Where Are You in the Birth Order?

I googled “stereotypical traits of the youngest child” and it said “spoiled, charming, carefree, and rebellious”. I would say . yeah? Pretty true for me. I certainly have a taste for finer things in life (much to the chagrin of my bank account). I think I’m relatively charming and funny. I may appear carefree to outsiders – or may not? I don’t have the same anxiety as many of my girlfriends- no health anxiety, not too worried about death or getting sick. But I do have lots of anxiety about my life choices (did I move to the right place? did I buy a house in the right neighborhood? etc). I am also rebellious and don’t like being told what to do – maybe because as the youngest, everyone is always bossing you around! I love birth order! My sister is 6 years older, so I saw someone else say I would be a “functional oldest”. I do think I’m pretty self-motivated and hardworking. It’s all fascinating!

What I have noticed is that you are far more likely to respond to this prompt if you are the oldest or middle child. LOL. I’m the youngest of 2. I had to google what the stereotypes are. I’m not spoiled. I’m independent. I’m responsible. I don’t identify with the description at all.

It’s complicated! My brother and I are 3 years apart – he is older. But when we were 16 and 13 my family adopted my younger brother at age 6 from another country. He couldn’t speak our language and had never seen a man with a beard! He definitely changed our family. But I’m not middle child coded at all. Probably more of eldest/only daughter. Though since my father died my brother is stepping into role of patriarch. And my mother wishes to be the matriarch. It’s complicated!

Number 3 of 6. Have twin sisters 13 months younger, so we were basically treated as triplets! I think I am the typical middle child – trying to keep peace among everyone!

As two very middle children (me one of 3, husband one of 5) I find it quite weird that my daughter is an “oldest” (or an only!)

It’s complicated! In my adoptive family, I’m the 2nd and only daughter. My older brother has some disabilities, though, that put me in a position of at least a more mature sibling. There’s also the coddling of the first born son by Italian mothers. In my biological family, though, I’m the oldest of 6. We have a complicated family story and weren’t raised together (only 2 of the 6 were raised together). #4 of 6 gives the oldest sibling vibes. I give middle sibling vibes. #3 is a pot stirrer (youngest vibes?) , etc.

I’m a twin, too, and I feel like my twin and I split the oldest daughter role–she covers the logistics, we affectionately refer to her “on time airline” because she’s so punctual, but I’m brave. Whenever we would have to do something, like get a shot or try something new, she’d just nod to me and I’d know I was going first. Of course we never talked about this, we just naturally settled into our roles. I’d be interested in hearing from other twins!

I’m the second of four, but I think something else about my situation had a much bigger impact: I’m the only girl! Guess whose job it will be to organise Christmas when my parents are gone?

I have a complicated assessment of birth order (like many of you!) I am technically the youngest of two. However my brother has a significant intellectual disability so I’ve played the older sibling role in many way for much of my life. And in some ways I had a partially only child childhood because he!is much older and moved to a more independent housing situation when I was young. But still came home a few nights a week. So I felt like an only child when he wasn’t there- my parents treated me like an only child in the sense of me being grown up and possessive of my things! But now I have two typical kids and I really see how birth order is a thing. Its hard to be the oldest! Its hard to be the baby! Its all hard! :)

Only child…and probably a fairly typical one. Old soul. Independent. Incredibly close with my parents (we’re a small family unit of 3!). Control freak. Not great at sharing. Confused and fascinated by sibling relationships. I will say, though, I don’t consider myself any more spoiled than any of my friends from a similar socio-economic status. I think the spoiled only child theory is outdated.

Eldest daughter of 3. I wrote the book on classic birth order baloney in dysfunctional families. I spent 5 years in therapy to help me deal with people who should be in therapy. But mostly I like my eldest daughter personality. I am decisive, thoughtful, and know how to get things done! (And I have also learned how to relax, stop people-pleasing, and let go of people who do not value me—welcome to the mid-50s!)

