is strong here. So I’m taking away from this that “unthinkable” means different things to different people, Karen should not get Casey’s book (or at the very least shouldn’t read certain chapters), but I should because two recipes on COJ being this intriguingly perfect for my needs = sold. Thanks Casey!
I kinda wish we could keep things simple. When I tell my guests not to bring anything, I’m hoping to release them from thinking about a gift (or side or drink), buying a gift, and/or preparing one. I don’t want to have to bring something when my friends tell me I don’t need to. I just want simple gatherings and for things to be easy. Meh. The hot fudge is still a sweet gift and there’s nothing wrong with the gift. Just thinking about Karen’s comment.
My son has severe food allergies so we can’t have many things in our home for his safety so when I say (or the host of a party we’re attending) says please don’t bring anything, we really mean it! This of course is for safety purposes but just to add on to the discussion.
Good grief, I’m glad I don’t go anywhere. All these rules About having extra food.