Soup Group, Seven Years Later
Back in January 2019, my friend Liz had the brilliant idea to start a soup group to help us get through the long, dark winter. The rules were simple: our six friends would rotate houses every couple months, the host would make soup, and the guests would bring salad, bread, and dessert.
The evenings were so bolstering that we kept it up after winter ended, and now we’ve held soup group every few months for the past seven years (!). One of my favorite recipes was Linsey’s tortilla soup, pictured above.
A couple times we’ve gone rogue and served pasta instead…
…or taken “field trips” to neighborhood restaurants.
And our children often make cameos. I love this photo of Toby holding court.
Last month, we went to Liz’s apartment. Her husband is Swedish, and it was fun to find Swedish fish on everyone’s plate.
And we celebrated all recent birthdays with a pumpkin cake.
Then, last night, we went to our friend Linsey’s — she’s famous for her legendary Christmas tree. (Would you ever like a primer for how she does it? She used to work at Martha Stewart Living and is “low-key a decorating genius,” as Anton said.)
I had the boys last night, so Anton came with me and we didn’t stay long, but it was fun to hug everyone and sneak a grilled cheese sandwich.
Over the seven years, we’ve talked about EVERYTHING — work, marriage, children, books, hiking, nail polish, iguanas — and we’ve gone through so much — illness, surgeries, loss, depressions, divorces, heartbreak. “Soup Group is the safest space,” Gisela texted this morning. “Every topic is welcome and embraced.” It’s such a comfort to know that every few months, there will be soup. You don’t have to plan ahead, you always know what to do. It almost feels like church.
“There’s no place in this world or in history where there haven’t been groups of women talking,” poet Kate Baer told me in a recent Big Salad interview. “No matter what happens, we will still find and help each other.” How lucky are we?
Please tell me: Do you have any friend rituals in your life? (Regular walks? Cookbook clubs? Running errands?) Would you like to start one? I always love hearing different ways to gather. Also, please let me know if there are any soup recipes you’d recommend!!! I’m hosting in January and need some ideas :)
P.S. How to make friends as an adult, and Toby’s genius way of making friends.
Comments
146 commentsThis is my favorite soup ever – it’s quick, easy, filling and genuinely delicious. I use more lemon at the end, as well as some sumac in the soup itself (I really like the citrusy/herby flavor it adds) and eat with a couple of hunks of toasted crusty bread. Yum. The link should be a gift link, so no paywall unless I messed up adding it: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1023869-white-bean-rice-and-dill-soup?unlocked_article_code=1.B1A.d3iv.DGfPhZT1D5pa&smid=ck-recipe-iOS-share
We have a “ladies’ dinner” group and it’s one of the best things in our lives! We started with 3 women 10 years ago to help cope with a wedding that would’t be celebrated and the first newborn… we are all expats in Brussels and we are now 9 ladies hosting or bringing wine/dessert/salad… and above all, wisdom and unconditional support! We also go on weekends away once per year, the next is to Italy in March and we can’t wait!!
Started a cookbook club with three other friends this year, and it has been WONDERFUL! We’re cooking our way through the Ambitious Kitchen cookbook, and everything has been delicious. We meet monthly (took a month off when two of the members had babies!), and rotate hosting. Host makes the main dish, and the rest of us bring app/side/salad/dessert. After the meal, we sit down with our cookbooks and rate each dish (based on flavor/ease of cooking, not each other’s cooking) and sign our names to the recipe we made. I know it won’t last forever, but having the cookbook with all of our notes and names jotted down will be a treasure.
My knitting group celebrates with a holiday luncheon every December. Some years a member hosts in their home (last year was my turn!). We bring our knitting, sip, and chat. Some years, like this year, we make a restaurant reservation. We went to Mama Mia’s a low-key Italian American restaurant just outside Detroit. We are mostly mid-life women, but our ages have ranged over the years from 10-90 year-olds. I love that it is multi-generational.
I live in the heart of Europe and in the past abour 18 years we drove to Croatia for a summer mini break each summer with my 4 best friends. Sometimes it was just the 3 of us, sometime we didnt make it, break ups, marriages…life happened, but mostly we made it. Once I was so sick that I have spent all days at hotel with fever haha. Its our ritual now, we know what we do, how to do it, we don’t even plan it anymore we know what to bring :-) A cheaky wine-spritzer on the beach from our cool-bag, morning pastries from the local bakery…we all lnow its going to be perfect!
This tomato sausage eggplant soup, from the old Philly restaurant Frog/Commissary, is great for this time of year: https://archive.triblive.com/news/defunct-philly-eateries-linger-in-form-of-frog-commissary-recipes/ Philly area folks interested in getting together?
I’m interested! I’m in Roxborough, specifically.