Oldest of four. Type A. Lawful Good. Upholder of the Family Order.

YES! Fellow twin here. My sister and I are identical, but we were born by emergency c-section and we’re a minute apart. The minute is everything! But in our case, “we bonked heads in the womb” is what we say, because I was second born, but I’m the dominant twin out of the two of us.

Fellow twin here (and the second born twin). I feel like my sister isn’t the older twin than me and always say it doesn’t matter, which reminds me of the funny meme. asking twins who’s older younger twin: it doesn’t matter. we’re twins, we’re the same age. older twin: me.

My situation is some of this and some of that. My brother and sister were 15 & 17 when I was born (I learned very early that I was an “oops”—my mom thought she was starting menopause). In some ways I am definitely a baby—entertaining, a big self-absorbed, clowny. But I also have a lot of “only” characteristics–by the time I was 4 both my siblings had flown the coop. I was in my brother’s wedding when I was 5. I have a craving for some solitude, a certain nerdiness that I equate with being an only. I was also a “little adult.”

I’m the oldest of two sisters, and also the oldest grandchild and oldest cousin on both sides of the family, and I am definitely, throughly an eldest daughter! Organized, Type A, planner, knowledge keeper, all of it. I was often referred to as the ‘mom’ of my friend groups, taking care of people, making sure they were fed, hosting holidays, giving people a home away from home (especially in undergrad and grad school, when we were all young and literally away from home). For the most part I’ve enjoyed it a lot and it’s been received with love, but it can also be exhausting and I’m sure has sometimes been obnoxious for people around me. I’m trying to unlearn the people pleasing and overextending myself, while still maintaining warm, nurturing community – it’s a tough balance! My husband is an ultimate only (only child, only grandchild, no cousins) and is so calm, level-headed, and mostly unfazed, except when it comes to extended family dynamics, which is a lot for him – understandably, since he never had to deal with it growing up! My dad is an oldest / functional only, but has big middle child energy, and my mom is an ultimate middle – third of four kids (three girls, one boy) and the middle daughter. She always felt decidedly unspecial, because her older sister was the oldest, her younger sister was the baby, and her brother was the only boy. My own sister is such an interesting mix of some youngest traits and lots of middle traits, and that is so wild to me, because we actually had a baby sister who was very sadly stillborn when we were little, so my living sister actually sort of was/is a middle, even though she grew up a youngest.

Oldest of three (big sister to two brothers) currently on vacation abroad with my parents, siblings, my two kids, and my niece and HOO-BOY we are all reverting. The big sister pressure to handle all the logistics and keep everything running smoothly is so real, I’m starting to feel my eyes twitch like the sister in Encanto, ha! 😵‍💫 To all the other big sisters out there, please send me strength haha!

I am the middle child, but older sister is very much a rebel and I’m a rule follower, type A planner so I inhabit peacemaker plus planner roles.

I am the oldest and have one younger brother (3 years younger) who was fully acknowledged as the “prince” of the family. This dynamic has definitely continued into adulthood. I also think I act the oldest at work and now with my husband. I find my husband’s family more fascinating because they are a mix personalities and behavior that do and don’t fit their birth order. The oldest is a boy who is the least involved in the family. He’ll come to things but he’s not the one making any plans or being particular about things. But he’s also the one who took care of their dad when he was sick. My husband is the middle child. He likes to fly under the radar but he’s definitely not a peacemaker. And their younger sister acts like a typical oldest – bossy and high achieving (I can say that because it describes me too :) )

On the subject of siblings! Would love if CoJ featured readers who are only children and what their experience was like, and people who have only one child. As a childfree fence sitter, I feel disappointed in the question- are you going to have kidS? I’d love to hear more about the experiences of only children. Merle Bombardieri, a parenthood decision coach, says it can be a great path for people who are unsure, and culture is finalllllly starting to correct itself on the narrative of only children but it’s long overdue. She says only children tend to be incredibly well adjusted and secure, and it’s a path to parenthood that forgvies a lot of the concerns and strains for people who are on the fence. I’d love to know what readers who grew up as ‘only’s’ felt/feel in their experience!

