Five Pick-Me-Ups
How is your summer going so far? Right now Anton’s traveling with his dad, and I miss him so much! It’s a hard part of being divorced, but I am trying to work on it like a muscle and lean into other things. So! This past weekend, Toby, Freddie, and I drove upstate to visit friends. When Freddie came to pick us up, he made us laugh with this sign.
Here’s the view from their porch! So cool to have a pool in the front yard.
Our friend Jimmy made linguine with clam sauce (NYTimes gift link) for dinner — “But I used fresh shucked clams, not canned,” he told me, “They have a better taste and feel.” — along with Alison Roman’s spicy breadcrumbs, or “savory sprinkles” as his kids called them. Soooo delicious and lemony.
Afterward, we played Ono 99 (a very fun, rousing game that’s easy to learn), and I loved these expressions when these two realized they were going to lose.
Remember Sharon?
We also went to a nearby cheese shop with the funniest little signs. This one made me laugh: “Excellent gouda of unknown providence and undetermined age. Bought from our Belgian cheese guy, who provided no supporting documentation and is not answering his emails. Probably Dutch, maybe Belgian.”
Finally, my wonderful friend just got surgery and asked for quick funny podcasts while recovering. I remembered this old round-up — what would you add to the list?
Hope your summer is going well, although of course it doesn’t have to be! As Zora Neale Hurston wrote, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” What have you been up to? Here for it all, and sending love, as always. xoxo
P.S. A few more pick-me-ups:
* fun break-up advice from Gemma
* delicious boxed brownies and cool $40 sandals you can hike in
* asking long-time friends to hang out (made me laugh)
* sneaking potato chips into recipes and meeting the neighbors
* the difference between hotels and Airbnbs, hahaha
(VW bug Citroen 2CV photo by Grace Cady. Thank you, Julia K.!)
Tags: fun things, personal
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181 commentsTwo funny and thinky YouTube serial shows for entertainment. I laugh a lot while watching both. Mike Birbiglia’s Working It Out (Mike is a comedian and he interviews other comedians in a thoughtful kind way that I really appreciate—but also, it’s just funny when they riff) Alton Brown Cooks Food. I never really watched Good Eats but some commenters say this is similar. It’s just a little unhinged but always interesting and Alton is good at making fun of himself and entertaining. Please wish your friend an ease-filled recovery, Joanna.
Yesterday was a complicated day. We had a service of remembrance for all who died in the Texas hill country in the morning and a community fireworks viewing party at night. We can see downtown fireworks from our church property, but not hear them. So I asked the DJ to play classical music and he played a Russian march from a ballet mixed with string versions of SIA and Katy Perry. It was kind of hilarious and did not match the fireworks show at all, but I had real peace sitting in the grass in the dark lost in the sights and sounds. A wonderful feeling after a complicated year.
I needed to hear that Zora Neale Hurston quote. This is a year that asks. I am preparing for lumpectomy surgery, radiation, and then the mandated start of menopause with hormone blockade to hopefully prevent the cancer in my breast from spreading throughout my body. This year is asking patience, gratitude (that I recently got married and joined my husband’s Federal health insurance plan), and groundedness. I am happily loved by family and friends, and fortunately, the tumor is early stage and slow growing. Could be a lot worse.
The Off Menu episode with Lucy Beaumont. Also not a podcast, but Taskmaster is on YouTube and has great overlap with Off Menu (host Ed Gamble on season 9, James Acaster on season 7), and 90% of the contestants wind up on Off Menu. Favorite seasons are Sam Campbell’s season and Noel Fielding’s season.
Yes yes and yes! Fellow Taskmaster superfan and the podcast has been bringing me so much joy!
I cannot believe no one has mentioned the squirrel cop episode of this American Life. Got me through a difficult drive home from the hospital when my young daughter was doing chemo and I recommend it to anyone who needs a little laughter in their life.
HAHAHAHA wow what a fantastic photo of the doomed two their expressions are the stuff of life! I had a side hustle as a cheese monger years ago – that sign is hilarious.
I lost someone I loved in June. She wasn’t part of my daily life but it’s hit me harder than I expected. Forgive this clumsy metaphor, but I feel like grief is this foreign country where I landed without any planning, any map, any knowledge of the language, and I’m just asking myself where the %&#$ am I. Also, I have a chance at a new job – one that would plunge me back into an intense world of work after years of a low-pressure but soul-deadening work environment. I feel in my core that it’s the right move (if the numbers work out) but damn. What a huge change it would be. And summer, my favorite time of year, is flying by without me. Please know that I don’t feel sorry for myself – I’m so lucky to have this career opportunity – but this is a weird, disorienting chapter.
I’m sorry for your loss. I can relate to the bewildering aspect of grief. It’s interesting that you mentioned your loss and the new opportunity in your comment. Seemingly unrelated, but maybe not? “Where am I?” What a good question on so many levels. Who am? What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to honor? All questions that grief has given me opportunity to ponder. It’s ok to not know the language, not have a plan or a map. Be gentle with yourself in the strange country, feel it out with your heart, let it be, let yourself be shaped by it, because grief is really just the storm over the country of love.
I love that one of the pick-me-ups is literally a pick-you-up.
The episode of Mystery Show with Starlee Klein where she tries to find out how tall Jake Gyllenhaal is will always be the most endearing podcast episode. I always recommend it to people who are recovering from things.
We’re at our summer place in Sardinia, grown-ups working remotely, kiddos reading, swimming, and living off Nutella, popsicles and big pasta lunches. My husband had the genius idea to get a basic beginners guitar and now everyone is taking turns all day, plucking away at the guitar, working up to learning their favorite songs. Such a fun summer project for my teens and pre-teens!
Oh! And for funny podcasts—armchair anonymous (an offshoot of armchair expert w/Dax Shepard) is hilarious. Each week guests call in to share their stories for the weekly prompt and they are always a mixture of hilarious/heartwarming/horrifying. Each episode has about 4 stories so you can either listen for the hour or split into 15 minutes segments.