I just made the the Frog/Commmissary’s Orzo Salad with Fragrant Sesame Dressing and the sauce from the Chicken Satay with Spicy Peanut Sauce this weekend! I’m going to try the soup next! Thanks! (I don’t live in Philly any more, otherwise would love a get-together :))
I’m interested! I’m in Roxborough
I heartily recommend Melissa Clark’s cabbage and leek soup with parmesan rinds from NYT Cooking!!! I added a little sausage to mine but it’s also great as is. https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1024002-parmesan-cabbage-soup?unlocked_article_code=1.908.yTjR.t8QjxMag2Z-T&smid=share-url
Posting on behalf of a friend!! Anyone anglophone (with or without young kids also) near Overloon, in the Netherlands? My friend has just moved and is definitely wondering where to meet the other moms, so if there’s soup group or book club or play group or library story time or whatever, I think she’d be down. She’s really good at yoga and hiking, she likes books and her little dog and she’s really crafty and so easy to talk to. Our loss is your gain!!
When my kids were babies I was invited to play mahjong with a group of women and, all these years later, they’re still my crew. Can we get a link to the blue napkins? Swoon!
That Christmas tree is a true joy and gorgeous! Would love to know how she does it! Friendships are what makes the world go round!
Yes, we need a tutorial on tree decorating!! Especially tips on stringing up the lights to create that layered look!
I’m in Minneapolis if anyone is interested in linking up! Like so many people here, I’ve been finding it hard to meet people who are even interested in making new friends. I have a toddler and another baby on the way so am free for play dates 😊
I’m in south Minneapolis! My kids are school age but Im still interested! Perhaps if there are others we could gather for coffee??
That would be wonderful, Joy! Hopefully others will respond too. I’m not sure how we give each other contact info on here?
Hi Chelsey! I used Apple’s “hide my email” feature to generate this email address which will forward to my real address- feel free to email me and we can correspond from there! [email protected]
I’m in Minneapolis too – my 1.5 year old and I would love playdates :)
Let me know if you send me an email! I’m not 100% sure if the hide my email thing will work!
Hi Joy and Roch. Joy, I just sent a test email to that address. Hope you receive it. Roch, I hope we can all connect this way! Would love to plan a meetup :)
I’m also in South Minneapolis and would be interested in a meet-up! Joy, I’ll send an email!
I’m also in Minneapolis and just sent you and email, Joy!
Just in case anybody else from the Minneapolis area sees this and wants to join in, I’ve created an email thread for us to correspond and after the new year, find a time to gather- you’re welcome to email me! Happy new year :)
I started a soup group back in January, inspired by your group, Joanna, and motivated by the new/current administration. I wanted to surround myself with like-minded resistance fighters to share ideas, commiserate and eat soup! It was a lot of fun and we all took turns hosting. But it fizzled out mid-summer when the last 2 members never offered to host. womp, womp. Any ideas on how to encourage people to host?? I’ve suggested meeting in restaurants, btw – and we met in southwest Detroit for one meal to help support our local Latino immigrant community – but am otherwise stuck!
I think you have to accept that some people are just not capable of hosting and let them slide. One of my dearest friends and I have loved each other for almost 20yrs. I *know* we love each other. I have been to her home less than five times. Our homes are around the same size and our kids are around the same age. She is just not comfortable with people in her space. Find their other gift – can they bring dessert? Or do they already contribute an amazing perspective you are challenged by? Instead of a new place each time, can you just stay in the same spot? When we can embrace each others’ strengths and accept weakness, we can have diverse groups without pressure to normalize them.
Hi Danielle! I’m in Ann Arbor; how about you? Next time you are in SW Detroit, try Tacos Wuey –– I’m from Mexico, and it’s the BEST Mexican restaurant I’ve found there so far : )
Hi Smoothliminal! Thanks for the restaurant tip – I will definitely check it out! I’m in Birmingham, btw.
Smoothliminal, I’m headed to Detroit this summer, and I’ve bookmarked this restaurant! Any must order dishes you recommend?
Also on the offering to host thing—they might not have realized anyone wanted them to offer, they might have a not great situation at home that makes hosting hard, they might be quietly struggling and just not able to do one more thing. If they were the last two to join they might think the earlier core group hosts only and asking would be an imposition. Especially as you’re trying to create a welcoming space for resistance, coming into it with empathy and very few unwritten or unspoken rules like “you have to offer to host” really helps make it more accessible!
Yeah not everyone can host, for various reasons. Thank you to the commenters who understand that and articulated it so kindly and well. Thank you. <3
What a delightful tradition! As for soup suggestions, I’m always a fan of Stifado in the winter. Greek beef red wine stew. It’s so comforting, warming, and absolutely delicious. https://elenisaltas.com/2018/10/09/stifado-beef-stew/
Anyone in San Francisco want to start a soup and or book club with me? I have a very small close group of friends, but generally we meet individually. I love to cook and bake, so I love the idea of a soup club. I’m a single cat lady ( with a single cat) and have friends of all ages some parents, some singletons, some couples. I think it’s healthy to have a mix. Any takers? And how would we connect?
