What Deep Questions Have the Kids in Your Life Asked?
“Does the universe end? Like, is there a wall?” my son Anton asked me when he was five. Author Sarah Manguso and cartoonist Liana Finck found themselves drawn to this type of childlike curiosity, so they gathered thousands of questions from kids (including their own) and illustrated their favorites in a beautiful book, Questions Without Answers. Here are a few pages, plus a Q&A with the authors…
Joanna: Was it hard to narrow down the list of questions for the book? I remember my sons asking so many, like, ‘Do you have to pay the bank to get money?’ and ‘Why can’t I see my eyes?!’
Sarah: Certain juxtapositions make individual questions seem goofier or more bittersweet. A kid will ask you if clowns pee blue, right after they ask you when you’re going to die. My favorites in our book include, ‘Was mom a baby once, too? Did I play with her?’
Liana: Here are the latest from the list I keep on my phone of questions my three-year-old has asked: Do you get a lollipop when you get out of jail? Who put the mustache on your face? What color is it inside you? Why do squirrels usually not talk? Do older babies drink apple juice out of their mommies? There are so many more. I’m refraining.
I loved the book’s introduction about how kids are brilliant observers. Sarah, you wrote, ‘I learned that children are dizzyingly fast-learning engines of art and experiment. I watched my child make sense of the world not as a simple-minded cherub but as a measuring, remembering machine.’ What helped you come to this realization?
Sarah: I liked articulating why these questions fascinate me — in a nutshell, it’s that kids are hardworking empiricists. When he was four, my son asked me three questions all at once: When I was in your body, did you know me? Was I excited to meet you? Did I make the world? All three made it into the book, in order.
Liana: Sarah’s intro is like a strong blue shadow behind the questions in the book.
I teared up while reading the book, especially at the question, ‘When you die, can I come with you?’
Sarah: Many of the questions move me deeply. For me, a reliable tearjerker is, ‘After they bury you, when do they come back and dig you out again?’
I remember at my grandmother’s funeral, the vicar said, ‘Now your grandmother will be with your grandfather in the graveyard, or wherever they are in the great mystery.’ I loved that phrasing — so much of life is mysterious, no matter how old we are.
Sarah: That vicar understood that kids don’t need to be protected from the great mystery. I remember asking my mother where babies came from, but all I remember of her answer is: You have to have a special kind of egg. For years, I wondered what sort of egg I’d have to eat and if I might eat it by accident.
Liana: All I can remember today is that rather than making me less afraid of monsters, the Sesame Street characters all morphed into truly terrifying monsters in my imagination.
What are some other children’s books you like?
Liana: The ones I grew up with, by William Steig, Maurice Sendak, Ruth Krauss, and Maira Kalman, because they are (1) mind-blowing and (2) so deep in there for me. Two new discoveries, both cosmic, are: Time is a Flower by Julie Morstad, and Here We Are by Oliver Jeffers.
Sarah: I love Syd Hoff’s book The Horse in Harry’s Room. Harry tells the class about his imaginary horse during show-and-tell, and the other kids laugh at him. Then the teacher says, ‘Sometimes thinking about a thing is the same as having it.’ For smaller kids, I love Margaret Wise Brown’s book I Like Stars, which isn’t nearly as popular as her blockbusters Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny. Reading this book — especially if you’re sleep deprived, as most new parents are — is a psychedelic experience.
Thank you, Sarah and Liana! Questions Without Answers is beautiful.
P.S. Sex-positive parenting for prudes and five children’s books on grief.
(Photo by Alfred Eisenstaedt, 1963, taken at a Parisian puppet theatre at the moment that St. George slays the dragon.)
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146 commentsWe attended the funeral of my uncle, my dad’s brother and best friend, when my daughter was five. It was her first funeral. We walked in and she whispered to my dad, “why is he in a treasure box???” As soon as she said it, I knew exactly what she was talking about: the silk lining of the casket, the gold handles, the shiny wood. My dad talks about it often as a moment of brightness in an otherwise sad day.
My toddler was curious about Ascension: “But how did Jesus go to Heaven? Did he take the stairs?”
“After we die, are we dead for the rest of our lives?” – Lucy, 3
My favorite from my son, when he was 4: “Why don’t we eat people when they die?”
😂 ☠️
What a lovely book. I’ve ordered 3 copies from my local bookstore for end of the year gifts for their kindergarten and 2nd grade teachers
After her grandfather died, my three year old daughter had a lot of questions about death. Being spiritual myself, I would tell her things like, he’s like the wind now. You cannot see him but you can feel his love in your heart if you listen quietly. She also had so many technical questions and I did my best to answer them without going overboard. Then one night, when I thought she was ready, I started talking about how one day I would die, when she is much older and I hoped she would find my love in her heart too. After nearly a year of being so rational about the whole thing, she looked super worried and said “so you’re going die? Is Nanna going to die? Am I going to die?”. I started explaining that of course she would be sad for a while but that eventually life becomes happy again. Then she looked frustrated. “Girls die too? Do all girls die?” I gently told her yes and gave her a cuddle. “Oh”, she said. “I thought only boys die”. In seconds she rolled over and was sound asleep. I was terrified I traumatized her. The next day she work up happy as ever. She didn’t have many questions after that. Kids’ brains are pure magic.
