What’s Your Dream Date?
The last time Max and I went to the boardwalk alone, in 2018.
Now that we have three small kids, romantic dates with my husband Max have become few and far between.
When the stars and our parents’ schedules do align, Max and I fall back on our trusty date-night routine. I’ll pull on dark jeans and a slinky top. Max will wear a short-sleeved button-down and slip on his gold pinkie ring. We’ll kiss the kids goodbye, speed walk to the car, and drive eight minutes to the “fancy” restaurant in a neighboring town. By the time we get back home, we always feel refreshed.
But.
If time weren’t an issue and we had a full day to ourselves? My dream would be to spend the afternoon at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.
Here’s my vision: It’s the perfect California day — sunny and 75 degrees. I’m walking down the boardwalk with a corndog in one hand and Max’s tattooed hand in the other, feeling the ocean breeze on my neck.
Max and I can go on any ride we want, since we have the patience and bladder capacity to withstand long wait times. We start the day with the Giant Dipper, a 102-year-old roller coaster, and end on the ferris wheel with a make-out session at the top.
In our early dating days, Max and I went to the boardwalk twice a year. Once we had kids, boardwalk dates turned into family adventures, which are also fun. But I’m craving the chance to go back and use our arcade points on games besides the claw machine.
Plus, the boardwalk has all the ingredients that make a truly good date: novelty, lots of flirty touching (sitting on your date’s lap in the photo booth, leaning up against them as you nervously wait in lines), and food that’s made to share (I’m looking at you, funnel cake).
How about you? What does your dream date look like? Please share all the details!
P.S. A genius dating tip and what’s your most awkward dating story?
Comments
128 commentsI grew up spending Thanksgiving in Santa Cruz and we would inevitably go to the boardwalk sometime over the course of the weekend. Still sunny, still 70s, but NO people. We would get a long string of tickets and rush to the Giant Dipper. With no one waiting, we’d zoom through the switchback queue to the platform, hand the attendant all our tickets and go around and around and around without stopping. Coming out of the tunnel, into the sunshine and the screech of seagulls serenading the slow click-click-click up the peak — the BEST memory.
That’s your husband?? Swoooooon.
I was married for 36 years and have been single for the last 8 years and don’t even remember dating! Only partially joking.
The claw machine is the WORST. It truly seems like a slot machine designed for kids and is the main reason we have started avoiding the arcade. Love this date prompt though and am daydreaming of my own date day with my partner sans kiddos.
Sleeping in and waking up to coffee, going for a run or hike and then lazy brunch or lunch at a great people watching spot with excellent coffee followed by reading in a park together and a nap, talking about nothing and everything over wine at dinner cooked together at home or maybe at a cozy casual spot. This is a full day date and not happening regularly until our kids go to college.
I went on my dream date a couple of months back. It lasted 4 hours and neither of us wanted it to end. We went on a hike to our local botanical gardens, followed by brunch at the cafe in the gardens. Why i loved it so much… 1) I didn’t have to stress about what to wear. You can’t be under or over dressed for a hike. I still managed to look cute, my friend insisted that I put on mascara and eyeliner. LOL. 2) I’m an avid hiker, so is he…we got to do an activity which we both liked where we were still able to carry a conversation. 3) Awkward silence aren’t so awkward on hike…their filled by taking a breather to admire the scenery, snack breaks, water breaks, sightings of interesting fauna or flora. 4) Being in nature enhances ones mood…so overall good vibes.
My husband and I have found our “formula”. When we can get away for a day (we have 3 kids) it looks like this. Sleep til whenever (which is like…7am lol), enjoy slow coffees and a small breakfast and then head out and do something active for a few hours – usually hiking. Then we come back and reward ourselves with lunch and lunch beers or drinks. Head back to the room for some afternoon sexy time and a glorious nap. Then we “do what our oysters tell us” til dinner – read, relax, hang out. We eat dinner and PTFO at a reasonable hour with no bedtimes to manage. Gosh it’s bliss!!!