My birth order is a little complicated because I have three older half brothers that are 12, 13, and 14 years older than me. Then a younger half brother who is 5 years younger than me. So from my dad’s side, I’m the youngest. My mom’s side, I’m the middle child. And the only child between my parents. However I was raised with my younger brother and that would make my birth order “the oldest”.

I am the oldest of 3 and totally relate to the above comment — EXCEPT! I also have 1 older cousin who is an only child and has commandeered me as her younger sister. So in my immediate family I have strong oldest daughter energy but she overrules me in our extended family context. Also interesting – we have all married people of the same birth order! Including my parents, who are both the middle of 5. So weird, but I guess like calls to like?

I’m third of 14, I stayed and did everything needed to keep our family intact when Mom died at 46. There were 2 in diapers still. Dad was nuts for a couple of years. I had been the responsible one for years I was 20 at the time and a mom junior with years of experience. I just kept doing what I always did no one asked no one thanked us. You see there were 4 of us.

I’m a middle child of 5 so definitely try to keep the peace. But I’m also the oldest of “the little kids” so I also am an oldest daughter in practice! I like to plan eeeeverything. My two older sisters are 10 and 8 older than me, my two younger siblings are 3 and 6 years younger than me. By the time I was in middle school, my older sisters had moved out and I took their awesome bathroom and the role as Leader!

I’m the oldest of two, and my mom and dad are both the youngest in their families. Even our gerbil and cat were runts of their litters. I think I exhibit maximum eldest child control and take-charge traits because I *had* to manage a household of youngests. But I’ve also kind of burnt out on it, so I let my eldest child husband make most of our plans, and then tell him how he can improve them, lol.

Mom of 3 daughters – eldest and fraternal twins. The twins technically exited at nearly the same time (birth certificate says same time) and the one who actually came out first is absolutely a middle child. Go figure!

I’m the middle and it’s so funny because my sister is absolutely none of the “firstborn” -isms and she is 2 years older than me. I wish she helped more with planning, reservations, etc 😂she is non committal to everything! I have to do it all cause otherwise no one else would 🥲

I am the eldest of three girls, eye of the wolf-tornado, a goth who had the earliest curfew and no car presiding over two eventual sorority girls.

Oldest of three here! I can relate to the perfectionist planner personality. I am so Type A! My husband, who is a middle child, is a *classic* peacemaker. It drives me nuts sometimes but also it has taught me a lot.

I’m the youngest as I have an older brother but behave more like a first born. Whenever I’m asked about birth order I tell people that I am the youngest, but it’s a The Simpsons situation where I’m Lisa and my brother is Bart. People understand this analogy immediately and it helps me feel understood.

I am the second of 3. I have the attributes of the first born and my older brother does not. I am also the peace maker. So a utility player on the family team. People who meet us often assume I am the oldest.

Only child of an only child (dad) here. My mom had a younger brother who was drug addled and estranged and died many years ago, and she and her older brother never really had much of an adult relationship. Not bad, just nothing there it seemed. So I essentially grew up as the only person in my entire generation – no siblings or cousins, (or aunts/uncles) and only grandchild on my dad’s side. Never really knew the cousins on my mom’s since she and her brother never got together and I didn’t know any different. I was quite close with my dad’s parents as a kid, so I think back then I didn’t think much of being an only child with no other kids in the family in any direction. But I was often very lonely. It’s quite disorienting as an adult to have no biological family other than my dysfunctional parents to belong to, though I am deeply grateful I still have them by far. I have my husband and two wonderful daughters I had later in life but if I had to it to do over again, I would’ve had three or four kids just so that they always had each other, since neither of us has any aunts/uncles or cousins to give them. My husband had a brother who died, and has an older sister but she doesn’t play much of a family role to us in any way, which is very complicated and likely more to do with her personality traits and mental health issues than anything. Her son is very sweet and hopefully will have a relationship with our kids when they’re older, but it is certainly very tough not having much family as an adult, and raising kids without one around. I think I am all things – the caretaker, the giver, the thoughtful one, the anxious one, the fiercely independent one, because I had no other choice or reality. Most of all – extremely perceptive and always curious about everyone else’s stories.