I feel like I’m finally coming up for air after a very difficult year of transition, change, and loss. As someone who prides themselves on being resilient, independent, and a good woman in a storm, the past year knocked my legs from under me. For anyone going through a similar moment in time, give yourself grace and trust that life will reassemble itself. The pieces may be in a different pattern and the picture might surprise you at first, but you’ll realize you were stronger than you thought.
Thanks for this encouragement note Jordan… who knew that a note from a stranger on a blog could give me a tiny spec of positivity this morning as I drink my coffee. This world can be a kind place when we are ready to receive… anyway – I’m in the midst of the most difficult hellish family struggle and somedays air is all I want (fresh clean air!) … once believing myself to be so resilient and storm-strong (at 65 I’ve been through my share!) I feel I’m being crushed. So today I may try to give myself grace & trust (not easy at the moment!) that life just may reassemble. I don’t believe it really, but if it does for others like you, maybe it can for me. thank you. thank you.
My kids and I started listening to Smash Boom Best- it’s a debate podcast where two things are put against each other and guest debaters present their arguments and rebuttals- dogs vs cats, otters vs alligators, mermaids vs Bigfoot! It’s truly interesting and often wildly funny, and today, we were laughing so hard that my fave was aching. Kid-friendly but everyone-friendly, too!
Rubiner’s is my local cheese shop!
A fun podcast is “Dear Hank and John.” It is a comedy podcast where two bothers answer listener questions and give dubious advice.
A whiteboard from Freddie’s classroom- spotted by this teacher from a “mile away!” :)
Podcast rec: How to Do Everything. It’s a low-pressure show about quirky subjects. Segments are short, topics are not heavy. Some segments make me laugh out loud, but usually they are more thoughtfully amusing. Like, they leave me with a little smile after spending 10 minutes hearing about something that was unexpectedly interesting. We’re having a great summer on paper, but in reality my work life is drowning me and my husband is on his third virus of the late spring/summer (plus a round of antibiotics for a related sinus infection!) and I’m just so exhausted. One of our kids is so excited to celebrate the US 250th anniversary, though, so that’s a bright spot coming up. Tomorrow will be our prep day, so we’ll be tie dying tshirts, making popsicles, doing some driveway chalk art, etc. I’ve also got a week off work soon. It’s stressful getting everything in order for it, but that week of disconnection will be blissful!
I would highly recommend the podcast Ologies to your friend. Super educational/fascinating AND funny.
Ologies is one of our go-tos for family road trips! There’s a topic for everyone, and the one’s you don’t think you care about turn out to be fascinating anyway! The hagfish episode, lol! If you have younger kids, they started up Smologies, which are shorter and have the (occasional) curse word or adult humor removed.
Long time reader, first time poster. Struggling with long covid which has knocked me off my feet, but immensely grateful for this community and the humanity I find here, day after day and year after year. I am filled with love for all of the women here who I have never met, but feel a kinship with. Cheers to us, to safe spaces, and to whatever summer brings.
Right back at you, Inbal. I hope your health improves — long Covid warrants far more research and public awareness.
Dealing with similar issues over here :/ it’s so hard, but so helpful to hear from others who are struggling, although of course I wish you weren’t. Wishing for more research, treatment, and grace for us all.
As someone with ME/CFS, I relate to you!
“VW Bug photo by Grace Cady”. That’s not a VW! That’s a Citroen 2CV (deux chevaux). Any other motorheads out there? Also, regarding the recent questions to ask new people post, I would ask, “What do you drive? What was your favorite car you’ve owned so far? What do you hope to own or drive someday?” Maybe not for NYC residents! :)
oooh thank you!!
I come from a car-obsessed family but am not one myself, it’s definitely another language!! Love that you spotted the model immediately, talented! And the best car I’ve ever driven was an M3 – as an extravagant treat, my retiring dad gifted the fam with BMW Performance Driving classes and WOW was that fun as hell. I mostly aspire to drive rarely and not own a car, but I appreciate the purr and sleak movement of a well-engineered car! Happy driving!
Ah, thank you for changing the photo credit! That made my day. (heart emoji)
On the home page right now, it looks like you in the top right corner are staring lovingly directly at Freddie holding his sign. It’s so sweet <3
aww you’re right :)
I felt so heard when I read “Your summer doesn’t have to be going well”. My life feels so hard right now. My mother died of terminal cancer in April and it has all been a blur since then. My sister, who lives in Belgium, 1000 km away, is very serious about money + heritage. Although I was close to my mother (5 min by bike!) and took care of her for 1,5 years – now of course my sister wants “half of the house” and “half of the car” despite of being very wealthy herself – which of course is correct by law. We want to sell our house which we bought at the peak of the real estate crisis in Germany and move into my mothers small house by the sea. We need to renovate A LOT. Two days ago during a rainstorm the roof leaked through leaving us with a wet house. I dont even know if this all makes sense as I write it down. Every possible small thing seems to be going wrong right now. Bills and bills and bills and overdue notices are flooding our house. My sister is not of any help, my husband is overwhelmed (while still beingt the best and most reliable person on Earth!), my kids are grieving (5 + 8 years old). I am a general practitioner, my partner in my doctors office is leaving dec. 31st, my new partner is wonderful but it takes a lot of work to restructure EVERYthing. So everything is adding up right now, it is indescribable. For the first time in my life my resilient self, who survives by ice bathing, biking every day and running is crumbling apart. Did I mention we inherited my mothers dog? Not a dog person, not a dog family, it’s just extra work, so much work. I feel confused and helpless. I try to remind myself that “this too shall pass”, but it’s hard, so very hard.
Oh my goodness, I wish I could give you a hug and sit with you. If you need ideas on how to accept help (and if you don’t, ignore this)……..when someone offers help, help with the dog (anything from taking care of it, to finding it a new home or foster situation) sounds like a great place to start.
Sending you a virtual hug. I’m so sorry your sister is acting this way. I have three brothers and when my mom died, it was all up to me, the only girl, who always took care of everything. But they wanted everything done their way, right away. Hang in there, it WILL get better, and you will look back at this time, begrudgingly, as a time of great growth.