We have been on a few more adventurous dates lately – we took paddle board lessons where we saw a baby sea turtle and a perfect pink jellyfish, then upped our game with a cleanup of our coastal areas in kayaks. So fun and we got to give back to our community.
Maybe not my dream date but my husband and I got to sneak out unexpectedly one night a few years ago after dinner. We picked up a banana split and ate it on a bench on the pier in the dark! I still think about how good banana splits are all the time but haven’t had one since! Dream date would be somewhere new for both of us, with wine and leisurely walking and wild water near by that we end up swimming or dunking in… I mean it really IS hard to beat a walk on the beach.
I’ve been taking care of my Mom so dates are hard to come by unless I have someone take over for me. Recently I got a day to myself for a solo date, and it was perfect. A sunny, breezy day in downtown LA to see Mark Rothko’s work before it leaves the MOCA, a hearty lunch in Japantown, and shopping for ceramics at Utsuwa No Yakata. Art, food, and a little shopping really fills my cup.
I’m glad you’ve found some time for yourself and filling it with art. As a caregiver to a parent, I see you <3
I went to college in Santa Cruz (hi, fellow banana slugs), and this brings back such great memories. I don’t live very far, now, but haven’t been back in 11 years! Maybe it’s time. My current dream date starts in a hotel room. We’re both passed out, sleeping in HARD. Around 10, we order room service. Eventually we make it down to the tropical beach where we lay in the sand and float in perfectly warm water while drinking mai tais and other assorted tiki drinks. Naps happen. Someone brings us food and more drinks. That’s it. That’s the whole date. (Can you tell I have a two-year-old?)
I have lived in Santa Cruz my whole life and in fact, my first job was at the Boardwalk. This post brings back memories of working in the candy store, seeing and flirting with cute boys. And then later maybe meeting up with one after work to ride some rides together. The Cave Train was the make out ride back then…..it’s mostly in the dark ;)
Our kids are 1.5 and 4 and once a year in the fall my husband and I take the day off work and go to a Nordic spa. It is so healing for us!! I also have dreams of when our kids are older, jetting off with just my husband to Bahamas Atlantis to ride water slides lol.
Next week, the weather is finally turning chilly here, so on Sunday night, my partner and I are planning to get in our little inflatable backyard hot tub with some special little drinks and watch the first episode of the Great British Baking Competition. Then we’ll put on some music and float around till it gets dark. A perfect date!
We are sauna people! One of our fave couple activities is doing a few hours at this low-key, not so fancy, affordable day spa. Because the fee is quite low, I feel the patrons are calmer because they don’t try to max their experience like at the splurgier places, you know what I mean? This one has an outdoor jacuzzi, different steam and dry sauna options, and best of all, an ice cold plunge pool. We sit in silence to not disturb others, this also means we are attuned to each other and communicate non-verbally “Ready for plunge? Let’s tough this out a while more? Shall we try the jacuzzi next?” I really love spending this quality time with him.
Bike date!!! I love biking somewhere with my husband, no kids complaining or trying to get run over in traffic. We’ll bike to the closest tavern, then maybe a taco truck, and finally a quick jump in Barton Springs in your underwear (it’s dark! no one is looking at you!). If it’s a full moon, there’s The Howl, which is exactly what it sounds like. We used to do this on the regular before kids… but would be so fun with friends!
Omg. One of my first dates with my husband when he first came to visit me in the US was biking along the coast in my Beach side Florida town. We ended up biking 10 miles to the neighboring town and grabbing drinks and food at a tacky beach bar and hopping in the ocean for a quick swim before biking all the way home. Perfection.
I would like to go roller skating at our local roller rink, during the all adult skate session. We’d hold hands some but mostly skate solo and check each other out while we roll around. After, we’d have a couple beers on our porch and talk about the night. What songs were we into? How painful are any injuries? Who was trying impressive tricks? And of course we’d compliment each other on our slowly improving skills.
I love this so much!