I’m interested!
I really like Jesse Loeffler’s Substack, (one of your soup members.) she has wonderful taste and travel tips. The only thing I am not a fan of li her: “Things I Hate” lists, I wish she would pick another word instead of “hate” …… it just makes me cringe…..
oh my gosh, I love that section so much. it was her husband’s idea, apparently, and always makes me laugh.
I love that section! Haha
I just dont like the word “Hate”
Words carry different weight for different people. For me, “hate” is simply a way to express intensity, not something personal or value-laden. When I say I “hate” three inches of snow and ice, especially when I have 30 animals to care for, it’s about the situation, not a judgment. Same with saying I hate cinnamon in savory food. It’s just an honest preference, and no offense is intended. I’m genuinely curious what it is about that word that feels so strong for you. I use it pretty casually and don’t experience it as offensive in those contexts, but I’m open to understanding why it lands differently for you.
I’m sure I cannot be the only person that finds the word “hate” when applied to ‘things’ as unnecessarily harsh and negative.. Ina Garten also uses the word “hate’ in every episode !
The Picnic Pals! Seven woman and I met through our boyfriends, and one day realized not only did we not need them in order to see each other, but it was actually way more fun without them! Three years ago we went on a picnic, someone named the group planning chat Picnic Pals, and we’ve been dubbed such ever since. We do an annual picnic to commemorate! Funnily, the boyfriends have come and gone but we toast to the ghosts of boyfriends past for bringing us all together.
Couldn’t love this any more than I do. Yes to the Christmas tree decorating tutorial. And Toby holding court? Precocious perfection.
Coming back to say- I’d like to see her whole apartment!
The Mediterranean Dish has a wonderful chickpea and spinach soup. Ridiculously easy, but comes across as hearty, elaborate and rich. I love serving it to a group with some good Pecorino and crusty bread. https://www.purewow.com/recipes/garlicky-spinach-chickpea-soup-lemon-pecorino
I reckon there is one in a million chance of this but…any cupofjo readers living in the small hamlet of Stockton NSW Australia and want a friend?
Hi Bella, I don’t live in Stockton, but do live in Sydney. Are you American? There is a FB group Americans in Sydney and I’m wondering if there might be a smaller group near you in Newcastle to find some like-minded mates?
Going to need some details on that gorgeous tree.
I think I speak for the people when we say YES to Linsey’s tree! I’d encourage you to click through to the free PDF in shira gill’s Substack about creating a village! It’s got some awesome guidelines that may be helpful to readers creating a group. https://shiragill.substack.com/p/how-to-start-a-babysitting-co-op?r=ddm&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true
I started a babysitting co-op 50+ years ago and still keep in touch with most of the original members. Ten years ago we traveled from both coasts and took over a B&B in Savannah for a grand reunion. We had the BEST time.
Ann, I’d love to hear that story. Sounds like it could be a good Cup of Jo post!
Almost by accident at first – but now very intentionally! – a group started having a monthly Sunday tea. We rotate houses, and the only rules are no husbands, no kids, and both house/hostess and guests are “come as you are.” It’s been so fun to try out new recipes, and get to use the fancy china we’ve all inherited, but the most important part is just setting aside a couple of hours to gab. We’ve added members over time, and it’s been such a lovely way to meet new friends. Before we leave, we set the next date, so we always have something to look forward to!
As I’ve gotten older (I’m 36), I’ve let friendships die on the vine and I really regretting it, and am trying to turn over a new leaf! I’ve never had a GROUP of friends in adulthood, more like many one-off friendships, and I yearn for that feeling of group closeness, but just don’t know how to create it at this life phase. So for now, heading into 2026, one of my goals is to make one new friend- I figure I need to start using these muscles again! Gah I hope this doesn’t sound pathetic lol
I think a third space where you see people often in a low pressure setting (like a coffee shop with dedicated regulars, a book club, a gym) can be helpful. I’ve had to start over with friends twice in the last decades due to big moves, and it’s definitely easier in your twenties than thirties, but worth it. One of my close friends recently became my friend although she intimidated me because she said outright, within meeting twice, « I like you and I want to be good friends. » this newsletter is also helpful in that a shared goal can be a catalyst. https://shiragill.substack.com/p/how-to-start-a-babysitting-co-op?r=ddm&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true Bonne courage!
