A Touching Surprise 85th Birthday Party
In early summer, my grandmother sent a text to our family group chat:
“SAVE THE DATE: June 14th. Tía Marta’s 85th birthday party at my house.”
Cut to the day of the party. My husband Max and I walk through my grandma’s front door, holding diaper bags and our children’s hands. We make our rounds, kissing cheeks and hugging all our family members — tías and tíos, our cousins, our parents, and the group of nieces and nephews whom our older children, Ella and Emiliano, quickly scamper off with.
When I settle onto a sofa and see my tía Mimi hastily blowing up balloons I suddenly realize, This isn’t an ordinary birthday party, it’s a surprise party.
My tía Marta married into our family almost four decades ago. She met my great tío Cris, my grandmother’s oldest brother, on a blind date while he was visiting his brother in Chicago. “I hadn’t expected our date to turn into anything,” says Marta. “He went back to California afterward, while I stayed in Chicago, and I thought we’d never speak again.”
To her surprise, Cris stayed in touch by calling her on the phone for a full year after their first date. “Our conversations were often short because he’d call in the evenings, right before my friends and I went out nightclubbing,” says Marta. “When I realized how serious he was about me, I thought, well, I guess that’s fate.”
Tío Cris saying hi to my son, Emiliano, at Cris’s 100th birthday celebration last year
Last year was especially challenging for Marta because a few months after his 100th birthday, Cris’s health declined. From spring to September, Marta did the hard work of caregiving for a sick spouse. She stayed by his side until he took his last breath.
After his death, my grandmother and tía Esther regularly checked in on Marta, inviting her to all big and small family gatherings, visiting her home multiple times a month, and helping her navigate this new stage of life. As her 85th birthday drew near, they wanted to plan a party that would make her feel extra special.
First, they filled my grandmother’s home with colorful paper fans and balloon arches. They ordered burnt almond cupcakes and a German chocolate cake from Peters’ Bakery, a staple in San Jose.
My oldest daughter, Ella
That day, as we waited for Marta’s arrival, we snacked on homemade ceviche and planned our hiding spots.
My baby, Evelynn
Once my tía Esther spotted Marta outside, right around the corner, everyone rushed to their positions with party blowers in hand. We held a collective breath as the front doorknob turned, and as soon as Marta walked in, we popped out with a hearty “SURPRISE!”
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The emotion on her face, after she realized that everyone was there to celebrate her, is unbridled joy. I smile every time I watch this video! Also, how fun is the balloon drop?!
My grandma and tía Esther, over the moon that they pulled off the surprise
A few days after her party, I called Marta on the phone, curious to hear her thoughts. “I’m not one to celebrate my birthday, because it’s easier for me to give than to receive,” she told me. “But, oh, it was a very nice surprise. I hope everyone is fortunate enough to have people like my sisters-in-law in their life. I used to joke to Cris, if our marriage doesn’t work out and we split up, Esther and Loida are mine.”
Marta and her baby sister, Gloria, who had flown in from Texas
Marta with her great-nieces and nephews
Thinking back on that day, I so admire the female friendship and devotion that led to this party. I hope, dream, wish, and pray that I’ll have women in my life who will celebrate and love me that much when I’m in my eighties. It was such a gift to witness.
Have you ever planned a surprise party, or had one thrown for you? I’d love to hear about it!
P.S. 12 readers share their favorite birthday celebrations, and are you friends with any older women?
Comments
92 commentsI grew up on a farm and my birthday was always somewhat lost in the blur of harvest. (In fact, my dad dropped my mom off at the hospital on the first day of their first harvest! What!!!) On my 15th birthday I was feeling particularly glum and my mom spontaneously suggested she host a surprise party for me that night. It was very out-of-character for my no-nonsense mom and I’m not sure why it was a “surprise”, but I gave her a small guest list and that evening, celebrated with some friends, presents and even a homemade cake.
So touching! What a beautiful family you have! Thanks for sharing them with us.
This post has brought me so much joy this week. The pictures and the story, the comments, the comments from Jannelle’s family… Thank you so much for this post, Jannelle!