Recently I went to New York on holiday with my boyfriend of several months. First holiday abroad with him, first time in New York. The highlight was the sunset sailboat trip Jo recommended here a while back. It was gently romantic and so memorable. The crew were brilliant. We’ve taken a boat trip before together to see seabirds, and after this magical NYC sail a dream date would be on a boat trip. Also, thanks for the top rec, Jo!
We try to schedule a date night at least once a month, but it doesn’t always work…however once a year, for our anniversary (that for us isn’t our wedding anniversary but the day he asked me to be together when we were respectively 17 an 20) we splurge on aluxury spa hotel that is way out of our leagues. It is just one night away, less than 24 hours, but it reminds us all the things that made us fall in love with each other and that you can lose along the way in the midst of managing the kids and the day to day tasks. We eat deliciuos food, relax in the whirlpools, have uninterrupted intimacy and talk. That’s the dream. And the best part? We are better parents when we come back home because we aqre more attuned to each other!
Sounds very special! And 17 & 20, wow! I agree with the part of returning home as better parents after a date.
This post lived rent-free in my head all day. When I left my house, I was daydreaming about what a perfect date would be like. By the time I got home, I had realized that I’m 43, was married for sixteen years, have three kids, and have never been asked out on a real date by someone who liked me. So my dream date is gonna be a first date, someday :)
A few months ago our schedules aligned so my husband and I could donate blond together. It was really sweet how everyone there made a fuss to get us two beds next to each other. Granted it only took 15 minutes but we got free sausages afterward and made the most of that.
I love this and honestly? Free sausages? Hell yeah!
You sound wonderful.
This makes me think of Michael Scott…I’m sure this would be his dream date too.
We like to go to a lounge type place where it’s ok to linger after food. Eat a good meal and talk about life; then I open a book and he opens his sports YouTube and we ignore each other, usually while sharing a nargile Bliss
I feel like evening, good lighting, background music, candles. This can be home and it turns into an intimate dance party. It can be a cozy restaurant that ends with a hand-holding walk through a park home. Lighting and sounds are key. Coziness is key. A hidden booth. A private apartment.
On a clear night during a full Moon, dancing with an old cowboy to a slow ballad. A jeans, Western shirt & boots style date. For a break, sit in the back of a pick-up with pillows, beer and snacks while we talk about the stars. All done west of the Mississippi River. A flat stone outcrop in the woods of New England is my 2nd choice location.
ANYwhere with MackleMORE 😍!
Our current favorite date is going to a local seaside sauna where we take cold dips in the sea between rounds in the sauna, followed by a meal out with with a couple hands of gin rummy while we wait for our food. I can’t think of anything that would make me happier, and I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity to realize this. These moments in life where what we want is what we have: oh, how precious. We didn’t luck into this. We lived in a big city for a long time, sold our house and ran off to sea for a few years to think about what to do next, then returned to the US and settled down in a rural place we’d never even visited. Big risks and leaps brought us here. So grateful.
What is this magical place you speak of?!?!
Can you share what region you moved to? The Maine house tour has me dreaming big time of a quaint seaside town.
Where is this paradise?
parents with little ones, send your kids to school/day care and take the day off for a day date. when we realized we “could” do this it was a revelation!
Yes! I love a day date. Start with coffee and a walk somewhere nice. Have a picnic lunch or go out somewhere (lunch is cheaper than dinner). Then maybe some hanky panky, which we’re not too tired for! Ideally followed by a nap before school pick-up.
My Dream date is a loooong dinner at a French restaurant in our town. It’s so warm and glowy in the winter time, so it’d be snowing outside. We’d have meat and cheese and salad and beef borguinion and wine. We’d talk and laugh all night, and maybe shed a tear or two. I fell in love with my husband when we were friends. We’d sit out all night on our porch smoking cigarettes (back in the day) and talking about life, politics, love, philosophy, and everything in between, so I LOVE when we get the time to have a deep conversation during an adventurous night out.