I’m with you Joy! I do have friends but we’re scattered all over the world. I don’t regret my life choices and I adore all of the women in my life but it’s not the same as having people in your community, who can come over IRL. We recently moved, again, and I’ve really been trying to create some community. I hosted a Friendsgiving with my hair stylists girlfriend, a woman I met at the market, two families that go to my son’s school and my neighbors. I thought for sure some would say no thanks but everyone came and dare I say, had a good time and yummie food. I also did a small cookie swap where we watched hallmark movies and ate cookies on Saturday afternoon with a three people from Friendsgiving and one new friend (she tagged along with another). It’s like my dream to have a text thread with girlfriends… maybe that sounds pathetic? I don’t know if I did something wrong to not have it but I’d really like that… especially these days. All of this to say if there’s hope for me, there is certainly hope for you! I’m rooting for you from Germany.
This doesn’t sound pathetic at all and I love that this is one of your goals as it is one of mine as well! I’ve also never had a group of friends and feel like I’m missing out. So, for now, I will continue making new friends and will be content with having one-off friendships.
Marie, Where in Germany do you live? My daughter (from the US) recently moved in with her German boyfriend in Bornheim/Landau and is looking to meet new friends!!
Marie I totally feel you. I moved to another city in Germany after my masters and it was hard. I found a board game and crafting group through my cat sitter. It has been really helpful and so sweet. Lisa I can imagine it being tough. Bornheim is in the middle of nowhere in Germany. If she is willing to travel there is an international women’s group on Facebook that I am in, it’s located in Mannheim and Heidelberg (not too far away). It’s called GGI. I have made some friends through the groups and they also have in person events.
Nisha Vora does THE BEST soups! https://cooking.nytimes.com/author/nisha-vora – here is her NYT page. Everything is wipe-the-bowl amazing.
And here’s the link to the soup section of her website. I agree with you, Babby- every recipe of hers I’ve made is outstanding. So much flavor! Don’t let the vegan label keep you from trying all the things. https://rainbowplantlife.com/category/recipes/vegan-soup/
Nisha is so good!! I love dairy and meat, honestly, but my husband is dairy free and I also eat a lot of vegetables and she’s my go to for vegan inspiration. I have tried many vegan mashed potatoes over the years and these are delicious: https://rainbowplantlife.com/how-to-make-the-best-vegan-mashed-potatoes/
Can we get a Lindsay apartment tour…. PLEASE!?!
Oh second this! And the tree details!
I second this!
Would Linsey consider doing an updated house tour with CoJ? I remember when she did a cozy apartment tour years ago, but I would love to see more of her current house!
Yes!! Want to see this updated house tour!!!
For the past twenty years, I’ve been in a birthday club with three other women. As it sounds, we meet to celebrate our birthdays with a special, leisurely lunch. Before the meal, we go to an art museum or take a tour of a historic house. We travel all over New England. One time we took an architectural boat ride on the Charles River; another time we took a walking tour of the Public Garden and road the swan boats. My very favorite (don’t judge me) was visiting the Lizzy Borden House and afterwards having lunch in a restaurant housed in the former church where Lizzie worshiped.
I love this! I was just thinking of ways to summon seasonal good vibes. If anyone is interested in starting a vegan soup group in Connecticut…. let me know haha
Hi Maya! *raises hand*!!!
I’m in North Carolina but I so wish I could join your vegan soup club!
I love my book club! It started out of a local parents’ facebook group. We meet at different restaurants/bars around town and pick a theme for each month’s read, then vote on suggestions. Sometimes we meet outside of club for other fun local events. It’s been a great way to meet new people and read outside my comfort zone.
Deb always comes through! These are my two favorite soups and they are crowdpleasers. I cook the rice on the side so people can decide how much they want to add to their bowls: https://smittenkitchen.com/2020/03/chicken-leek-and-rice-soup/ https://smittenkitchen.com/2019/05/braised-ginger-meatballs-in-coconut-broth/
Alison Roman’s dill-y bean stew with cabbage is an absolute treat. It’s creamy and bright, comforting and exciting, flavorful and decadent-tasting without actually being decadent. I double the frizzled onions because the more, the better–here, excess is a necessity. And I double the beans because beans are the hero of my life. https://www.alisoneroman.com/newsletters/dilly-bean-stew-with-cabbage-and-frizzled-onions-2/
HIGHLY recommend this soup from Deb: https://smittenkitchen.com/2021/12/short-rib-onion-soup/
I’ve had a monthly book club for 7 years. We have a core group that’s stayed the same, others have come and gone due to moves, life seasons, etc. We met on Zoom at first during COVID and then met outside, even during the cold Michigan winter. We’ve supported one another during infertility, divorce, unemployment, and other life seasons. I also have a monthly neighborhood ladies get together. We the last Wednesday after month either at the neighborhood brewery or someone hosts in their home. Also a shout out to my husband and his steady friend groups! He has a “small group” (popular in Christian circles) and it’s friends who are Christian and they do talk religion/faith but it’s focused on emotional and mental support for one another (with bourbon and cigars). It’s their safe place to be vulnerable with one another. He also has a broader neighborhood guys monthly hangout around someone’s fire pit.