My four-year-old asked this week: “Mommy, is love permanent?” My heart!
In the car the other day, my 6 year old randomly asked “mom, how did we get here?” I replied “where? In the car?” And he said “no, like earth and humans. How did it ALL get here?” Uhhhhhh….
I wonder if this is a stage of development around 6 years old? My daughter started asking these existential questions at 6, and it seems like, reading the comments, 6 is a common age for the “why are we here” musings!
On the way back from school today, my 6 year old asked me if I knew the phone number I needed to call if there was an emergency. I told her I did, and asked her if she knew it too. She said she didn’t, and asked me what it was. I told her it’s 9-1-1. And her response? “It is?! I thought that was Santa’s phone number!” 🤷♀️😂
“Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding?” “Does Santa give gifts to people who die?” (When our dog died) “we have each other, we only lost him, but he lost his whole family! He’s probably so lonely now. Do you think grandpa John will feed him dinner in heaven?” “If I swallow seeds will I poop flowers?”
Oh my gosh, the dog comment made me tear up.
I just burst out laughing at the wedding question.
Is this the perfect gift for Teacher Appreciation next week? I think so. Perfect timing.
My husband and I are divorcing and my 6-year-old son has struggled to understand. I told him that it means we will still be a family, but we won’t be married anymore. He looked at me and said, “But you’re already married. How do you take a married kiss out of your mouth? You can’t do it.” My heart.
Last year at age 2.5, my son asked our babysitter what God means….lol. And recently asked Dad, “what is life?” Also “what’s after all the days?” 😳 I’m already stumped!
My 5-year old recently asked a series of questions that started with “What is prayer?” and “Do only people of our religion pray?” and eventually made its way to “Is God real? Is God dead?” At that point, I changed the subject!
My then 6-year old son asked me one night: «Mom, are thoughts made out of atoms, too?» and I am still not sure how to answer that 8 years later…
It’s quantum physics …? Are there atoms in quantum physics? I don’t know hahaha
A family friend’s grandson was around when I dropped off some flowers and when I left they asked their Grandma if I was an adult or a kid.
I’m 5ft tall and dress very casual- jeans and a T-shirt. This happened to me multiple times in my 20s and 30s. Now in my 40s, not so much…
I have a 5-year-old daughter and a 3.5-year-old son. My sister has two girls and we’re all together every day. My daughter says to me in the car last week “Why don’t I have a sister? It’s not fair, I want a sister!” and my son turns to her so earnestly and says “but you are my sister!” and she pauses and says “see, not fair! everyone in our family has a sister except me!”
I remember having this exact thought as a kid!! My mom, dad, and brothers all had a sister! Still think it’s unfair tbh.
She’s not wrong, though! LOL! We have a lot of “Life is beautiful but often not fair” conversations in our house.
Reserved the book from my library and loving all of these comments! Reminds me of the poem “One Boy Told Me” by Naomi Shihab Nye. I won’t post the full poem here, but it is a delight. :)
I don’t have kids but when we were little my brother asked my parents if sex was fun. :-D More recently, a friend’s kid asked if Cinderella was stupid (his class had gone to see a play). When his dad asked why, the son went off on a rant about how everybody knows glass will break so why would anyone make shoes out of it??
My husband and I thought about some of these subjects when my daughter asked why men get to be topless in summer but women don’t. Sometimes I wonder how much my puritan upbringing shapes the way I talk about sex or nudity with my kids and how to exist in a society that is so hushed about it when much of the world isn’t!
I’m on a work call trying not to laugh out loud at this! Soooooo good!
P.S. In case anybody is wondering–dad was speechless when my brother asked his question but mom was all “I HEAR it’s fun.” and gave my dad the side-eye. :-D
One of my kids asked if her dad and I had “done that 3 times” (we have 3 kids).
My son was 7 and asked us if we had done that (sex). We said yes. Then he asked if it hurt. We said no. Then he asked if it was embarrassing.
I have 8-year-old steptwins and I’ve been partnered with their mom since they were 4. When they were about 5, we were driving someplace and they were whispering in the back seat of the car. Then one of them asked, “Mama? Is Angie older than you?” And we told them no, Angie (me) is younger than Mama. They whispered some more in their secret twin-way, and then followed up – “Mama, what we’re trying to figure out is…is Angie your mom?” My partner and I looked at each other, bewildered and amused by this line of questioning. She said something like, “No, she’s my partner. Why would you ask that, honey?” And one of the kids said, “Because she calls you her ‘baby’ all the time!” We laughed and laughed – hard to fault them for that logic!!