Birth order is fascinating and I think 100% plays a role in who we are! Amy Poehler’s podcast episode with Andy Samberg describes him as “America’s little brother” and when I heard that I swear my brain went “ding ding ding”! He talks about how he loved growing up with two older sisters because the made space for him to be himself, versus older brothers might not have been as encouraging or patient, or may just straight up beat him up for being annoying. I loved reflecting on how those two older sisters let him develop fully into his undeniable “little brother” energy.

I’m also a twin, but it’s just us. I once participated in a team building activity where we had to get into groups based on our birth order, and I didn’t know where to go. I’m not an only child but, with only 10 minutes separating me and my brother, I’m not exactly a youngest nor am I the oldest, and I’m definitely not a middle. And f*** astrological birth charts. My brother and I couldn’t be more different yet we were born practically at the same time in the exact same location. There’s no way that the planets could have moved that much between our births.

I am 3 minutes older than my fraternal twin and by far I have the “first born and oldest daughter” personality type, much to my twin’s chagrin!

Oldest daughter of four girls! I think I used to be a lot more Type A growing up, I’ve learned to chill out a lot more and not always have a plan for everything. In general, though, I would say my sisters and I all have qualities that are stereotypical to our birth order…this really exhibited itself when we all went to see Little Women in theaters in 2019 and all identified with the March girl who lined up with us!

Coming in here to add for any Aussie, Kiwi or UK readers… the way personhood influences where you play on the netball court! I wonder if it’s been studied with birth order, too? Short, chaotic, everywhere, energetic, likes control? And an only child? I am a true Centre. Here if you need! After playing soccer (football) as an adult (quite badly) I think it also correlates to soccer positions, too.

I am an eldest daughter and I feel like it fits. When our mom years ago I became in charge of everything because I was ‘better at it”. I am also a nurse, so that was part of it too.

I am the youngest with one older brother, who is now estranged from our family. I would say we were always pretty opposite of the birth order stereotypes– I was the type A/straight A child who absorbed all the family trauma, converted it into autoimmune illness, and to this day the only one out of all of us who has gotten therapy. Though very professionally successful now in his adult life, my brother was the laid back troublemaker who got grades just good enough to pass. My daughter is an only child and I feel like a late-in-life only child due to the estrangement.

100% firstborn daughter (of three) and married a firstborn (also of three) and now we have a firstborn child although we do say that we also have our firstborn dog son (Frosty, with the one blue eye). In friend groups, at work, at church, I feel that my assumption of the caretaker (my spouse would say TCOB (Taking Care of Business) role is often the same!

Oldest of ten! Yes, I go to therapy. The upside is having lots of cool friends around the country as the grow up.

recently i was at a dinner event and the person next to me got very involved in peacemaking a situation. We had exchanged contact info so I texted her after and asked “are you a middle child?” She was like, How did you know?! My partner is also a middle child so I just recognized the impulse…

Youngest of 5 and totally have every stereotype of a youngest child. All 4 of my siblings have married oldest children of big families or an only child. Plus my dad is an oldest and my mom is a red head middle child. The Alpha energy in that group crushes me and I retreat into carefree irresponsibility around them despite being mid 40s. Part of me will never grow up and I’m fine with it. I’m also attracted to the same. I’ve dated almost exclusively youngest. My ex husband was youngest of 7 and my current partner of 5 years is ALSO youngest of 7. At family gatherings I love both being the babies and not expected to do anything except provide unhinged entertainment and sometimes get mixed up with the grandkids. (There are disadvantages I sometimes rage about but for the most part I love it)

I’ve never felt like the stereotypical birth order qualities applied in my family. Neither for my sister and me nor for my parents amongst their own siblings. I’m curious, though, for those who identify with the features of a firstborn, second born, etc. if these traits make their strongest appearance when you’re with your family of origin or if they carry through in other relationships/aspects of life? As Joanna hinted, she assumed more of an eldest daughter role when back home with her parents, suggesting these traits might be more muted when outside of that dynamic. It makes me think of Felicity Aston’s fascinating observation that character can be fluid, taking shape based on those we’re surrounded by.

