10 Fun Questions to Ask Your Significant Other
Last weekend, Freddie and I went upstate to visit friends, but on the first afternoon I got food poisoning…
So, instead of apple picking or hiking the nearby trail, we stayed home at the rental apartment. (It happens!) When I began feeling better, Freddie suggested we hang out on the bed and play a lightning round.
We used to play them when we were first dating, as a way to get to know each other. I’m sure many people do this, too, but if you haven’t, you basically ask the other person random questions that likely wouldn’t come up in regular conversation.
A few examples:
What was your favorite cereal when you were little?
What’s your love language?
What’s the worst text you’ve accidentally sent?
Who was the best roommate you’ve ever had?
What meal could you eat over and over?
How would you describe yourself in five words?
What author has never let you down?
Flight vs invisibility?
So, how many times have you been to Texas?
Even though we’ve been dating for two years, the answers are often surprising. Case in point: That afternoon, I asked Freddie, “What TV character would you be friends with?” and his answer was immediate.
“Brandon Walsh.”
Yes, from 90210. I burst out laughing. For real???
“Definitely!” Freddie insisted. “He’s the moral center. And he’s from Minnesota. He’d be a great friend.”
He likes the beach!
He goofs around!
He wears blazers to high school!
So, there you go! Do you ever play lightning rounds? They’re really random and fun. What questions would you ask?
P.S. Would you rather, and what books/movies/TV shows do you like to show a new partner?
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105 commentsJust a quick note to let you know you don’t have it all figured out. My husband is 86 and I am 78, we’ve been together since 1971. We not only remember and laugh about 30 years ago, we also remember with clarity the 1960s. I’m sorry you all missed out, it was a time of great hope. And there really were “good vibrations.” Not to mention the very best music of all times. Tell the truth and shame the devil! You are a little bit jealous!.
The very best music of all time is right !! “I may be old but I’ve seen all the best bands ” :).
– What was your first concert? – Favorite concert? – Worst concert? – You’d buy a ticket to this concert even though you don’t ever play it on spotify?
Okay, but please tell Freddie to also consider Brandon (Brand) Walsh from the Goonies. Another classic good-guy character.
Yes! Some favorites: – What’s the smallest hill you would die on? – What’s a random internet rabbit hole you’ve fallen down recently? – What’s a conspiracy theory you haven’t ruled out (you don’t have to believe it! You just haven’t ruled it out)?
I’d add: “Which tiny moment from today deserves a ridiculously grand award?” Best Supporting Sandwich? Outstanding Achievement in Finding Your Keys? Bonus round: “What would your acceptance speech be?” One silly sentence counts; nobody has to produce a whole life update.
My six-year-old son is currently very into “two truths and a lie” (he learned it at camp). My partner and I have been coming up with facts (and lies) from our youth and it’s been a really fun way to learn more about each other (and we’ve been together for 20 years!). We almost always end up having a conversation about the topics presented.
I’d love to have Sister Michael from Derry Girls as my friend, though I think she’d be too cool for me haha!
Brandon always came off so self-righteous to me! So judgemental and always inappropriately butting into Brenda’s life.
Another fun thing, along the same lines as a lightning round, is the game First to Worst. We often keep it on our coffee table, and it’s so fun to play a quick round and see how folks rank things. My 16 year old and her new boyfriend have been playing it and it’s very sweet : )
Love this idea! Lightning rounds are such a low-pressure way to keep discovering new things about each other even after years together. Freddie choosing Brandon Walsh is honestly perfect — the Minnesota loyalty seals it. Going to steal a few of these for our next lazy weekend.
Love most of these, but I’m really tired of love languages. They were created by a Baptist preacher and published in a book in 1992 and are extremely heteronormative, Christian and white; and I say this as a married, white, straight woman who has faith. But maybe that’s why my husband and I are a great match, if someone asked either of us to explain each other’s love language we’d give each other major side eye. They are antiquated and don’t capture the spectrum of ways people show they love one another.
Fun ideas!