Thank you, Jo, and thank you, community, for these amazing questions! I’m so grateful to read all of your thoughtful responses to my book.
My twins were terribly fond of my great aunt. She was the first person they knew who died when they were 2.5 years old. We were sure to add, “God Bless Aunt Toddy up in heaven” to our nightly prayers. It was years later we discovered they thought all loved ones who died, including the dogs, lived above their bedroom – in the attic, aka “heaven”, which was accessed via their room. This ALSO explained why they desperately begged to climb up to the attic every time we dropped the ladder down!
Not a question, exactly, but my mother-in-law died suddenly a few weeks ago. My husband was in flight when she passed and had told our two-year-old he was going to help take care of Bebe because she was sick. I work for a children’s hospital, so I asked a child life specialist how to talk to my son about her death. “Be matter of fact,” she said, “and don’t give information he’s not asking for. ‘Bebe died. Her brain stopped working. Her heart stopped working. Her breath stopped working. That’s what it means to die.'” She said not to tell him she was old or sick as an explanation, because he gets sick and to him my husband and I are old and that’s more nuance than a toddler needs. I used her exact phrasing to talk to my son, and he took it in. Weeks later he still makes mention of it. “Bebe died,” he’ll say. “Her head stopped working. Her elbows stopped working. Her chin stopped working…” we’ve had many an explanation of what death means, and I love the way children process and observe. I can’t wait to read this book.
Love this. I worked with a newly 2 yr old in child placement and when his older (58) father had a heart attack (they visited a few times a wweek), he asked me in his limited way, “daddy owie?”, and I confirmed and explained that daddy’s heart had an owie so the doctor’s were fixing it. For the next few days, he would look at me with great concern and say, “daddy’s heart?”, and I would reassure him that daddy was “all better now”, only a slight exaggeration of the truth. And he would ask for reassurance randomly, clearly thinking about it through the day, “daddy all better?”. I always confirmed and he was so happy to see his father when he returned and would ask his dad about his heart in his baby accent. Very lovely.
My mom had ALS, and when my then-toddler niece visited her, my niece was not at all phased by my mom’s loss of functions. In my niece’s world, like at daycare, not all of the kids can talk yet, so that’s just a fact — that you can interact with people who can’t talk to you, but it doesn’t mean you can’t build and maintain a relationship.
My 6-year-old daughter: Why is God alive? Me: What do you mean? 6 yo: Who even created him? Me: Nobody. God just was, at the beginning. There had to be something at the beginning, otherwise if something had created God, we’d wonder what had created that. 6yo: I mean, why is there a God? Why are there people? What are we even doing here? Me: That’s something people have wondered since the beginning of time. What do you think? 6yo: I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you. Me: [takes a beat, preparing to launch into a long philosophical and theological answer] 6yo: So, can we go get Baskin Robbins? Another, sillier question: When my daughter came home from kindergarten one day, she said with great enthusiasm: Mom, do you know about pudding?!
Yes! When my son was 3 he asked at bedtime when I was laying next to him in the dark, “who created God?” What? Such an incredible question.
This is great!! I am laughing. My 6-year-old asks questions like this, too. But it always comes back to treats!
‘I learned that children are dizzyingly fast-learning engines of art and experiment. I watched my child make sense of the world not as a simple-minded cherub but as a measuring, remembering machine.’ Thank goodness someone has had the platform to highlight this!!!! I’ve worked with children since I was a tween until now, and am always so sad when adults ‘don’t get it’…That old TV show from the 70’s got it, Mork from Ork, with Robin Williams! Children are born super connected to Source and incredibly AWARE, and as they age…as we age, we get dumber and more disconnected, lol. Unless you work to stay connected and aware using all the tools like meditation, prayer, etc, you are probably not as sharp as you could be. This is a bit beyond the topic of kid’s who talk, but my absolute favorite thing about my work with children under 3 is the quality of non-verbal communication. It just makes my day. It feels like telepathy! Changing careers soon and I will miss this, but then, that’s the nature of babies: that time period is so fleeting. I’ve been so blessed to have it extended by working with a stream of them for the last few years. (Foster care sysytem). Time moves on!
“That old TV show…” – I was sure you were going to say Kids Say the Darndest Things! hahaha
A number of summers ago when I was with my nieces and nephew on a family vacation, my nephew wanted to know what I remembered about my day on 9/11. Did I know what was going on? And later that same day, my niece wanted to discuss the holocaust with me. Oomph. I’m happy they feel comfortable discussing difficult topics with me though. (They were probably 11 & 13 at the time….)
This question is not particularly deep and it has a clear answer, but the other day my son asked me “what is wind?” I realized that at almost 40 I had NO idea. This thing I experience almost every day but have never thought about! I did a quick Google and we learned what wind is together lol. I love how kids’ observations and questions make you examine things you take for granted–everything is so new and interesting to them! And it makes the world feel new and full of wonder for me again, too.