Oh she looks fantastic! It is so not for me, I hate surprises and my loved ones know about it. I love to imagine, anticipate, i feel that surprises come as a shock and I would miss the best part which is the before. But enjoy your surprises! Love from Norway (not Paris right now)
This was so beautiful, I teared up. Such an example of love and a life well lived. You write about things in the sweetest voice. Thank you for sharing this family memory with us. It is inspiring!
This is the kind of online content we need more of! Thank you for sharing!!! <3
I love this so much. It reminds me of my in-law aunt and uncle, who have since passed. After our uncle died, tragically and suddenly, our family really wanted to hold a celebration of life for him. However, our aunt was swiftly declining from dementia, and was often confused and angry when she couldn’t find him. Their genius niece came up with a plan: a luncheon full of family, their closest friends, toasts, photos, memories. Then towards the end, the photos were put away, a quick ask of not mentioning him any more, and our aunt was brought in. We held our breath. She immediately was thrilled we were having a surprise party for her (!) and that ALL her favorite people were there. She couldn’t always remember everyone, but she was just beaming the whole time. It was the best.
“………if our marriage doesn’t work out and we split up, Esther and Loida are MINE.” That, right there…..beyond loving.
I love everything about this! And then Janelle’s family members loving on her in the comments — I’m getting misty! What beautiful celebration.
omg mija…🥲seeing the pics & video brought tears…we are all so blessed to have each other🩷 Great job my precious princess, love you forever, forever my princess you’ll be😘
I love you too grandma xxx
Jannelle and Loida, I just wanted to quickly see the new comments and then go meet my friends. Instead I am sitting on the bus crying again and they will ask “what happened” and again my answer will be “I read my blog” :) I think you both are princesses xo
😭😭😭😭🥹❤️
Beautiful!! Many blessings to you and your whole family!
Uh can we all please have a moment for GLORIA’S RED BOOTS? And paired with the BLUE DRESS????? This woman is dopamine dressing. I’d like her to be my tia, please.
So much joy!1 What a wonderful family!
The love your family feels towards one another just shines through in these pictures- what a gift!! And when I think about it, you are carrying on that tradition by building community and chosen family with your lovely neighbors that you wrote about awhile back.
Aww thank you Lori, that means a lot to me! x
Jannelle, Evelynn looks so much like you!!! And I love every post about your family 🥹💕
Love this so much! What a celebration! Also, because this looks like and reminds me of my own family, seeing these photos here adds another layer of specialness. Thank you for sharing this, Jannelle! Love all your posts.
Thank you Kate! This comment truly means a lot to me. xx
This is seriously so sweet and so perfect to read after a Monday. When I turned 17 (2004 and I was obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean) my best friends and boyfriend threw me a Pirates themed birthday (complete with a life size Johnny Depp cutout). I was so surprised I jumped out of my skin and almost peed my pants. I had many half assed or completely forgotten Birthdays prior to that, so it really made a mark. All these years later and I still remember how magical it felt to know they went to these lengths and pulled it off so well.
So great! My brother and I threw a surprise retirement party for my dad. He thought he was dropping an elderly family member off at a friend’s party & when he walked in he said, “What are my kids doing here?” Then he saw the “Happy Retirement” decorations & started to tear up. One of the best days!
Awww this made ME tear up.
Beautifully written mija. I too love how our family loves. Love you 🥰
Thank you tía!! I love you, too! xx
Thank you very much for thinking of me and most of all being received with open arms and love. Tia Marta Love you mucho
Feliz cumple, Tía Marta! De toda la comunidad aquí en el blog.
Adore the photo of Gloria sitting in Marta’s lap. Still girls after all those years ❤️
How beautiful, happy birthday Marta!!
Marta is glamorous and gorgeous . I rarely comment but had to say it. Can she give us a weekly outfit post?
Oh, yes please!
I’d love to know how everyone was able to keep the secret if they didn’t know it was a surprise party in advance? This seems risky…but in my experience telling people it’s a surprise also means without a doubt someone is guaranteed tomact weird around the guest of honor before the party and they catch on…or someone spills the beans!
omigosh, Jannelle– the SWEETEST, the BEST. I needed this heartwarming today.
I looooooove this!! I love birthdays and this is such a dream! We just got to celebrate my husband’s grandma turning 90 and what a joy it was!
😭😭😭😭🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️
How beautiful! I hope I get a big party like this on my 85th! (I’m 43.)