Way to ruin the fun of a delightful article with your unnecessary negativity M. K. Lighten up Francis, and try not to be an insufferable woke scold in the future. Just add something positive next time instead of virtue signaling your meaningless labels and categories that only divide us. Being snarky and giving “major side eye” to an exercise meant to bring joy and foster connection with your spouse says more about you then you realize and it’s a behavior most people grew out of in high school. I hope you find happiness, but if you don’t, how about letting the rest of us enjoy ours. Also, thanks to the author for the clever ideas and the 90210 flashback (I’m shocked M. K. didn’t complain about how oppressively white the cast was). I think Brandon Walsh would make a fantastic friend and I say this as a married, black, gay, woman, who’s agnostic (see how ridiculous and unnecessary that sounds in 2026, let’s all just be human beings again). Also, what is heteronormative about the love languages? As a gay couple, my wife and I are just as capable as you of enjoying each other’s touch, words of affirmation (her favorite), thoughtful acts of service (my favorite), quality time (we both like) and receiving gifts (gays also enjoy a present every now and then just like you straights). Are the love languages an all-encompassing psychological theory? No, of course not, there are only five of them. But they can lead to understanding about what makes our spouses feel loved and I believe that is universal to all humans (no matter who you sleep with). Thanks also to all the good ideas shared by the commenters and if you’re looking for a show worth bingeing, I highly recommend The Newsroom on HBO. A quote that stuck with me from the main character Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels who was deservingly awarded the Outstanding Lead Actor Emmy for the role) is apropos for this exact situation: Snark is the idiot’s version of wit and we are being polluted by it. Thanks for reading and have a great week everyone! Sorry for the long post, I was inspired by The Newsroom and I’m now on a mission to civilize (watch it and you’ll get the joke, also you’ll be hooked after the first episode).
I guess being miserable is your love language! ;)
While I agree to a certain extent, Love Languages are an easy way for us to understand each other and provide what the other person needs. My love languages have changed over the years based on a lot of things, and no “one” love language covers it, but it gives us each a benchmark to understand what the other needs IN THE MOMENT. I think humans make things way more complicated than they actually are and we all just want to be seen, especially by our partners and if it helps others, then calling them antiquated and heteronormative could drive people away from exploring their very basic, often under-taught, emotional and physical needs. IDK, I think you are being way too hard on them and that is your choice but they do still serve a purpose, especially in an increasingly narcissistic world where many people expect others to automatically understand and accept them despite any actual effort to understand and accept others with the same positive regard.
I’m with M.K here. On dating apps, almost every man’s answer under the “My love language is…” field is “cuddling / physical touch”. They’ll then explain how it important it is to check for sexual compatibility early on, citing the love languages. I’m glad some people see the love languages as a helpful tool for exploring personal preferences. But love languages can also be used in a manipulative fashion and I’m tired of the way I see them applied as well.
However, that doesn’t disqualify the validity I’m sure many couples have felt in acknowledging with each other what their “love language” is and the pursuit in trying to show on another love or (sometime even harder) allowing yourself to be loved by the way the other is trying to show it! :) I’d say just let people be, and if you’ve found a better way to express and receive love with your husband and/or those in your life, way to go, keep at at.
My husband and I are watching all the episodes of ER from the beginning. It’s 331 episodes! We started in late August and are (finally) on season12. Last night, while we were watching, he turned to me and said, “Everyone wants to be friends with Abby (Maura Tierney).” Me, too! I would love to be friends with her!
Veronica Mars! Life would never be boring lol
I’m so curious to know about your break up and getting back together. I feel like there is an elephant in the room!
I wrote about it all on big salad! https://joannagoddard.substack.com/t/freddie
My aspirational friend group is the gang from Shrinking. I love how blunt everybody is – over the top, sometimes, but there’s heart. Or maybe also Dr. Miranda Bailey from Grey’s. Smart and ride or die.
I love that group so, so much! To know each other that way, wow.
Best TV friend? Definitely Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec. I think she would be exhausting, but life would be an adventure. My two closest friends have the combined qualities of one Leslie Knope. Perfection.
Seeing Brandon Walsh reminded me my teenage years :) I’d love to be friends with Rebecca, from Ted Lasso, she’s the best !
