12 Reader Comments on Rituals
We love hearing about this community’s daily habits, meaningful foods, and bedtime wind-downs. These everyday routines sometimes prop us up enough to grapple with the bigger challenges in life; and sometimes they just bring us joy. Here are 12 great reader comments on rituals…
On meaningful foods:
“My husband is genuinely repulsed by the smell of mushrooms sautéing, so whenever he goes out of town, I make mushroom risotto for myself. I have the recipe memorized, and you can feel when it’s ready by the way the spoon pushes through the thickened rice. The point is, you have to be in the moment — not on your phone, not emptying the dishwasher — just you and the risotto. I could write a novel on it.” — Megan
“My ex-husband and I split up six years ago, and on Sunday evenings, our daughter stays with him. So, I banish my Sunday scaries with a delightful cheese plate, along with fig jam and Castelvetrano olives. I enjoy the time with myself so much that I get bummed if I have ‘actual’ plans for a Sunday evening.” — Elizabeth
“While visiting England, we took a long country walk that ended at a pub. Inside, a group of people were eating cake. I assumed it was someone’s birthday until someone said that this week’s cake wasn’t as good as last week’s. That’s when we learned they had a Friday tradition of meeting at the pub, eating cake, and drinking a pint. I’d never heard of anything more perfect. We’ve now recreated it with our upstairs neighbors.” — Kim
On love for pets:
“This will sound unusual, but one of my favorite rituals is walking my cat! I adopted him as a tiny kitten shortly after a sad breakup, and he turned out to be so adventurous that I learned how to harness train him, and now we walk around our neighborhood a few times a week. He’s a fluffy orange cat, but I joke that he’s a dog. He LOVES meeting people, and everyone’s delighted to see him out and about.” — Claire
On the magic of TV:
“As my kids have become tweens/teens, they want to show me a never-ending supply of memes and videos. To manage the interruptions, I have them write down a list on the fridge. Then on Fridays, we settle in together and work through the list. We make popcorn, just like a movie night, and it makes for a fun night that we all look forward to.” — Erin
“My teenage son was struggling with depression. At a certain point, family dinners became impossible for him — he had no appetite and was barely able to interact. Looking for a distraction, we started watching Seinfeld from the very beginning. Hearing him chuckle at Kramer’s or George’s antics felt like a tiny miracle. We just finished watching the entire series.” — Jane
On solo habits:
“After dinner, my wife takes our daughter for a walk, while I put on noise-canceling headphones and do the dishes. I cherish the alone time. I usually listen to podcasts, but recently I’ve started off the dishes with BTS’s ‘Butter.’ It’s such an upbeat song, and I’m able to dance from sink to dishwasher to cabinets without feeling self-conscious.” — Taylor
On family connections:
“My sons are four and six, and last year the oldest said he wanted to celebrate ‘Brothers Day’ on the day exactly between their birthdays. The day is to filled with whatever they want to do. So, this past July 11, we went for a hike, had snow cones, went swimming in a river, and watched a movie. It was an excellent new ritual that is now marked on our calendar.” — Tracy
“Whenever I have an important presentation, I picture my entire family and their lovely faces. Back in college, I would think of my mom, dad and brother. Then, when I got married, my husband got added to the list, and now our three kids also feature in it. The ritual grounds me and gets me ready for the big moment.” — Gargi
On shouting for joy, or not:
“I live in Sydney, and I often drive over a bridge with a great view of the harbor. I’ve probably crossed this bridge thousands of times, but one day, on a whim, I wound down the windows and screamed, ‘WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT, SYDNEY?!’ It was such a release! Now I do it every time I drive over that bridge — sometimes quietly in my head, but usually by belting it out.” — Laura
“While on a walk near a local dam, I saw a family with two kids, all screaming at the top of their lungs. As I walked by, the mom apologized and said, ‘Sorry this is where we come to scream.’ I couldn’t help but laugh. I feel like we all need a place like that.” — Courtney
On this wonderful community:
“My ritual is Cup of Jo! I come here every day. All my big life moments — graduating from med school, getting married, having a child, settling into a home, having another child — were spent with this extraordinary community with which I’ve learned and grown so much.” — Iva
Do you have any rituals? We’re all ears.
P.S. 14 more wonderful reader comments on rituals, and 11 readers share their favorite photos of the year.
(Photo by Ivan Ozerov/Stocksy.)
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180 commentsDuring the pandemic my husband began running marathons and Sunday morning was his “long run”. With two small kids at home I needed to find something to keep them occupied so we instituted “castle breakfast” (inspired by smitten kitchen). A fancy breakfast of something sweet (pancakes/waffles/baked goods)+ eggs + fruit platter all played nicely and the kids did colouring or crafts and listened to music. They looked forward all week to this! Fast forward a few years, the kids still look forward to it and now my daughter is able to do most of it herself or with me and it’s still a fond memory of slowing down and spending time with them amidst the craziness of the week. It’s a “sad Sunday” when hubby isn’t running haha
I love the ritual of walking a cat. I walk my cat too and she absolutely loves it. It’s also such a great moment for me to be present in the moment, since cats are more about sniffing everything and walking slowly.
Every Sunday at 5pm we have dinner with our godchildren and their parents. We take turns hosting. They live a 20 minute walk from our apartment. We began the tradition when our godson was one year old and now he is 15 with a little sister and we have an 8 year old. It’s consistently the best part of our week.
Late to the party. What a calming salve it is to read all of these and peak into sweet corners of your lives friends. I have so many as a creature of habit and routine and ritual. But this is the one that came first into my mind. When my girls were small, every day at 4 pm I made popcorn and we’d snuggle on the couch with the dog, under a blanket, and watch Arthur and then Wishbone on our local PBS station. Someone commented “I know this is just the best time” about a ritual with their baby, and yes. I can tell you it is. Try hard to notice it.