We have two young littles and about to have our third and our joke is that our “dates” are when our kids fall asleep in the car at the same time so we can listen to our own music and chat. In a dream situation I’d love to go for a paddle board followed by a good margarita on a sunny deck.
before having our 2.5 year old twin sons, my husband and I loved to be active together! Our favorite thing is hiking together – ideally we could get away for a whole weekend and rent a cabin, the dream! We used to spend weekend mornings occasionally cycling together, too (he’s much faster than me, though, so usually it was him way up ahead at my encouragement), followed by a meal. one day maybe we’ll get to do those things with just eachother. In the meantime, we force the boys to stay in our hiking packs and get out when we can – something that is becoming MUCH more challenging for both them (they don’t want to be contained) and us (they are HEAVY!).
I so relate to this! My husband and I fell in love in a season where big hikes and outdoor adventures were a central part of our life together. My favorite dates through our years so far as parents have been hikes in the blue ridge together while the kids are in school. Enjoys the days of carrying your twins – things slow down once tiny little legs graduate hiking carriers and want to walk on their own (ie, very slow and very short walks in the woods!)
Yes! A day long hike, ending with a cozy meal and hot spring soak. Ahhh the dream. Our kids are now allllmost big enough for big hikes. The oldest is Anton’s age and can go further and faster than me. Just need another year or two for the younger one’s legs to catch up!
Keep up with the hiking! Yes, things slow down for a bit between 2-5 but in our experience, as long as you keep the kids doing these hikes they’ll soon become quite adapted to them! We constantly take our kids (now 9 and 12) on longer hikes in the mountains (nothing dangerous, but definitely long and uphill!!) and it’s normal to them. We found a key part of their enjoyment also centres on having a big walking stick lol. So we help them each find one at the start and they quickly become a sword for our son (who fights imaginary bad guys for most of the hikes – and basically every trip we’ve ever been on – the streets of Paris included haha) and a multi-use tool for our older daughter – she’s running ahead, poking under rocks, scraping snow off of fallen trees, etc!! We’ve met a lot of other parents who can’t believe our kids will hike like this, or even walk significant distances when we travel and I think it’s really only because we started them on it early! Oh – and also treats lol! These are pretty key for all of us ;) There’s always some kind of chocolate or pastry from the bakery in our back packs that we can enjoy en route, and in the alps there’s often a mountain hut at the top to have a beer or coffee for the adults and a piece of homemade cake to share before heading down!
That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket. (sorry, I had to).
Hahahahaha!!! Got my funny bone.
::high five::
Love it!
One of my favorite lines, so good
😆
I’m so glad someone did it hahaha
I knew I would find this here. Love it!
lol I love it. Though I’d go a bit later, at least here. The first weekend of May on the Canadian Shield, with flowers blooming but the black flies not quite biting yet. So lovely.
You have brought up so many great memories for me! Lived in CA for a long time, now have been in MA for several years. I miss Aptos, Capitola and the Boardwalk! The Great Dipper was sooo fun, and always had funnel cake. Thanks for the memories!
I am 10 weeks pregnant with a toddler, so I can’t even remember what a date with my husband is like. This post has me daydreaming of a morning coffee shop run followed by a trip to the bookstore. I would also love to plan a baby moon and sit on a beach or next to a pool somewhere. A girl can dream!
in the season of my life when my kids were little and I was still married to their dad, we set up a babysitting swap with our next-door neighbors. Every Tuesday night we’d either watch their kid for the night or they’d take our two. Each couple got a date every other week. And since it was so consistent it didn’t have to be a big splashy or expensive plan… sometimes we’d just go for a walk or a bike ride, even run errands. And also sometimes do dinners or a show or a movie, but having it built into the schedule every week we could take the pressure off and we could just connect and just be together. If you can work it out, I recommend this setup to anyone who needs to carve out more date nights!
Guys, this is totally unrelated (sorry Jannelle), but how do you not take it personally if someone is short with you? I had an interaction woth a staff member at my kids’ school this morning. I’ve known her for several years and she is a lovely human, and I’m sure her day is really stressful, but I can’t stop ruminating. I have never had a conversation with her where she’s been rude, so I was pretty taken aback. I need to let it go and move on, but how do you actually do that??