Love this and love applying it to conversations with teens too. Going to reuse the favorite condiment one. The Minnesota comment is a totally endearing comment from Freddie. I married my Minnesotan and it is an endearing thing! Would love if there was a Cup of Jo lightning round question gsheet!!!
Two years? Two years? Where did that time go
My favorite is inspired by one from Catherine Newman’s book (I think We All Want Impossible Things but maybe Sandwich?): How many pieces of bread could you eat if it was for a charity fundraiser? Bread and preparation (toasted, butter, etc) of your choice.
I would like to be friends with Kelly Kapoor from the office.. funny, out of her mind, very loyal! Speaking of the office, this reminds me of a scene in one of the later seasons when Jim and Pam are trying to think of something that they don’t know about each other and can’t find anything because they have been friends for so long
My husband and my most quoted line from the office “Fashion show. fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!”
Here is a silly question I enjoy asking my husband of 26 years every few months: what are your top 3 favorite condiments? Who doesn’t want to wax poetic about ketchup, Sriracha, mustard, ranch… another conversation starter: if you could only eat one kind of cheese ever again, what would it be?
Love this! garlic aioli, caesar, sriracha boursin
Boursin as a condiment is hilarious
The fact that “he’s from Minnesota” is a real selling point for Freddie majorly endears me to Freddie!
Yes, I have a book called 4,000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone. It covers tons of topics which are fun as well as thought-provoking.
I am on a text chain with few people. Its called West Beverly Blaze and Steve is our icon photo. I have to say, we as a collective are bit concerned with his answer ;)
:D
Now I wanna know who you would be friends with Jo?!?!
sharon from catastrophe!!!
Sharon from Catastrophe is my bestie as well!
Sharon had THE BEST wardrobe on that show!!
How about Ryan from the OC? Cuz it turns out he’s pretty smart and has testified to Congress about the scary underworld of bitcoin.
Oooo good one to pull out of your pocket, Patty.
Just for fun, that actor is from my hometown. And my childhood best friend’s older sister was very excited to tell us, he accidentally gave her a bloody nose playing basketball! (I think in high school). Such a pointless story, but it always cracks me up that that was her “brush with fame” – getting a bloody nose :) and we thought that was SO COOL!
There is only one question to be asked if you really want to understand somebody else: bread, or potatoes? As in, you can only have one, in any variation, for the rest of your life and can never again have the other. Technically there is no wrong answer, until there is! See also: tea or coffee? Music or books? Seaside or mountains?
haha love these! bread, coffee, books, seaside!
Ooh tough picks but great questions! I am bread, tea, music, seaside.
Potaoes, tea, mountains. But how in the world can one choose between books and music? It cannot be done.
Potatoes, tea, books, seaside! All of these things feature prominently in my life, haha, as an editor living in Cornwall.
My friend does this but it’s Marry, Fuck, Kill: bread, potatoes, and rice
But what does it mean if I say potatoes? I need to know!
Last night my husband and I ended up having a fascinating conversation. We are in an open marriage and he recently went through a breakup and we had a post mortem about that relationship – what worked, what didn’t, what we can both do differently next time. We’ve been together 23 years and watching your partner fall in love with someone else and then supporting them through the end of that other relationship is a way to learn all kinds of surprising things. The conversation was so gentle and nurturing, with real curiosity on both sides. Afterwards I told my husband it was the most grown-up conversation we’ve ever had.
This is so sweet and grown up.
Sarah!! This was amazing to read. We are newly open and I cannot believe how much it is making us grow and connect. I would LOVE it CoJ would do a post on open marriage. I searched and the only one I could find was lacking…
I would also love to see a discussion on open relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly
I was so disappointed to find out that no one in high school nor university wears blazers!
omg those photos from ‘210 (as my friends from the area called the show) are giving me the palpitations. Jason!! and Luke!!!!! :((
And Brandon Walsh famously doesn’t dance (like Joanna at weddings)! A perfect match
hahahahahah
This is such a good idea! I had been feeling a bit bummed that lately all me and my husband talk about is the kids, but then we also have no bandwidth for a big convo about a deep topic. This is perfect!