I’m sorry you’re going through this nele. I don’t have any advice or wise words to offer but I read every word and it made my heart ache for you. I hope this doesn’t sound hollow but you will get through it one day at a time. ❤
Bless you, Nele. I see you. I love you. You can do anything. Thank you for being so human.
I see you and the path you are on is so incredibly hard. Sending you a big virtual hug.
Nele, sending much love and strength to you. I am going through a very similar set of situations, so I can at least somewhat relate. Big hugs from Texas <3.
Ugh to all of this! All of life (and death) and all at once. This is clearly a hard time and a hard season. Of course it will pass (but it can seem so long and slow in the thick of it). It sounds like there is so much going on — accept and/or ask for help even if this is not your typical style or way of operating. It also sounds like there are good things ahead, even if a lot of work (maybe a small house by the sea, maybe some renovations that will end up great, maybe a fresh new perspective in the practice with the new partner…). Not sure if any of this helps, but keeping you in our thoughts on the death of your mom, the navigation of tricky family dynamics post-death, and a time of grief and upheaval. A giant hug from this community across the ocean. We are pulling for you, Nele!
I wonder if you could suggest that the dog be something your sister takes on? Sending so much love, I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum died of cancer 16 years ago (I had just turned 18) and things do get easier with time.
Sending all the hugs. I have been through similar inc the dogs and understand how overwhelming this can be esp in the midst of your grief. Like you, I have always been resilient and I never knew it was possible for me to break until that time. It doesn’t help right in this moment but know that time does improve things. Slowly maybe but eventually. I read on here recently the phrase, the tincture of time and I think it holds true. Be very, very kind and gentle with yourself x
From my experience, there is nothing like the death of a parent to bring out the true character of family members, the best and the heartbreaking worst. It will change you. My sincerest condolences on your loss, and the family strife, which is a whole other kind of loss. May the turbulence clear, resolve, settle and may good things come from this upheaval, even though you may not be able to see how that could happen from where you are now. Take good care of yourself and your kids. Stay the course. All will eventually be well.
I cried so much reading all your comments. I almost never cry because normally I am such an optimistic and honestly happy person. But this community is so .. overwhelming. In a positive way. It feels unbelievably uplifting knowing you read (parts of) my story and took the time to reply in such a loving way. Thank you.
Sending love. I can relate. It does get better, I promise!
1. I give you permission to rehome the dog if it’s too much for you. Dogs are a lot of work and that doesn’t have to be your responsibility. 2. I give you permission to tell your sister she needs to step up and help more and that you can’t do this alone. 3. Can you ask for help with the logistical restructuring in the doctor’s office? Even hire a part time temp to help organize files, etc, if that is what needs to be done? 4. The saying “when it rains, it pours” seems to be true for you right now. Please remember to care for yourself and give yourself a break when you need it. The problems will still be there when you return.
come on, legs!
Continuously using these long, bright days getting my spark back and finding a new stride, confidence, and perspective in dealing with a stalker/copycat /joy thief that has been lurking in the shadows for nearly two decades. Forever thankful for online communities that remind me we are not alone.
I’m solo parenting through the final 7 weeks of a 6.5 month spousal deployment (Canadian Forces) that has seemed so. very. long. The plus side is that summer where I work is our quietest, least-busy season, and I get some extra time off. The down side is that both my kids are playing ball and it happened to get scheduled for the same nights, sometimes overlapping, and sometimes back-to-back 6pm to 10:30pm. It’s interesting how the time remaining feels both so long and so short.
Kim, I would love to hear more about what it’s like to be a milspo in Canada. My husband is in the US Air Force, and I’m wondering how it differs (and if we can immigrate based on his work ;))
Podcast rec: Now You’re Asking with Marin Keyes and Tara Flynn. Irish agony aunts – yes, that is Marian Keyes the author – answer listeners’ questions ranging from “how do I make the perfect cup of tea?” to “Is my boyfriend the one?” They are gentle and generous and genuinely funny. I binged all three seasons and accidentally gave myself an Irish accent! We are heading out today for 11 days with my family. They’re in the middle of a horrible heatwave and staying with my dad means I’ll actually be caring for two cranky kids (one 6, one 78 years old), but I’m looking for moments of joy in ice cream cones, trips to the pool, and visits with old friends, my new niece and my cousin’s new puppy. (But next year, omg, I am NOT staying for 11 days!!! WHY do I do this to myself?)
Thank you for the podcast rec, this sounds amazing.
Here’s one! I’m finally getting a new bed (that my ex has never slept on!) and I need mattress recommendations! Memory foam, cooling are a plus.
This may not be an option where you are, but when I got divorced I went into our local mattress shop (Bedrooms and More in Seattle) to try some options. When I explained things to the sales guy, he said, “Oh! You want the divorce special!” He brought me to a very comfortable, mid-priced mattress, (a version of the Flip Premier) and encouraged me to try out a whole bunch of others before deciding. In the end, he was exactly right – I wanted the divorce special. :)
omg that’s amazing!
I got a Saatva hybrid (mix of foam + innerspring) mattress about 5 years ago now and it has ruined me for other mattresses. Perfectly firm and never too hot. Straight up memory foam mattresses all make me feel like I’m being slowly braised, so that latter point is key to me.
I love my Purple hybrid mattress, three years in!! A good amount of firm and soft, IMO.
I just heard this quote at a conference, from the famous biologist, E.O. Wilson, “”We are drowning in information, while starving for wisdom.” This summer will now be about disentangling myself from the information, and finding the wisdom within.
LOVE this, Erin!
I’m here for the literature quotes! Love! A very clever podcast that makes me laugh a lot is If Books Could Kill
I was going to rec IBCK! One of the host’s other podcast, Maintenance Phase, is also fantastic—both hosts are hilarious, although the subject matter is often depressing
You know those years you look back on and say “oh, everything changed”? I’m in one of those. I started my own business in January (scary, exciting), I started dating a sweet guy and it’s getting serious (scary, exciting), and I turn thirty this Friday (straight-up excited for this one). There’s lots of goodness in my life right now, but I’m also feeling grief. I really liked my single life! I love my house and having my wise, hilarious brothers as roommates. And I might marry this guy and move to a house that hasn’t had floors refinished by my dad, and a kitchen installed by my brother, and walls I painted with flowers?? It’s been such a special home, and I had a really good dream for life here. Expanding my heart and mind for new dreams is more intense than I imagined. I wanted a boyfriend for so long! And now he’s here and we go to the farmers market and wave at babies and imagine our own someday (!) And it’s all so new and tender. I feel like I need more time right in this moment before I can fully imagine an amazing partnered future.