So nice to see a husband’s group shouted out here! Mine has his group too and even though we now live in a different country to them, they get together every couple of months. It’s called their Dungeons and Dragons group, but in reality after the game they all end up hanging out talking about life and has become their safe space. He always asks first if it’s okay for him to go because he’s aware it leaves me at home taking care of the dog and cats and life, but of course I would never so no because I think it’s just so important and cool that his has them (and bonus, I get to watch the trashy TV he doesn’t like, lol!)
Yes please to a primer from Linsey! Does she have any way of showing off her work or could we do a home tour?! Eeee!
Ditto to this as well!
Yes to the Christmas tree primer from Linsey!! Stunning!
I second this! Came to the comments to say “Linsey house tour please!!”
Yes!!! Need to see that built in up close and get the paint color
Yes to the Christmas tree primer!
I’m in a homeschool group that started as a way for my kids to make friends but now is a group for me to see my besties as well as their’s. Kids and moms meet weekly outside to play all year round, the moms meet monthly usually at night. 5 years ago we started “community dinners” in hopes getting the dads together too. Would bromance ensue?? While I don’t think any of them would consider each other best friends, they do have other men to ask to borrow a tool or advice on car issues now. Our dinners started in homes and backyards but we rent a community center a few times a year now to accommodate our growing families! Sometimes for mom nights we create an agenda so we make sure we get to all the important topics that have come up since our last gathering. These women feed my soul. We’ve been around for each other’s births, too many crises to count, and so many many everyday heartaches and joys. If you don’t have something like this yet, keep trying. Keep showing up and keep inviting, it will happen!! So many women are probably feeling the same as you. The more you show up and invite, the more likely you are to find your people. It’s so worth the struggle.
Two friends and I have a book club. (My kinds think it’s hilarious…). Each gets to pick a book in rotation, we read and then discuss. I love how it challenges me with books I would never have picked up or would have given up on because they are too hard. It’s easy to say that you love a book but sometimes there are books I don’t like and then I will have to explain why. Not so easy but really interesting. When we started, we all lived in different countries so we would always discuss over the phone. Now we are all closer together again and we manage to meet in person sometimes. My son once jokingly said “one day you will all go on a literature club holiday together”. Best idea ever, really…
Posole! There are more complex traditional recipes out there, but this is a simpler version by Colu Henry: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1020795-brothy-chicken-soup-with-hominy-and-poblano Basically it’s a soup with salad on top! Each soup group person could chop and bring a topping: radish, avocado, cilantro, crumbled tortilla chips, feta or cotija, etc etc.
Once a month I get together with a group of local ladies that my husband dubbed the Gal Pals. We actually started as a small group of Cup of Jo readers following the post about a reader organizing a walk in the Pacific Northwest. We added more Cup of Jo readers after my sunroom was featured as a “cozy corner” on COJ and other readers commented that they were from the area. Some of our members have been added organically from daycare or from previous life connections (such as my sister and her longtime best friend). It’s such an amazing, supportive group of women and I’m so grateful to have connected with them. We usually go to dinner or meet up at a brewery. Tonight I’m actually hosting everyone at my house for a holiday gathering. Hi to any fellow Gal Pals that may be reading this! 👋🏻
I kick myself all the time for not saving the reader spreadsheet that was created with the cities and contacts of CoJ readers who wanted to meet up! I am in a busy season with kids, work and life and crave female friendship and connections.
Hi Lauren! See you tonight! :D
For those whose friend group is not local – Marco Polo! This video chat app has completely changed my life for the better. My group of college girlfriends went from a text thread and hopefully seeing each other once a year, to a daily part of each of our lives. I can’t recommend it enough. And honestly, it’s great for local friends too because it is such a nice way to catch up and talk about bigger topics without being interrupted by kids, etc.
Marco Polo is where it’s at!!! i’m not great at online supplemental options in most areas, but i can attest that the camaraderie, sacred share, and support are NOT lost in translation (or screen) on this platform. it has been such a sweet lifeline.
Yep. My cross continental Marco Polo group has pretty much saved my life
Marco Polo has absolutely saved my life. All of my friends are scattered across the country and it has been an incredible blessing to feel connected to them again.
I can’t be the only one thinking, CAN WE HAVE A HOUSE TOUR OF LINSEY’S HOUSE PLEASE
You definitely are not!
YESS came here to say just that!
I would love to have a home Tour of Linseys home,it looks so nice 🙂
Yes I would love to know where that book case is from!