Every day when my 7 month old daughter wakes up, we sing a random YouTube short song called ‘good morning pineapple’ (you have to watch it to believe it, we even do background drumming). She’s so sleepy and laughing and I just know that these are the BEST DAYS.
Yes to half birthdays! I love these posts so much because they allow a pause and sweet reflection of daily life. My oldest is a dancer and our youngest loves to walk her to door of her dance studio. I stand and watch the two of them walking hand in hand. They get to the door and he opens it for her. He then runs back into my arms with the biggest smile. My heart fills and their ritual allows me to soak in the goodness of the present moment.
I don’t have many rituals, but my husband and I take every St Valentine’s day off and do the same things we did on our very first one, eight years ago (bar the covid years). A delicious breakfast out at the same cafe, a trip to a secret garden locally which overlooks a small loch (we’re in Scotland) and where my Dad’s ashes are laid to rest, then lunch at the local gallery of modern art. Simple and blissful.
I’m an at-home mom. I full-term nursed my boys so I also got used to taking a rest with them in the afternoons, and encouraged the older one to nap to an older age so he could see his dad in the evenings, and so I could get that rest. Now they’re older (almost high and almost middle school ages) and I still try really hard to take a break at 230, before the hectic after-school hours. I know I’ll be going going til late, and I rarely get to sit down for breakfast, but an espresso and a snack in the afternoon at my sacred rest time is a very important ritual in my day.
Abesha, I’m an at-home mom, too, and I NEED that afternoon time! I also cherish having a treat and a coffee, and a chance to be horizontal in the *quiet.*
Every Sunday I drive to my favorite cafe and get a coffee and a breakfast sandwich and then read or journal for 30 minutes. Once I’m done I walk over to Goodwill where I browse the jewelry and shoes. I frequently come away with nothing but I have also scored big! Then I drive home with the windows down. I used to call this a ‘routine’ until my friend said that’s more like a ritual. I love that I have a ritual!
For the past 4ish years, on Fridays, I have posted a video of my dog, Koda, joyously rolling in the grass to my instagram stories, along with a “Happy Friday” message. I don’t do every Friday and sometimes I’ll post on a random other day, or I’ll add in my other dog. But so many people have told me that they look forward to it, that it brings me joy to keep doing it. It honestly is one of the biggest reasons I stay on instagram! Small, simple, a little silly, but we all need the simple joys, especially right now.
I’m a CPA and admitted math nerd so when my daughter’s 1/2 birthday fell on Pi day, I knew we had to celebrate with…PIE of course! So we started doing that when she was a baby. And then I had 2 boys after her, both with half birthdays in January and once they started coming online a bit more, they were curious about their own half birthdays. We looked it up – my middle son’s is January 29 – national corn chip day! It was perfect because he’s a big chips and salsa lover so now every year we go to Chili’s for bottomless chips and salsa. And my youngest son, his is on January 19th – national popcorn day! He can’t yet sit through a movie but when he can, you better believe that’s what we’ll do :)
My daughter’s half bday is also Pi day!!! And we too celebrated with pie! And believe it or not, but she’s now a professional pie baker. It’s a delightful gift to have a child grow up into a professional baker!! And I have such happy memories of celebrating half birthdays with my children and lots of other little moments of such joy.
My husband and I are in our 60s, and he is a renowned university professor and I am vice president of the local house museum, blah blah blah, but when we go to a restaurant and order Diet Cokes, any shred of dignity goes out the door and we are kids again. If we manage to blow the paper from the straw into the other’s mouth, that means we get to go there again. If we miss, we act like it never happened.
I love this.
This put a big smile on my face! What a nice and silly ritual. Goals for my 60s.
This made me smile!
For every birthday my daughter, son or husband celebrates, I stay up late the night before and hang the same “Happy birthday” banner (the old school, sparkly letter kind) and 3 rows of pennants behind our kitchen table. Then at their birthday dinner the next evening, I snap a photo of them with their cake (or pie), and you can see each of them aging with the same decorations in the background. Nothing fancy, but I like the sweet reminder of consistency through the changing years.
I make a heart-shaped cake for my daughter’s half-birthday which is Feb. 15th! It’s a fun way to celebrate her birthday and Valentine’s rolled into one. Last year she “designed” the frosting (a smiley face where the smile connected to the eyes) and then I iced it. It was so stinking cute.
As many before me have said many times, reading this post made me think that this is, indeed, the best corner in the entire world wide web. Thank you!
When I saw the post about the son with depression and the family watching Seinfeld together, I thought wow, that’s just like my family. And then I saw the name and realized wait, it IS my family!!! I can’t tell you how much my heart just swelled seeing those words and appreciating how much has changed since I wrote them. To all parents who are doing their best to support their kids through difficult times right now, please know, you are not alone, and things can get better ❤️
LOVE THIS! Full circle, friend :)
Jane, this is so lovely to read “how much has changed since I wrote them”. Big hug to you and whoever else might want one. Your message made my day. Thank you.
When I read that comment, I thought of the hard times with my oldest daughter…who is now a freshman in college. During the darkest days, I wasn’t certain what her future held. It’s an amazing thing to follow a pinprick of light in a dark cave until the light grows and grows…And then you realize oh wait…we’re out of the cave.
Wow Jane, thanks for sharing this bit of brightness.
🥹
Oh Jen! When I read the post above I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to your beautiful family. Thank you for the update and words of love to other families going through it.
My kids love to eat their dinner as fast as they can and get back to what they were doing before dinner. I was trying to think of a way to keep them at the table longer and heard someone say they do “High, Low, Buffalo” with their kids. So now before you can leave the table everyone has to say their high from the day, their low from the day and something funny from the day (the buffalo). So far it’s worked really well and we get everyone talking!
My siblings and I all do this with our kids during dinner, it’s a joy. My brother took it up a notch over the holidays and asked everyone drop share their high and Buffalo for the year. It was uplifting, hilarious and informative all at once.