Physically: Rub your chest bone back and forth like a belly rub on a pup. It helps with the nervous system to re-regulate. Mentally/emotionally: She may have been having an extremely tough day (moment), or maybe not. Regardless, when I have to move on and find it hard, I go over a mental gratitude list of the “riches” in my life, then I thank those “riches” I also tell myself that I can either spend the rest of the day being concerned (consumed?) by this one interaction and potentially miss some wonderful, serendipitous positive moment, or I can let it go and be open to whatever beautiful event is going to happen for me that day. Take care!
This is hard for me too. I try hard to remember it is not my emotion to take in- it’s not personal. I would want someone to give me the same grace. Sometimes that helps me…hang in there!
It takes time and speaking about it with someone who isn’t looking for gossip but understands the need for you just to get it out of your body.
I would gently venture to say this might have more to do with how you receive information than how she presented it. Sure, she was probably frustrated about something else or running behind and it wasn’t about you. And she shouldn’t have been rude. But, maybe take a moment to think about why it’s affecting you so much? What is stopping you from brushing it off and chalking it up to her having a bad morning? What’s preventing the letting go and moving on? As my old therapist used to say – “be curious about that”.
My husband and I did a double date night at the local fair recently. We got amped up at the demolition derby, took silly photos on the ferris wheel, held hands and watched the fireworks, screamed (me) on every ride, and then excitedly won two goldfish at the game booth. We are now the reluctant caregivers of one fish (RIP other fish).
Our current dates are takeout Fridays — one of us picks up takeout while the other puts the baby to bed, then we eat it on the couch while watching a movie. I wish I could say this started with having a baby, but it’s been a ritual for many years at this point. :) I think part of the issue is my husband and I are homebodies — it’s hard to think of things we want to do outside the house! We were just joking about this because his mother is a gem who wants to spend more time with her grandchild, and has not so subtly been hinting that we should go on more dates haha. I will be taking inspiration from the comments! Going on a hike together does sound nice.
Janelle, every time you post a picture of your husband I’m like DAYYYUUUUUMMMM. You go girl
that was my thought exactly!!
Right?! That man is a cool glass of water. And you Jannelle: la más hermosa inside and out.
hahaha thank you!! I love to show him off x
anybody have advice on best places to stay in dc? Budget needs to be reasonable (not more than $250 a night). Special trip to take care of a friend going through it so kind of a date! Itinerary and ideas to make it special for her are welcome
Itinerary idea: One of the best places to eat in DC is cafe at the National Museum of African American History and Culture! Whenever I’m in town I go there for fried chicken and sides and it’s just amazing. I’ve heard the cafe at the National Museum of the Native American is outstanding as well, but I haven’t been.
YAY for friend dates! (And sorry your friend is having such a tough time.) One of my favorite spots in DC is the Phillips Collection in Dupont. I bring literally every visitor here. Should you be in town the first Thursday of the month, they have super fun Art After 5 events (get tickets in advance!), and if not — still a great visit. It’s a small museum with a *great* cafe. My daughters and I go split a baguette and sip hot chocolates, but they also have alcohol if that’s the vibe. If you go, make sure you pop into the beeswax room; it’s a pure nervous system reset. Dupont is also a good walkable neighborhood with shops and restaurants and cafes. If you want a swanky rooftop bar with great views, VUE (they don’t bury the lede) on 15th is fun. If you’re sportier, see if there’s a D.C. United or Washington Spirit soccer match on, and walk around the wharf before/after. Happy to give other recs if there’s a specific kind of thing you two are into!
Find an AirBNB in Dupont Circle/Woodley Park/Cleveland Park. Check out the Phillips Collection, Kreeger Estate, Glenwood or Hillwood Estate with your friend.
my dream date would be spending a weekend all alone at a quiet little cabin by a lake with a good book
Ditto! Solo dates are NECESSARY!
Any date that I don’t have to plan! I’m a teacher and single mum of a probably neurodivergent child and at the end of the day I’m so done with being the Responsible Adult. Just make a plan and tell me whether to wear hiking boots or a sexy dress.