I would love this! But our Apartment is tiny and our table can only fit five people and we are a family of four already. How do you organize gatherings in small places?
same question here :)
When I host and live in small spaces, I just tell everyone my space is tiny and they will probably be sitting on the floor or on couches and try to have food that doesn’t easily spill. I’ve had 30 people in my living room in an apartment that was 600sq ft. Casual snacky gatherings work well for larger groups in small spaces. and people drift in and out so it rarely feels crammed and when it feels full, it is usually full of chatter and laughter. Plus, a small space basically forces people who don’t know each other to talk because you can’t get very far from anyone!
Yes! I live in a small nyc apartment, but host people frequently! My dining table sits 4, so maybe when we just have one other couple over we will eat at the table, but for the vast majority of hang-outs I make a pot of something that can fit in a bowl (soup, rice bowls, spaghetti etc) and people will be sitting on couches and floors. It’s best not to be too precious about anything, your friends literally just want to hang out and be with you.
Parks, beaches, libraries, offices, restaurants, shopping malls, etc. But if you have an apartment with a table that fits five then you are golden! Just send your three family members out for a couple hours (a movie, a walk, an errand, a friends house) and invite four other women over.
I have a “sit-on-the floor” dinner group with girlfriends
Our book group was 20 years old last month. There’s now only 3 of us but we love our get togethers as we discuss books, eat cake, and put the world to rights. It’s therapy for our souls. We have gone from women who knew each a little to being close friends who celebrate their lives together, are always there with love and support, and still find amazing books to introduce to each other. Book group is my happy place, it’s honest, raw, and completely necessary to my life.
I’m in a similar book club…going on 22 years!
This is so inspiring. I’ve been thinking to start something like this with my group of friends and this is the friendly reminder I didn’t know I needed! For the recipe rec, my absolute favourite is Ottolenghi’s Courgette, pea and basil soup. It’s so easy to prep (frozen peas! courgettes chopped in big pieces!) and it delivers every time. The recipe says it can also be served chilled in the summer, bit personally I love it very warm in the winter. Recipe here, scroll to the bottom as it’s the last one: https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/08/fennel-salad-recipe-tomato-bread-asparagus-leek-grilled-tomato-watermelon-pea-soup-yotam-ottolenghi Also a yes for a lost on the legendary Christmas tree! I will read any insight with delight, then look back at my cat-proof minimal tree with 7 decorations. I adopted 2 cats last year, may they live long, and the reality of it is no fancy trees for a while. I’ll be dreaming to have a Christmas tree like that in 20 years!
I live in a really small town (less than 100 people) and one of the greatest surprises is that means friends of all ages. My neighbor is in his late 70s and I’m in my late 30s. We play chess weekly. It’s a good for our brains and perfect for chatting about life (and sometimes fun town gossip). The public library has also been great for gatherings – including book clubs and block printing classes
Do you ever let new people into the group. I hate leaving people out, however a small group is sometimes desirable.
A few acquaintances from high school (we’re all in our forties now) somewhat randomly went on an Alaska cruise together fifteen years ago. We weren’t particularly close then, the four of us, but then we bonded on that trip and laughed up the inside passage and back. Ever since, we’ve gotten together two or three times a year at each other’s house for dinner and “cruise-worthy” desserts. We exchange small gifts at Christmas, and last year, I bought each of us an unpainted wooden light-up holiday house from Michael’s and a slew of decorations, and just asked the “girls” to bring snacks and beverages or miniature decorations in lieu of our usual gifts. It was a hit! We are not night owls, but we laughed until 2 a.m. painting and decorating and snacking, then signed the bottom of each other’s house. “Cruise Girls Craft Night” is now a thing. We made our second houses this year (after making candle holders, coasters, and summery crafts at gatherings across the year), and my eight-year-old daughter joined. My mouth hurts from smiling after. I guess the point is, sometimes the best of friend groups are right under your nose!
Linsey home tour, please!!!!
My girlfriends and I do “Mom Brunch”. Our goal is once a month, and we stick to that best if we put the next one on the calendar while we’re all together. Sometimes it’s at a restaurant, sometimes potluck at a home or a park. We vent, we laugh, we cry, and we always leave feeling renewed. My core group of friends are people I’ve known since high school or elementary school, and it’s wonderful to have that shared history.
Our small town friend group does “family dinners” once a month at a rotating business or persons house and it is lovely. We did one tonight and it’s just the best. And the food is amazing!
I’m obsessed with the idea of tree decorating tutorial by Linsey!! Better yet a whole house decorating tutorial!
Jamie Oliver clearly employs witchcraft to cook meals in 15 minutes, but his 15 minute Tomato Soup with toppings is worth the time to make it (even though it is definitely longer than 15 mins).
This post and all the comments are giving such vicarious coziness. Thanks for sharing
My “soup group” is my running group. A group of amazing women who are all just up for miles and conversation. Everyone can be training for different races, or just training for life, but we still will come together to get the miles in. 5:30am run at the park? If I was by myself, no way. With my girl gang, I’m there. We have been through hard times and disappointments, new jobs, new babies and new loves, great achievements and PRs. We are there for each other through it all. We even have a group motto for our casual running days of “no goals, just strolls”.