I get nervous without a plan, so my life is rituals. – On Sundays, my dad and I get coffee then go on a scenic drive together. We’re both quiet (him especially), so sometimes we’re chatty but often we enjoy the time saying very little. – On Tuesday mornings, before work, I have a similar coffee date and drive with my husband and our golden doodle. – On Sundays, after church, I go grocery shopping while chatting on the phone with my best friend who lives across the country. They often buy their groceries at the same time! Then I go home and meal prep next. – Most Fridays, after work, we go to our best local friends’ house, have dinner with them and their kids, then, after the kids go to bed, watch an episode of Top Chef or GBBS. The first episode of every season we “draw contestants” onto our teams, and whoever’s person is sent home that week has to make differ for the group the next week. – On Tuesdays, my 22-year-old goddaughter comes over for a home-cooked dinner. (Sometimes it feels like a hassle after a fully day of work, but I also know it won’t last forever so I try to enjoy every moment of it.) – I’m sure there are more. Truly, most of my life is programmed, but I really like it that way.
These are lovely, Gina!
I want all of these in my life!
Going to sleep with a happier heart – thanks COJ and readers!!
I have three kids, ages three, four, and six. Dad is rarely home in time for dinner, so getting everyone around the table at the end of the day (the witching hour) is a struggle, solo. Scrolling Pinterest over the holidays I came across the idea of a Shepherds Dinner. Basically it’s just kid friendly charcuterie on butcher paper, no plates, no utensils. Pitch black dark, tons of candles. The idea on Pinterest was to make this a Christmas Eve tradition, or an interactive experience to promote chatting about what it would be like to have been a shepherd the night Jesus was born. Well I loved the idea of no dishes so much, we couldn’t wait until Christmas Eve. It was such a huge hit. Now we just randomly have Shepherd’s Dinner all the time. Since we’ve moved past Christmas we usually talk about the stars, the planets, or barn animals (again, they’re three, four and six). But the drama of the dark, multiple lit candles, eating with our hands, and basically having snacks for dinner is ten out of ten. And hearing my four year-old daughter’s very subtle speech issue creep in when she says “sep- errrd” makes my heart want to burst with love for the three little stinkers every time.
When mine were a bit older, we instituted random “make your own dinner” nights when my husband and I were exhausted after a long day. They came up with some crazy concoctions, but they are both adults now, and really good cooks!
When my littlest was 4, her favorite packed lunch was sliced pepperoni, sliced cheddar, and ritz crackers. We told her was her version of a “charcuterie lunch,” which she immediately repeated back to us as “sharp cutie lunch.” Needless to say, we still call it Sharp Cutie Lunch, even though she is no longer 4 and doesn’t find this as adorable as we do.
Sharp Cutie Lunch! So good!
I do school pick-up and afternoon activities with my two boys, 6 and 3, and (as I’m sure most parents can relate to) those after-school/before-bedtime hours are some of the wildest! I also do most of the cooking for our family, and I love the moment that my husband walks in the door from work and the kids turn their energy on him – it’s my cue to pop in my ear buds, start up my audiobook, and check out for 30 minutes with some veggie chopping (or whatever). Cooking is a relaxing activity and a creative outlet for me, and taking that moment away from the wrestling, remote-control-car-obsessed, wild-and-crazy loves of my life really helps me keep my cool until bedtime. Mostly ;)
This isn’t as much of a small, every day ritual, but our baby was recently baptized in an Anglican church. Becoming Anglican was a bit of an unexpected turn for my family, and I didn’t really know what to expect from the baptism ritual. Part of the liturgy involved everyone who was present basically committing to look out for us and the baby and to help the baby live a good life. We had friends present from various parts of our life, some religious, some not. Everyone making that commitment together was so moving to me. Then the tenderness of the priest putting the water on my baby’s forehead, the tears that appeared in his eyes, the cheers and excitement that exploded in the congregation afterwards—it made me remember that people can be so beautiful.
♥️
Once a month I get a date night – it started as the night that my mother and I had the house to ourselves, perfect for enjoying a dinner of our choosing (fancy takeout pizza and salad! Pots of risotto and hot pudding! Lox and cream cheese and bagels! Ice cream!), a movie we’d not seen yet, and an early bedtime. Bliss. My mother left me solo for date nights six years ago, so now I focus on spending time with my puppy. I actually take the time to make a nice dinner for myself, watch reruns of Beat Bobby Flay on Food Network, play a round of tug-of-war, have dessert (cookies for both of us – beef liver for him, chocolate chip for me) and tuck into bed early to play NYTimes word games. It’s a little more cavernous and a lot less adventurous, but it’s a ritual I still look forward to and cherish every month. In a way, it’s still time with her – even if my worldly companion is a bit hairier and a much louder snorer.
I’m sorry for your loss, Jess. This is so sweet 🥹
My husband and I live across the country from both sets of our parents, and visits can be a bit taxing on us. Now, as soon as they leave for the airport, we turn to each other and sing, “I think we’re alone noowwwww!” and celebrate our freedom. I have no idea when we started this ritual, or how we both know the lyrics to that Tiffany song, but so it is. 💞
…Or as originally done by Tommy James and the Shondells back in 1967, and by a lot of others as well. My favorite version is by Pearl Jam. No wonder you know all the words! :)
Jane, I send you my support. Having a depressed child is never easy. It seems to me that you are a terrific mom and have found a good « baby steps » way to help him. xo
My husband and I have a funny ritual to solve the Friday night ‘what to watch’ funk. We pick an unexpected star to watch all their movies. We’ve just finished the discography of Queen Latifah. What range! And what fun to watch movies without expending energy on choice (can you telll we have two young children)…
I used to live in SF and made it a rule that whenever I was by the Pacific Ocean (Baker Beach, Ocean Beach) I couldn’t leave without dipping my bare toes in the frigid water. My other ritual was hanging off the cable car to or from work every day possible. Now that I’m in the Midwest, I’m so thankful for those memories!