Aw, I grew up going to the Boardwalk and dreaming of riding the Giant Dipper with a boyfriend someday! Those dreams came true, and now my own daughter and her girlfriend have season passes so they can build in easy date days whenever their busy work lives allow. I hope you and Max get a day to go soon (especially now that the summer crowds have gone home).
I know it’s not in everyone’s budget (though I justify it by saying it’s cheaper than divorce or therapy!), but one of the best things my husband and I implemented post kid is a standing date night. We took a nine month break when we had our second last year, but they are back and I REALLY look forward to them!!! We mix it up by going to nice restaurants if we want to splurge or movies if we want to save. I also try to plan double dates because it is refreshing to have more adult conversation and to catch up with friends without kids around.
I second the double date idea – sitting down with another couple or other friends also prevents you from accidentally using your date time for household/family/logistical conversations!
I second this SO strongly!! We prioritize a weekly date night even when things feel a bit tight. We only dated about 16 months before we married, and then had 3 kids in less than four years. AND we run a business together. It is so important for us to have a few hours each week where we can sit and, not just look at each other, but actually SEE each other.
My kids are now teens/baby adults (college age). So it’s easier to get away together but their bigger bodies mean bigger more complex problems to work through. My dream date would be to go mountain biking or hiking in our beautiful town, then out to dinner and talk about the kids zero percent😅. The other day I asked my husband, “k all our kids and parents are happy and independent and thriving, what do we do?” We had so much fun dreaming and planning. Now is beautiful. I love the humans we created and get to witness and love and enjoy AND someday when I get to release them a little more will also be amazing❤️
wow, we’ve probably been on rides alongside you in the past and didn’t even know it! we were just saying last night that we hadn’t been once to the boardwalk this summer, and we usually get season passes. :( one of our xmas tree ornaments is a carousel ring our son pocketed by mistake when he was small, and we put a ribbon on it and now it’s a family treasure. favorite ride? ghostblasters, in the kiddie section. i love racking up the points shooting bullseyes!!!
Daytime dates for the win! No one is sleepy. Even running errands without kids is fun.
I love our date nights. We feed our kids an easy dinner and put them to bed. Then one of us goes and gets takeout and we lay down a blanket and eat it IN BED with our favorite show going. Low effort, low cost, and so fun.
Morning vigorous hike (with no little legged whiners (I do love my children)). Afternoon massages and lounging by a heated pool. Reading our books and snoozing.
Literally my favorite day too!
I like to eat and shop. LOL. So my dream date would be a quaint little downtown where we can eat, drink, and shop in the mom and pop stores. With, of course, an unlimited budget. :)
Married nearly 30 years, together for over 35. Been through the trenches as well as heavenly times. We are not empty nesters because our child has a special need but now at an age where we can leave them home on their own for a few hours. In fact they want us to leave and tell us to have a nice date! Haha! All that to say, one day you will have that time again. In the mean time we carved out different types of dates. Back in the day when the kiddo was wee, like yours, ours came in the form of watching an episodic show together, snuggled up against one another in bed, with the laptop on our laps while the kiddo was sleeping in the next room. Snacks were sometimes on hand but we stopped after one night when the kiddo inexplicably woke up, jumped (literally) out of bed, barged into our room and squinting at us accused us: “Why mommy and daddy eating snacks in bed???!!!” It was hilarious to get caught red handed by a four year old. I know you guys can carve out alone date time in a way that feels lovely, sexy, and meaningful, even at home.
We too are in a 30 plus years marriage with a special needs adult child we love to bits and who cannot be left home alone. I hate to admit it is hard to see and hear about all the independence and free time our empty friends have when we are still in the throes of daily parenting. Luckily our other daughter will come and take her sibling out a couple of times a month and give us a date night. It is truly a lifeline.
This made me smile! We are a strict no food on the couch house… except when my husband and I get a little dessert while watching something when our son goes to bed. Sure enough, he came out one night while we were having ice cream and sleepy-screamed “you get to eat on the couch?!”