I’d love a post on kids talking about their past lives. Kids tend to say comments about it around the age of 2-6 before they forget about it and cement into their “new life”. My daughter at age 3 once said “I had red spots all over me, so they took me to the country. That’s how I died.” Then she never mentioned it again.
My soon to be three year old casually let us know that he has driven almost every fancy car from the 30s and 40s that were photographed in a book he has, and he has also been in a blue helicopter that potentially crashed into the sea. When I asked if he has driven the racercars from that era in the same book he was like, no of course not! How silly.
+1 to this idea!
My daughter spoke TO and OF the people who came to watch her play and tell her stories at bedtime. She was not bothered or concerned. They were friendly and loving. I 100% believe she saw “ghosts” (I do also think I know who they were, but I didn’t want to ask too many questions). The veil is very thin before they start school.
Me: This is so much fun making costumes together. 5yo: Yes, I really love it, too. It is sad to think that eventually these days will come to an end. Me: Why will they come to an end? 5yo: (looking at me pointedly) Death, eventually. Yours.
Lol so real. What is going on at age 5???? My 5 year old casually and without context let me know that, “death comes for us all” while I was driving her to preschool.
My 11 year old wasn’t feeling well last night, and for just a second she did something she hasn’t since she was little. Instead of saying a past tense verb like “walked” she’d add an extra “ed” – walked-ed. As we were laying in her bed, she reverted back to that for one word, and I wanted to squeeze her (the puking prevented it). Those little quirks fade away, and they are so missed.
My 4 and a half year old does this and every time he starts saying a word correctly my heart breaks a little to see him growing up!
My daughter’s 39-year-old preschool teacher died of breast cancer a few weeks ago. It has brought up so many questions in our family, and my sweet girl is cycling between grief and anger that “she didn’t even get old first!” Surprisingly, talking to her about it, acknowledging how bitterly unfair it is, and talking about our anger together is helping me work through it as well. Sometimes as adults we tend to speak about death in platitudes and cliches, “I’m so sorry for your loss” and “she is in a better place”, because who am I to cry about this when she left behind a young family whose grief absolutely blows mine out of the water? But my 4-year-old has no such reservations. When I’m with her, we can truly talk about it and work through our grief openly and honestly. We’re getting through it together, which I appreciate so much.
This is so lovely, Kelli, even though I’m sure it is also so so hard. I’m so glad you can give each other that space.
The other day, after my husband and daughter left to go to daughter’s softball practice, my son asked me, “how old is Iris (daughter)?” I responded, “she is 7” and he thinks for a moment and said “So, when I am 7, I can play softball with Iris?” Oh my heart, poor kid doesn’t realize his sister will also age! He hates to be left out.
This is so sweet! I’m a high school English teacher in a small district, so my elementary-aged kids walk over to their building in the morning and meet me in my classroom at the end of the school day. My 8 year old has harbored a small crush on a sweet boy in my junior class ever since he was a high school helper in her first grade classroom. This week she was excitedly rattling on about when she gets to be in high school and will get to be in class with Bean (the nickname of the sweet high school helper). Her sister and I had to gently break to her that Bean will be graduated and out of college by the time that she gets to high school. Her little heart is devastated :(
Not a question, but when my son was 5 years old he said: When you die you choose between a funeral (a burial) and a museum. I haven’t decided yet.
I’m Jewish and my husband is an atheist who was raised Catholic, so we’ve very much left it up to our children to decide matters of faith on their own terms. One day my then 7-year-old announced, “I believe in God. I think God is like air. If you are worried about something, you can just breathe it in and start to feel better.” I love her perspective so much.
That is so beautiful!
My Mum died suddenly last year and my 8 year old daughter had a lot of big, philosophical musings about life and death. My 6 year son stayed quiet until I took them to the funeral home: I wanted them to have seen the coffin and have a space to ask questions before the service. When I asked him if there was anything he wanted to know he said, with gravitas, “I only need to know one thing. Will Granny come back as a zombie?”. I spent the next twenty minutes standing next to my Mum’s coffin solemnly explaining the difference between death from disease and death from zombie attack. It’s what she would have wanted.
I didn’t expect to have such a laugh at this comment. So sorry for your loss, and you really never know where their little minds will go!
cry-laughing…lol No disrespect but you should sent it to the funeral home…they would ‘die’!
My son, a special needs kid (any other partial Trisomy 9p parents out there?), asked “what animal do you want to come back as after you die?” He then answered his own question saying he’d like to come back as a blue whale. This surprised me as he loves and watches tons of videos about either goats or snakes, so I asked him “why a blue whale?” He said, “because they live a really long time and they don’t get cancer.” This was when I realized that the brain tumor we’d discovered he had in December was weighing on him much more than we knew. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I prove to him that it is not cancer, it should never become cancer, he is still scared inside. I have a small blue whale sticker now on the fridge; it reminds me that when he is being especially grumpy to ask him “what are you afraid of right now?” as I’ve found that’s the way he shows the fear he can’t articulate.