I’m the second oldest of 13. Yes, 13! Not as dysfunctional as the Duggars but no cake walk either. We first three are girls, and we were definitely parentified so that feels like the most substantial sibling role. We are 5 girls and 8 boys, with 23 years from oldest to youngest. The 5th of us was a boy who had many physical and developmental challenges- never walked or talked and was fully dependent for care until he died unexpectedly in 2020. The 6th of is is a girl, and it felt like we restarted with a second set of birth orders (like, she’s like a second eldest child). It was complicated and chaotic, and I am very close to many of my siblings.

Yeah, this video was me on a vacation to Costa Rica with my mom and sister. Planned everything and loved it until I realized I was also responsible for driving the rental car. Blergh! With great power comes great responsibility.

My dad is a retired therapist and he always said he could figure out a patient’s birth order within the first few minutes of meeting them. Not just if they were first, second, or third etc but of the genders of their siblings in relation to them. He said that knowing birth order wasn’t as much for the patient’s benefit (though it was often a factor in why they were in therapy in the first place) but because it impacted how they related to their *therapist*. As the younger sister of sisters, I can tell you I LOVE therapy. I told my dad that once and he just laughed. Apparently, that goes without saying ;)

I’m the oldest of two sisters and definitely got the perfectionism (which can be such a drag) and the conscientiousness and independence but my younger sister is the bossy one. I’m also not really a planner usually but have been a diplomat and peacemaker my whole life. So some of the stereotypes hold, but not all for us. Though I guess I WAS elected small group leader on my NOLS course as teenager even though I was the youngest female…

I read an article somewhere on the disappearance of the middle child. The theory was that as the default family makeup is increasingly 2 kids + 2 parents, the world is loosing out on the contributions of the middle child(ren), who are so often the peace makers. The author asked: how does that change society on a macro scale? What happens when we loose our peace makers and mediators and our not-always-in-the-spotlight people? I know that in my family of origin where I am one of 3, the dynamic was different than the stereotype, but if you just follow the article’s line of reasoning, it certainly brings up some fascinating questions.

I’m the oldest child of two, but the middle cousin of 10 very close cousins … which I think has given me a mix of oldest and middle traits. I don’t understand youngest attitudes at all! Although most of my friends are youngest children.

I’m the elder of two sisters and all of my good friends are either eldest sisters or only children. We often share a wry laugh over “If they’d just listened to us in the first place, they wouldn’t be in the pickle they’re in now!” (Where “they” can be anyone from our siblings to our partners or our kids – or, let’s face it, our own parents, these days.) My younger sister would LIKE to be the big sister and she tries to bring that vibe to the function, but just ends up bulldozing and upsetting everyone and then leaving me to do the peace-making. If only she’d listen to me in the first place! ;-)

Oldest daughter here! My husband and son are also the oldest born. We are about to have a second child and it will be so interesting how the dynamic will be with three oldest children and one youngest.

Eldest daughter of 5 half/step siblings who are all 7+ years younger than I am. I am 36 and have only very recently understood that my parents shouldn’t have relied on me the way they did to help raise my siblings. It’s created many little rifts that I don’t see ever being resolved. I get terribly sad thinking about how I won’t have close relationships with my adult siblings and stressed thinking about how the burden of caring for our parents will fall on me, when my parents did so much more for my younger siblings than they did for me. Oof. It’s fraught, y’all.