@Josephine, I feel you so deeply. Ours sometimes stay at my parents for a weekend, and I know just how lucky we are that can happen (for now, they are getting up in age). Also, I wonder where you are based. I am in the SF Bay area and there is this wonderful organization called Camp Krem. If you are also in the bay area, I encourage you to look them up. In fact, if you aren’t, I encourage you to see if there is a comparable org in your area. We happen to come across it through the local autism society. And yes, it has been difficult to see my friends and families’ kids grow and go off to college, get married, have kids, etc. I just told my husband a few days ago “I’ll never know the joy of becoming a doting grandma.” AND, I love my young adult to bits. All things and feelings are true. Big hugs to you, I see you mama! <3
Josephine and Anon: I see you both. My husband and I are not there yet but will be in a decade or so. We also have a special needs child who cannot be left unsupervised. Sending you mamas big hugs. I always say, this is not a tribe I would have willingly chosen to be in, but I sure am grateful it is there.
I love this! We just celebrated our 13 year anniversary and with a 9 and 3.5 year old at home we went on a challenging hike plus had a late lunch at a nice restaurant. We’ve found going out to dinner hard since having kids. Finally having alone time and being tired at night (at some point we know the toddler will sleep thru the night but we aren’t there yet)…we tend to get into fights. I think it is also finally having the space to talk things out without interruption. However, talking while moving our bodies during the day? Seeing somewhere new and beautiful? It reminded me of dating! 10/10 stars.
We are in the same boat with conflict /tiredness getting in the way of evening dates being fun. Planning a walk and brunch, then a nap for our 15th anniversary next week. If we are really tired we’ll pick two out of three!
It felt so reassuring to hear someone else struggle with “having the space to talk things out without interruption.” This has been one of the more challenging aspects of parenting for me. My thoughts are fully formed in my mind but they only come out halfway. Something about this is a big energy suck for me and can also make me feel stuck inside myself, I think because I had something I wanted to get out and often can’t.
My (new, ayyyy) husband and I love nothing more than a collaborative (we’re writing a book together and work on creative projects together) conversations in dark ollllld-ass bars with cold dirty martinis. If we order some food at some point so be it. The stranger the place, the weirder the company, the better.
cuuuuute
I am past the time of needing date nights(divorced and 70) but I remember them well. My contribution to the whole process is providing overnight and (several day care) for my granddaughter so her parents can get away. Selfishly, it’s in my best interests to support their marriage-her husband is an amazing husband and dad, and my granddaughter is equally attached to both of them. I take care of her 2 days a week and spent these past two years working hard to develop a close relationship with her. They know she will be ok, and happy, and safe with me and my mother did the same for me when she was alive and my kids were young. I sort of owe the universe and I will joyfully pay back what I owe for the love and laugher I share with my granddaughter.
What a wonderful thing you are doing! My mother has health issues and we are estranged from my MIL, but I am so envious of and happy for families who can make this happen! I love that you say it’s in your best interest to support their marriage for so many reasons! They’re lucky to have you!
As the recipient of similarly loving care for my son by my own mom: thank you!!! It’s such a luxury to be able to have such care, and for free no less!
God bless you. I hope to do this for my two kids when they have their own families.
Love this. My mom does this for us and has the strongest bond with our kid. Still, I know it is not always easy and we are very grateful. If life gives me grandchildren one day I hope to do this…
I am sure your daughter, son-in-law and grandkids are SO appreciative of you!!! My mom has pretty much the same schedule with us and it is absolutely the greatest gift – both in the time & support it gives my husband and me, but also the fact that she has such a beautiful relationship with my daughters. So grateful to grandparents like you!! I hope I can return the gift someday and even more I hope that someday we will have a society where everyone can benefit from safe, supportive and affordable childcare, it takes a village!
As a recipient of childcare from my own mom, thank you so much – it helps more than you know 🫶🏻
I recently started watching k dramas. This means, dream dates now range from just looking / being with at each other (anywhere), or touching hands to yes, I would like to have an ocean as a backdrop at all times, or let’s watch the northern lights together or yes, I could indeed do with a completely over the top flower arrangement. And did I mention looking in each other’s eyes for a very very very long time. Oufh. Thank you. :) Also, I would be absolutely fine having Korean popsongs played in the background, I do not understand the language (yet!) but I like the vibe.