We were listening to a Sam Smith song and my four-year-old asked if the person singing was a boy or a girl. I was so caught off guard and unprepared! I said, “Well, they’re not really either. Some days they may feel like a boy and other days they may feel like a girl.” My best friend had a similar one last week with her six-year-old, who asked if a trans man was a woman or a man. Not sure if I worded appropriately, but would be so curious as to how others have handled this conversation! Kids are so attentive, so I want to really use that as a positive to have thoughtful conversations, but I struggle to do it in a way they can comprehend.
I think you answered well! It helps to frame the concept of gender identity- what you know and feel yourself to be, on the inside. Boy, girl, neither, both, etc. Gender expression- how you show other people how you feel inside. And for kids- how wonderful that there are so many ways robe!
I recently spent time with a friend from college who has a nonbinary preteen kid who came along. Before we met up I explained to my 5-year-old that this kid preferred they/them pronouns and that, while some kids feel like a girl or a boy, others feel like neither. His reply? “Or both!” I was surprised at how quickly he not only accepted but GOT IT, which is probably a testament to how much we adults complicate things. His next question was whether they had a penis or a vulva, which, FACEPALM, but I told him that it wasn’t really important for us to know that about our friends, and that it was most important for us to listen to what they want us to know about them, and also to be kind, as we would with any person we encounter. Ultimately, the thing he took away from this encounter was that a cool older kid was willing to play with him and, after all, what’s more important than that???
I guess you have to decide how you speak about sex and how you speak about gender roles (if you believe in gender theory). The straightforward answer as to Sam Smith’s sex is that he’s a man. That may be all a four year old is asking.
I like to use the rainbow analogy if they’re old enough, with graphics on my phone: There is black and white (like a Dao sign). That’s men and women. It doesn’t matter whether the men and women are black or white, it’s just that there are TWO choices. And then there is the rainbow, which is people who are not black OR white, they are which ever color they want to be. I go on to explain that sometimes they choose to be black- or white- or a color, but sometimes they are just born a color, just like sometimes people are born black and white. Neither one is better it’s just there are more options than just ‘man’ or ‘woman’. There is a lot of diversity in Nature and people are part of nature. If the color example doesn’t work, then pick any variety of fruit and vegetable and look up together just how many varieties of that fruit or vegetable exist. It is usually close to a hundred or more and there are usually multiple colors/shapes, etc. Nature references are a very good way to explain gender diversity to anyone at any age.
@Ivy, I had a similar experience with my 9 year old! A friend’s child of a similar age identifies as nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns. My children are unbothered about this, but the other week we were on our way to meet our friends for dinner, and my son (9) double-checked that the correct pronouns were they/them. I said yes, he asked another question about what it meant to be nonbinary, and I answered similarly: sometimes this person feels like boy, sometimes a girl, sometimes both, sometimes neither. I also said a lot of people might be able to relate – sometimes I feel like a boy (I guess I mostly meant sometimes I dress or act like a tomboy) but I’m a girl. Maybe this is where I went wrong, but it was hard to navigate in the moment, especially with his sister in the car on our way to dinner! After a beat, my 9 year old, who has NEVER expressed any sort of discomfort with his gender, said “I think I’m nonbinary too”…… I asked him why he felt that way, and he said “well sometimes I feel like you do, like I’m a little bit of a girl and a little bit of a boy”. He hasn’t mentioned it again, and I really don’t think there is significant gender questioning happening, but I felt so unprepared for how to ask questions that helped him understand the difference between gender dysphoria and run of the mill human emotion.
I did expect to be speechless when my kids asked why my parents were divorced. My kids wanted assurance that my husband and I would never divorce and I found myself tongue tied!
When my daughter was four, she asked me these questions one after the other. I wrote them down immediately, knowing I would otherwise forget them. They read like poetry to me: When is Daddy’s alcoholism going to go away? When is the coronavirus going to go away? Will Matty ever get a heart attack? Do people who aren’t old grow old? Will you grow old? Will you come back?
Oh, Senta <3
oh my gosh, heartbreak. sending you so much love, Senta. you sound like a rock for your daughter, she is so lucky. hope all is well in your lives right now xoxo
We went through a rough patch when my daughters were very young. Lots of loss. But we are happier than ever – all of us truly thriving!