Girlie I love this! What an exciting time for you. My 36 years of singlehood have been hard but so much fun and I wouldn’t trade it (easier to say now, with a boyfriend of 11 months by my side). I could say so much about all this but I won’t – I hope you have a happy birthday! 30s are the best.
I hesitate to recommend this podcast as it definitely has a very specific appeal and won’t be everyone’s cup of tea…but ‘Joan and Jericha’ is the funniest thing I’ve ever listened to. It’s two comedians parodying agony aunt advice – but providing completely inappropriate, rude and graphic responses. You can hear them constantly on the edge of losing it listening to each others responses but trying to keep a straight face. Its not for everyone but if you, like me, have a dark, sarcastic sense of humour (I’m British!) you will absolutely enjoy this. But read the refinery 29 review of it beforehand to see what I mean about the language!
THANK YOU for this recommendation. Was having a sad morning and this has given me a good laugh. <3
My town is a nice place to be in the summer and it’s home to Rubiner’s Cheesemongers. Fun to see it pop up on here today!
We are on our second year that asks a lot of questions. I just got my head above water this winter when we found out my husband has colorectal cancer. I have been in an amygdala hijack since May 2025. We are “wintering” this summer, with my focus on supporting my husband through fifteen rounds of chemo radiation and then five cycles of chemotherapy. His prognosis is good but the road to beating the disease is rocky. In the greatest understatement ever, his radiation oncologist called his tumor inconvenient. There are still so many moments of joy in this sea of shit but we are both so tired.
Oh Rachel, that just sucks — I’m so sorry you’re in it. For what it’s worth, I’m sending love from Germany. Be gentle with yourself, please.
Sending strength through an exhausting and difficult time. I hope you both get to move forward from treatment soon and onto recovery of the body, mind, and spirit.
Also in this “things couldn’t possibly get worse boom husband has cancer” soup. Can you believe this shit?? We celebrated his birthday yesterday and the whole family was there. I hope we have a lot more of those!
Sending you strength and hugs.
May you and your husband have as much sleep as you need. I agree with the other commenter who wishes you a full complete recovery physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Love and hope from this Internet stranger–and many concentric circles of support. <3 <3 <3
Rachel sending you a big solidarity hug. My husband and I both got DOGE’d last year and just as we thought we were coming up for air this winter, my husband was also diagnosed with cancer. His prognosis is also good, but the stress and exhaustion is really taking its toll. The caregiver role is very lonely as well. So sending up a flare that I see you! We got this!
I was feeling really down today because I really want to leave my job and have been interviewing for 2 years but nothing has panned out. I had an interview yesterday from which I haven’t heard back. I am beating myself down because I feel like I didn’t perform my best during the interview. I am also about to get a knee surgery so will not be able to walk or exercise which are my only hobbies for a little while :( At 34, I have been loving my freedom since my break up 8months ago but damn today I really wish I had someone to cuddle with. Telling myself to trust the universe :)
Zen, best of luck with your knee surgery. I had an ACL reconstruction about a year ago and it was a brutal recovery process. Make sure you have plenty of ice packs (get the nice knee wraps that you can just wrap around your leg! it’s the best!), a rolling cart came in handy for moving stuff around the apartment while on crutches, and do as much PT as you possibly can. Progress will be slow at first, but I promise you WILL get better! :)
That all sounds super hard, Zen. Keep the faith, keep applying, and believe in yourself. Find a way to adapt your exercise regime during your surgery recovery. This is your chrysalis time, and one day when you are flying you will look back and be glad you kept going. Hang in there.
Thank you both!!
For podcasts…our whole family (adults, preteens, teens) LOVES What It’s Like to Be: https://www.whatitsliketobe.com/ Each episode is an interview with one person about their job: a stadium beer vendor, a TV meteorologist, a baker, a PR crisis manager. Not every episode is funny, but they’re always interesting and occasionally really moving. And the host, Dan Heath, has that Joanna-like quality of warm openness and generosity.
This summer we purchased a bubble machine for our 2yo. It is magic! MAGIC! Beautiful magic! Grown-ups -treat yourselves to a bubble machine!
I’d add your sister’s episode on Jay Shetty’s podcast to that list <3
I work pretty closely with college-aged youth. This week we’ve been doing our most tedious manual labour task of the year which happens around this time every year and as happens, these sweet, brilliant, 18-22 year old young women (and nonbinary angels) will open up to me about their relationship problems, career goals, families of origin, just life. Today was a pretty heavy day talking about the patriarchy of it all and I got home feeling so weary from the world (and the manual labour, haha). In my mailbox was a postcard from one of my summer students last year telling me about her adventures but wishing she could be back doing that manual labour task with me “simply to hear your thoughts and opinions”. Well my goodness if that wasn’t exactly the thing I needed today. :’)
Gorgeous.
Summer is going. I’m 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant today which was the exact gestation I was when I had my first child and the fact that I am going to be pregnant longer this time is a mindf*** but I’m hanging in. Yesterday my doula suggested I write baby a letter so I did which turned out to be essentially a plea for why being born would be a good thing for him hahaha it also made me sob. Due to my present *condition* the summer has been lowkey—walks, time with friends, lots of reading. I’m really looking forward to the second half of the summer when it’s all nursing and newborn smell. If anyone wants to send good birth-y vibes my way that would be appreciated. Also, the cheese shop Gouda description made me snort. <3
Aww Christa all the sweaty July love as you wait for your lil pal to make a move!! These days are so tender.
25 weeks! Having a little pumpkin spice baby in early October. Sending all the strength and love your way to you both.
Wishing you such a good birth!!! And peace surrounding it all.