Oh and Martha Stewart’s Big Batch Vegetable soup or Ina Garten’s Winter Minestrone are always great!
I am so lucky to be part of a wonderful book club four years running. All friends from the neighborhood. It’s just the absolute best.
I need a tree primer from Linsey today!
Love the regular, casual friend meet ups! One of mine is called Mending Club – we get together about once a month at someone’s house and mend clothes, sew patches on Girl Scout vests, knit, etc. Highly recommend as a way to tackle a pretty boring chore and connect with friends.
Love this
This delicious puréed soup is family friendly and low-effort. We call it Green Soup. Sauté 1/4 cup rough chopped onion and a medium unpeeled, rough chopped carrot in 1 Tbl olive oil for a few minutes. Add in a medium-sized unpeeled russet or yukon potato scrubbed and diced, 3 cups broth, and 10 ounces broccoli. Simmer for 20 minutes, covered. Purée and enjoy plain or with shredded cheese and a pinch of chipotle chili powder.
Can we get a whole home tour of Liney’s home?! It looks fantastic!
How many soup recipe suggestions are too many? The limit does not exist! Creamy Cabbage and Smoked Sausage: https://www.spendwithpennies.com/cabbage-soup-recipe-with-sausage/ I can’t STAND how delicious this one is.
Rain or shine, I go for a walk every Monday morning with a neighbor friend. It’s the best way to start the workday and the week! Very inspired now to start a Soup Group too.
I love this!
I love my girlfriend groups 1) book club which meets on zoom every 2 months to talk about the book and in-person on the in-between month to talk about other books and our kids and more 2) my uni girlfriend group who goes away together once a year, last year we went hot-tubbing on a small waterway in March and oh how I laugh with them (and sometimes we go camping with our families on another weekend in the summer). 3) Marco Polo with two friends who live far away – one is a 7 hour drive and one is a 7 hour flight and it’s so easy to stay connected with a quick video message
I feel like since graduating from school I haven’t been able to form a friend group. Individual friends yes, but no one knows each other and not everyone clicks at group gatherings. I’m a mom of a toddler so maybe it’ll get better once she is in school. I just really miss that feeling of having a core group of friends though. How is everyone else dealing with this?
I could have written this comment myself! I have so many wonderful female friends, but my groups from high school, college, and grad school are now scattered around the world (and most of us have young kids too making group trips harder). Those nearby are from different parts of my life, so I usually see them individually; when I do combine it’s fine, but doesn’t feel the most natural or fun. I’m also hoping this changes as my kids reach school age and we become more part of a community in that way. Just wanted to say you aren’t alone! I’ve heard the quote “You haven’t yet met all of the people you’re going to love,” and I hope to carry that energy toward a future friend group.
I found friend groups once my kids started preschool. It can take effort and sometimes not everyone clicks but it seems like groups are easier to form when you have things in common. Sometimes these friend groups end when kids go off to elementary school, but not always. I had a tight friend group at my kids elementary school that lasted through high school. Sadly, it fell apart because of one person whose political views were MAGA. But, we did vacations together, kid get togethers, dinners out, etc. I still think about how important the group was during that phase in my life. Outside of these groups, I’ve never had a group of friends, but I do have great individual friendships. I’ve learned to be ok with that although sometimes I really want a group who all know each other.
Moms in the neighborhood!
School makes a big difference in my experience. I really found my tribe with school mums. We have a “book club” but really its just a chance to drink and catch up. It also helps to accept invites to things or be the inviter. It can be hit and miss but eventually you will find your people.
I have a core group of friends that are wholly unrelated to each other by circumstance (except for knowing me). On the few instances they’ve all come together, they were polite to each other (and ask about each other to me) but I don’t think they’d otherwise be friends. And I think that can be enough. I think I understand your want for a core group of friends to be a group of friends that all hang out together frequently. I know that can still exist. I once was part of a group who knew each other since college and wound up moving to the same neighborhood and raising their kids together. That was not my path and we’re now more acquaintances. But I encourage you to embrace the relationships you have and look at your friends as puzzle pieces in your life. Not every one person (or one group) should necessarily be your whole world. And there’s a lot to be gained in having friends with different perspectives. I think the feeling you’re missing might be consistency in companionship, and that’s something I try to resolve by making a point to put get togethers with friends on the calendar. It is more difficult to get together if there’s not the regular expectation that comes with a group of friends in a captive environment like school. Wishing you all the best in navigating this issue!
I relate to this.