This is so sweet! I love hearing stories of women who continue to grow their families later in life. It sounds like Tia Martha was in her 40s when she met your tio. I live in DC where everything is on a strict timeline (married at 30, kids at 35, etc.). Stories of getting married in your 40s and later are so inspiring. Life and love continue to grow!
I noticed that too! 85-38= 47!! As a 37 year old without any in-laws, this made my heart swell. What a story. What a family! There’s hope
One of my favorite mantras is “trust the timing of your life.” It has brought me a lot of comfort through all sorts of curveballs that took me off course from the timeline that I hoped/planned/expected for my life. Also, I’m in DC too! Not the greatest era for our city, but I do love it here. Maybe we need a DC meet up?!
Also in DC – would love a meetup!!
She said she was 46 when they met, and “I still thought I was too young to settle down,” which I LOVE. xx
😄 I love that and the fact that she was going out to the clubs with her friends! Your tía Martha is beyond cool!
Tía Marta**** (oops!)
Not me crying over that video! Amazing family love! That picture of Marta and her sister! And my goodness your Tío Chris looked amazing in his birthday picture! What a gift to have such close family bonds into triple digits!
Not me crying either! Marta looks so chic and everyone looks delighted to celebrate her 85th and make her feel loved. Sooobb indeed.
Oh my gosh, this is the BEST! Thank you for brightening up the internet!! :) This makes me pine for a “Motherhood Around America” series, profiling what it’s like to parent in different communities across the US. Some parts and demographics of NYC can feel hyper-individualistic without a real “village” of support, but across the country there’s this beautiful example of an extended family passing down their love to several generations! Iconic!
This was so sweet to read. Women just really make the world go round, don’t they? My dream is for my husband to throw a surprise birthday party for me and somehow all my bff’s are there. We live internationally from all friends and family, and my husband is not into throwing parties or surprises, so I doubt it would happen, but a girl can dream!
Send us his email!!
Here to encourage you to say “hey, I’d love it if we did this and you really led the effort.” Maybe he won’t pick up the ball but it gives him a fair shake to make your dream come true!
Katie, not married so don’t know how this works but then how do you continue to love him if he *doesn’t* pick up the ball and just let’s it go, as “not his thing” because he can’t be bothered? Would that then be grounds for divorce? I mean, it would for me, but…
@Katie Jameson I’ve mentioned it before but not sure if he remembers. I have about 2 more years to drop hints haha.
@Annabelle that would be very disappointing (and maybe a reason why I haven’t pushed it) but it is not grounds for divorce for me. People fall short, make mistakes, aren’t good at certain things, etc. over the course of a lifetime. I could see if lack of consideration was a pattern in a relationship, but that’s not the case in mine.
Don’t drop a hint. Name the expectation. Ask him to plan the party for you. Tell him how important it is to you. Then, if he doesn’t do it, it’s not because he didn’t get some hint you dropped. It’s because he chose not to. That’s valuable information. Even better, ask a dear friend to help him plan it, and make sure he does it right! Hints are a waste of time. We have to ask for what we need. Good luck, you deserve to be celebrated!
This makes me so happy! To have a circle of family & friends looking out for eachother is a gift & especially as one is in golden years.
Marta is chic! Love her hair!
I was thinking the same thing! her edges are so fresh… she must have just been at the stylist!
Is Tia Marta this glamorous all of the time?! She didn’t even know it was her party, but she looks so stylish and put-together!
She is!! She’s the fashionista in our family and loves her accessories :)
Yes! She lives to dress up and knows what works for her. She’s very stylish
I love everything about this post. The joy, the family who flew in the women who took the time to celebrate Marta but especially the Peter’s Bakery desserts. Peter’s holds a special place in my heart from Birthday cakes, to baby shower cakes to the cake we served at our going away party when we moved from the Bay to LA. Its not a party without Peter’s, try their eclairs too.
Sweetest story ever! Very happy for you!
🩷🩷🩷 What a wonderful post to start the week with! My family held a surprise 99th birthday lunch for my grandmother last month, and it is the only time I’ve ever seen my granny cry (with joy)! Her daughters, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters came from all over to celebrate her, and her amazement that we would make the time to come for her was met with cries of “Of course we came! We love you!”