Just leaving Detroit after spending time with my brother and his partner, who have been lovingly—and exhaustingly—caring for my dad. We recently learned he has moderate-stage dementia, just days after discovering he’d been financially exploited by his live-in caregiver. He even signed over his home. Oof… a real doozy. Some weeks remind you that life doesn’t pull its punches. But they also remind you just how extraordinary people can be. I’m leaving with a heart that’s heavy, but hopeful, and incredibly grateful for the people who show up in ways you never imagined you’d need—even when that person turns out to be you. Happy summer to everyone who’s trying to find their footing while staring into what feels like a void. May you find moments of grace, unexpected kindness, and reasons to keep moving forward, even when the path ahead feels impossible to see. Holding on to hope, one day at a time. ❤️
Ugh, caregiving is so hard and SCARY. Glad you are leaving with hope in your pockets, though. Wishing your dad and family recovery, safety, peace, and (at least sometimes) fun!
Commenting because I can’t unsee the little person standing on that girl’s head while they’re playing cards, lol!
Omg hahahha! What IS that? That’s so funny!
Omg! Totally missed that and so glad you pointed it out! I think this post is actually Five Fun Things!
hahaha – I missed it at first, too! Thanks for pointing that out and starting my long day of work with a good laugh! Meanwhile, Jo – how do you catch such great candid shots in the moment? The pics are magic! I am usually too late on the draw with my phone : (
We swapped summer (California) for winter (Australia). I don’t recommend it 😂 We came to celebrate my husband’s grandma turning 90 so it’s worth it but I will be so glad to enjoy the sun when we return home. Enjoying the cooked meals, babysitting and not working while I’m here though!! Podcast: That Sounds Fun with Annie F Downs ☺️
Hi Katherine, fellow Aussie here lamenting about the weather (and also named Kathryn) We are doing the reverse and swapping winter in a couple weeks for a hopefully-still-warm British summer to celebrate my husband’s grandparents turning 90 too! Such a special time. Then over to the US to see my family. Hope the weather is kinder to you over the coming days! Our winters aren’t usually this bad.
Reading how everyone’s doing really helps me feel connected to humanity in such a nice way. My summer has been weird so far. While there seem to be heatwaves everywhere else, it’s strangely cold and gloomy here in California. We’ve officially been trying for our second baby for a year now. At 36, I feel the pressure mounting every time my period comes. At the same time, my two-and-a-half year old is so sweet and funny and smart; he cracks me up every day. We planted watermelons, corn, squash, pumpkins, tomatillos, and tomatoes from seeds, plus a few mystery things (my son dumped random seeds into the planter box), and everything is absolutely thriving! We’re camping in Big Sur later this summer. I might go to Catalina Island with friends. I’m really enjoying watching the World Cup. I bought a huge box of ice cream sandwiches, but I’ve also been making my own ice cream with fresh strawberries, peaches, cinnamon, and candied pecans. My husband is trying to figure out a new career, and we might need to move (again) but it’s just a little bit of everything all the time, isn’t it?
This summer is a busy one. Working to organzine a coalition to push for a multi-year moratorium on data centers here in Oregon. It’s daunting and hard to do with small children but also the energy feels like this is the time and we capitalize on this year’s election and fight back against the tech oligarchs. So trying to remember to sleep, eat veggies, stay hydrated, and have no screen/work time with my children.
Outside magazine podcast with Paddy O is delightful. He’s a super sweet, thoughtful interviewer and has an interesting range of guests. I particularly recommend the episodes with Brooks Wheelan and Nick Offerman. I also always love the Cautionary Tales podcast with Tim Harford, and the all time best podcast is The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast. Righteous kill!* *must start at the beginning to fully appreciate
this year is asking a LOT of questions! i recently had a traumatic breakup and had to move back in with my parents and my cousin, but my dad is driving me insane. obviously it takes some adjustments living in a shared household again but his method of providing me feedback is telling me I’m an intrinsically unlikeable person and not speaking to me for days on end. then the split personality comes out and he’s like honey why do you just stay in your room all day? my mom and cousin and i have talked about it and we all feel like we’re living on eggshells all the time but as the “new again” person to the household most of it is aimed at me. i can’t afford to leave right now and it’ll all be okay but damn is it driving me crazy at a time where I’m also trying to repair my heart
Hey, anon, in case you are wondering, this behavior of your dad’s? It’s really not okay. People should not be walking on eggshells in their own home. I know things are really complicated and money is hard, and I SEE YOU. Just know it’s not you, okay? And that this internet stranger is pulling for you to get through this. Good luck.
Your dad clearly has some issues and it’s ok to tell him that you have boundaries where he’s not allowed to speak to you that way. Hang in there!
The “Fiasco” episode of This American Life is laugh out loud funny. Highly recommend! Hope your friend recovers well…
Okay Jo, hear me out. My bestie and I were talking the other day about whether I should agree to drive my kids (8 and 6) both to and from their dad’s wedding next Saturday. (He and I were married for seven years, he’s marrying a woman I like and admire, and I’m genuinely happy for them, but… it’s weird for me to be driving them places that day, right?) Kate said, “I wish we could ask Joanna Goddard what to do.” And then we decided that you should do an OnlyFans situation, but like, for answering emergency etiquette questions and other big sisterly concerns. Genius, right? Anyway, if you see this, tell me what to do! You’re my only hope. And I love you.
Im not Joanna- but I have been divorced since my kid was a few weeks old. He recently moved into his 30’s and got married. We were all at the wedding- the in laws the out laws- and it was really comfortable and relaxed. I tell you this because the foundation of taking care of our kids apart/together made these future days really easy and so not about us and our divorce at tour son’swedding. Put these extra efforts in bank for your kids in the future- its worth the slight discomfort now…. your future self will likely thank you.
Yes pleaseeee!!! How about having a subscriber chat on Substack?
Hi Sarah, not Jo, of course, but I will chime in as a former child who was in a similar position to your kiddos— please drive them! When my mom remarried it was a big and emotionally exhausting day for me as a kid. If I had been able to be seen off and picked up by my parent who wasn’t enthralled in all the hubbub it would’ve been an appreciated bit of calm in a rolling sea of a day (weddings are exhausting, and there is a lot of emotion wrapped up in your parents remarrying). As long as you, your ex and his fiancé are comfortable with it I would say you’re absolutely the face they’ll want to see after a day like that!