My birth order is a unique situation: I was a firstborn daughter to my biological mother, who was just 19 a the time, and bravely decided to give me the opportunity to be adopted. My parents adopted my older sister a couple year before me, so even though my personality is firstborn, I was raised as the baby. I am truly thankful every day for my amazing parents that were not able to conceive themselves and gave me the most idyllic childhood. They are my best friends and the backbone of my son’s village present day.

I’m the youngest of two and we are both in our 40s. Of course, I have manners and pitch in when I’m with friends, extended family, my inlaws. But if you ever come across me at my parents’ house with “the originals,” (aka my mom, dad and big sister) you’d think i’d never met a dirty dish that someone else couldn’t clear from the table.

Oldest of two daughters. My sister has disabilities and physical and mental health issues. My mom is very high functioning but has had mental health issues my whole life. So I’m both the planner and organizer as well as the one who smooths things over and makes sure to accommodate everyone’s needs. I resent it. I’ve been trying to let go of making sure everyone is accommodated and trying to focus more on my own kids (and a little bit on my needs), but then people feel hurt. I’ve also been trying to lower my expectations for my mom and sister. Sometimes I have an idea of what I want to happen, for example around the holidays, that is more than they can handle. I’m trying to let that go, but also make them realize that I get to do the things I enjoy and if they don’t want to participate, that’s okay. As an aside, Jo, the video ads keep taking over my screen in the middle of typing comments. Not sure if you can do anything about that. Thank you!

Umm I’m sorry what?? Second children are supposed to be peacemakers? Not my experience at all with my second child (of four) or my younger brother, also the second (of three). Hilarious, wild child, life of the party— all yes. Peacemaker, definitely no :) I’m an oldest daughter & only girl and yep, stereotypes hold true for me!

I am the older of 2. I have a younger brother. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad remarried when I was 12, and from then on I had an older stepbrother and was in the middle. I have no idea what that means in terms of shaping my personality but I feel like kind of the oldest and kind of the middle.

People who meet my sister and me in adulthood are always surprised when they learn I’m older than her. She’s a little more practical and useful in some ways, and I’m a bit of a dreamer. We each have our strong points though, don’t get me wrong. It’s funny because what’s one year of difference when you’re in your thirties, but I guess age order traits can be a thing.

I am an only child and I feel it gave me a sense of independence and strength. Only children get a bad rap for some reason, I know I’ve been judged by people for being an only child, but the few only children I know are very well adjusted and thoughtful people. There are lots of different ways to be brought up in the world and I wish people would be more open to different experiences instead of instantly writing them off as bad or less than. I now have twins and I will say it has been challenging to navigate their relationship – knowing when to intervene or let things go because “siblings.” But I’d imagine that is challenging for any parent.

I am the oldest of three but my parents were so controlling they never – not even as an adult – allowed me to take charge of anything to do with the family. I loved Greek mythology as a child and often felt like I was a character in one of those classical drama’s where the royal parents try to kill off their userper children so they don’t claim the throne, not that I would have ever done that. But my parents made me feel like that. And yes, that entire experience required therapy for me, lol. I’m ok now but our relationship never recovered. They were both very damaged people and I quickly came to understand that. The both loved me in their way, and that knowledge allowed me to understand a lot about them as people and life and what we all survive.

I am an only child and as an adult, I see how clearly it influences my personality and choices. I run a business with 2 partners, but I am very much of the ‘if I don’t do it, it won’t get done right’ state of mind. Delegation is hard (“no one can do it as good as me” says the little only child devil on my shoulder). But I am also capable and organized and naturally lead. So two edges of the same sword!

These are all fun to read on a school snow day! I am 3 of 4, the 3rd girl with a younger brother. I definitely was placed into the peace maker role/people pleaser because my older sisters were the rebels. I was also diagnosed with a rare autoimmune blood disorder(ITP) as a toddler that forced me to grow up fast so b 8 years old, I felt like I was a 40 year old based on the medical life experience at a young age. Overly responsible, a planner, a director, organized. My family in turn took a lot of advantage of that as I grew older and pretty quickly was *parenting the parent* and feeling like I was placed as the head of household not by choice At 38, I am releasing a lot of that and allowing myself to just be what I need to be for myself and my own family.