It is really hard when you have the littlest kids. My youngest just turned three. When the oldest two began preschool and pre-K, I met some really lovely people through their school–one or two I really wanted to be closer to especially–and that helped. And there are nice people to meet at places like library children’s events/classes, too. For a while I longed for new friends in the same place in life (my husb. and I are really late bloomers–our friends’ kids are in high school/college-age and ours are all under age eight). I probably scared off every woman with a young child at a park who looked like she was in her forties with my eager look! But I have more recently started cherishing the relationships I already have instead. Periodically I offer to host a few friends from high school/college who live nearby at my house, but I give the reins to one friend to be in charge while I’m getting the youngest in bed, knowing I won’t join till 8:30 or so. Other times, we’ll meet at a restaurant, and I come late, after kiddo bedtime. A lovely former work colleague just had a few of us who used to work together over for a potluck lunch, children welcome, and she’s in her sixties, and she herself said how wonderful it was to have these friendships. I wouldn’t have seen those sweet friendships coming when I was in the office, before leaving there seven years ago. It’s something that has developed gradually. So I think it really will get better, Anon. My heart goes out to you while you navigate this place in the middle though.
It will get better once she is in school–I went through this 15 years ago. One piece of advice if you find yourself struggling to make friends that you “have things in common with.” as I did at first. Then I realized I was going about it the wrong way: I wasn’t in college any longer looking for fellow studio art majors etc. So I asked a couple of moms in walking distance from my house if they wanted to start an accountability coffee group, one that would meet every couple of weeks to help keep us on track with whatever big or super tiny thing (for me it was any kind of boring house chore) they wanted help with. We’re on year 12 now. Would I have identified them as potential long-term friends using college criteria? No! But I’m so glad I changed my “criteria.”
Completely feel you, Anon! I have a few absolutely wonderful friends. But none are very I live. I did laugh at your comment though. I tried to go down the moms at school friend rabbit hole. It was a failure for the preschool years. Now, in the kindergarten years, I have stopped trying. I may be the minority but I don’t really have anything in common with most of the moms in my daughter’s class. I tried but most of them have very different interests and likes. Examples: We moved from a much larger city to a smaller one. Most of the parents are from the city we live in. Most of the moms are stay at home moms to multiple children. I work full time as attorney. We only have one daughter with no plans for more. And those are just surface examples. It feels like I have completely different views and cultural interests. Any suggestions on how to vibe with other moms? I will take them. Ha.
@Katie Jameson, can you share more about your ‘accountability group’? I am so intrigued by this. Do you all gather to *work* on the task (quilting, photo albums, etc) or is it more for the check-in on how XYZ project is going?
Mandy, I’m also not having any luck making school mom friends, i’m not really sure how that happens? I work full time, so I’m not really hanging out to visit at preschool drop off or pickup. And my 1st grader rides the bus. I’ve tried volunteering at school, so I’m friendly with a couple other moms, but even texting to set up a play date goes nowhere because everyone is busy. And a few of the moms I’ve tried getting friendly with already have their mom group, because they have older kids.
I went to college in nyc, and had an amazing friend group, and in my late twenties, my husband and I were craving a slower pace of life, so we moved out of the city, and reader, we moved back less than 2 years later because omg I need lots of close friends regularly in my life to feel sane. The nature and house just wasn’t worth it for me! Community is everything. Though other people have left the city, and the people I hang out with has slightly changed through the years, it is so much easier to make new friends when you already have friends and aren’t desperate. All this to say; I literally couldn’t swing it, so you are not alone, and it’s really hard!
Anon, Alison, Catharine, Louise, Sarah, smiley shape, Katie, Mandy, SUNNY, Anna, and Linds–you all sound lovely. Someone in central Oklahoma is game for coffee if you are ever anywhere near there. : )
Soup suggestion: Anna Thomas’s Green Soup perfect for the start of the new year (Food52 has the recipe)
Oooh, yes please to a tree/anything/everything-decorating primer by Linsey!! Also, I would never have guessed the soup group is already 7 years in. I kept this beautiful idea in my mind for apparently 7 years and we are so excited to be starting a very small soup group this year with 1 more family we are friends with, including our kids & their kids. We live in MN and after the holiday festivities, winters can feel endless & dark & cold & hard. We already feel soothed knowing we will have built in this regular, simple way to connect with friends, nourish ourselves well, and be cozy together this winter.
Alison Roman’s acorn squash soup or fennel tomato soup from her latest cookbook or her viral chick pea stew. All easy and delicious.
I make Sohla El-Waylly’s Chickpea and Swiss chard soup (which CoJ featured!) nearly weekly in the winter. I love it so much I bought her cookbook Start Here which I use just as often. https://cupofjo.com/2024/02/14/chickpea-and-swiss-chard-stew/
What I love the absolute most about this is Liz’s wonderful smile that shines in every photo. More than the gathering, the food/recipes, the decor… And that’s saying a lot.
Bonnie!! This is something my sisters would only say. And that’s saying a lot! Thank you for this sweet note!