Is anyone else’s kid… a little bit psychic? My six year old has freaked me out multiple times by knowing things she shouldn’t, or accurately predicting events. We were driving with music on and she asked out of nowhere, “Why did the music stop?” I started to answer that it hadn’t stopped, but mid-sentence, the song just cut off. There are so many other examples of her accurately guessing numbers, calling out the exact time when someone asks, in spite of not being in a room with a clock, telling me the dog is ready to come inside when she can’t see or hear the dog — I go to the door, and there’s the dog. I was playing “Harry Potter” code names with my son, and my daughter walked up and whispered the word “maze” in my ear. I guessed that for my son’s next clue and it was right! She has never seen or read HP, couldn’t read the words on the cards, and had no context whatsoever for saying that word. One last example: back in the nursing days, she would pull off the boob and just blurt out a word, and it would often be related to what I had been thinking (silently) in my head at that exact moment. My son isn’t like this, so I know it’s not an “all kids have these moments” thing. But do anyone else’s kids? It leaves me wonder struck and a little spooked, and I’d love to know if this is at all common.
Oh my goodness! I love this! And no, my kids have never had any psychic moments. My only son did confidently and casually predict the day of my death, but thankfully he was wrong. :)
My older son, not my only son! (apologies to my younger son . . .)
I meet “psychics” regularly, and they tell me their children have the same talent. Do you know any psychics?
Check out a podcast called “the telepathy tapes.”
My 3 year old told me out of the blue ´when your grandma moves into her new house, you have to take really good cate of her´. The next day my grandmother called to tell me she would be moving to a nursing home…
When my daughter (now thirteen) was 3, she had a huge meltdown about my partner taking our dog to a friend’s house. She loved the dog, but this was very unusual. While there, my dog broke his leg and ended up having to become a tripod. Since then, I always try to listen to her intuition and encourage her to do that same!
Hannah, this is me! I have always felt extra tuned into people’s thoughts and what’s going on in a room. Can predict time with scary accuracy! I think some people just have this connectedness to the universe? No idea. But it makes me extra good at Wordle, ha!!
My youngest has the “sight”. She mostly sees dead people. That’s how I learned that sage-ing our house didn’t work. But she seems to only see family members, so that’s good!
@### ooo, thank you. I experience telepathy sometimes and while it doesn’t freak me out, I would love to connect to like-minded community and I can’t wait to check out this podcast! Many thanks.
Thank you to everyone who responded! The truth is, I also feel a bit psychic at times and don’t know why I was embarrassed to put that in my original comment. I think in my case it’s a heightened sensitivity to others that allows me to “guess” at things that I’m actually perceiving subconsciously. Anyway, cool to hear others’ stories! As for the recommendation on the Telepathy Tapes, I haven’t listened, but I want to point out that the premise (autistic children using “telepathy” to communicate) has been very much thrown into question because in all cases the children used facilitated communication, which has been widely discredited. There’s a very good recent episode of the Science Vs podcast that goes into detail.
The question “why do squirrels usually not talk?” suggests that occasionally squirrels do talk. Which begs the question – why are they not talking TO ME?
When my daughter was around 6 or 7, she repeatedly asked, “How do we know we’re not characters in a book? The characters in books never know they’re in a book.” I would reassure her that characters in books never use the toilet or brush their teeth or whatever random boring daily act popped in my head. So as long as she kept doing these things, she would know she was a real person and not in a book. Can’t say she completely bought my reasoning but it was the best I could come up with on the fly.
Oh my gosh I have so many gems from my currently 3.5 year old son that I started writing down about a year ago that I don’t know where to begin. He does ask a TON of very astute questions about things both large and small. However, the most hilarious things he says are not questions but statements/observations. A lot of the funny stuff he says is based on wordplay in our home language (Russian) so would not translate well. But, here are a few funny/sweet things that I wrote down in recent weeks and was able to translate: – What is this mouth? (Said while opening and closing a clothespin) – Let’s cross out preschool so I won’t have to go there. – Which breast did I stop at? Neither one apparently. (Said while nursing.) – Alphabet udon. (Said after I taught him the term “alphabet soup”) – I want to climb into your belly and live there. – If I don’t fall asleep after three minutes, let’s get up and play. (Said in response to my announcement that if he does not start falling asleep after three minutes with the lights on, we will have to turn off the lights.) – This is a boot exhibition. If someone’s boot breaks, they can buy a new one here. – I put my food on pause. (A response to my question as to whether he was done eating or planning to come back to the table.) – I will grow up to be as tall as the sky. And, my favorite: when I tell him, “I love you,” he sometimes responds with, “And I love us.”
I am cracking up at “Let’s cross out preschool …” and can think of some things in my own life that I’d like to be able to cross out before I have to do them. Brilliant idea. :)
“For years, I wondered what sort of egg I’d have to eat and if I might eat it by accident.” That must have been so intense! I love the contrast of those drawings and the impact of every question… thank you for this book! Love from (so hot and sunny it’s weird) Paris
we were driving by some kind of industrial area that had large stacks emitting great plumes of white smoke. my little one asked “oh! is that the cloud factory?”