As a child of divorced parents who get along I say do it! While it may feel weird for you, it may make it less weird for your children. It may even be a little reassuring to them on a big day. My parents have been divorced for decades at this point, but I still love moments when I see one supporting the other. Seems like a nice way to lay the foundation for this new chapter for your children.
Sarah, I love this question and how carefully you’re thinking about this! you sound like such a nice mom, sobbbb :) If it were me, I think I’d go ahead and drive them — it helps show your kids that you’re fine with the wedding and they don’t need to manage your emotions and you’re always there for them; and if they are emotional themselves about the wedding, they can talk to you before and after. I can tell just from your comment that you’re their rock (again, sob), and I think they’ll be so grateful to have you there for them on this day. I hope this helps! And if you have time, you could always do something fun yourself during the wedding — like, get a massage? see a movie? visit a friend? go on a bike ride? read in bed with the fan on? whatever you love doing :) Sending so much love, we’re all in this together! xoxoxoxo
As someone who’s parents divorced when I was older (28) and both remarried quickly, I’m adding another vote for drive them! Attending your parent’s wedding (or not getting invited… a story for another time) is not easy, no matter how amicable it all seems. It’s just… weird! Your kids will surely appreciate you being a calm and steady presence, even if just for a short drive, on a weird day.
Hi Sarah, when my ex-husband remarried a few years ago I wasn’t involved in the day at all. And that also turned out OK for our two kids. I have a cordial relationship with my ex and his now-wife, and the kids are doing well. All that to say that either plan can work out in a healthy way. If you don’t feel up to driving, you can still say to your kids “It’ll be a really exciting day. I bet you’ll have fun.” Sending hugs!
Great advice already. If you have a fairly good relationship with your ex, you should do it. Your kids will see you responding to this day with generosity and grace. My grandmother was cheated on by my grandfather, in a scandalous affair that also produced my aunt. I had no inkling of it growing up because he was just around like he would have been even if they hadn’t split up. When I was older and learned about what had happened, I was just gobsmacked. I had never heard her say a bad word about anyone in my life but not even my grandfather, who definitely had earned the right to badmouth him a bit.
I love this comment. Tell me what to do too, Joanna.
My mom drove us to our dad’s marriage. Must have been horrible for her but comforting for us (ages 12 and 15). And then it was more comfortable for all the things families do together, like graduations, weddings, etc. Our mismatched family was all together at the things like that was the normal thing to do! When I brought my boyfriend to meet my dad at a restaurant and my mom’s mom was there his mind was blown!
Hi Sarah, not the same but… I had to drive my stepson to and from the hospital when his Mom had a baby (his father/my husband was traveling for work at the time and the poor kid, who was 8, was feeling all the feels while only having me, a very clueless incompetent stepmother, to keep him company at the time) and even though it was one of the weirdest ever moments in my life BY FAR, I never ever regretted it. My motto ever since this kid (and then my son) entered my life was “do what is right for them, not easy for you” and now I am the stepmom who plays padel with her future-step-daughter-in-law on the weekends. If there is no animosity or ill-will, your children will feel so safe and secure knowing that you are ok with everything and supporting them at the beginning and at the end of the day.
I love all these comments. I had an ugly divorce when my kids were 5 and 7, and it is SO HARD to be the good parent sometimes and model good behavior, but it is so worth it for these children (now 36 and 38) whom I love so much.
My summer is personally going well, but in my home country, Venezuela, there were 2 back to back earthquakes that left the country destroyed. If you know a Venezuelan, give them a hug… they probably need it. And if you want to donate, please don’t do it through the Red Cross (it’s controlled by the government and the aid doesn’t reach people at all). You can donate through this page https://donarseguro.com/en or send me a Zelle ([email protected]), and I’ll add it to the donation pot I’m putting together to send to my family who are volunteering in the shelters. Thank you so much!!!! 💛💙❤️
Sending you and your home country all the love, Reina
My youngest child moved out last weekend and my girlfriends showed up, guys. They’ve picked me up after work for hot yoga. I’ve met them on patios for cocktails at 7pm. All the nights where I have now space have been filled with walks and discussion on life and what’s next and I am moving from a bit of sadness to gratitude and excitement for this next chapter. Also, my husband and I have had cheese and crackers or grilled cheese for dinner most nights which is fantastic. Also, the following makes me laugh on the regular and has for years. Skip forward to Act 2. https://www.thisamericanlife.org/323/the-super Sending love to all.
My favorite podcast for the millennial girlies out there is Be There in Five with Kate Kennedy. Its long form, which I love love love, especially as I garden or cook. It feels like you’re in conversation with a college bff and is such a joy to listen to!
It’s been an interesting summer so far. I have some chronic health issues that seem to rear up every few years. This year, they’ve found there way back. I’m finally back on a medication to take care of them and I feel good. But there is something to be said of having these issues to put everything in perspective. After several weeks of being a sub-optimal person/partner/friend/worker etc., I’m back to myself. My husband and I sat in the park last weekend and I talked about how satisfied I was with life. Just truly satisfied. There’s so much that is scary and wrong and hard, but I also realized that there are a lot of wonderful big things and when I can appreciate those, after unfortunately some health stuff that makes it difficult to just be, I can remember how wonderful it is just to sit in the park with a person I love and talk about where we want to get food from for dinner. It’s truly these small moments sometimes. A cat back home. Planning a 40th birthday for my husband. Finishing a good book. Writing in a journal. Looking at the trees out the window. Drinking coffee on a Saturday morning. It’s pretty darn good.
Kiddo and I have been having “Arts & Crafts time” on the screened-in porch and I LOVE IT. We bring our supplies, drinks, music, and we chat and poke away at our projects. It’s low-key but also my favorite part of the summer so far!
that’s so fun!