Caroline, I feel you and hear you loudly. Having the same thoughts. I hope this is just a (long) phase.
I feel that Kelli from Insecure is my friend soulmate. She’s intensely loyal, hilarious and always down for an adventure. We’re both honest and would tell the other when she’s out of line or just wrong.
I LOVE Kelli from Insecure. That is my all-time favorite show.
HAHA 90210, where high schoolers had more complex problems than 30 year olds
My new favorite question: do you think of your washer and dryer as co-workers, siblings, or dating?
Omg this is hilarious 😂
Definitely siblings. The washing machine is the eldest – held to higher standards, has a harder job, never praised for doing a good job but definitely told off if it doesn’t. Tumble dryer is the younger sibling – less important, cuddly, frequently given good feedback just for doing it’s job ha
I laugh snorted at this. My W/D combo are like an elderly cat and dog combo. That’s the vibe.
My dryer stopped working recently so… exes?
omg looooving these. My friends and I are in agreement that dryers are DEFINITELY girls. We feel strongly about this!
Mother and daughter <3
1000% coworkers. I’ve never thought about this before (obviously lol) but I can’t even imagine them as siblings or lovers. They work together!
Co-workers. Absolutely. And I am very sure of very few things in life! But of this I am certain! Lol
Here’s a pro tip from someone who has been with their SO for 22 years: save some questions and answers for later. You’ll get to find all of this stuff out eventually. Organically. If you do a lightning round, what are you going to talk about when you’re seventy? Brandon Walsh? AGAIN?? The hardest part of a relationship is keeping things fresh. Enjoy the mystery while you have it lol
Picture this: A couple in their 70s, staring off into yonder, quiet and not talking. Do you think (a) aww how sweet it is to be sitting in comfortable silence with your partner or (b) they’ve ran out of things to talk about, how sad. I tend to think B lol. Ask the question, ask many questions, ask the silliest questions! No one can organically find out that if I was a planet I would be Jupiter first, and Saturn second. Mysteries are overrated, I want to know who you are baby! Tell me everything!!!
I hear where you’re coming from, Cheryl, but the 70 year old is not going to choose Brandon Walsh again!
By the time you’re 70, I bet you’ll have forgotten answers to questions asked 30 years prior. 😉
ooo i’ve been with my person for 22 years too, and for us, now is when we need the lightning round the most!! we are in the thick of raising kids, caring for aging parents, working jobs, maintaining a house and yard, taking time for ourselves, taking time together, just doing! it! all! and even though we are so fond of each other, when we have a moment for A Conversation, my brain often feels rubbery and unattractive, like an overcooked scrambled egg. or, like, just a dial tone. but then one of us will ask the other a silly question (sense of smell on your fingertips or your toes?), and we’ll laugh and laugh and laugh, and we will remember that we still like each other so so much, and that this breathless chaos will not be our lives forever. the questions let us tap into a dormant little part of ourselves and each other that isn’t getting as much nurturing just now; these glimpses reassure us that underneath it all, we’re still good. also. just to say. if you ever see us out on a date and we’re not talking to one another, it’s not usually because we’ve run out of things to say — it’s because we’re vigorously eavesdropping!!! and usually avoiding eye contact so we don’t make too many incriminating faces.
Guys, I married an extrovert and I’m a introvert. He hasn’t stopped talking for 22 years. I think I just want to sit in some silence for a change! Hahaha Signed, Bah Humbug
Consuela – YES! If my partner of 19 years and I are out together not talking, we are ABSOLUTELY eavesdropping and making mental notes to discuss on the drive home lol
On your question asking Freddy what TV character he would be friends with, an advertisement with the Pillsbury doughboy was directly underneath your question on my phone, and I thought “eww, didn’t see that one coming” 😄
Haha one of the most hilarious dinner party conversations I had with friends was when we asked about everyone’s childhood crush. Our most straight-laced friend giggled that hers was the Pillsbury doughboy, and we laughed with her so hard! Especially as she tried to validate her choice
Love rapid fire game nights. On a road trip with my partner when we were first dating, we played a game I made up on the spot though is probably not original in the least. I would say a number and he would have to share a memory from that age. For example, for number 32, I learned that his 6-year-old daughters were so disappointed to learn that he didn’t sell socks for a living (stock brokers don’t sell socks, unfortunately), and that at 17, he learned his Dad bragged about what a hard worker he was to an uncle, who passed on the message casually, and he was so surprised to learn that his Dad felt that way because he had never heard or felt it from his Dad. It was a lovely, long, story-laden conversation.