This sounds like such a sweet date! We used to go wine tasting pre-kids. We’ve been to wineries with our kids (who are school age, so a little older than Janelle’s). It’s really not the same, but we live in a neighborhood with a lot of empty nesters, so I can see we’ll get there again!
The young kid years are tough! My daughter recently finished her first week of middle school and said “to celebrate, can we each get our own pint of Ben & Jerry’s and watch Troop Beverly Hills?” (Um yes. Yes please.) – which is not the kid of date you’re thinking of but maybe a good reminder of that the seeds of joy and love you sew now by carving out time with your husband will grow wonderful things for your whole family!
Oh my gosh Emily this actually made me teary. Thank you so much! x
I forgot about Troop Beverly Hills! Thank you for the reminder! *running to the computer to rewatch it*
Seconding Emily O: My middle schooler recently requested that we spend the evening watching Airplane! … which is so, so dumb and made us laugh so very hard. It was one of the best evenings I’ve spent in quite a while. :)
My daughter is 11 and the go to is Napolean Dynamite with Baskin Robbins Cookie Dough for her and Jamocha Almond Fudge for me.
Ahh, we have a 16 month old and we love her so much! And I love our life! But I miss going on dates!! :'( I’m in an autumnal mood, so I would love a daytime date where we just get to stroll around a new town or city, grab coffee, check out some books shops… But if I had the luxury of a whole weekend, I would honestly love to go camping. It’s not luxurious but now that I’m a parent, the idea of camping without a toddler sounds like the easiest thing in the world.
This spring we were training for a half marathon together and had a couple dream dates, imo— a 10 mile run followed by a sauna and dip in the ocean
I love all of these ideas!
Our favorite date is going to a hotel, without spending the night. We use Priceline or Resort Pass and find something nice nearby. Go for a swim, watch a movie, nap, have some take out, and enjoy the time alone. We found hotel dates to be rejuvenating when our 3 kids were little, and spicy now that they’re teenagers and stay up later than us.
Brilliant!
Santa Cruz is beautiful, and as an almost-empty-nester, I promise you you’ll get back to this. We are good at going out for our anniversary and not much else. It’s dinner + a show in our capital city, plus we can go see the lit-up capital if we feel like taking a walk.
Does “sit in the bath with a good book while he does the dishes” count?? ha. We have a book bar in town and truly my dream date is reading our books side by side at a bar.
hahaha I think yes! And reading books side by side sounds lovely x
OMG–I had the same thought. I’d settle for companionably reading books at opposite ends of the sofa in the evening. Maybe light a fire in the fireplace and share a throw blanket?
Yes, this the type of date I can handle. I’m at the stage of marriage/parenting/life where I just feel deeply, extremely exhausted with just getting through the day. I don’t want to go out to dinner. I don’t want to do anything other than survive whatever the day will throw at me, and then read myself to sleep.
Awww…. are any aunties, grannies, friends of Janelle reading this? What a GREAT gift this would be for her and Max! And… if you happen to know any parents who are trudging knee deep in car seats, potty management, endless laundry piles etc. wouldn’t a perfect day date make a wonderful gift? Wishing all parents of littles the day date of their dreams!
oh my gosh Caroline you are so sweet! xx
Now I have the jingle from the boardwalk ads in my brain… Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, in the warm California sunnnnn
hahaha yessss!
Forever those commercials during Oakland A’s games!
Janelle, first, you are an incredible writer. Second, you’re really good at romanticizing the every day. A trip to the boardwalk is not my idea of a great day, but you’ve totally sold me! lol
Oh my gosh you’re so sweet, thank you! But trust me, it’s SOOOO fun! One of my favorite dates ever and I am dying to go with Max, sans kids! :)
Jannelle* (sorry for the typo)!
Was about to say the same thing – such yummy, evocative writing. More of this, please!