For fun podcasts – I really recommend Answer Me This! It had been running for donkey’s years before a hiatus and they brought it back this year. It’s run by Helen Zaltzman and Olly Mann, both of whom have other successful podcasts, but this one is much more chilled – they basically just take questions from listeners and try and answer them. They literally answer any question so they are on such a wide range of topics. They’re really funny and there’s a huge back catalogue to delve into. Even the ads are funny!
Second this and also Helen’s other podcast, The Allusionist, is really good too.
funny podcast rec: I am so excited to listen to Amy Poehler’s ‘Good Hang’ episode with Mindy Kaling that came out this week, sure to be super funny!
Definitely add “Handsome” to the podcast list! Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin offer the best kind of escapism—it really feels like you’re sitting in the room with your three funniest friends while they gab and riff about a bunch of random topics.
And PLEASE start with the very first ep featuring Sarah Silverman. Literally giggling thinking about it now.
Love this one so much, and I got to see the live show in Nashville which was hilarious of course. Got a couple “Keep it handsome”s at Pride last weekend when I was my Handsome fanny pack
Yes! Handsome listener here – they keep it real and don’t shy away from hard topics or real life, but also add so much humor and create food for thought. Plus – so many inside jokes come from that pod!
2 podcasts, that are so fun and funny and all around wholesome – and you learn something new each time! Plus: in both cases, the friendship chemistry of the hosts is just the best treat. – “Home Cooking” by Hrishikesh Hirway and Samin Nosrat: https://homecooking.show/ – two seasons of “Hot and Bothered”, literary and historical chapter-by-chapter deep-dives of a) “Jane Eyre” (https://www.hotandbotheredrompod.com/on-eyre) and b) “Pride and Prejudice” (https://www.hotandbotheredrompod.com/live-from-pemberley), by Vanessa Zoltan and Lauren Sandler.
I love Home Cooking! Part of me wishes it was a regular podcast but I also think part of the magic is that they just occasionally appear in my feed. It’s always a joy to listen anyway!
big fan of both of these podcasts! I have also really enjoyed the more recent seasons of Hot and Bothered covering classic romcoms.
You guys, I just started hormones replacement therapy (in perimenopause, confirmed for 1 year but probably like 3 in reality). I’m on an estrogen patch and progesterone pill. I feel like 75% better, but now I’m really annoyed I had to go through Midi Health because my own doctors were useless. When I mentioned weight gain, hot flashes, night sweats, etc to my PCP, she said, “Well, you’re not alone.” Ok great thanks lady but could you, you know, DO SOMETHING? Anyway, clearly the rage hasn’t gone away but I sweat way less and sleep way better.
My PCP said I need to see an OB/GYN to talk about perimenopause and that she can’t do anything. What’s the point of a PCP then? And my PCP instituted something two years ago where I have to pay to use them. It’s insanity. I do need help though. The brain fog, internal boiling body temperature and hunger isn’t sustainable.
I feel you Sara!
Sara – I have the exact same story as you. On HRT (estrogen patch and progesterone pill) and feel much better, but I also had to get it from Midi Health because my doctor wouldn’t do anything either. I came in talking about hunger and weight gain, rage but also sadness, brain fog, fatigue, joint pain, and more, but because I didn’t have night sweats she didn’t think it was warranted. Sigh.
I’m so curious if this and the other comment are covert ads for that midi platform??
Hey Jules! Just FYI, we moderate the comments ourselves, and nothing looks fishy with these on our end. Sometimes things slip through, but I don’t think that’s the case here. 😉
Hi Jules! This is my real life story, not an ad :) I tried both my PCP and OBGYN to no avail, but my kids’ school librarian told me about Midi and I went with it :)
Jules, Midi is coming up because finally the word is spreading that there is actually a resource for women in a time where even female PCPs can’t seem to grasp how to help their own. Midi is one of the only places women can go to get help and answers for peri/menopause.
Love that this started with a literal pick me up!
haha good call!
My current podcast obsession is TERRESTRIALS, which is a radio lab spinoff for kids about nature— but it’s a great listen for adults, too! Funny, fascinating, honestly a refreshing break from the heaviness of the news and life. And great resource for dinner party chatter.
omg I LOVE terrestrials! I took my kids solo on a road trip and we listened to the episode about the mule who had a baby, and we loved it so much that we listened to it again on the next leg of the trip when my husband joined us. We also loved the one about the bald eagle love story! They’re all so so good. They’re the best-trials!!
I actually LOLed at the gouda signage haha
they were all SO good. the little sign for Wensleydale said “Wallace’s, or maybe Gromit’s, favorite. Whichever one is the dog.”
Pet sitting for my daughter’s dog and cat in her house that used to be my house. Cannot begin to express how strange it is to live in a house that is so familiar and so unfamiliar at the same time. Very discombobulating for sure. I keep telling myself that new experiences are good for me. And I get to spoil a dog and a cat.
This is obviously much different, but I saw my parents’ old house listed as a rental on Zillow (my parents divorced in 2018, but I thought this would be my “forever” family home) and it gave me such creepy eepies. I can’t imagine going back into a space like that!
PODCASTS: if you like food ,”DISH” might be for you, where 2 very lovely humans. Angela Hartnett (British chef and she has a Michelin Star and gosh she is gorgeous) and Nick Grimshaw (radio moderator and gifted with making everybody feel at ease) interview a famous person while eating some lovely dish cooked by Angela. For people who dislike eating noises, in 98% of the series I do not hear it, the production team is really doing a fabulous job. And my all time favorite and absolute bonkers “Three Bean Salad”. …I mean, you’ve just gotta try it. It is lighthearted, lightly stupid and makes me laugh so much because it simply is 3 humans having a good time together and albeit the topics being proper mad from time to time, swearing is at.a minimum. I say that in comparison to all the other 21 British podcasts I listened to I had to stop because 23% was just swearing because their vocabulary seemed to be limited…that will not happen with the beans. They know words! And did I mention they are bonkers :) and kind humans. Hooray to Benjamin Partridge, Mike Wozniak, and Henry Paker.
I LOVE Dish – they are such good hosts, I love their chemistry and they have such interesting and fun interviews!
Pompidou!