I love this ‘name a memory from that age’ game idea! Thx!
Thank you for reminding us all how cute Brandon Walsh was!
We recently pulled out this “game,” and I was surprised at how intense and vulnerable I felt! https://game.estherperel.com/products/where-should-we-begin-a-game-of-stories-2nd-edition
+You know no fear. What do you do right now. +If you want to feel sth good, what do you think about. +Can you say out loud “I love myself. I find me amazing and gosh, my ideas are a romantic riot” (or anything else lovely about yourself.) How does that feel. +How do you make tomato sauce yourself. +2 colour combinations you want to see me in. +Yoghurt and its neighbors. Discuss. +A poem that you know by heart. I would love to hear it/them.
Love this !
On road trips my husband and I would play a little game where one of us would say a random word and then we’d each tell the first story that came to mind. So “elephant” could produce a story about my aunt’s collection in a glass case with its OWN overhead lighting (!) and his about eating animal crackers from the cardboard circus box when he visited cousins in Chicago. It’s such a fun way to discover hidden pieces of a person you’re known for years
I LOVE THIS! Thank you for sharing! (Also, my grandma had a curio cabinet of various kinds of clown figurines… :shudder:)
wait, are we cool in Minnesota now?!
I live in Atlanta and a friend was recently talking about Aveda and I said, “that’s a Minnesota company.” And she said, “everyone I know from Minnesota always tells me that companies are Minnesota companies. Why do you all do that?” I responded, “Because we are the coolest.”
Minnesota is always the coolest! :) I could probably write a whole essay about why, but I will just leave it at that.
My daughter and her girlfriend moved to Minneapolis today!!!
We took a sort of family vacation in MN this summer (one kid did the BWCA, the rest of the fam did a houseboat in Voyageurs NP) and we LOVED MN. I work with people from all over the country and the MN people are the nicest, hands down. We made friends at every rest stop, enjoyed the flat vowels, and soaked in the beautiful lakes. I’ve never lived in a cold weather clime, so I don’t know how I would feel about it in the winter but in summer it was amazing.
I think so…personally I think it’s because of whatever spirit allowed you all to stand up to ICE. A wholesome outrage that did not need to react with violence to stand up for justice, but probably would have if it was required. COOL. Plus everyone is so sick of decadence and Minnesota, to me anyway, still reads as fundamentally wholesome. (I’m sure there are the weird ones, like anywhere, but I don’t need to know about them, thank you.)
Minnesota is the Canada of America
Omg Meg that’s too funny, when I read the comment above about Minnesotans telling everyone when something is Minnesotan I thought to myself, that is so Canadian. We also just can’t help but tell you if something or someone is Canadian!
LOL on he wears blazers to high school. I’d pick Roy Kent, but as I watch this season of Ted Lasso with Ted’s talk with Michelle, Ted would not make a bad friend either…
I realized this weekend that even though I’ve been with my husband for 24 years, I had no idea what his favorite type of dog was. It was funny to learn we have the same fave (Boston Terrier). We’re cat people, so it somehow never came up.
Bostons make sense for cat people! My brother has one
This reminds me of the expert game that Amy Pohler mentioned on her podcast. My boyfriend and I played it on a road trip last year and we were crying laughing. I particularly liked when I asked him to tell me about NY Fashion Week and he named Steve Madden as an up and coming designer.
I had to look this up and just about fell out of my chair laughing at Marcello and Amy playing this game. Going to get my 13 yr old twins to play! Thanks for the rec :)
Steve Madden buhahahaha I bought those shoes in college and they immediately fell apart