My husband proposed on Pi day(March 14) sooo we celebrate each year with pies! Our wedding anniversary is on May 11 which is so close to Mothers’ Day and my June birthday so it’s been fun to celebrate a different anniversary in a slower month! And yes, we did get engaged on March 14 and married on May 11 of the same year 💕
The biggest joyful surprise for me has been the Dog Park. We got our puppy in Feb last year and I knew it would be lovely and fun to have a dog but I never imagined the connection she would bring and the complete contented joy of meeting people and those chats and our dogs and watching them play. It’s been life changing in a very tricky year. She’s what I needed and didn’t know it.
Now that my newborn is approaching toddlerhood, I feel like I have some time again. I’ve started a nightly go to bed routine which always consists of turning on my fragrance diffuser ( some combination of eucalyptus and lavender), and taking a steaming hot shower, followed by a cup of a hot herbal tea in bed with a great novel. Sometimes I supplement the routine with a red light mask and meditating. It’s been a game changer for helping me relax and get better sleep.
I give the Amazon warehouse the finger when I have to pass it on my long commute :) strangely satisfying ritual! (Shop local, folks)
Heheh, I yell, “Garbage!” whenever I see a Tesla truck. Similarly satisfying, I imagine.
ah ah! yes! and thanks ;-) love from Paris
:)
Ha! In a similar vein, my partner (a Brit) says “Wanker!” anytime we pass one of those ridiculous Tesla Cybertrucks and I’ve now started joining in. Feels great!
Love this!! Any billboard advertising an AI tool also gets this treatment
Ha! We do something similar with the Tesla Cybertruck. Our daughter (5) will say, “ridiculous.” We chuckle. It’s hilarious and she believes ridiculous is a bad word that is allowed to say in that scenario. So double funny. We have quite a few in the area that we see on the way to school.
Awww! Happy to say that 3 years and a whole new state/city later we’re still going for kitty walks (just went yesterday!) My other cat now also enjoys going for walks too (separately of course, because cats). It really is the best.
In the morning when I open my bedroom door, my cat comes to greet me. I pick him and we walk around the main floor of the house, opening all the window shades. He gets to look out each window for a little bit and purrs the whole time.
And he doesn’t scratch at your door all night?! Ok, this is magical. Picturing you both as the protagonists of a very relaxing children’s book.
This sounds so cozy and peaceful. What a perfect way to wake up
I’m a hospice doctor, and when I’ve had a really tough conversation with a patient or family member, once I’ve got a moment to myself, I’ll mumble the first stanza of “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver. I think I started doing it as a reminder that I am just a human being showing up to bear witness to despair. I don’t know why it soothes me but it does, every time! You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
I am in a tough chapter and have this poem pinned by my phone at work. Mary Oliver is good for almost everything that ails you!
So moving. Showing up to bear witness to despair, what a hard and important part of the job. The poem is perfect and I’m glad it soothes you. Sending you thanks for the work you do.
This is a lovely and gentle way to protect your peace. Thanks for sharing.
When I was a professor, I’d have my students read this aloud on the first day of class, after we went through all the requirements of the syllabus. It’s so helpful when it feels like a lot might be on the line. I can’t imagine the pressure of your work—thank you for doing it, and for remembering you don’t have to be perfect!
Hello from a hospice nurse! Thank you for sharing this, I felt it deeply.
You sound like a beautiful witness. ❤️
Love this so much. And thank you for doing the work that you do.
Eating breakfast with my two-year-old has become my most beloved daily ritual. I spent my whole adult life running out the door to work with a protein bar in my bag for breakfast. Well, now I have a kid who needs to eat a proper meal in the morning. We easily spend an hour or more making and eating breakfast together (porridge, pancakes, omelets, muffins!). I put my phone away, turn on some soft music, and watch my son peel an orange or try to catch a piece of waffle on his fork. It is the slowest, most special way to start our day.
❤️
I recently created a craft corner in my house, and it’s become my favorite thing to be able to spend some time there every day, either working on a knitting project, or my recent miniature kit building obsession, or just reading a book. It’s basically just my small table with a nice hippie tablecloth by the window overlooking my pretty courtyard. And on the windowsill, I always have a small mason jar of flowers, my incense, and a couple of candles. I put on the radio (either jazz, classical, or my favorite college or freeform stations like WFMU, KXLU, or Freeform Portland), make a great cup of tea, in my favorite mug, and do my crafts.
Perfection.
We live in St. Paul, surrounded by beautiful lakes and rivers, whenever we pass over the river (any river!) my daughters and I casually say “Hello River!! We’re gladdddd to see you!” Sometimes with an “I love you!” added in. It makes us all laugh but I really do love seeing the water in all its moods and weather! Last month my daughter went on a field trip (Taking a bus! She was thrilled!) and when recounting her day she told me she “whispered to the river when the bus went over it!” My heart!! ❤️
Yes, this! Oceans tend to get all the attention, but I grew up with a river for a friend, too. It makes me think of Johnny Flynn’s lovely “The Water”.
As another St. Paul resident, I love this so much! One of my favorite things about living here is the proximity to water, and it’s clear that your daughters appreciate that too.
We’re in the St Paul suburbs and do the same thing! If you’re looking for something river adjacent to do this weekend go to Kaposia Landing in South St Paul. There is open water there that bald eagles fish in – and with the super cold forecast there is bound to be a bunch.
I play concerts most fridays ( I work for an orchestra) and right before I start getting ready I feed my cat earlier than normal and sing her a Gershwin-style song about how it’s Early Dinner Day
Ahh, cute. I love how it’s a special day for both of you.
For the first big snow day each year, we invite our neighbors over to share warm bowls of chili, freshly baked bread, and hot cider. There’s just something about an open door, coming in from the cold, and falling into a warm conversation with new and old friends. To make it even more cozy, I’d love to add a yummy cake to the table this year. Please share any suggestions!