I live in Eastern Germany, where the war in Ukraine is and feels not that far away. My kids’ father and I have been separated for a few years, and recently, my teenage daughter asked: If we had to flee, would we flee with dad, as a family?
Wow Katrin. I’m so sorry this is something you and your family are having to encounter. Sending such good thoughts your way.
Once I explained to a four year old girl on my therapy caseload that the expression “time flies while you’re having fun” means that time goes very slowly when you’re bored or doing something you don’t enjoy, but it races by when you’re having a good time. She thought about it for a second and then asked, “But how does it know?”
My heart.
Oh man! All of these little loves. When my son was 4, he was sitting in the target shopping cart while we walked across the parking lot to my car. He looked at me wistfully and said, “Mama? What’s your destiny?” An older woman overheard and looked at us with a stunned expression. All I could think to say was, “You are.” My kiddo is now 9 and he keeps coming up with hilarious and creative ways to string together swear words and it is endless entertainment in our house. xoxo
This had me tearing up, Tara. That’s a special kiddo you have there. And a special mama to know just the right reply. <3
“Did you know that love is so, so wet? It’s filled with blood and hearts and it’s so, so beautiful.”
Okay a few years ago our 3yo nephew was figuring out that not everyone has the same anatomy. We were hanging out with him and his parents, when he curiously asked me, “Do you have a penis?” [No] Then he asked my husband [Yes]. His next question, after some deep thought, was “Do you have a BIG penis?” Like Sarah said, he’s an empiricist! He needed information about different bodies! But it still makes us laugh years later.
Ha! This reminds me of my son around that age. Him: ‘Mom, do you have a penis?’ Me: ‘No, I have a vagina.’ Him, after thinking about this, ‘Can I see it?’
Honestly, a very logical question and I wonder what I would do…! Would it be inappropriate to show them, perhaps just from the front? Maybe in the next shower. They don’t have any judgements or deranged thoughts at that age, it’s just anatomy. It seems like it would be healthy.
@Carson Definitely! He was just curious about what bodies look like. Also he had seen me shower but in that moment I did get a little uncomfortable. Which I explained to him and I told him I’d get him a book so we could look at that. For a long time after, we read it every evening. (For Dutch readers, it’s called ‘Mijn papa heeft een piemel’ and I can really recommend it for kids age 4+!)
Not a deep question, but while putting my 5yo to bed he asked if I could tell him a story about a skunk and have it start like this: “Once upon a time there was a skunk with $200…”
Made me lol!
Me too! Laughing here at my desk.
That’s hilarious and a genuinely intriguing premise! Now I want to know what this skunk did with its $200…!
We drove by my first apartment the other day, and I was telling my 2 year old that is where I lived when I met dad and we started dating. And he said “that’s crazy! And I was there too??” And I said, “no, bub, you weren’t born yet.” Tears welled up in his eyes as he said “and was I at home? where was I?”
Hahaha. When my son was younger, he used to get mad that he “wasn’t invited” to our wedding… we had to explain to him that he didn’t exist yet, but had he existed, we definitely would have invited him!
When my sons and now my grandchildren express similar thoughts about being left out (because they weren’t born yet), I like to say “that was a time you were still in the heavens…you were deciding to be in our family because you saw how happy we were!”
My three year old says things like that, too! Any time she sees a picture of me before she was born, no matter how old I am, she says, “I was in your tummy?” Haha
My son aged 4 when his grandfather died — “Can he still hear music? Even his favorite songs?”
I was just lamenting that I had read all of Sarah Manguso’s work, so what a joy to find this post. I wish I had written more of my children’s wonderful questions down but I’ll be glad to have this to share with them instead.
Apropos of absolutely nothing and not looking for an answer, my 4-year-old said, “We can all see each other’s noses, right?”
I’ll never forget when my sister turned 30, and my then 7yo nephew (her son) went “Do you like being 30?” And when she said yes, followed it so innocently with, “That means like…70 more years until you go to heaven.” I nearly choked on my drink. Hahahaha.
Lmao! That reminds me of this story- we just put my 5 year old son in basketball…there are 3 coaches coaching all these little 5 and 6 year olds, an older gentleman, late 70s whos been coaching all his life, a young girl, late teens and a middle aged, probably in his late 30s, early 40s. At the end of practice, I casually asked my son how he liked his coaches. He casually responds back, “Which one? The one that’s almost dying?” I almost died myself trying to hold back my laughter. I asked him why he described the coach that way and he said it’s because he’s so old.
My son is convinced everyone dies at 100. One time when we wanted to get ice cream but ran out of time. I told them we would get it next time. Rather seriously he said,”Mom, you don’t have very many next times….” This comment initially made me feel panicky until he elaborated I had a lot less years ahead of me than his sister and he did. Ha! Aren’t children just truly the best. I love the thought of each of us getting 100 years without question.