Oldest daughter of five living children (G/G/G/B/B (stillborn)/B), but I basically abandoned or refused to own the oldest daughter role in order to individuate properly. I WILL come up with a plan if no one else in the family has one, but I’ve adapted to lead only when others won’t. To me it’s not just worth the struggle to try to always be in charge in a family dynamic where I wasn’t really allowed to have my own voice. In my 20s I realized I had no desire to be the 3rd parent of my siblings and it was a powerful and freeing realization. These days in my 40s I’m routinely mistaken for anyone in the birth order other than the oldest, and a pedicure lady once awkwardly asked if my younger sister (the 2nd born) was my mother. I can only speak from my own experience, but one thing I felt growing up was too much having to go with the family/group identity and not really being allowed to have my own opinions and needs. Probably the product of having a narcissistic father plus the trauma of a sibling’s stillbirth that was never properly addressed with therapy. It was important to me to become my own person as an adult not simply tied to playing a certain role within the family. I just share my eldest daughter experience as a counterpoint to what people usually say about owning their birth order. For me, it wouldn’t have been helpful and would have prevented me from figuring out who I was. I’m actually really close with all four of my siblings now as adults and I think it’s because I opted of a persona I was expected to adopt. I got to know myself for who I really was, accepting myself and in turn accepting each of my siblings for who they are instead of trying to change them, which it turns out is a great foundation for healthy relationships. We’re definitely doing some cycle-breaking these days.

LOL! First-born daughter here with a plan! Great photos.

I’m the second of four, but the oldest daughter (it’s: brother, me, sister, sister). I resent the sense of obligation and responsibility that I feel was placed upon me. I’ve been the go-to person for things as minor as texts from distant relatives asking for a sister’s address (why not ask HER, I always wonder) to things as major as calling mortuaries after the death of my mother’s boyfriend to ask about pricing and services. It’s been a lot of really hard work and therapy over the past 10ish years to learn how to set boundaries, say no, and let go of the feeling that I need to handle everything for everyone. As a mom now, I’m really conscious of this, and I hope that I don’t perpetuate the same thing in my children.

Middle child but the only daughter, so I feel a mix, esp seeing my mom, an only child, supporting her mom, widowed at a young age. Anybody here remember the Judy Blume book, The One in the Middle is the Green Kangaroo? I can’t recall much of the story, just the cover, but whenever I think about being the middle kid I think about that green kangaroo!!

I’m the. middle of three daughters. I love being the middle child and am definitely the peacemaker – something that has served me well and is also coming up a lot in therapy currently, hahah. Now that our parents are aging and I am the daughter that lives close to them, I see myself taking on more oldest daugther tendencies – I’ve really felt for the firstborns lately!

I’m a triplet and we all fit the stereotype, despite entering the world only 3 minutes apart (me, then 3 minutes later my first sister, and 3 minutes later my second sister). We firmly represent our eldest, middle, and baby daughter roles perfectly. Funnily enough, when my younger brother arrived 6 years later, that did not shift my sister to the role of another middle child – our family just has 2 babies! :-)

We’re both the oldest child, so we have to assign ownership or we’ll both sign up for classroom snacks, call the plumber, and double-book dance hotels, for example. I’ve also always been the social planner of the friend group, so we’re actively trying to learn how to relax. Our three kids fit the birth-order stereotypes almost perfectly. Our oldest organizes games and runs her siblings like a tiny CEO. She’s organized and super ambitious, just a little too hard on herself sometimes, so we’re working on that. The middle? Total “fun at parties” kid. Loves people, loves laughs. We call him the mayor of the family. The youngest is pure chill. No fear of trouble, no people-pleasing Her goal is cuddles and getting what she wants. Same parents, wildly different personalities…