One of the coziest things I know how to make is this gingerbread cake from Smitten Kitchen. It’s got a strong flavor and it’s perfect with tea or coffee. https://smittenkitchen.com/2008/12/gramercy-taverns-gingerbread/
I live near my mom and she recently made this absolutely delicious dulce de leche chocoflan! The chocolate cake is wonderfully moist and the flan is caramel-y and smooth. The flan and cake mysteriously switch places while baking. https://smittenkitchen.com/2020/07/dulce-de-leche-chocoflan/
If you have fresh pears at the ready, this cake is delicious. https://justinesnacks.com/pear-ginger-cake/
I highly recommend checking out the book Snacking Cakes by Yossy Arefi from your local library! I’ve made about 5 cakes from it and they’ve all been solid! Better yet – they’re simple to make and iirc there’s a chapter on spice cakes which seems like it fits the vibe.
I love these flavors for winter menus, and it’s an easy cake to get right! https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/cranberry-orange-bundt-cake/
We have family reading dates at local cafes. It’s the way we got my younger daughter really reading when she was around 7. We joked that “Izzy will read graphic novels for iced chai.” Just like the Pizza Hut pizzas of my youth. We’ve done it for a few years now. Everyone grabs their own book, we settle into a cafe and everyone gets a treat and a drink and we read for an hour. It’s my favorite.
LOVE THIS!!! How old are your kiddos? Do they truly sit and read for an hour? Sounds like family bliss/what I want in the future!
This is amazing.
We do Reading Suppers. Everyone comes to the table with their most recent book (graphic novel for the little one) and just read and eat together. It’s a joy and so peaceful and, bonus, my kids actually eat a solid dinner when distracted by their books!
The best part about Reading Suppers is that anyone can declare it at will. Someone just yells READING SUPPER! and we all turn up with books.
Ah I love brother’s day! I know many sisters who have very close, special relationships, and read about sister love, but see/hear very little about brothers and brother/sister relationships. I’m an only child raising boy/girl twins so am very interested in this topic!
I love brother’s day, too! My boys are 5 and 1 now, and I’m starting to think about how to foster their sibling relationship beyond the baby/child relationship they’ve had for the past 12 months. I hope you enjoy finding ways to foster closeness in your twins, what a special bond!
At our request, my parents joyfully instituted Daughters Day for my sister and me when we were young. I’m sure they took us special places or out to dinner, but the year that really sticks in my mind is the one when blue was added to the M&M’s mix (RIP light brown), and we each got our own bag. “Blue?! How wild!” We were over the moon to get such a treat!
My brother (3 years older) and I (a girl) are best friends and always have been. In high school he’d sneak me off campus for lunch as a freshman and we’d drive to get burritos. In college we went on multiple day hiking trips together. And now we’re both married adults, and after 3 years of living in apartments in the same building and loving it, we just bought a 2 family home together. Brother/sister relationships can be the best!
Obsessed with “This is where we come to scream.” When I was in 6th grade my whole class was having an argument about who could scream the loudest. Our brilliant teacher said “Ok on Friday we will have a screaming competition” and took us out to the sports fields where she gradually stood further and further away and noted who she could still hear. I tied with my nemesis for the win. Jane, what a lovely way to support your son. I am sorry he is dealing with depression, but I am positive your actions will be remembered and cherished. Claire, how I wish we could see a cat pic!
I’m obsessed with your teacher! Brilliant indeed!
Standing and watching Portmahamok lighthouse wink 4 times before getting into my car and driving home. Saying “Bonjour” aloud to my house when I get home in the evenings.
I typically wake up an hour and a half before I need to be at work as I like to take my time in the mornings. I’ll eat breakfast, sometimes make coffee, and eventually find myself on my chair in the living room with my little crocheted lap blanket. My two kittens usually hop up on my lap after they’ve eaten and we all spend the next 30 minutes or so just chillin’. They’ll sleep while I listen to my audiobook and play a silly phone game until it’s time to shower and get dressed. I’ve really come to enjoy these slow mornings.
Shout out to whichever COJ reader(s) blew my mind years ago with the concept of breakfast by candlelight in the depths of winter. I’ve now made it a weekend ritual between November and March. You truly improved my life!
Genius. Will try this!
Agree! We’ve been doing this since our children were very young (now 8 and 11) but every day, not just weekends and it really is such a gentle way to start the day! Such a calm and quiet environment- it feels so peaceful and soothing. Overhead lights truly suck!
My husband and I have a Friday movie tradition in which at the beginning of the month person A picks whatever movie they want for us to watch. Person B then picks a movie theme for the month based on that movie and we alternate Friday movie picks based on that theme for the rest of the month. For example, this month we started with One Battle After Another and the chosen theme is In Hiding, so we’ve also watched The History of Violence, and Three Days of the Condor, so far this month. It’s a great way to add some structure to movie night and find new movies to watch!
I just watched Running on Empty! I was also thinking of movies in theme with One Battle After Another. I thought it was really poignant and the acting was wonderful- maybe a good one to add to the “hiding” theme if you haven’t seen it yet.
Thanks for the recommendation! Adding it to the list!
In our family we celebrate half birthdays with a half cake. Ideally it’s half the birthday cake, which I hide in the freezer. This year when my younger daughter turned 8, she asked for pumpkin pie to celebrate, but as we dished out the last of it, her eyes got wide and she said, “what about my half birthday??” Fortunately there are other cake-related events between now and her half birthday, so I think we’re covered ha.
Always love when people celebrate half birthdays!
I hope this is OK to ask, it’s off topic, but you all have the best answers. 3.5 weeks ago my husband suffered 3rd degree chemical burns. It’s been a real time. Because we had very little idea how long healing would take, and what he would need (like grafts, like traveling out of state), and when he’d be able to return to work, I reached out, for the first time ever, to our friends and family, for help. It was the 8th major medical event for us in just 5 years. Because we live in America…. even with insurance, that’s been $7k deductible + out of pocket, each event. I’m a preschool teacher, he’s a landscaper. In Montana, FMLA is unpaid. And bless the good people in this world, the help has poured in. Groceries and dinners and snacks, gift cards, money. And of course, so many check ins and kind wishes and offers of help too. Several friends who work at his university have donated leave. I haven’t had the mental space to even think about formal thank yous until now. A week ago his mother passed away. Because of his injuries he couldn’t go to be there. How would you thank people? We’ve been overwhelmed by the love showered on us in this hard and dark time and really want to acknowledge how much it’s helped. Thanks for your ideas.