A little girl at the store asked me if a balancing bird toy worked via “skin magnets.” I loved seeing her make this leap.
I love this and cannot wait to read this book. My six year old daughter asks many origin questions at bedtime and many leave me without decent answers, here’s one below and she asks a similar question about the first teacher (who taught them?!). “Who was the first baby’s mommy? If you were in mom moms belly, and she was in her moms belly, who took care of the first baby?”
My five year old asked, “Does a caterpillar know it’s going to turn into a butterfly?” I can’t stop thinking about it.
Love this.
When she was about six, my kiddo asked me, “When you die, do you take your brain with you? And what happens to everything you know?”
We’ve always talked openly with our now 3.5 year old about his brother who died before he was born. Once, he asked us if Asher was really good at swimming — after some probing, I realized he was saying Asher DIVED, not died. More recently, he’s been asking a lot of questions like, where does Asher live? Is he bigger than me? Did Asher grow in your belly too? But where does he live now? And the favorite of toddlers everywhere: why?? His little brain trying to make sense of the unimaginable is both beautiful and painful.
❤️❤️❤️🫂
This is my story, too. Our firstborn is named Asher and died before our other children were born. My children often ask if he likes the things they do, like, “Does Asher like baseball like me?” Most recently, when our son was getting ready for baseball, he asked if all the people he loves who have died would be there to cheer him on. I cannot think of anything better than envisioning being surrounded by people who love you, cheering you on, doing something you love.
The bravest I’ve ever been is answering my 5 year old’s question “Will I die of cancer?” At the time she asked, I wasn’t sure. My 18th month old was diagnosed with leukemia and relapsed at 4.5 years old. She asked this question several months into her second treatment, when we still weren’t sure how things would turn out. But we live on hope and I told her that she would definitely not die until she was very old. Today is she 6 and fully in remission for almost a year. It is still my greatest dream that this answer will be true and I think about this question several days a week.
It will be true!!!! Keep thinking that. Sending love ❤️
So much love to you and your strong as hell baby girl.
You are so very brave! Sending love and hope to you and your sweet little one.
My kids were full of questions at 4+5. Now they are drying up or are harder life questions. Or about politics :/. But. A few of my favorite things: -older daughter calling a tortilla the “bread od taco” -son calling his ankle his foot elbow -younger daughter pointing out to her twin brother that he is a boy and has a “pee-NISS” and she is a girl and has a “pee-GINA!” over their breakfast oatmeal (got that conversation on video and it never gets old
3 yr old: If Santa lives in the North Pole, why does this say “Made in China”?
A third grader I taught 20 years ago (he must be about 27 years old now) asked me’ “If it’s Jesus’s birthday, then why do we get all the presents??”
Touche! This might be my favorite question.
From my toddler (who has a brother): “Do teachers have brothers?”
This teacher has 2 brothers!
When I was pregnant with my first, my friend’s four year old understood that I had a baby in my belly, what he did not understand was “why did you swallow your baby?”. He asked so earnestly, it was the sweetest, funnies moment.
Oh my goodness this is the best!!
This morning my 8-year-old asked me why we are sad when people die. If they are at peace, then surely we should be happy for them.
At my kids’ Jewish day school they always pose a “wrestling with God” question to the kids and share some of their answers. One week, it was “why didn’t God create a perfect world”. My 10 year old’s answer was shared with the school. She had said “Because everyone’s idea of perfect is different “. I find myself so drawn to this astute observation!
Oh my gosh, what a wise answer!
Well now that’s tattooed on my feelings.
That is so beautiful, Yelena! You must have an amazing daughter
I was a single mom from pregnancy onward. When my kid asked where babies come from I told her a few things, including the egg and sperm version of the story. A few days later, piping up from the backseat, she wondered, “did you get the sperm for me from my uncle?” A totally reasonable guess, from her perspective! I explained our circumstances to her and she was fascinated and content.
My husband and I are Christians – not just culturally but we really believe the Bible and in the literal resurrection. My daughter (14) recently asked, “did archaeologists ever find Jesus’ skeleton?” I looked at her and was like, “think, darling. If they find his body, I am done with this faith and my Sundays just freed up a whole lot!”
I very much like this glass half-full perspective. May your faith and lots of free time co-exist. <3
When he was 4,my son had a best friend in his playgroup. His parents are divorced and her mother remarried. They always talked about family in such a bizzare, endearing ways that sometimes I clutched my heart, sometimes laughed out loud, sometimes wept. Here’s example: They were playing house with some girls and he and my son argued about who will be the dad. The boy said, ‘it’s ok, S, we both can be the dad. I have two dads. No biggies.’ One day my son, who is the most curious kid I know, asked: ‘how it feels to have two dads, bruh?’ And his bestie’s answer? ‘Really nice, like, you know, I got two birthday parties, two presents and two everything’ to which my son replied: ‘Cool! Do you know where to buy a dad? I want one more dad too!’