Sarah, I am sitting on a bus in the summer heat and giggled so hard when I saw your comment! Pompidoooouuuuuuu hahaha
Ooh I will watch / listen to anything Mike Wozniak does! He was possibly my favourite taskmaster participant. So great. Going to track this down now!
When is the Sharon B home tour??? :)
I’ll ask her!
Oh my gosh, I adore Freddie’s sign. What a fun guy. And your friend’s front-yard pool is amazing! Our kids ages 5 and 8 have been at my parents lake home since Sunday. We will join them tomorrow night. I’m getting lots of pictures of them living their best lives – fishing, playing ladder golf, jumping off a swim raft! Meanwhile, my husband and I are enjoying a quiet house. We marvel at how much time we have without the kids around! I’ll be glad to be reunited with them tomorrow night but I am glad they are making these special memories with my parents. My snuggly youngest in particular is very attached to my dad so I know he’s enjoying lots of snuggles with my dad and eating tons of homemade cookies that my mom has surely made for them.
that is so cute, they’re doing grandparent camp! xoxo
Gah…I wish I was having a fab summer, but it’s a summer of being in limbo. My only kiddo is heading to college in the fall. He loathed HS for a variety of reasons and now we are in the waiting to go to college phase, which sucks ass. He is so apprehensive about it too. Will he be able to do the course work? Will he like it there? Was it a mistake to go to a small school in a small town? All the worries and angst on his part and there is nothing I can do or say to make it better. Everyone at my house is varying degrees of miserable and it sucks.
Rebecca, we are in a very similar stage of pre-college limbo with a child who hated high school SO MUCH and is also feeling lonely, isolated and depressed. Knowing that you are sharing a kindred misery makes it suck ass a little less – hopefully it does the same for you! Sending love and wishing your son and your whole family the very best.
Rebecca, just wanted to say my only child is also heading to college this fall and it does bring some complex emotions into summer. You are not alone!
Hey Rebecca, that sounds really angsty and tough for all of you. I’m in a similar limbo state and I *have to have to have to* find ways to romanticize my daily life or I’ll feel like this forever. A few easy ones: find a special mug, make your favorite breakfast drink in the most extra way you can fathem – or make it a ritual to go out and get your favorite breakfast drink or food. Make time to move. Yoga with Adrienne videos work for me, but so does a good walk with headphones on. Get your nails done or wear your favorite sweats in icy cold air conditioning while eating popcorn and watching a comfort movie. The other folks in your house might like to join the “festivities.” My daughter loves when I include her in my own cozy, self care acts. Godspeed.
that sounds stressful, Rebecca, I’m sorry. I often find waiting for the thing to be so much more stressful than the actual thing!
Waiting for my oldest to go off to college for the second year in a row (he’ll be a sophomore), and I feel pretty much the same sense of dread/sadness/apprehension/excitement as I did last summer. I finally realized that these feelings will be repeated over and over during this next stage of my life (I have three kids), and I really just need to figure out a way to get myself through it—otherwise, I will just be dragged down with sad emotions for the next decade+. Good luck to you and your son, I hoping he’ll find his people and have a wonderful year!
Rebecca, for what it’s worth, if he had a tough time in high school, I think going to a smaller school in a small town is absolutely the best call!
I think part of managing stressful “waiting” situations is to remember that if it doesn’t work out, it’s not permanent. If he goes to the small town school and has a horrible first year (or month!), he can go to another school. Or come back home and try again. Or realize that school isn’t the right fit and pursue something else. Nothing is permanent.
Appreciating this. I spent the weekend at a work conference for a population that is deeply impacted by this administration. It was emotionally draining, I felt a lot of anger and despair. I was exhausted each evening when I dragged myself home to my family. This upcoming week we have a lovely vacation planned, far from home, unplugged, with lakes and ambling and loafing about involved. I’m excited to recharge my battery in nature and come back ready to advocate, fight, and care for my people.
you sound wonderful, lia. thank you for all you do. xoxo
I could use a pick me up right now, so this post is perfect. I recently lost a pregnancy at 17 weeks and feel deep in the grief of it right now. I will definitely be scanning the comments for funny podcasts <3
oof, I went through this 3 years ago. I’m so sad for you right now. To be honest, watching really effed up TV and watching people suffer was soothing to me. Sending you a big hug.
That really sucks Alison! I’m thinking of you and your family. For a pick me up… I ate a lot of cake, went to a kitten fair, read the same fantasy books over and over, and cut my hair short when our son died at 20 weeks. Hang in there!
Oh Alison, I’m so sorry. This old episode of “Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend” (featuring Bill Hader) makes me crack up. Hope it brings you some lightness x https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bill-hader/id1438054347?i=1000437939159
I’m so sorry, Alison. My heart and thoughts are with you. Try “We’re Here to Help” if you haven’t yet. It’s been a great escape for me! And be nice to yourself. <3
I’m so sorry, Alison. Sending love to you xoxo
Alison, my best advice is to be sad. It’s okay. People don’t want to talk about your loss at that stage – which I found weird and frustrating. Our daughter died at 26 weeks. There were days that I would go to Target and just walk the aisles a cry. I guess my point is do whatever YOU need to do. Don’t worry about how it makes other people feel. It does get better though. Promise.
I’m so sorry you lost your pregnancy, Alison, that sounds gutwrenching. Sending you a huge internet hug. I hope you are able to give yourself grace to grieve when you need to, laugh when you want to, and listen to your body for the care it needs.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard. Isolating, too. If you share, people you didn’t expect will also share and more people have similar experiences than you think. I remember opening up to a new friend about my son’s stay in the PICU and she shared her son was also in the PICU. Who would have thought? It does not come up naturally in convo but it is there.
Thank you friends – I feel so held (which is what I always come to COJ comments for)
I read “surgery” as “sugary” (goodness…) so please tell your friend we hope they’re feeling “sugary” very soon!
Love this! Just had my eight week ultrasound for baby number three! After two miscarriages, I was nervous, but everything looks good. :)
Micah, that is wonderful xoxoxo
Micah, same! I am 9 weeks after a previous loss. I’m your comrade in very nervous excitement.
I’m also 9 weeks after a previous loss, it’s so mentally difficult. Wishing everyone the best!