Hi from France ! Your post really moved me, and I am so happy to learn that you’ve had the support and love that you needed in those hard times. You must be some kind of human being ;) I’d keep it honest and simple, because you said it all : just a thank you note, a handwritten one on stationary that means something to you (people just KNOW when you mean it, when you’re being real) and that says exactly what you wrote here : it helped, a lot. And I’d had anything that means something for you to give : a poem that you like, a recipe you enjoy, a polaroid of a place you love, a postcard you bought but never send… Any small meaningful gesture will be treasured by the ones who were there when you needed them.
Gratitude doesn’t need to be perfectly timed or formal to be deeply felt. Your friends and loved ones will most want you to spend this time focusing on your family (I imagine!) You could offer a simple message now by text, social media, or a fundraising page, and follow up with a more personal call, text, or handwritten note in the months to come. Full permission to focus on your family for this moment and wishing for a speedy recovery!
First, my thoughts are with you as you navigate so many curve balls. Sending you strength and bright light. If you know all these people and have their emails, I think it would be within your rights to send out a bcc’d blanket email to everyone expressing your gratitude -these people stepped up because they know you and support you. They likely aren’t expecting anything in return and would most certainly understand and appreciate a general thank you AND if they give you a hard time for it, let me know and I’ll go over and kick their ass for their stupidity.
What a time you and your family have had. I felt so sad to read of your struggles and so comforted to know you have been surrounded by practical love. I am a midwife – through the years i have observed that most people LOVE to help, often with the most mundane of tasks. To help is to love. When people face significant challenges, most of us want to make it better somehow. It is a gift to give the gift. In my own practice, i have received the most lovely and generous of gifts, but it is always the cards that i treasure deeply. To know that a family felt loved and supported in my care is everything. I hope your husband continues to heal and your family too.
I would also say that, in times like these when you are carrying a lot, you don’t NEED to send formal or informal thank yous if it feels beyond you. I think the same logic as condolence notes and bereavement gestures applies; people know you’re grateful, they know you’re going through it, and they don’t necessarily expect a thank you in return. If you have the emotional and logistical bandwidth, a quick note or text message is great; if not, that is totally okay, too!
Audrey, merci. One of the most extraordinary children I’ve ever taught was a little Audrey, and one of my bff’s is also an Audrey. When I see the name, my heart just swells. Thank you for what you said about me being done kind of human…I have been struggling with freeing deserving. But, all these good people can’t be wrong. Thank you ❤️ Katie, thank you for reminding me this doesn’t have to happen now, while I’m still struggling just to get thru reach day. Anon, thank you for the offer to kick some ass. The only one that deserves it is Greenworks Corp, for refusing to take a return of a snow blower because we were 10 days over the return window (because of this accident, of course) and for taking a half hour off my life arguing with them about it. But anyhoo….. Angela, I used to work as a birth doula, so thank you for your kind words, and being a midwife. I’ve thought a lot about how powerless so many of us fell right now, and how much people WANT to help, and that it’s a gift to let them. I’ve been the one bringing meals, offering comfort, helping, giving, for so long, it’s strange for me to be on the receiving end. But to every season… Thank you all for the wisdom on gratitude. But esp thank you for hearing me. This has been one of the hardest things we’ve ever gone thru. Every night I kiss him and whisper “one more day done”. I look forward to not wishing time to hurry up, to not asking “how bad right now”, to just knowing he’s safe and this is over.
Oh goodness, Sasha – what a hard time you and your husband have been going through. Life is too much sometimes. Sending so much love and energy to you. I agree with the other comments that even a short, personal msg to each person would very likely mean a lot to them and tbh, I think it could also be via text if needed and that’s all that you have energy for.
Hi Jo and team :) This is unrelated, and I know it’s a difficult time, but I wondered if you ever plan to start back up the Motherhood Around the World series? I was just poking around your website needing a bit of a balm, and I stumbled across some of those posts and realized how long it’s been since we’ve seen one. Take gentle care of yourself, please ❤️
Seconding this. I’m not a parent (and I likely won’t be at this stage/season of my life), but I found the series fascinating.
I’m a devoted aunt and gleaned so much from this series. Would welcome its return in any iteration. Perhaps one on non traditional mothers like aunts and godparents and neighbors who mother in our own unique way.
yes yes yes please! it’s the series I recommend most to other people, especially new parents, and I miss it so!
Happily child-free here, and I still really enjoyed the series! I love Amy’s idea of a non-mother caregiver’s installment too. COJ has always deeply validated my (neighborhood)aunt role, but I won’t take the representation for granted.
I don’t have children but really loved that series. And I like that it was motherhood. Not everything has to be parenthood. Moms have a special role.
Every day I walk up the hill to the bay, I say “thank you” to the water right before I head back home. This country is so stupidly sad and difficult these days, but the water is doing its thing, and it’s beautiful.
Whenever I have alone time, I follow a routine which is absolutely ritual to me. Exercise outdoors, then complete a chore or task, then a relaxing hot shower, comfort clothes, and a favourite meal/snack to watch TV/movies.
I don’t know why I love this so much. As a busy mom I feel like I often don’t KNOW what to do when I get alone time and it feels stressful! Literally screenshotted this to try out this formula.