Needed this today. Thank you for sharing this beautiful slice of your family Janelle.
As someone who grew up in San Jose and now lives in the Boston area, I love the burnt almond cake shout out (is this a South Bay original?) So delicious and now it’s definitely on my “to eat” list when we visit CA in August!
I love Marta’s style! That yellow dress…and her handbag! 🌼🥰 All the photos are lovely! What a fun day!
Me too! I think a “beauty Uniform” is called for. (pretty please!)
Right?? To look this chic on what she assumed was an average day??
Omg yes an elder woman’s beauty uniform is what I NEED.
Week of outfits from Tias Marta and Gloria!? Wow – what wonderful ladies to have preserved that bond for decades…. and the accessorties are 10/10.
Love this idea (of week of outfits from Tias Marta and Gloria)!
Yes! I am wondering about that blue cuff bracelet on Tia Marta’s arm! So unusual and yet it works. I also love her choker necklace. She looks gorgeous.
Hadn’t heard the name Loida in a while!
I thought the same thing!! My best friend has a Tia Loida and I always thought that was such a beautiful name.
We threw a surprise 60th birthday for my dad about 15 years ago. He is very rarely surprised, but we pulled it off! A couple of friends brought him to the door of the restaurant, and when everyone jumped out, he pushed his friend in front, thinking the party was for her! He was blown away. Our photos from that day (we splurged and got a professional photographer) are the best.
WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS?! PLEASE STOP, I AM ON MY LUNCH BREAK. really lovely.
Me too !! Crying in my car on lunch break !
That photo of Marta and her ‘baby sister’ did me in. Crying. If I’m lucky enough to make it to my 80s, I hope my sisters are by my side. We’re in our late 40s/early 50s now, and of course to each other we’re all the girls, teenagers and women we’ve ever been.
“we’re all the girls, teenagers and women we’ve ever been” that it so beautiful! xx
Ohh, so beautifully said, I.J. Makes me wish my sister weren’t a few provinces over.
I.J. I’m crying at that last sentence! It’s so beautiful, it feels like the seed of a novel.
My brother has been married to his wife for more than 40 years, so she is very much a sister to me and my siblings. At Thanksgiving, we were all gathered in the kitchen getting dinner ready, when my 88-year old mom told my sister in law how much she appreciated her. I joked that she is obviously my mom’s favorite daughter, and my mom deadpanned, “Can you blame me?”
Oh my gosh, I want to be Gloria when I grow up. Your family seems so fun!
Right?? I met her for the first time at the party, and she said she is a line dancing teacher!! I also love how she styled the anklet bracelet over her cowgirl boot!
Your grandma’s hair cut is SO GOOD! It is perfectly styled, fresh and modern and she looks great! Happy Birthday to her!! Looked like a beautiful party : )
This is so sweet and I am so glad you got to celebrate her! I also love the picture of you with your great Uncle and son. So special and sorry for your loss Jannelle. 100! What a full life.
Oh thank you so much! It’s still hard not seeing him at family birthday parties and holiday celebrations, I’ve grown up seeing him at every one! But I’m so, so grateful for the time I got to spend with him xx
These photos have me teary this morning. The joy is palpable!
Ok, sob. It is so beautiful to being taken tender care of. / I am not so good with surprises because what if they are bad. But then, about 22 years ago, I found myself being an Erasmus student abroad, not knowing anybody. We were 2 weeks into the course and you make your first connections. One of those connections was Cristina, we met for a stroll through the new-to-us town and then she said, come let’s go to my place to have tea. At first I hesitated because we did not know each other well. And when I opened to door to her student apartment, all the people from the year were there as a birthday surprise for me. I love her so much. She made being abroad and feeling welcome so so so easy for me. She is still my best friend today (I have 5, all of them are best), even though we live in different countries and do not see each other that much. But, because she made this surprise for me and organized everybody else, it taught me that sometimes surprises can be really really good. Did I mention I love her :)
I love this story so much!! What a beautiful start to your friendship, it makes me so teary to think of someone doing that after just a few weeks when you’re far from home.
As Jo would say, “sooobbbb.” This is so heartwarming and makes me think of my wonderful sister in law.
haha yes! sobbbbb!!!