This sounds so blissful
Most Fridays, I try to pick up my oldest son at 2:45pm so he doesn’t have to go to after-care at school. I used to try to block my work calendar to take him somewhere fun. But it got too hard to take an afternoon off work. So now – I just pick him up, bring him to my office, & give him a snack & his iPad while I finish work. I used to feel so guilty until his teacher told me how all week, he proudly explains to everyone that ‘on Fridays, he has to go help mom finish work in her office.’ Now, it’s one of my favorite times of the whole week (& way less stressful than racing to a ‘fun’ activity while worrying about skipping out on work!)
Of all these lovely responses, this is one of my favorites!
This makes me smile. My oldest is in 8th grade but during elementary school I had an office right by his school and I would walk to get him after school and we would walk back to the office and he would do his homework and play on the computer while I finished up. I am so grateful for that time with him.
So sweet! Love this (especially as a fellow working mom).
I love this so much and I hope it’s a reminder to parents that it doesn’t take a big, instagram worthy event to make your kids feel special and create memories. Well done, mama!!
I married my husband this summer and we — me, him, and his 8-year-old daughter — have spent the past few months creating traditions for our new family team. Our favorite is Pizza Mondays: DIY pizzas with alllllll the sauces and fixings — just the “upper” dinner needed for all when we’re grieving the weekend’s end
Shhhhhhhhh! Don’t let the rest of the country hear about the “screaming dam” or its likely to become a VERY crowded place……
Yes I am now pondering where my Screaming Place should be.
My husband often travels for work, and despite our kids (7 and 5) being used to his business trips, we always feel a bit sad when he’s not seating down at the dinner table with us. To beat this feeling, I always make a “breakfast for dinner” meal while he’s traveling. The kids and I have a feast of pancakes, whipped cream, special frothed milk beverages with sprinkles on top, plus any other breakfast item is allowed at the dinner table. We all love it and it makes waiting for daddy’s return home a bit easier.
My husband travels a lot too, and we deal by getting the ice cream flavors he doesn’t like (coffee or mint, poor us).
This is so lovely! Years down the road, this could be one of their fondest childhood memories. It makes me think of a situation that I’d love to put out to my CoJ internet friends: my son is 3.5 and my husband and I have gotten into a bad habit of us all eating dinner on the couch with the tv on. We’d like to change this and eat at the dinner table together. This will obviously be a hard sell for our son. We have no expectation of him sitting for long periods of time. It’s easy for me to think, eh, maybe when he’s a little older, but by then the habit would be all the more baked in. We could easily force it, but that’s not our style. Is there a middle way to transition into this? I’d love to hear notes from the field.
Cindy, I work with young children and families often struggle with sitting for dinner at the dinner table. The standard advice is try to sit for meals for as long as your child is old (in minutes). In other words this year, make it a goal to sit at the dinner table together for 3.5 minutes! It could be fun to take it as a family challenge and set a timer or something… It might not seem worth the hassle but it’s great to get in the habit of being together at the table. Add some silly games in and you might surpass the expected time frame.
My husband also travels and we do “picnic dinner.” I make a snack plate, maybe some chicken nuggets, easy food to eat on the floor! We watch a show (not our norm during dinner) and just veg out- sometimes ya gotta lean in!
Cindy – You could start with sitting at the table one night a week. Then add another night and another. Add in some special “Table Treats” – eating by candle light, face timing a grandparent, having desert, or special drinks. No matter how you go about it – be consistent. That, really, will be the key to making the transition work. And keep Friday – or any day you chose – for your Dinner and TV night.
Cindy – my parents used to put on music while cooking and through dinner. It always felt like the start of an event, seeing my dad put on a cd and join my mom in the kitchen, talking and letting me help and dancing while they make dinner. Sitting down for dinner with music felt exciting. Maybe this could help replace the tv? Even let your kid choose the music sometimes. Play little games of dinner time conversation too – like rose, thorn, bud and stuff, and tell him about your day too (it always made me feel smart and important when my parents would explain to me what they did all day).
Funny moment on the BTS song. I recently moved back to the states (weird time) but I joined a YMCA and love the community I feel in classes. One of my teachers plays a BTS song called “Idol” it is so good. I looked it up and put it on my running playlist. Recently I was discussing new music with some younger women at church and I said “have you guys heard of the band BTS?!?” Everyone slowly turned at me confused. “YES! Because they’re are like one of the biggest bands in the world…that’s like asking a millennial if they’ve ever heard of N’Sync” I was so embarrassed and endeared myself to the group. I blame living in South America. Learning new things everyday (for reference I’m 39 but I do know who Taylor swift is).
I’m taking a ceramics class where I am easily the oldest person there at 45, and the other day I asked “what’s BTS?” after one of them mentioned it. The 20-somethings were horrified that I didn’t know!
I had this the other way round with my very young colleague who did not know who Tina Turner was and the first time she’d ever heard Bohemian Rhapsody was when someone sang it at our office christmas party karaoke. must have been quite the experience.
I’m pretty sure I first heard of half birthdays here on cup of Jo. My kids are 11 and 9 now and they’ve always had a half of a birthday cake with x and a half candles on their half birthday, and we measure them on our height chart on this day too. It’s beautiful to see them grow and they love that they don’t have to wait a whole year to celebrate something.
I was so excited to do this, until I realized that my three kids’ half-birthdays would land right by each other’s real birthdays! I decided to not start making those weeks even busier, but I’m a bit bummed that that tradition wasn’t a fit for us.
Amy, my kids’ half bdays would basically be thanksgiving and christmas, which means we don’t celebrate half birthdays here either… but given the timing, we’re pretty lucky to split the celebratory gift getting holidays evenly across the year!
The group of people that walk to the pub every Friday and have a pint are literally doing a cake walk! Just marvelous.
When my husband goes out of town, my daughter (22) and I get take out and watch a Say Yes to the Dress marathon. Now that I spend a lot of time taking care of my mom we don’t get to do it every time anymore but it is so special when we can.
We send a groundhog day card instead of Christmas cards! It started when we moved in 2022 and completely missed any December festivities, but now it’s become a nice way to break up the post-holiday slump. The card looks exactly the same every year, with exactly the same message, and an updated family photo taken in the exact same spot in our house. A few friends have their full collection displayed on the fridge and you can see how our family has grown!
We send photo valentines instead of Christmas cards! Usually a pun-ny pic of my son, this year his sister will be in it & getting a good photo of both of them is so far my biggest challenge.
That is so cute!
Last week, Design Mom shared someone’s post asking for your most unhinged woo woo habit that’s changed your life. I don’t consider legs up the wall woo woo, but someone claimed it could help them manifest things. I commented that we should choose a time when we all do legs up the wall and try to manifest a big change in our current federal government. Several thousand people agreed, so this Friday, at 5 PM CST, we are doing legs up the wall (if you don’t do yoga, check it out) for ten minutes. The more energy, the better, so I invite my Cup of Jo friends to join us!! Even if nothing changes in DC, it might just change us.
I just saved this as an appointment in my calendar. Can’t wait to join you all!
joining you from the UK #solidarity #legsgo !
Yes please!! I have added this to my calendar!
Oh hell yeah – I will absolutely go legs up with you beautiful people! I am going to manifest that someone’s McDonald’s habit comes back to bite him in the form of a big, beautiful, fatal heart attack. How’s that for manifesting?!
Joining you this Friday from Switzerland, hang on, american friends! #solidarity
I love you people.
Putting this in my calendar and joining you with love and solidarity from Australia.
I think this will be midnight my time, but I am in!
joining from cleveland, ohio!
Joining from Phoenix!
Just seeing this now… I’m assuming we’re doing it every week until further notice! I think it might’ve worked last week to some extent, don’t you? xo
When I’m having big feelings I take myself to a local body of water and toss stones into it. Sometimes I give each rock a feeling or whatever hard moment I’m dealing with, sometimes I scream as I throw, sometimes I just toss them in. It heals me every time.
I also make risotto as a grounding, banish the anxiety, be present moment!!! I’ve started going on moon walks with my dog at night. I call it moon time. She smells and I gaze in wonder. Even if we can’t see the moon it’s lovely. Makes the dark, cold winter nights a bit magical.
Thank you for this beautiful idea!
I LOVE this and can’t wait to read more from others! Mine right now–in the thick of job searching post-DOGE-ing–is to play Jock Jams (80s kid here!) to psych me up before a virtual interview. Pump Up The Jam, Get Ready, and Gonna Make You Sweat are GREAT for this purpose!!
If you want to be even more pumped up, try doing 100 jumping jacks to jock jams!!!
We moved from a temperate climate to a hot, humid East Coast summer town… and our charming old stone house has no central air conditioning. My kids began dreading hot days, so I instituted Medicinal Ice Cream. The rule is, if the temperature goes above 80 in the house, ice cream is mandatory! For… health purposes, of course. ;)
Laurie, you sound like my kind of lady!
Portable AC’s are worth the money, in this case, (until you can have mini-split’s installed)…get the double exhaust ones – they won’t cycle on and off every 3rd minute. I grew up in both NC and deep Alabama and the heat plus humidity is no joke. I wasn’t born there so used to faint regularly from heat stroke, with convulsions!, until the grownups figured out I was dehydrated. I forget the rule but there is a thing where at some point the humidity/heat combo is such that your body can no longer cool itself with sweating and it can be life threatening.
I do not miss the hot humid east Coast summers. This will be my 4th summer here in the PNW. I’ve never experienced such glorious summers before. I have my windows open 24/7 April through October. Porch sitting is absolutely my favorite thing out here. I do miss the summer night fireflies and cicadas, mostly the cicadas. But this weather is so nice. No a/c wanted or needed here.
Every morning, I get up and walk a 5k, and on Saturday mornings, my dad meets me and we have a nice catch up about our weeks. I feel really lucky to have this time with just the two of us, especially since he’s a good listener and gives good advice.
As someone who is close to my dad, but lives far away, this sounds like the most wonderful thing. What a lovely ritual, Meg. Makes me cry just thinking about it.
This is one of 113459081308 CoJ posts that has snuck up on me and made me emotional to read. Just sitting here at my desk, enjoying my leftover soup in a quiet moment during my workday and seeing such sweet examples of little slices of joy people commit to carving out time for, daily, weekly, annually – oh, the humanity. :’)
On Friday evenings, one of our local news channels features dogs that are up for adoption at the local animal shelter. It started when I used to pick up my mom from her workplace, stay for dinner and we’d watch “the dogs.” Well, mom has since passed on … but every Friday I still watch “the dogs” with my husband. I’ve been doing this for 33 years. We have our own rescue animals but it just became habit to watch.
that is so so sweet.
“This is where we come to scream.” I love this so much. -my dog loses his mind when it’s my husband’s turn to walk him, as soon as he’s back inside and off the leash he comes running to me to hug my legs (he’s a Shih Tzu mix) and give me kisses, and then I always ask him “Did you have a good walk?!” -every year in the week between Christmas and NYE we have a fancy lunch at the French restaurant Parc, here in Philly. We get cocktails, he gets mussels, I get the trout, and we people watch and marvel over the bread basket. -when I brush my teeth or wash my hair I do leg kicks and squats. It makes me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING good for my body. -a good friend of mine died in a car crash over 20 years ago, and my best friend and I decided that he lives on Orion’s Belt (because it’s one of two constellations we can find). During any night time walk, whether it’s with the dog or getting fresh air on my honeymoon, I find him in the sky and say hello.
Just need to say that I read “he gets mussels, I get the trout…” as a continuation of your first point about your dog, and enjoyed picturing a shih tzu mix daintily discarding his mussel shells at a French bistro.
My dog lives in Sirius, Orions Dog Star 🌟
Every Friday morning before school my daughter and I stop at a cafe, I get a fancy coffee and she gets some thing quick for breakfast. We have changed where we go over the years (as she shifted from elementary to middle school) and what we order, but it is a small weekly thing together to look forward to and it informally kicks off the weekend vibes.